MY HUSBAND CHEATED BUT I'M THE ONE SEEN AS A JEALOUS AND NOSY WIFE!!!

[lorlahdey 1]

Gowon,I said he reports me to his family. If this minute we have an argument and the next minute his mum and sisters start beeping my phone,who's handiwork is that? Besides he tells me to my face that he had to call them so they will call me to order. And when anyone from his side calls too,all I hear is 'ur husband said....'. No one married me or arranged me for him. He saw me and insisted on marrying me. He waited 6 long years to make me come of age and almost graduate from the university before he asked my hand in marriage. So,that's y it saddens me to see things turn out this way.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Gowon,I said he reports me to his family. If this minute we have an argument and the next minute his mum and sisters start beeping my phone,who's handiwork is that? Besides he tells me to my face that he had to call them so they will call me to order. And when anyone from his side calls too,all I hear is 'ur husband said....'. No one married me or arranged me for him. He saw me and insisted on marrying me. He waited 6 long years to make me come of age and almost graduate from the university before he asked my hand in marriage. So,that's y it saddens me to see things turn out this way.

Then I'm at a loss.

Not sure what he expects his family to do in those circumstances, at least in a positive way anyways.

If I may ask, how close are you to his family before all this started?

[anjans 21]

I would divorce his ###....making you feel like you are responsible for his actions??!!! Please, you need to kick him to the kirb girl!!!

[lorlahdey 1]

Then I'm at a loss.

Not sure what he expects his family to do in those circumstances, at least in a positive way anyways.

If I may ask, how close are you to his family before all this started?

Close enough. I am very much familiar with them even if they are all other than me.

Edited October 23, 2013 by Ryan H

[Aztec&Taino 144]

No,I'm the Nigerian beneficiary

Since you are the beneficiary he may feel "entitled," in a way, to you. He does have the power since he is the petitioner and he might feel as though you are being unreasonable. I do not fully understand the culture but I think it inappropriate for him to talk to his family about your issues as a couple. I would encourage you to really think about whether or not you can forgive his infidelity and whether or not you are ready to leave your country and your life in order to be with him. You could be losing a lot if you are not entirely sure of this journey...

[Hin-d 16]

i would ask your father,

if he negotiated with your 'husband'

for infidelity in marriage.

if the answer (from your father) was yes,

then ask your father what the 'occurrence fee' is to be .

Who knows? Your father might be seeking to build a small herd of cows this year, and next.

#######...I don't know if I should laugh or cry!

[justojai 53]

In my own opinion I think he thinks his doing you a big favour by bringing you to the US, what if you are the USC and his the beneficiary? Oh am sure the family will embrace you as their no 1 daughter in law. I cant talk about my wife or our issues to any member of my family as long as I know we can handle the situation. Maybe you have to remind him his above 18.

Marry him, if he runs the street do the same with him.

[lorlahdey 1]

Thank you SA516. U are just a mere stranger,I do not need to explain anything to you considering the way u av just expressed urself. Wish for urself what I'm going through so u'll understand better as experience is the best teacher.

[Darnell 8,479]

#######...I don't know if I should laugh or cry!

Yeah, it does seem rather harsh, but sometimes, this is actually the 'cultural norm'. It's not normal for all of Nigeria, but it might be for her region or tribe.

Unknown, really.

[Shiobhan 235]

Nigerian men can feel entitled to "a little on the side" and many expect that you will ignore that . You must make a decision if that is how you can live or not. There is nothing ok with that behavior it is rooted in cultures that do not value women. You will not change him. I know there is stigma with being divorced in Nigeria but personally I would find it preferable to sharing a bed with a pig

Ha ha ah ha LOL...I'd drop his azz like hot potato

also those silly brain washed in-laws, or maybe U should

use a bat and bust Havey Wallbanger upside its head

[Ban Hammer 13,746]

please use english only outside of the regional forums.

[Ryan H 3,839]

***One post of an extremely judgemental nature has been removed. Any additional posts of a judgmental nature will result in a thread ban.***

**One post containing only the quote and another containing only a reply to said quote have been merged together.**

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Thank you SA516. U are just a mere stranger,I do not need to explain anything to you considering the way u av just expressed urself. Wish for urself what I'm going through so u'll understand better as experience is the best teacher.

I think this person is cut from the same pig skin as your spouse I see the same lack of respect for a fine woman.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

OP, if you decide to stay with this loser I suggest you do this next time:

Next time the family calls tell them all :

I do love and respect you, however, what goes on in my relationship will not be discussed between myself anymore.

Your calls about interfering in my business are not welcome and I will hang up as soon as you bring it up again.

End of story. Hang up the phone. If they come to your house say the same and ask them to leave.

You do not have to speak to them about this and you can hang up the minute the conversation goes there, not rude but

assertive and firm with confidence.

Do not feel obliged to explain anything to them. If he wants to talk to them about it then whatever but you do not have to.

Tell them you are in control of yourself and do not need their meddling.

He sounds like a toddler that gets his way and is being coddled by the entire family who enables him and makes excuses.

This mess they are saying that there isn't a man who doesn't cheat is a bunch of BS coming from a state of mind you

do not ever want to find yourself in.

I see a life of oppression for you if you do not assert yourself now or leave.

Stop allowing yourself to be manipulated.

Take charge.

[reneegh724 14]

Sorry, but leave him! There is no way he can treat you like this,.... One time a cheater always a cheater!

That's right-- Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater! Also, culture or not, like the other poster mentioned- if you are not comfortable with him having something on the side/cheating, even if it is a 'Nigerian thing', then he shouldn't be with anyone else except for you. You seem like you have respect for yourself and he would just drag you down, and continue to do so the rest of your life. Good Luck in whatever you choose to do