Is there a way out?

[HunternStewart 0]

Hi,

I was introduced to my fiancee from my last job via a coworker (her distant aunty) early 2011. She wasn't serious about letting me email with my fiance until I secured a contract with the Army. I took her aunty's word for it, everything checked out except the language barrier when I met my fiancee (late 2011). This language barrier has been the bane of our relationship. Around mid 2012, I tried to legally marry with my fiance in Vietnam, but the examiners disqualified us due to us unable to hold a conversation without using Google translate. Upon coming back to the stateside, I looked into form I-129f for K-1 visa and told my fiancee about it, she wouldn't dare to touch it and won't even find an agency that can help her fill out the form. Mind you that she lives in Long An which is damn near the capital. Money is not a problem for her also, she just have her relatives do everything for her, and they always screw up. Had they told me beforehand that getting married in Vietnam requires a follow up visit, I could have saved myself a trip. After I came back, I pretty much was still in shocked and denial. I asked her aunt if there is a lawyer that she can hire, but at this point she leaves us to fend for ourselves and ceased communication (what a b****). So finally things dragged on until I told my fiancee that I am going to end our relationship during the fall of 2012 that with her being scared of filling out the K-1 application and not even doing something to salvage our marriage (she is under the impression that we are married because we went through the engagement banquet ritual with dragon and phoenix candles). So now I lit a fire under her chair and she finally tells me there is this cousin who unbeknownst to me is living in Minnesota and have gone through the same process but it was more than 10 years ago. I got in touch with him, he promised he would handle it, but he didn't take any action until it was Tet 2013. So by the time he mailed everything to me, I had to jump through hoops and drive back to my old base to pick it up during work hours since "budget cuts" our post office on base only opens like 6 hours and the hours are exactly the same as my duty hours. So it's the typical Army culture for a supervisor to get into their subordinate's business, I had to explain the K-1 process to my supervisor which could have resolved at the lowest level but later it got blown up so that I had to face a so called "marriage board" in a room full of high ranking officers, their consensus was being the conservatives they are, that I should not proceed with the application. They left me to decide, but I got harassed daily by them about what I did with the packet, I was so fed up that I brought the packet in one day and just threw it into the shredder in front of their face--end of story right? Yes. They left me alone afterwards. But my fiancee and her cousin did not, I blamed both of them for not showing any sense of urgency for the entire matter causing me to humiliate myself in front of the whole chain of command, after much arguing and explaining. My fiancee still did not know or understand the truth because I think Google translate didn't do good of a job, but her cousin understood my situation and we finally filed the completed K-1 packet at the end of June. Also, at this time I moved to a new unit, my 2 coworkers and a high ranking officer have foreign wives, so I already brought up my case to new supervisor, before it gets shot down, I had their blessing and they even encourage it.

Things were going better than I thought as I got my NOA 2 at the end of September. And two weeks after the government shutdown I put in an inquiry with HCM, and they gave me the go ahead to start on Packet 3. Packet 3 should be the easiest to put together IMHO, but now we have an issue again. My fiance did not apply for a Vietnamese passport after this whole time I have been reminding her, and her cousin decided to go on radio silence just when I need him to walk my fiancee over the phone on filling out the DS-160. #######?! I mean, why does it take a month (I think) to do something that would take me maybe 20 minutes if I have everything ready. Looking back, ever since I sent some money (was a couple hundred dollars) to my fiancee as birthday present back in July, she has completely changed and I couldn't be sure exactly but I think she have her stepsister (who is good at English) to come up with a story for me to sent her more money each month. I did not. Since August up until now, we maybe average like two emails a month. I am not sure how long this passport would take, but that's beside the point, I can see how the interview would go south if we do make it that far with no proof of regular communication whatsoever, we can't even have a conversation on the phone since she can't understand English. So sick of this Army nosiness, waiting game, and silent treatment from the fiance and K-1 process. Its so aggravating I came up with a joke that it would probably would be easier for me import a Nissan Skyline than it is to apply for a loved one to come over from Vietnam, at least the car is guaranteed, and fiance is not, and even then there are people failing at AOS. I am not sure if I can still back out of this meaningless relationship because I remembered in the original application that there is a letter of intent her Minnesota cousin put in a statement at the bottom that hinted that I could get deported if I failed to fulfill my end of the bargain. I am a naturalized citizen, so could this be true? Thanks.

[belinda63 3,038]

Since she is not showing much interest in coming to marry you I would say forget the whole thing. Sounds more like it's her family wanting her to marry than her.

If you cancel the K-1 nothing will happen to you, at least not by the government. I can't speak for the family. You cannot be deported or anything else for cancelling the K-1. You can even file for another woman if you want. Some people have filed for multiple persons (not at the same time) and some people have brought multiple spouses over. Do not fear for yourself. Just cancel the petition and move on. If she won't put any effort into it why should you?

PS. If she were serious about moving the the US she would at least be trying to learn some English.

[MR Marichu 1]

Well I suggest it is past time to move on. There will be nothing happening to you as far as the US government is concerned. Learn from this experience and move on.

Bill

[EscosBaby 1]

If you can't speak the same language or hold a conversation with someone why would you want to follow through with a marriage? just saying

[BatonRouge Bill 2]

she won't pass the interview at the consulate anyway. you can wait it out and let the blame and burden fall where it should.

[HunternStewart 0]

Right. I don't think I'll get deported seeing that I am serving my second contract with the armed forces. About the language, she definitely got spoiled by Google translate and thinks she can learn when she gets here. Still, there is very little effort on her and those who are involved on her side to try to make this happen. It would definitely be awkward for the aunty and the Minnesota cousin the next time they visit Nam and run into her and her dad (maybe its just karma as now both her mom and daughter are without husband since her dad left and lives with his second wife but still has a say for the children from his first wife). Waiting out probably is the best course of action, since these folks are notorious procrastinators.

[DreamNHope 9]

Hi,

I was introduced to my fiancee from my last job via a coworker (her distant aunty) early 2011. She wasn't serious about letting me email with my fiance until I secured a contract with the Army. I took her aunty's word for it, everything checked out except the language barrier when I met my fiancee (late 2011). This language barrier has been the bane of our relationship. Around mid 2012, I tried to legally marry with my fiance in Vietnam, but the examiners disqualified us due to us unable to hold a conversation without using Google translate. Upon coming back to the stateside, I looked into form I-129f for K-1 visa and told my fiancee about it, she wouldn't dare to touch it and won't even find an agency that can help her fill out the form. Mind you that she lives in Long An which is damn near the capital. Money is not a problem for her also, she just have her relatives do everything for her, and they always screw up. Had they told me beforehand that getting married in Vietnam requires a follow up visit, I could have saved myself a trip. After I came back, I pretty much was still in shocked and denial. I asked her aunt if there is a lawyer that she can hire, but at this point she leaves us to fend for ourselves and ceased communication (what a b****). So finally things dragged on until I told my fiancee that I am going to end our relationship during the fall of 2012 that with her being scared of filling out the K-1 application and not even doing something to salvage our marriage (she is under the impression that we are married because we went through the engagement banquet ritual with dragon and phoenix candles). So now I lit a fire under her chair and she finally tells me there is this cousin who unbeknownst to me is living in Minnesota and have gone through the same process but it was more than 10 years ago. I got in touch with him, he promised he would handle it, but he didn't take any action until it was Tet 2013. So by the time he mailed everything to me, I had to jump through hoops and drive back to my old base to pick it up during work hours since "budget cuts" our post office on base only opens like 6 hours and the hours are exactly the same as my duty hours. So it's the typical Army culture for a supervisor to get into their subordinate's business, I had to explain the K-1 process to my supervisor which could have resolved at the lowest level but later it got blown up so that I had to face a so called "marriage board" in a room full of high ranking officers, their consensus was being the conservatives they are, that I should not proceed with the application. They left me to decide, but I got harassed daily by them about what I did with the packet, I was so fed up that I brought the packet in one day and just threw it into the shredder in front of their face--end of story right? Yes. They left me alone afterwards. But my fiancee and her cousin did not, I blamed both of them for not showing any sense of urgency for the entire matter causing me to humiliate myself in front of the whole chain of command, after much arguing and explaining. My fiancee still did not know or understand the truth because I think Google translate didn't do good of a job, but her cousin understood my situation and we finally filed the completed K-1 packet at the end of June. Also, at this time I moved to a new unit, my 2 coworkers and a high ranking officer have foreign wives, so I already brought up my case to new supervisor, before it gets shot down, I had their blessing and they even encourage it.

Things were going better than I thought as I got my NOA 2 at the end of September. And two weeks after the government shutdown I put in an inquiry with HCM, and they gave me the go ahead to start on Packet 3. Packet 3 should be the easiest to put together IMHO, but now we have an issue again. My fiance did not apply for a Vietnamese passport after this whole time I have been reminding her, and her cousin decided to go on radio silence just when I need him to walk my fiancee over the phone on filling out the DS-160. #######?! I mean, why does it take a month (I think) to do something that would take me maybe 20 minutes if I have everything ready. Looking back, ever since I sent some money (was a couple hundred dollars) to my fiancee as birthday present back in July, she has completely changed and I couldn't be sure exactly but I think she have her stepsister (who is good at English) to come up with a story for me to sent her more money each month. I did not. Since August up until now, we maybe average like two emails a month. I am not sure how long this passport would take, but that's beside the point, I can see how the interview would go south if we do make it that far with no proof of regular communication whatsoever, we can't even have a conversation on the phone since she can't understand English. So sick of this Army nosiness, waiting game, and silent treatment from the fiance and K-1 process. Its so aggravating I came up with a joke that it would probably would be easier for me import a Nissan Skyline than it is to apply for a loved one to come over from Vietnam, at least the car is guaranteed, and fiance is not, and even then there are people failing at AOS. I am not sure if I can still back out of this meaningless relationship because I remembered in the original application that there is a letter of intent her Minnesota cousin put in a statement at the bottom that hinted that I could get deported if I failed to fulfill my end of the bargain. I am a naturalized citizen, so could this be true? Thanks.

Next time please cut your writings into paragraphs to make the reading easier.

Sounds like she's only interested in having you sending her spending $$$$. The way you're describing about her, she might be married or working as call girls night time and playing with foreigners like you daytime (at one of those public internet cafes).

You've been toyed! Hope you've learned and tried to NOT make the same mistake again in the future. Make sure you INVESTIGATE carefully and spend TIME to make sure "love" is what you're seeking and being returned mutually by the other party.

Edited November 4, 2013 by DreamNHope

[Avery Cates 1,141]

The whole thing sounds suspect.

Just let everything expire and move on. Don't try to contact, don't send money.

[luckytxn 2,264]

Agree with the others. Stop everything now and go on with your life.

[HunternStewart 0]

Hi, so I decided to wait until I received the passport from her and see what happens, she said it would be the 14th and I didn't get it until the 18th. I thought about the whole thing and spoke to her Minnesota cousin over the phone for the first time in a year. He guaranteed that he'll get his act together this time with a lawyer and a renown selfmade K-1 expert in tow. He also went as far as offering me a job at his company if I do choose to leave the Army since my mother and brother won't take me in if I do marry with her. So after waiting for nearly 18 days, we (or me mostly) started on DS-160. I ran into a snag with the address, but it was quickly rectified by substituting "/" with a space in between the numbers. However, I really was stumped with the fiance's mother's birthday, past employment, and secondary education. I asked him 2 days ago to get those info from the fiance over the phone, and he gave me a text last night saying that he had reached as far as the uploading photo part. So today I pop the DS-160 open and guess what I saw? The reason he was able to get to the photo so quickly like he mentioned in the text because he just put "NO" in past and present employment and secondary education. He even put "do not know" for fiancee's mother's birthday. Imagine the interview would be like as knowing how the fiance could mention that she had 3 jobs before and a degree in HR during interview when the DS-160 says she never works in her whole life and never went to college. I can't believe her cousin claims to run a company that brings in 30 millions in revenue a year and yet takes the easy way out with this critical form? No thanks about going to "Winterfell" to work for a chump and not able to see the sun in clear sky again. I regretted not taking on an earlier introduction to meet a Filipino grandpa's granddaughter who is fluent in English and is studying to be a nurse. Looking at the recent typhoon in Philippines and the inhabitants there interviewed, their English was just like the stateside even though they've never been here. 3 days ago I heard from the fiancee saying she was busy tending her brother in the hospital as he was riding on a motorcycle and made contact with the oncoming traffic as he was avoiding a baby running out in front of him resulting in a head and facial injury, not sure about the baby and the other motorist. I not surprised as one time my whole leg was nearly crushed by a bus ready to pull over into a bus stop as me and my driver (more like a motorcycle rider) were waiting at a bus stop, seeing that bus had no intention of slowing down, I got off the bike quickly and the bus narrowly missed my driver. I think I have heard enough, the next thing she would ask is undoubtedly for me to cover the surgery cost since there is no Obamacare there. Took one year to finish a I-129f, and now this? OMFG!

[Darnell 8,478]

you've been snookered into a scam, my friend.

Stop. Walk away.

I don't care how great you think the sex was - simply walk away. Change yer cell #, get a new email address, ditch all of the old stuff.

[christeen 966]

Seriously my friend... I wold RUN AWAY on this one!!! And they know they tempted you with a job, don't fall for it again... Run, run away... Besides, you have slim to no chance of getting approved in Vietnam without having a common language or knowing even the basics about each other! Drop this like its hot!

[emilybraaten 1]

wish people who aren't really in love would stop clogging up the system for the rest of us...