What would you do

[cbd2cai 0]

My husband was never forced to go to work. It was all I could do to keep him at home the first 3 months. He WANTED to work and did the day his EAD card arrived. Yes, he started just cooking chicken, but with his work ethics he is now the manager of that restaurant and controls every aspect of that business.

If you believe that your man is too good for something, he may be sitting home for a long time on his broke azz.

Jackie

My father owned 4 KFCs after starting out cooking chicken at age 17, in 1968. It made him quite well off and able to do lots of things he might not have had since he never went to college.

Opportunities are everywhere, the worst thing you can do is disregard something out of hand without consideration.

[sarachid 0]

Why is it looked down on to work at certain places??? When has it become shame to work for a living???

A man that has alot of pride will work anywhere, because it is better than asking for handouts or begging.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

[noura 0]

Hey!!!! That's my ex!!! OMG!!! ok, just kidding, it's not really, but it could be!

[Caladan 19]

I find this response very interesting because it seems very reasonable to me. However, I feel like if your man was from MENA, people would react differently to it. What I mean is, if someone married to an MENA man mentioned here that "I'm not sure I'd want him working at any old minimum wage job so he could say he was employed", people would be thinking - hmmmm, that must mean that her husband doesn't want to work ---> green card fraud!

Not picking on you, Caladan. As I said, your response makes complete sense. I just think it would be read differently if you were in a relationship with an MENA man.

Any thoughts?

Hmm. This is interesting. I think one of the reasons I'm not willing to have him settle too quickly is the expectation that there won't be an overwhelming amount of culture shock or new mores to get used to. His skills transfer well, and of course as a Canadian there's no language barrier, and he's not going to have to face major prejudices. So while he might struggle for a while to find a job, I don't think it's insurmountable. And I know he's *willing* to work, and he'll likely be so bored by the time the EAD comes up that he'll jump at anything that gets him out of the house.

I'm not sure if it would trigger worries about green card fraud if a man didn't want to work. Isn't the typical case of fraud more that the person wants to come to the U.S., make money, and then jet?

[Jenn! 918]

I'm not sure if it would trigger worries about green card fraud if a man didn't want to work. Isn't the typical case of fraud more that the person wants to come to the U.S., make money, and then jet?

I would think so too. But it seems that around here, *any* flaw in a MENA husband can be construed as fraud somehow. One could argue that the man would rather mooch for as long as he can get away with it.

[Donna A 4]

my husband applied for some jobs when he came here but never heard anything from them. he was upset about it. since he is a doctor he has to do a residency here which can only be applied for once a year. he got some leads for jobs but the outcome was...u r a doctor. when u get a residency u will just quit on us. but he did absolutly refuse to get a job like at the grocery store....mcdonalds. so he sat for 2 years with nothing until he got his big break last year. but he only got a 1 year contract so now he has to look again for 2 more year contract. so far he has not applied and the time is coming to a close. looks like ill be supporting the family again.

[Caladan 19]

Mm, good point. Still, I think C. would be willing to work at a job that he wasn't suited for if we were really hurting for money. I don't really see it as a flaw that he has preferences, because they're pretty reasonable. He knows he'll have to start over.

But I'm not going to be demanding that he find anything the day he gets his EAD. We're good, budget-wise, for about a year if he doesn't work at all, so if he wants to give it a few weeks to see if he lands something in his line of work, I'm not going to be thinking he's a poor provider.

Come to think of it, that might be driving some of my feelings on this, too; I'm not really thinking of him as a provider at all. Not really much for 'the man's job is to provide' line of thought; been single too long, I guess.

[Jenn! 918]

Come to think of it, that might be driving some of my feelings on this, too; I'm not really thinking of him as a provider at all. Not really much for 'the man's job is to provide' line of thought; been single too long, I guess.

Yeah, I think the cultural aspects of MENA make it more of an issue in these relationships. From reading here, you can see that it is considered a flaw for a man to not be willing to work below his abilities.

[effortless 0]

Something else to bear in mind, as opposed to being just stubbornness or there being too much pride in accepting "menial" work in the US is the pervasive class consciousness/class systems of the MENA. What a good many Americans like to think of as "their" ideological affinity for mobility, that Americans can and do live, work, communicate seamlessly with individuals regardless of their social and economic class is a completely foreign concept in a good part of the world, (it's hardly exclusive to the MENA). It's a factor far bigger than what most Americans can comprehend.

[lilofdevine 0]

I've have been reading all the responses to this topic and I'll get to a part where it just burns me up inside to hear some of the responses. Yes everyone has their opinion so I decided to post mine. Hope I dont offend anyone.

Anyone that has a fiance here, I am sure their fiances' are very well educated because I really havent met anyone from the Middle East that does not have a college degree. Now they also all know that coming here they would face extreme difficulties, its a culture shock and also finding employment even for US Citizens can be difficult. Thank God they have us that are very understanding, supportive, and extremely compasionate to their situation. We are always willing to jump in and help them in anyway possible.

For someone to sit back and say they dont want to work is a disregard to us and our situation. Even if it is starting out at the bottom. I am a us citizen and I started in Burger King. So why is this considered a crappy job. If your fiance is a smoker, well then he can buy his own cigarettes with this job. If he needs transport to other interview, this job can pay for the transport and I am sure that this job can help in many more ways that people can imagine.

It makes me wonder if they expect to just jump right into these high paying positions. It takes time for anyone to achieve their goals. Can it be that maybe by taking a job in McDonald they meet someone that has a husband or close friend that works in a high paying job and they turn around a recomend you and you get that high paying job. It's all about who you know. Sitting at home wont get it. Thanks for letting me vent.

[mybackpages 0]

It makes me wonder if they expect to just jump right into these high paying positions. It takes time for anyone to achieve their goals. Can it be that maybe by taking a job in McDonald they meet someone that has a husband or close friend that works in a high paying job and they turn around a recomend you and you get that high paying job. It's all about who you know. Sitting at home wont get it. Thanks for letting me vent.

Something you said about expectations caught my eye. Fiances who arrive in the US (male or female, ME/NA or not) certainly do have some expectations of the United States. And from just my experience, many people who have never been to the US or do not really interact with Americas beyond a social superficial level, do have some misconceptions of life in this country.

The most common seems to be that there is a lot of money to be made in this country. "streets are paved wth gold" kind of expectations. Certainly there is a truth to it, but it is not simple, easy and always accessable to everyone at everytime.

I wonder how much these expectations or misunderstanding of the US further perpetuate the behavior in some men.

BUT that said- there are just some men who want an easy ride, something for nothing. Losers.

[browneyez40 0]

I am wondering what you would do or think if your fiance/husband got here and decided he didn't want to work or that he wouldn't work because he doesn't want to start with a low paying job.

I wanted to add that this isn't only for MENA posters but I would like the topic to stay in MENA if possible, thanks!

I wouldn't have stood for it. He would have had to get a job immediately seeing that I couldn't make enough money to support us both.

Edited December 16, 2006 by browneyez40

[lilofdevine 0]

Mybackpages u hit it right on the nose and I think that is the real question here.

I wonder how much of these expectations or misunderstanding of the US further perpetuate the behavior in some men?

How far would they go to achieve their expectations and what would their actions be if their expectations were not met. hmmmmmmmmm

[peezey 0]

my husband applied for some jobs when he came here but never heard anything from them. he was upset about it. since he is a doctor he has to do a residency here which can only be applied for once a year. he got some leads for jobs but the outcome was...u r a doctor. when u get a residency u will just quit on us. but he did absolutly refuse to get a job like at the grocery store....mcdonalds. so he sat for 2 years with nothing until he got his big break last year. but he only got a 1 year contract so now he has to look again for 2 more year contract. so far he has not applied and the time is coming to a close. looks like ill be supporting the family again.

I'm surprised he would want to waste such a great education. I've worked in pharmaceutical research for most of my adult life. Most MDs working in research are foreign for the simple fact they didn't want to go through the process of becoming certified in the US to practice medicine. These are brilliant people responsible for drug development. Your husband would be welcome at any major company, I'm sure.