MY HUSBAND CHEATED BUT I'M THE ONE SEEN AS A JEALOUS AND NOSY WIFE!!!

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Yeah, it does seem rather harsh, but sometimes, this is actually the 'cultural norm'. It's not normal for all of Nigeria, but it might be for her region or tribe.

Unknown, really.

Friend, what says yee is this cultural norm?

Your comment reflects a typical village mentality of lets blame the victim and cheer the perpetrator.

There is nothing wrong with her finding out her husband was shacking up

with someone and it is irrelevant how she found out.

Stop making her the victim.

You are the one who knows nothing about her or her situation either so how about stopping your

assumptions and speculations and calling her jealous.

This comment is just ignorant.

Furthermore she can post whatever she wants to and you aren't going to stop her. Period.

What is your problem telling her she started giving him problems before moving ?

Which part about him being a cheater do you not understand ?

She is stalking him .... oh really ? Don't tell me that in Nigerian culture people do not investigate each other. Story !

If it was the other way around and a man would have posted that his wife was shacked up with another man you would

be all over condemning it and not calling him jealous right ?

Projecting a bit here perhaps eh ?

Na wa !

You know Ebun I have to salute your unwavering position.

I knew the poster is going to be using half an ### cheek to sit on shortly lol.

[lorlahdey 1]

'Having a little thing on the side' seems to be the cultural norm here. This so called little thing breaks a lot of homes and render many children without either of their parents. It's just a pity that those that do this are also not only encouraged by their friends of similar nature but their families too. It's like ones fight against the world. Also,all responses and personal messages are extremely appreciated. It shows we still av pple with values who are plain to the truth. I av gathered a lot of courage and learnt a lot more from y'all. May the Lord bless ur unions and keep your marriages.

Edited October 23, 2013 by lorlahdey

[Ryan H 3,839]

**One post that quoted a previously removed judgemental post has been removed. The post minus the quote returned below:**

Your comment reflects a typical village mentality of lets blame the victim and cheer the perpetrator.

There is nothing wrong with her finding out her husband was shacking up

with someone and it is irrelevant how she found out.

Stop making her the victim.

You are the one who knows nothing about her or her situation either so how about stopping your

assumptions and speculations and calling her jealous.

This comment is just ignorant.

Furthermore she can post whatever she wants to and you aren't going to stop her. Period.

What is your problem telling her she started giving him problems before moving ?

Which part about him being a cheater do you not understand ?

She is stalking him .... oh really ? Don't tell me that in Nigerian culture people do not investigate each other. Story !

If it was the other way around and a man would have posted that his wife was shacked up with another man you would

be all over condemning it and not calling him jealous right ?

Projecting a bit here perhaps eh ?

Na wa !

[raven52 233]

I really feel bad for this lady! She is, has been and probably in the future will be mis-treated. Why not use him, come here, get your green card, and then say "bye, bye!

In my opinion, this tired ole' saying of "once a cheater, always a cheater"..,.,.,.... IS totally false!

At times in my life, I was a cheater, was then divorced, and was single many years, and married the love of my life. I married my beloved wife and I never, ever even dreamed of cheating, NEVER WILL, AND IT NEVER COMES TO MY MIND, as I have a great wife and wonderful marriage, I would never ever cheat, so help me God!

This saying, is old and false.,.,.until I would cheat.,.,.,I have proved it wrong! And, it will never ever happen to my beloved wife!

[KievtoPortland 0]

I am sorry but I do not know how divorce is viewed in your culture and I do not have to walk in your shoes, so it is easy for me or anyone who isn't in your situation to say. Personally, I think removing yourself from where you live and are familiar with to travel to a completely different culture and away from familiar surrounds is difficult enough for many. But the idea behind it is to be with someone you love, trust and are willing to put your happiness in their hands and live together as a couple. That is quite the leap now that the trust you have for him is deservedly crushed. You cannot trust this man and you simply should not leave what you know for the unknown and alienation. Couple that with his behavior of relaying your relationship to his family and making you out to be the villain...my friend...sincerely....if you come to the US under those circumstances, you are going to be miserable. That much is almost certain. Respect yourself otherwise others will not respect you. By allowing this behavior to go without consequence will not give him any incentive to change. Believing that if you come here, that will make things better sounds like those couples who do not get along thinking that getting married (or worse) having a baby will change things. It never does. It only makes things worse...much much worse. You're better then this and deep down inside despite the conflict you are having in your mind, I hope you realize this as well. You have seen your spouse for who they really are. Do you really want to be married to this? The best to you.

[Jawaree 718]

OP if you marry him in good faith (bonifide) and you love him

let him continue the petition, getting to the US will remove

much of the family mess, maybe U will have a chance if he agrees

to family counseling, a man needing something on the side when

he has a wife, no longera teen, or in a committed relationship

& cant commit , has his own issues.

If things does not changed after trying then leave him as some

serial cheaters can never change

[LDN2NYC 11]

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear of what you're going through.

This man sounds like he needs justification for his actions therefor 'Reporting' you to his side and showing you in a bad light is getting him the justice he needs.

The family probably see you as lucky for being able to go to the US and therefore you should shut up. I think you should put your foot down and tell him how you feel. Tell him just because you're young you're not stupid and his the stupid one for reporting and discussing your marriage with everyone.

Above all just pray to God to help you with whatever decision, path you take or make.

God Bless.

[AnotherLostSoul 167]

All I add here is: PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE. Sure, temporary they might, but people are who they are. And if your husband is like how he sounds to be from your post OP I would not go anywhere with him. No, really. I cannot compare Nigeria to US as I've never seen how the life is there, and I have no right to judge or glorify that country based on the mixed information i have heard in the past, but....imho no country will be nicer to live in when you'll have to live with someone you cannot understand, and cannot find mutual joy in your relationships. I'd rather live in a mudhole with someone on my side who loves me and whom I enjoy every minute with, and feel that his/her family are like my own family then immigrate to a beautiful, charming, rich country but I cannot seem to be on the same line with the person I am living under the household and that his/her family judges me without proof of evidences. It's just not worth it in my opinion. We live only once, and what matters in this life that the people who are closest to us love us we don't feel alone/rejected/cheated/disrespected but yet living in a wonderful country. Neither US, nor any other country could satisfy that for me to replace a happy life in a mutual, warm relationship. So, OP: I think you'd be better off without him. You'll find someone else who will love you truly for who you are, and will place you above everybody, and their family will be YOUR family. And maybe that's not going to be tomorrow, but you'll find that one. I wish you all the best, but don't think ever that people will dramatically change and that things going to be so sweet once you move to the US with him. Does not seem like he has actual passion for you. He might have just the perspective that you have mentioned....his family expects him to have a woman by his side, so here, satisfy the needs of the family, you came along...sort of like the "if there's no horse, the donkey will do it" scenario. No offense! And not trying to be mean, or sound too judgmental...but be smart! And don't forget, people don't dramatically change...they are who they are! All the best whatever you decide to do!

[NikLR 13,232]

People do change. We change all the time. You can make yourself into anyone you want to be. The caveat is: you cannot change another person.

The OP can decide to change and have enough respect for herself to leave this horrible relationship that isn't between a husband and a wife but instead between a husband's family and a wife. Really the issue isn't the cheating, people overcome cheating in relationships often, it's the fact that she can't even have a disagreement with her husband without her in-laws badgering her the second it happens.