Not sure what to do

[FaithfulandTrue 6]

I appreciate all of your suggestions. I don't hate him or his family. There were good times and then those not so good times. I have an issue and I've been hurt all my life, which I did tell him. Revenge doesn't solve anything, it only hurts al involved in the end. I am not trying to track him down to hurt him but to honestly return to him, what belongs to him. There are things, well like the shoes he wore when he first got here. I still have his winter jacket and other things. Why would I destroy them. I still go through some photos. Again not trying to track him down. I will say this, WE broke down the marriage. Sometimes I guess we acted the same. Darnell, he told me his parents are deceased. I only met his oldest brother and his sister. I have no pictures to even know what his family look like. The only address I had was when I first petitioned for him, but I don't know if it's still valid. Besides I want to make sure that he gets it. I don't want him to ever to say to me, I destroyed his things. I do still get depressed and say things that make absolutely no sense. It will get better for both of us, I'm sure. Today I tried to watch the video on my profile with Halim and listen to Zay el Hawah in the car and the tears started flowing. No looking for a pity party either. Again thanks for your time.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

Yep, it's getting chilly out there; he could surely use winter clothes. Had he no lawyer for his divorce?

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I appreciate all of your suggestions. I don't hate him or his family. There were good times and then those not so good times. I have an issue and I've been hurt all my life, which I did tell him. Revenge doesn't solve anything, it only hurts al involved in the end. I am not trying to track him down to hurt him but to honestly return to him, what belongs to him. There are things, well like the shoes he wore when he first got here. I still have his winter jacket and other things. Why would I destroy them. I still go through some photos. Again not trying to track him down. I will say this, WE broke down the marriage. Sometimes I guess we acted the same. Darnell, he told me his parents are deceased. I only met his oldest brother and his sister. I have no pictures to even know what his family look like. The only address I had was when I first petitioned for him, but I don't know if it's still valid. Besides I want to make sure that he gets it. I don't want him to ever to say to me, I destroyed his things. I do still get depressed and say things that make absolutely no sense. It will get better for both of us, I'm sure. Today I tried to watch the video on my profile with Halim and listen to Zay el Hawah in the car and the tears started flowing. No looking for a pity party either. Again thanks for your time.

But Faithful, it is not your job to track him down. If he wants his stuff he can come get it. Don't destroy his things, but put them all in one box and store it somewhere. I highly doubt he wants his old shoes. This desire seems like an attempt to see him again, like "come back! You need to take your old smelly shoes!" If he wants them it is his job to come get them. This guy scammed you and abused you. Don't go find him.

Please talk to your therapist about your desire to give him his stuff back.

Edited October 21, 2013 by Harpa Timsah

[FaithfulandTrue 6]

Yep, it's getting chilly out there; he could surely use winter clothes. Had he no lawyer for his divorce?

I don't know if he had one or not. i wasn't contacted by one. I had no way to try to contact him. The number he had was when he was here. My lawyer tried contact him and email him but he wouldn't respond. I will just gather everything together. We want to move but with his name on my mom's house we couldn't and plus now I am broke, well broker. I told him I needed to get a seond car for my mom so that she wouldn't have to be trying to struggle to get in our van. I even called from the car dealership to ask could he help us. I applied for a home loan but was denied. Well with his name on my mom's house and mine too, I asked if we could move. He said he wasnt making enough money to take care of all of us. I said i never said I wanted you to make as much of as me to be with me. I just asked him to help. I'm trying not to talk too much about it. He did tell me to donate his clothes to charity and give his prayer rug to the mosque but it's his. I just couldn't do it. That's his and not a strangers. That's like me and my bible. I don't know what's doing on. I will try to put his things away somwhere.

We argued over eggs?!?!? Come on. I remember a friend of our had to come and keep us from being at each other's throats, not in the literal sense. I have VERY stressfull job and we had to eat out a lot. I got off late and then had to come home and help with homework, among other things. I was just literally drained. My mom has dementia and my oldest would watch after her, so not work for her. She want to work and did try to find work but in my city there isn't any. I wanted to move to where there was a place where she could walk to work and maybe my youngest to walk to school or it wouldn't be far to drive. Even with the company he worked for, there was a place near by.. I didn't mind him sending money home from time to time if he wanted to. I even did it one time for his sister. He said I was trying to keep him hostage or make a slave of him. No, I just wanted my husband to be a husband to me. My best friend, a shoulder to cry on. Not to use things against me, my illness against me. Sorry rambling. I do that from time to time. Depending on where he is, will determine if he wants it. When he was drinking and singing a song, that was so funny, but just a mask. I would have done it, but I take medication and alcohol makes it worse. I am not contacting immigration for this. I just wanted, well never mind.

[FaithfulandTrue 6]

But Faithful, it is not your job to track him down. If he wants his stuff he can come get it. Don't destroy his things, but put them all in one box and store it somewhere. I highly doubt he wants his old shoes. This desire seems like an attempt to see him again, like "come back! You need to take your old smelly shoes!" If he wants them it is his job to come get them. This guy scammed you and abused you. Don't go find him.

Please talk to your therapist about your desire to give him his stuff back.

I understand what you are saying. Again, not an attempt to track him down. A prayer rug is important, right? I am seeing a therapist, although by what I say it may not seem like it. I wouldn't keep smelly shoes. I am not going after him. I will take your advice. I just didnt' want to be a failure for my mother. I had to keep borrowing from her, I really didn't want to do that. my children and I live with her. I never meant to hurt her in this way. So I have been very depressed about it. This is my 3 marriage. I don't want to do this again. We said a lot of hurtful things to one another, I never felt like I belonged, as a family member that is. I, well, never mind. .

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I understand what you are saying. Again, not an attempt to track him down. A prayer rug is important, right? I am seeing a therapist, although by what I say it may not seem like it. I wouldn't keep smelly shoes. I am not going after him. I will take your advice. I just didnt' want to be a failure for my mother. I had to keep borrowing from her, I really didn't want to do that. my children and I live with her. I never meant to hurt her in this way. So I have been very depressed about it. This is my 3 marriage. I don't want to do this again. We said a lot of hurtful things to one another, I never felt like I belonged, as a family member that is. I, well, never mind. .

He said the prayer rug is not important to him because he told you to give it to the mosque. He told you to give his clothes away. Don't imagine he has sentimentality for things when he told you he doesn't. I know you are seeing a therapist which is why I suggested you talk to him/her about it.

I am sure your mother is proud of you no matter what. A box of old clothes doesn't change that. Best,

[Darnell 8,478]

What? In the divorce decree there was no court order to remove his name from the house deed? You can get that amended, if you so desire, getting a court order to remove his name from the deed.

[FaithfulandTrue 6]

What? In the divorce decree there was no court order to remove his name from the house deed? You can get that amended, if you so desire, getting a court order to remove his name from the deed.

His name isn't on here. However with his track record, I hope he didn't do anything foolish like forge our signatures on something. We are to be notified of such things. I would NEVER do anyone the way he did us, period. I still don't hate him, but I am coming pretty close to about now.

He said the prayer rug is not important to him because he told you to give it to the mosque. He told you to give his clothes away. Don't imagine he has sentimentality for things when he told you he doesn't. I know you are seeing a therapist which is why I suggested you talk to him/her about it.

I am sure your mother is proud of you no matter what. A box of old clothes doesn't change that. Best,

She is. The clothes I did give away. It wasn't about being sentimental, this was his stuff and I really don't want him to say I destroyed it. I just never know what's on people's minds anymore. Yes my mom is proud of me. However my family isn't because of this marriage and because of it I had to keep borrowing from him til she is almost broke. Yes she is still proud, but I'm not. His family kept saying be patient and him too. He said he wasn't leaving and disappeared while I was at work. Wow, I feel like Annie in Smooth Criminal and I'm not ok. I'm trying to make myself laugh but it isn't a laughing matter. My uncle was over her money and messed it up and then I turn around and do the same thing. Not for my gain though. That was the only difference. My uncle used it for his gain, not hers and certainly not my kids and I. He kept saying after this immigration stuff is out of the way, then he could help more. It wasn't always about money either. He wouldn't spend time with us. I couldn't go to clubs and party(he's younger) because of my medicine. With the medicine I am on, that's a deadly mix with alcohol.

Edited November 1, 2013 by FaithfulandTrue

[Jawaree 717]

OP are U still hung up on this guy? for him the shebang is

obviously over, Time U dry up the tears and move on even

if hard to do...A PI could find him but why spend that money?

Once a person receive a SS# it will never change for life,even

if one miraculously dies and return SSA will attach that same #

to them, since U R such a considerate person ,store it in a small

box and in a basement, attic, cupboard or garage, don't knock

yourself out...if he came & learn to severe the ties that much, then

in his mind like Ceilo says (he's) saying 4get U...move on my dear.

[FaithfulandTrue 6]

OP are U still hung up on this guy? for him the shebang is

obviously over, Time U dry up the tears and move on even

if hard to do...A PI could find him but why spend that money?

Once a person receive a SS# it will never change for life,even

if one miraculously dies and return SSA will attach that same #

to them, since U R such a considerate person ,store it in a small

box and in a basement, attic, cupboard or garage, don't knock

yourself out...if he came & learn to severe the ties that much, then

in his mind like Ceilo says (he's) saying 4get U...move on my dear.

No I am not still hung up over him, please know this... I don't sex need from him or anyone else for the matter.. please, it isn't , never mind.. tears have been dried up to the point I have no more tears, literally.. chronic dry eyes I have now.. it wasn't over him but my mom and kids.. my ELDERLY mother who was 87 the other day that I couldn't buy anything meaningful for her..that my dad trust me to take care of HER not a man.. Thank you for your lovely soliloquy of whoever Ceilo is.. maybe I will look it up.. yes and 4gethim too.. .. I said we need to move from the house so why, never mind I can't store this

Edited November 1, 2013 by FaithfulandTrue