MY HUSBAND CHEATED BUT I'M THE ONE SEEN AS A JEALOUS AND NOSY WIFE!!!

[lorlahdey 1]

Hello every1. Thank God for this website,it really helped me. I'm meant to be traveling in two weeks but I'm so nervous and developing cold feet already. My husband is 13yrs older than me,making all his siblings older than me. But whenever my husband and I av any issues,he calls his mum and sisters to report me. Nigeria is a country where u av to respect ur inlaws and almost worship them. They all av the impression that I'm a jealous wife. My husband cheated on me abt a year ago cos he was cohabitating with a black American woman. It all got messy for him when I found out and called the woman to inform her that he's married. Now he feels like I'm accusing him of infedelity always,whenever I say one thing or the other innocently. Then he calls his family to report me. Same thing happened last week,just few days to join him there. I hate it that my in-laws av a bad impression,and I'm so angry @ my husband. He's the infidel,I'm the one suffering it emotionally and morally. I don't know if going to join him is the best thing cos I don't know what will happpen when we start living 2geda. I never report him to anyone cos I feel that will not protect his honor but he never does the same. It's not my faulty his conscience still pricks him for what he did. Please I need candid advice every1,God bless. Sorry I avnt updated my timeline yet,that's because I don't av correct dates on some stages so I'm working on it.

[apple21 953]

Are you the US citizen petitioner?

[lorlahdey 1]

No,I'm the Nigerian beneficiary

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Nigerian men can feel entitled to "a little on the side" and many expect that you will ignore that . You must make a decision if that is how you can live or not. There is nothing ok with that behavior it is rooted in cultures that do not value women. You will not change him. I know there is stigma with being divorced in Nigeria but personally I would find it preferable to sharing a bed with a pig

[lorlahdey 1]

Thank you NigeriaorBust for understanding my plight. I'm just so confused on the decision to make. It would be perfect if there was a way I could teach him to handle matters better. I just hate being looked @ with a different eye from what one really is,it's like I'm the one being punished for what he did or is doing. And it pains me more knowing fully well that I don't deserve this cos he's the first man I av ever being with.

[Trisha89 36]

Sorry, but leave him! There is no way he can treat you like this,.... One time a cheater always a cheater!

[lorlahdey 1]

Thank you Trisha89.

[QueenE 174]

Thank you NigeriaorBust for understanding my plight. I'm just so confused on the decision to make. It would be perfect if there was a way I could teach him to handle matters better. I just hate being looked @ with a different eye from what one really is,it's like I'm the one being punished for what he did or is doing. And it pains me more knowing fully well that I don't deserve this cos he's the first man I av ever being with.

You have learn how to not care what the family has to say, I know its very difficult. No matter what if the marriage ends from the way people in Nigeria think the woman usually always gets blamed. if you want to stay married you have to find a way to face his family when he goes to report you. Ask them what they would do if their husband was living with another woman ( you can even emphasize the type of woman he has been cheating with). But you will be miserable if you continue to let him use his reports to control you and justify his bad behavior. I don't know if you have an elder in the family that he listens to, but you can maybe trying talking to that person about what you are facing and see if they can help you talk to him to show them how miserable he is making you. I know it will probably only be temporary, but at least if shows that you took the proper (traditional) steps to work on your marriage. Divorce is next to murder in our society so I know that its going to be difficult for you to consider that option, but what matters in this life is your happiness, people will always have something bad to say that is why you can not live your life in fear of what they will say or think. What stage on your in with your immigration process? Your husband is very disrespectful to go live with another woman. I hope you find the answer that will give you happiness.

[lorlahdey 1]

I'm grateful QueenE,thank you. I already did. I'm just trying to get the strength and confidence to talk to his family. They already av 'that impression'. Spoke with one of his cousins and she told me 'when you go over there,don't stress my brother. If u do we all will pray for you to be deported.' No one has told me 'you av ur rights,don't let him walk on u like a slave'. I'm meant to be extremely happy and excited about leaving this country and going to the US but I av such great mixed feelings. A feeling of disappointment that my husband did this @ the last hour,making my relationship awkward with his family and creating friction everywhere. I'm just unhappy and helpless. An elder in my family is already involved,and once again I wish there is something I can do to make him learn that things are not handled the way he handles them. Making me look bad and all. I'm much younger but yet more mature @ times. It's like he is the mummy and family's boy who needs to always invlove his family to settle little talks with his wife!

[Novembro 1,763]

I'm grateful QueenE,thank you. I already did. I'm just trying to get the strength and confidence to talk to his family. They already av 'that impression'. Spoke with one of his cousins and she told me 'when you go over there,don't stress my brother. If u do we all will pray for you to be deported.' No one has told me 'you av ur rights,don't let him walk on u like a slave'. I'm meant to be extremely happy and excited about leaving this country and going to the US but I av such great mixed feelings. A feeling of disappointment that my husband did this @ the last hour,making my relationship awkward with his family and creating friction everywhere. I'm just unhappy and helpless. An elder in my family is already involved,and once again I wish there is something I can do to make him learn that things are not handled the way he handles them. Making me look bad and all. I'm much younger but yet more mature @ times. It's like he is the mummy and family's boy who needs to always invlove his family to settle little talks with his wife!

You. Deserve. Better.

He sounds like a jerk and his family sounds truly awful. If he can't be faithful to you and blames you for his shortcomings, then he doesn't deserve you (or anyone for that matter). Let him go!

[Schynam 9]

Things may be different once you start living with him. The distance between you two is not going to help the situation. Have a candid chat with him to keep issues between the two of you to yourselves and not to the family.

Good Luck. I wish you marital bliss.

[lorlahdey 1]

I sincerely appreciate you all. I'm trying my best possible to make the best decision because whatever I decide to do will affect my family. I hope u all understand how it is with our culture here. I'm the first of 4 girls. I wouldn't want to put any form of stigma on my sisters. I'll try as much as possible to do what is best,as well as put my happiness into consideration too. He also says things will change when we start living together. If it's going to be so,I should be seeing signs now right? Thank you all and God bless you.

[Darnell 8,479]

i would ask your father,

if he negotiated with your 'husband'

for infidelity in marriage.

if the answer (from your father) was yes,

then ask your father what the 'occurrence fee' is to be .

Who knows? Your father might be seeking to build a small herd of cows this year, and next.

[Isi 1]

Sorry, but leave him! There is no way he can treat you like this,.... One time a cheater always a cheater!

This is sad but so true, once a cheater always a cheater

[lorlahdey 1]

Thank you so much,I apprecaite ur responses every1.