I-751 waiver and ex wife threatening me

[MrMadCat 18]

Hi guys, I am finally divorced just over 2 weeks ago and trying to finish my I751 waiver package. It will take a couple weeks more so around a month or so from divorce before I get it sent off. I've been trying to get evidence of my marriage together, and it's been difficult because of leaving to go back home to tend to a sick mother right after I got my greencard. I broke up with my ex wife then. Long story short I have managed to get an affidavit from a mutual friend, and my ex wife promised to make me one during the divorce. She didn't. Now she has been asking for money from me, saying I owe her stuff (after we are divorced...) and that I owe her for the immigration costs... First of all when we got married I said to her, that whatever it costs us we will get through it and get the money back. I said I would support her as a husband, etc and well, I never got that chance. She's bitter over the fact we broke up (she initiated divorce though) and thinks somehow I owe her every penny she ever spent on me. I don't think that's what marriage is about.... especially when I paid thousands of dollars worth of bills the month before our breakup and had only been working for a short time (because I only just got my legal right to work a month before my gc). Anyway all my money went on paying for my mothers funeral costs and still, before then all it went on is bills for us...?! she thinks I owe her thousands of dollars still, doesn't matter how much I have/had (ZERO and struggling to make things right for myself even now). Point is, she's begun the threats again. And this time big ones.

She took 10 dollars from me to pay for a notary for the affidavit, then asked me for 40 more! I said no, it doesn't cost that much and told her where she can get it for 5 dollars, one stamp. I know you don't really need one but I wanted to make sure so she doesn't claim that I forged it or something (that's what she is like) if I used it. As soon as I said no she started saying that she won't let me remove my conditions and will be writing to USCIS and also my girlfriend, and I better enjoy my time here while I have a year left... So now, I am wondering where I go from here. I don't have much financial co-mingling with her because of our marriage breaking apart so quickly. (9 months after marriage we separated).

What are my options from here? I did not enter this marriage for fraud or anything like that. We both suffered a lot of financial issues when we separated, so she should just let go and move on like I am. But no, she has to steal my 10 dollars and then threatens to contact USCIS. Took this too far...dunno what to do.. Just want to move on with my life now but she seems to be wanting to stop me.

Any advice?

Edited October 23, 2013 by MrMadCat

[cdneh 3,112]

Stop talking to her. Stop listening to her threats, because that is all they are. If you haven't got a court order as part of the divorce proceedings, not another ha'penny should she get. You can't control what she does, so all you can do is look after yourself, and move on.

Have a bit of a search here on VJ, you aren't the first person in this situation, and nor will you be the last. I wish you well.

[Jamericanlove 31]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I think the only way your ex could do something is if she has proof that you were trying to commit fraud with your marriage. The USCIS won't just take her word for it. I imagine there are thousands of USC's who try to get back at their ex's by filing false reports, just as there are thousands of immigrants who file false VAWA against USC's. Either way, there is only a result if there is solid evidence to support the accusations.

I agree you should stop speaking to her and try to move on with your life. Put together whatever you have and include an explaination letter to send with your application stating the important things you have said here. Include a copy of your mother's death certificate and your travel logs to support the fact that you went to be with her and tie up loose ends after her passing. Just tell the truth and you will be ok.

All the best to you for the future.

[Sandra G. 5,047]

If you don't have proof of committing finances then you won't be able to prove bonafide marriage your problem is bigger than you think.Good luck

[MrMadCat 18]

If you don't have proof of committing finances then you won't be able to prove bonafide marriage your problem is bigger than you think.Good luck

Hi I just didn't have lots. Short marriage, and she wouldn't put me on the lease. I asked when we were together and she said she's not willing to do that because it will be too expensive or whatever. I also did not get my SSN or anything like that until a month before my GC arrived, and our marriage broke down after that.

From our marriage though, I have copies of where I am a dependent on her health insurance, we have a joint bank account together, I am an authorized user on one of her credit cards, she added me on her life insurance and I have a picture of us together as a couple at a wedding couple months before we broke up. I am sure she's taken me off life insurance and health insurance, and closing our joint bank account down, but what can I do about that... the point is I have printed copies of all that evidence that we once had, even if she is trying to destroy my chances of having any evidence.

[Brian1967## 119]

Op...you need comingled money and leases in both your names without this things will not be smooth going...you must have these. This is the best proof for USCIS for proof of bona fide marriage.

[MrMadCat 18]

Op...you need comingled money and leases in both your names without this things will not be smooth going...you must have these. This is the best proof for USCIS for proof of bona fide marriage.

Thanks Brian. I have 2012 tax return filed jointly with her. Is this strong evidence of co-mingling, would you say?

The co-mingling thing, and about the property/bills. To clear things up a little more and now that I have more time to sit down, think and reflect on everything in more detail... The problem is that when we married she already had a house, and all utility bills were naturally in her name as she'd been living there. Now looking back I understand why she wouldn't put my name on the house, etc. Because of the refinancing, etc, I think. That's what she meant by it's too expensive, so I totally get that, and the bills well as said they were all in her name. So that pretty much is the reason I don't have much evidence. So it's a little hard since she was, and always wanted to be "the head" of the household, so to speak, and was very controlling.

I have printed out all the statements from our joint bank account (thank god she didn't shut it down yet), and on each statement it has both our names. On some of them it has her maiden name before it was changed to my name, a month or 2 after marriage. I have the debit card still, which ends with the 4 numbers of that of some bills on a statement (on the statement it gives the last 4 digits of the debit card used for purchase) from later the same month I got my green card. Purchases were made up until obviously my flight back to tend to my sick mother and the decline of the marriage, in which after I stopped using our joint account, so nothing after Jan 2013.

I just, I'm not sure what to do about the whole thing regarding not having my name on any property or cars. I didn't drive, had no license, and well everything she acquired before me is what we had.

I have some pictures of us at various events during our marriage, and we were members at an animal shelter that we both volunteered at. In fact this is where the statement came from, a mutual friend who saw us every single week together and always saw us holding hands, things like that.

What do you do when you marry someone who already has a very established life and you're a new immigrant, and you love them but they say they are financially stable and will take care of everything? That I can stay home, cook, etc. Yeah I know it sounds embarrassing I was being a "house husband", but that's what it was to be honest. Then when I found out she was messing around with another guy, and emotionally as well, I just couldn't take it anymore. Now I know I'm probably going to have a hard time, but should I attach a statement from myself explaining the reason there were no joint ownership since she already had all that stuff before we married? Would that be a bad idea or ??

[Boiler 45,486]

You were married for 9 months, how long did you live together.

The Girlfriend, is she in the UK or the US?

Edited October 28, 2013 by Boiler

[MrMadCat 18]

You were married for 9 months, how long did you live together.

The Girlfriend, is she in the UK or the US?

We lived together until we separated.

Gf is in US.

[Boiler 45,486]

So you lived together between entering on the VWP and getting the 2 year GC, shortly after receiving the GC you left and never went back.

Sounds a bit of a long option for a 751, but at least you have a new US SO who could sponsor you.

Definitely Lawyer territory.

[Jawaree 717]

Dude when U meet a female willing to work & pay for everything

and U stay home play house husband (unless U have small kids)

that's a VERY bad sign of control, manipulating & de-masculating.

Very soon she'll (most) talk down to U, act as if U R lazy, complain

how hard she works, and definitely have someone on the side that

she's looking up to...I say get an atty...don't be around her alone

and don't rub the new sweetie in her face to make her angry.

[MrMadCat 18]

Dude when U meet a female willing to work & pay for everything

and U stay home play house husband (unless U have small kids)

that's a VERY bad sign of control, manipulating & de-masculating.

Very soon she'll (most) talk down to U, act as if U R lazy, complain

how hard she works, and definitely have someone on the side that

she's looking up to...I say get an atty...don't be around her alone

and don't rub the new sweetie in her face to make her angry.

This is exactly what happened.

It started with the talking down, then she'd call me lazy, then remind me how she's bringing in all the money, and start fights all the time. She never appreciated the stuff I did for her, it was NEVER good enough in her eyes. Real controlling and called me insults all the time, yet when I'd answer back and tell her she's acting like a b****, the world would fall down around her and she would get SO aggressive, because no one could insult her. Couldn't ever tell her to calm down or relax or she'd get go crazy. Wasn't like this at first, but after we were married she changed into someone I didn't recognize, especially near the end. It's now confirmed that the dude she was emotionally messing with when we were together is indeed her new boyfriend. So lame! She was gonna cheat on me no matter what, I believe.. meh...

[Boiler 45,486]

Look on the bright side, at least you have a new Girlfriend

[MrMadCat 18]

Look on the bright side, at least you have a new Girlfriend

She treats me with respect, listens to me and is all in all, a great girlfriend.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Dude when U meet a female willing to work & pay for everything

and U stay home play house husband (unless U have small kids)

that's a VERY bad sign of control, manipulating & de-masculating.

Very soon she'll (most) talk down to U, act as if U R lazy, complain

how hard she works, and definitely have someone on the side that

she's looking up to...I say get an atty...don't be around her alone

and don't rub the new sweetie in her face to make her angry.

Oh God please don't.

I'm still paying for that mistake 4 years later.