Filipino Fiancee after three weeks here wants to go home!

[kambingaso 9]

AFter all this journey to get her here, my fiancee is crying to go home because she's extremely homesick. I've taken her to the local Filipino stores, she does chores around the house, she has internet, TV, iphone and ipad games, Filipino magazines, but she's just so distant from me now, and when she's not aloof, she's crying.

She says she loves me still, and I haven't been abusive. She wants us to get married in the Phils and stay there, but I absolutely can't. I just got my mortgage redone, and I can't just quit my job as a teacher and rental property owner.

She won't call people, or go hang out very often, wants to stay in the house that is driving her nuts, but if there are any Filipinas close to her age in Hawaii I would really like to have her call you. Please PM me and I'll see if she'd like to call

She's 24 and is from Zambales. She's only been here 3 weeks, and things started wonderfully, but every few days she'd be weepy and distant from being homesick.

I've cancelled our wedding, and I'm just waiting for the money to book the tickets.

It just breaks my heart that she feels this way.

[savagechair 38]

Hi there,

This is really tough. A big part of why I'm moving back to the US is the cultural differences were killing my needs & values.

US culture has got to be a shock for your fiance. It sounds like you're trying to be empathetic, which is great. For her, it's not likely to get better immediately.

She comes from a culture that likely values a close knit community versus autonomy. Since you are engaged, and not married, it might be good to have a frank & kind discussion with her about what she can expect her life in the US to be like. It's hard for you to describe this, since it's normal for you, but our sense of independence, autonomy, individuality, notions about liberty and family values are likely to be much different than her experience. Is she up for all that? Is it worth it to her to make sacrifices for some things she might gain? Why, besides love, does she want a life in the US? Love is great, but over the haul of a lifetime together, common values & goals are necessary for a successful marriage.

I feel for you, and I wish you luck.

[Pitaya 2,577]

~duplicate thread removed~

[bryn&ellen 13]

Hi,

We live in Kailua, Oahu. I have very good circle of friends here and we always make an effort to get together if we can.

Where do you guys live?

AFter all this journey to get her here, my fiancee is crying to go home because she's extremely homesick. I've taken her to the local Filipino stores, she does chores around the house, she has internet, TV, iphone and ipad games, Filipino magazines, but she's just so distant from me now, and when she's not aloof, she's crying.

She says she loves me still, and I haven't been abusive. She wants us to get married in the Phils and stay there, but I absolutely can't. I just got my mortgage redone, and I can't just quit my job as a teacher and rental property owner.

She won't call people, or go hang out very often, wants to stay in the house that is driving her nuts, but if there are any Filipinas close to her age in Hawaii I would really like to have her call you. Please PM me and I'll see if she'd like to call

She's 24 and is from Zambales. She's only been here 3 weeks, and things started wonderfully, but every few days she'd be weepy and distant from being homesick.

I've cancelled our wedding, and I'm just waiting for the money to book the tickets.

It just breaks my heart that she feels this way.

[typo808 11]

Brah, stand by her the best that you can. It's late for this advice but Rodalyn has stayed with relatives that she is close to, all over the Philippines, for the last 3 months in preparation for moving to Hawaii. Her older sisters, her Mom, her brothers, her auntie, visiting her father's grave to have a last chat with him, she has had time to talk with each one and receive the support she needed to hear.

Maybe it's not too late. Maybe that's what your fiancé needs, to go back and spend that time together with the ones she misses the most. Rodalyn is 19 years old. (20 in November) It is very important for her and me that rodalyn did this. I have Vonage and a globe phone I bought for her mom so she also knows she can call anytime. More importantly, talk with her family so they help her to deal with being away. Also helps to already have a schedule of when she will return to visit her family so she has something to look forward to. My own advice: have a mentor for her. I have introduced myself to many filipinas living in Hawaii in an effort to find an older friend that Rodalyn can trust in and confide in, something I know she will miss having once she moves here. A mom in hawaii, so to speak.

If it helps, we just got approved for our visa today! ASAP, Rodalyn will be in Hawaii and more than happy to have a Filipina friend close to her age here!

Our prayers and heart goes out to you. Holla back wen u get da chance. Anything we can do to help!

Aloha!

Edited October 18, 2013 by typo808

[kambingaso 9]

Congrats on your visa, typo, and thanks for the input.

Brynellen, we're in Lahaina, Maui.

[typo808 11]

Moving from zambales to Lahaina is a huge culture shock, I'm sorry to say. There is pretty much nothing in Lahaina that resembles Zambales. She might be able to find a friend in up country.

Stand by her as much as you can. Our prayers our with you both!

Thank you for the congratulations!

[Paps IR5 6]

oh my poor girl!

[clairegie 265]

Sadly, it happens to the best of us and we need to rely on our significant other for courage and strength. Stay patient and keep reminding her that your love is stronger than the feeling of homesickness. She can get through it, tell her to give herself time to get used to things.

[memai81 0]

Hi, i am sorry to hear about your fiancee. I do not want to post any negative comments. I do not understand why she pursue to be there. She needs to know of how much it cost just bring her there with all the process and the waiting. She can make friends to fellow Filipinos online like Facebook. I am online 24/7 due to my online fashion business. Maybe she would like to chat with me, I am willing to help her. You can add me at facebook Mai's Corner. and lets starts from there. I have so many friends who are now in the US and all we do is to keep chatting to ease their homesickness.

[kambingaso 9]

Thanks, FilAmlove. I'll send her the link to your FB.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I'm a big believer = Everything happens for a reason.

A few thoughts;

1) Flipping the clock is brutal. Everything is upside down. Probably increasing her state of

2) Old Adage - If you love her, let her go & if she returns she will be yours 4vr.

3) Is she really ready to be your wife? We have a 24 year old sister. She will be an excellent wife... someday. (but) That day ain't today. She's not quite emotionally matured to break from the family and live her own life. Build her own family. & She most certainly shouldn't cross the Ocean.

I'm curious....has any1 told your fiancée - "remember, you're doing this for your family"....?

Edited October 18, 2013 by Crashed~N2~Me

[The Conqueror 47]

Sadly, it happens to the best of us and we need to rely on our significant other for courage and strength. Stay patient and keep reminding her that your love is stronger than the feeling of homesickness. She can get through it, tell her to give herself time to get used to things.

So true.

I certainly understand too that it will be hard for her to think it over when the thought of homesickness already covered her thoughts and emotions.

I just arrived here too last August and got married after a month. I'm from Pampanga 2 hours aways from Zambales.

I hope I could be of help. Don't hesitate to PM me so your Fiancee and I can connect. There's a lot of ways to chat =), viber, skype, facebook, Facetime and so much more.

[gayle blue 4]

hi there...i am also from zambales. i guess its a bit late for my message here but just in case maybe we can talk (me and your fiance)...i am a bit homesick too and its only my first month here in the US. There are so many filipinos in Hawaii...and so many pinoy activities ive heard.

i dont see a lot of pinoys here in Rochester, NY but i also hope to meet some.

And i dont have iphone or ipad or filipino magazine to keep me busy...but i am happy doing the household chores, cooking and washing clothes for my husband and get a kiss and appreciation at the end of the day.

Talk it out...she is 24, old enough to understand.

I live with my parents and relatives all my life and this is the first time that i am away from home...its a completely different thing here coz everything is fast and people are busy.

i pray for your fiance and i pray for wedding soon.

[Stevephoto 230]

Homesickness is a tough one. We are in Waikiki on Oahu. Feel free to PM us for our Facebook addresses. Joan has been here for four months so she might be able to relate to what your fiancee is going through. Joan enrolled in English language classes almost immediately after arriving here (4 days!) and that helped to keep her busy. Have you checked Lunalahaina High School to see if they have an adult school attached to it? We were also busy planning the wedding. Perhaps she can get more involved with that and rekindle her excitement for being here. Joan and I also belong to several FB groups where we share experiences and develop friendships. One lady just arrived in Hawaii and she and Joan are already talking about getting together. Here are the addresses to those groups:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/filamdiscussion/?bookmark_t=group

https://www.facebook.com/groups/272323009467474/?bookmark_t=group

https://www.facebook.com/groups/181745651980887/?bookmark_t=group

Good luck!