Filipino Fiancee after three weeks here wants to go home!

[Caryh 5,206]

My wife had horrible homesickness, she still gets it after over two years. Some its easy to make the move for others its quite difficult of impossible. People come in every part of the spectrum. I've lived through many "I want to go home" tantrums and crying jags. I just try to understand and support her until she's over them. Its not easy on either side of this situation, and if you can't handle or she can't handle it, its not going to work. But if you can lend each other strength and work through it together then you can make it work. I wish you both the best and hope you can both find the strength to make it work.

[typo808 11]

Here's a thought: instead of going to the Philippines, come to Oahu. Spend quality time with her in waipahu, waikele, Ewa. visit the filam historical museum, eat at a local filipino food place (get choke places for eat) meet some of the tens of thousands of Filipinos and Filipinas living here, take her to a fiesta, attend a iglesia ni Christo service.

Edited October 18, 2013 by typo808

[pete_falcone 7]

I don't know if you and your wife are pious people. If so, doing the rosary together every night and going to daily masses are meaningful things to do to strengthen the bond.

[richelicious 0]

I didn't read all the comments but could she be pregnant? I was like that when I got pregnant. Hang in there.

[Kumi and Drake 14]

I could understand the feeling. I feel like I'm the only Filipin here in Blur Springs, Missouri. And when I do see Filipino s in Chinese restaurants, I don't think they want to talk to me because they keep avoiding eye contact. During the first two months, I cried due to homesickness and me missing the familiarity of the city I grew up in. But she made a choice to be with her soulmate. And she should at least try. What I do is, I have apps on my phone (Viber, WeChat) to keep in touch with the fMily on my phone. I use Skype or Facebook on the laptop I use. Have you tried being interested in our culture or language? I teach my husband and inlaws some easy words and it makes me feel happy to hear those words in the house I'm in. And may be its good to have her attend an English class too. And just always be there for her.

[kambingaso 9]

Right now she's spiraling down and begging to be sent home. I can't buy her a ticket until after the mortgage payment is made on the first and we have enough money.

She won't reach out to VJ ladies on FB. She hasn't done anything about building a resume or job searches. Doesn't want to to anything anymore.... I got her to come out to the Plantation Days festival, and upon arriving she heard live Filipino music and she got excited. Lasted for a little while before the funk returned.

I'm checking out classes and swim classes. I'm trying to be understanding and loving and not react negatively to anything she's doing, but it's so hard to be patient.

[The Conqueror 47]

I hear you.

Pretty much it is not easy to reach out when she doesn't keep an open mind for some different options to divert her attention with. More patience is highly recommended.

[Kumi and Drake 14]

How about set up your skype and surprise her that her family's online?

[Psoas10 17]

Maybe it is time for her to go home. If she does not like in Hawaii, then she will never be happy. Hawaii is like being in PI and America at the same time.

[Paps IR5 6]

She must not really cares much about you! if she really love you and care for you, it is enough for her to fight homesick and be with you. She must be too much of a mama's girl. She need to grow up!

Edited October 20, 2013 by MsPinay

[apple21 953]

Sorry to say this but just send her home. Not everyone is built to live outside their comfort zones. This is unfortunate for you, just move on and find someone who can really be a partner to you.

[typo808 11]

Right now she's spiraling down and begging to be sent home. I can't buy her a ticket until after the mortgage payment is made on the first and we have enough money.

She won't reach out to VJ ladies on FB. She hasn't done anything about building a resume or job searches. Doesn't want to to anything anymore.... I got her to come out to the Plantation Days festival, and upon arriving she heard live Filipino music and she got excited. Lasted for a little while before the funk returned.

I'm checking out classes and swim classes. I'm trying to be understanding and loving and not react negatively to anything she's doing, but it's so hard to be patient.

Looks like you are doing everything possible to help her adjust. I hope it doesn't come to the point of separation. If it does, know that it is for the better for the both of you until she can adjust.

[gayle blue 4]

private message me sir

[A and T 82]

I say send her home, and cut ties. So many other good women out there that won't waste your time and money.

[haggarda.versoza 3]

She's undergoing emotional breakdown and people with this decide terribly during this stage. You need not say anything or listen for anything even if she's begging to go home, just be patient and understanding. I wonder how old your fiance is, if you don't mind me asking, but begging to go home is an impulsive immature decision after everything you've done in this process!

My first few weeks was extremely difficult for me. I live in Ellsworth, Maine, absolutely NO Filipino community, nothing at all! Very different culture and most of all, language barrier (Down Eastern Mainer accents UGH terrible!). Not to mention my husband is not with me right now because he's stationed somewhere as he's in the Military! She's lucky to have you if I may say.

Try to make her feel home, cook Filipino food like Adobo or Sinigang which is the easiest. If she's Catholic, try to go to a Catholic Church there, the church would make her feel home too! And yes, enrolling her in some class is a very good way to divert her attention to avoid extreme homesickness.

I can give my number to you or I can call you, your fiance and I can talk any time. I am dying to talk in Tagalog. :-D