What would you do

[sarah and hicham 3]

Just a note: I'm not referring to my husband. He worked the second he could and is waiting for EAD currently...

carry on, I like reading everyone's answers!

[peezey 0]

I am wondering what you would do or think if your fiance/husband got here and decided he didn't want to work or that he wouldn't work because he doesn't want to start with a low paying job.

I wanted to add that this isn't only for MENA posters but I would like the topic to stay in MENA if possible, thanks!

I don't have any experience with this, but I'm not very nice if there is laziness or blatant disregard for our financial situation. Not to mention my father would also have plenty to say, and he does live just down the block, so it wouldn't be recommended for any husband of mine to suddenly cop an attitude about taking whatever work he needed to.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

I am wondering what you would do or think if your fiance/husband got here and decided he didn't want to work or that he wouldn't work because he doesn't want to start with a low paying job.

I wanted to add that this isn't only for MENA posters but I would like the topic to stay in MENA if possible, thanks!

I don't have any experience with this, but I'm not very nice if there is laziness or blatant disregard for our financial situation. Not to mention my father would also have plenty to say, and he does live just down the block, so it wouldn't be recommended for any husband of mine to suddenly cop an attitude about taking whatever work he needed to.

[morocco4ever 63]

Hmmm, good question. If that happened to me I'd probably quit my job. That'd be the ultimate test. Better think again if you think I'm gonna be the only one workin'.

Thats what I did with my first husband...

I am well aware that I will always be the breadwinner of the family. My husband and I have discussed this and he is aware that he has to start at the bottom and work his way up. I'm sure that is not what these men want to hear, but its a fact. My husband picked up so quickly on the language, and I have seen that although he doesn't have any particular skills, there are things he does exceptionally well. He will do well here. BUT.....if he thought he could sit on his lazy A$$ all day when I work my butt off he will have a very rude awakening.

[Mrs. Beasley 7]

removed per request of OP.

[noura 0]

BUT.....if he thought he could sit on his lazy A$$ all day when I work my butt off he will have a very rude awakening.

this is exactly why I left my first husband! and the fact that he would lie (yep, you heard it!) abt having a job and would go hang out at the coffee shop while he was supposedly working. Can you say "LOSER"?

Said is *so* not like this...

[amal 4]

Mine had a hard time acceptng just any job due to his degrees and work history in Jordan. He did finally accept the walmart job but constantly reminds me of how it is not his dream job and he doesn't want to be stuck there for the rest of his life.

So, yeah, it was hard for him to accept a lower job. He did turn down others but I was prepared for that ...I saved up a nice cushion for him to have time to find a somewhat suitable job.....

[Mrs. Forgetful 2]

My husband decided a week ago that he wasn't going to work at his old job anymore. But after he started finding better jobs he realized the only way he would make it in the company is not to go to Morocco until the end of next year. So with reluctance he went back to his old job until we get back from Morocco.

I am glad that my husbands pride doesn't get too much in the way, but he can still be extremely stubborn when it comes to getting something he wants. But if he didn't want to work, I would give him two optinons, either we end up living with my dad and not having any privacy, or he gets a job and helps pay rent to have a roof over our heads.

[~Jackie~ 30]

When Mohammed came on a K3 visa, we knew it would be 3 months until he could work. He brought money with him to live on from the sale of his business. His first job was frying chicken at a KFC. Not his dream job. After 2 years of working long hours and saving he has accomplised alot. He is on his 3rd vehicle, 3rd major charge card (congrats honey on the American Express!), and hopefully next summer he will open a business with his savings.

I think work ethic is something they bring with, not acquired after getting to America. I do think many come over with delusions that our roads are paved with gold and money is growing on trees. They find out quickly that to make good money, sweat and determination will bring success.

Jackie

[Jenn! 918]

Not ME/NA, but this has been on my mind a lot. C's in carpentry, and shouldn't have a problem finding a good job as construction is booming around here. But if something didn't pan out quickly, I'm not sure I'd want him working at any old minimum wage job so he could say he was employed. The money would help, and maybe I'll feel differently next summer, but we're deliberately squirreling away every spare penny we have now so we have enough of a cushion so he doesn't feel like he has to rush off to McDonald's or something.

C. will want to be a good provider, but he's also got a healthy enough ego that if he's my lil' houseboy for a few months, he won't feel like less of a man.

I find this response very interesting because it seems very reasonable to me. However, I feel like if your man was from MENA, people would react differently to it. What I mean is, if someone married to an MENA man mentioned here that "I'm not sure I'd want him working at any old minimum wage job so he could say he was employed", people would be thinking - hmmmm, that must mean that her husband doesn't want to work ---> green card fraud!

Not picking on you, Caladan. As I said, your response makes complete sense. I just think it would be read differently if you were in a relationship with an MENA man.

Any thoughts?

[ya falaha! 0]

My Mohamed has the same plan...he won't be able to work for at least 3 mos. so he's selling property his family owns to have some money for us to live on until he can work. He holds a degree in computer engineering but has no problem working any job. I told him he may only be able to work at a gas station or restaurant at first and he's totally fine with that. Even with his degree he doesn't make much money in Egypt. He'd probably get more working at a gas station here than he does as an Network Admin./IT in Egypt.

My ex husband is a hard worker and always supported me and our sons when we were married. I never had to work. I'm used to the man being the main provider in the family. I don't do well with lazy men who think they're too good to work.

When Mohammed came on a K3 visa, we knew it would be 3 months until he could work. He brought money with him to live on from the sale of his business. His first job was frying chicken at a KFC. Not his dream job. After 2 years of working long hours and saving he has accomplised alot. He is on his 3rd vehicle, 3rd major charge card (congrats honey on the American Express!), and hopefully next summer he will open a business with his savings.

I think work ethic is something they bring with, not acquired after getting to America. I do think many come over with delusions that our roads are paved with gold and money is growing on trees. They find out quickly that to make good money, sweat and determination will bring success.

Jackie

[LaL 418]

i would think general adjustment issues has a bit to do with it as well. while there are those who may be "lazy" or "losers", it is not my opinion that this is overwhelmingly the case. maybe they have language issues, or generally depressed due to adjustment, who knows? each realtionship is so unique who's to say husband x has not found work = lazy.

adding: i can't see my husband taking a job at mcdonald's, but we haven't faced that situation, so maybe he would...

[ya falaha! 0]

LOL @ McDonalds!

I can't see Mohamed working there either I just can't picture him in that uniform and cheesy visor/hat.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

This is a complex issue that is affected by a whole lot of variables -- the man's education, skills, experience, past achievements and responsibilities, current responsibilities, salary history, fluency in English, ability to navigate unfamiliar paperwork such as job applications, and especially his personality and his own expectations. Also factors such as the job market in the city he is immigrating to and the community's general perception of foreigners -- these have a strong impact on the ease or difficulty of landing a "suitable" position, or even "any" position. It can be quite discouraging for the starry-eyed immigrant.

I think sometimes it is easier for a person with a strong trade or skill to enter the job force in the U.S. at a similar level to which he was accustomed abroad. Plumbers, electricians, experienced construction workers, welders, mechanics, etc. -- foreign men with these skills are often more quickly and easily acknowledged by American employers as instantly desirable workers, while some of the "professional" fields can be much more difficult to penetrate, at least at first.

Higher university degrees often require translation/accreditation as to what they equal under American standards, and sometimes that can make landing the initial professional position very difficult. Sometimes even a lengthy list of foreign employers is not enough to persuade an American company to take a chance at putting a newly arrived immigrant into a mid- or higher-level "professional" position.

Some people have a relatively easy time. Others have a much harder experience. I think a wife would have to reflect on all the variables in their individual situation before deciding what action to take. It can be a real struggle, and couples need to discuss these things openly -- differering expectations can be a major threat to a relationship.

Edited December 15, 2006 by wife_of_mahmoud

[~Jackie~ 30]

But wouldn't you agree that wearing that 'uniform & cheesy hat' could lead them to a acheive a larger dream? I am proud that my man could 'step down' from being a business owner to taking a food job. It is this job that will enable him to realize his ambition of owning a business here in America.

Many of our MENA SO's are wearing uniforms and cheesy hats. I applaud them for wanting to provide for their families.

Jackie