A Girl Arrived as K1, Got Married, Now Husband Refused!

[Paps IR5 6]

Yup. They're already married.

OK - I stand by my last opinion, then. Also, there's a small chance he'll snap-to, wake up, and do the right thing by her, going forward with HIM finding a job and handling her AOS after 3 months. I think it's plausible, however incomprehensible it seems at the moment.

OH that would be great and hoping really that it will happen!

[keysjangle 145]

Just another lonely man buying a pet wife.

Get her on the next flight home asap before she has a reason to file for VAWA.

Edited October 18, 2013 by Gervl

[Jawaree 717]

Wonder if this guy is mildly autistic

could he be gay

clinically depressed

finds her ways , attitude & customs no longer to his liking (crazy to plan marriages after meeting twice)

Did not understand the long-term responsibility of I 864, until after wedding.

Dorky & think he fell in love on line (now suffers buyers remorse)

Does she constantly bothers him about getting her immigrant status taken care of and he got turned off

Have the marriage been consummated

Is his mom receptive to her

All this is a one-sided story but,if its really this way she should go home, its only a few months

once some get in come hell or high water they will not leave claiming love...prior to GC

Tell her have him buy her ticket, do a bit of shopping for her, give her some money & let her go home

its the decent thing to do, then he can file divorce....she can find another USC to fall in love with

again with no overstay on her records

[Juliet and Steve 93]

I haven't read all the posts but if this guy is 47 years old and living with mom--without some immense reason...

........immense reason: Recent bankruptcy; recent foreclosure of house, etc.

...he has a problem--and any woman who tries to have a relationship with him WILL have a problem.

This concept might be difficult for a Filipina to understand because family life in RP is so different. Guys living with mom are common there--they are not in America, not if a guy is 47.

But in America, if a guy is over age 30 and still living with mom he has a problem.

Had I been a friend of this women, or if Juliet had this woman as a friend, long ago I would have said: "No--no--no... it will not work.

Some say that such fellows have a problem but I don't think this is the case. I've seen co-dependet mom/son relationships and have NEVER seen one of these men have a healthy relationship with a woman. They usually date, but even then their dating relationships generally do not last.

Search google for "men who live with mom," and you will find many links such as:

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/men-that-live-with-their-mothers/

This excerpted from one:

"Most guys with a healthy relationship with their mother and a fairly decent level of connection to their emotions, definitely do not want to be living with their mother past their mid to late twenties; thirty at a push.

Unless he has been a victim of famine, and destruction, for instance, financial issues, no man who actually wants to have a relationship and do it in a healthy way is going to be literally living under his mothers apron strings."

My suggestion for this woman is simple. He wants to be a friend. Fine------then act like a friend. Have her ask him to help her out until she can stay in America with a decent job, then divorce. That's the least he should do for her. But will he? She's the "second woman" in his life and unfortunately such men are often so narcissistic they might simply not want to be bothered.

A sad situation.

[ir0nK1visa 2]

First he is an idiot to say the least if he IN FACT NEVER told her he lived with his mother, no matter the reason.

Now as for the other issues, not applying for the AOS, if he really is not willing to do so AND has said so time to move on. I do AGREE SHE MUST TRY to work it out with him, maybe there are other underlying issues that are not known and not being posted to this thread by the OP.

I can say this from experience I NEVER told my K1 bene, now wife I did not to send in the AOS paperwork and I NEVER ABUSED her, I have plenty of hard facts for that, but I have been accused of both. I WANT to work it out with her, but well as is she does not want to for reasons I do not know since she will not comunicate with me. There is more to my story, but NOT for this thread. In the end if she as I do really loves that person try and try to work it out as I am trying, although it all seems for not. I wish her patience, calmness and the strength to make the BEST DECISION for herself, in the end she should NOT be embarrassed to go back it was not her fault.

[ir0nK1visa 2]

I agree with all that you said. Plus we will NEVER hear his side of the story. So many times we jump on what is said by one party, but there is always another side and FINALLY the truth. Cause we are humans and has honest as most try to be, my story MUST SOUND better, more realistic than "hers/yours". ;-)

He is a loser if he NEVER told her of his living situation and I just find that unlikely, though not improbable.

Yep, he’s a loser for sure!

Along with the other 11,300,000 unemployed losers (ww.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/empsit.pdf) or oops, I forgot—we can’t really trust what the government tells us. CNN puts the number at 86,000,000 losers.

(See: http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/03/news/economy/unemployment-rate/)

In America when a person is unemployed the person collects unemployment benefits. If the person is not eligible (perhaps they had not had the job long enough) voila—they are magically “employed” (statistically). Once a person has exhausted his or her unemployment benefits—again,like magic—they become employed (according to statistics).

In short, America is absolutely full of unemployed persons who over time become more and more discouraged. He is one of them.

To say this fella is a loser is cruel. There is no other word.

We don’t know his story. Perhaps he had a job and lost it. Perhaps he was like me (I’m unemployed) and optimistic—a year or two ago. But optimism does not create jobs.

My guess is that the problem can be summed up in one word: depression. I’ll bet that he’s worn down and depressed. This occurred by the millions during the Great Depression of the 1920-1930’s. Men abandoned families frequently rather than face the bleak reality that there were NO jobs anywhere. Now, it’s not that bad today—but it is bad for some.

My advice to her would depend largely upon her skills. If she speaks English poorly, and does not have an education equivalent to high school, it will be a hard road for her. If she speaks English well and has high school skills—she’s been here long enough to be able to work. (If not, perhaps discussing this as an option will lead to her being able to work in the US)

So my advice would be to go and get a job at McD’s or equivalent. They are always desperate for employees—or stocking grocery shelves, or working independently as a cleaning service. Anything is fine--$7/hour or $8 per hour is fine—it’s a start. Find a nursing home and obtain work as a CNA (Nurses Assistant) here in NH there are many large places who will train a person for free—here wages rise quickly to $12-$14. Use that as a jumping stone and become an LPN (nurse) and voila wages rise to $17=hour—use that as a jumping point to an RN—voila! Now she’s making $24+/hour. (If she's not yet empowered to work maybe telling him that she is willing to do so will keep the relationship together until she can work.)

She’s here—she’s empowered to start earning so consider trying that. Living with mom does not need to be a negative thing it reduces the bills. As a matter of fact, culturally she is less likely to mind that than he.

This will not fix things totally but it may offer him hope and it may give him time to find a job—anything, part-time is ok.

There is a syndrome that afflicts America and it goes like this:

You’re unemployed—that’s ok.

You’re unemployed for more than a year—that’s not ok, now you’re a loser. (He is likely in this category)

I’m not being facetious here. Many, many temp agencies will simply not hire a person if they have been out of the labor force for more than one year. This leads to a plethora of “no job available for you” responses. Often this affects men more than women as women are often more willing to find/learn new skills. Often men faced with finding that no temp agency (often the only good source of jobs) will hire them become depressed and drop out.

The answer is simple. The man must work at some job—any job—part time or full time for six months to be able to go back to a temp agency (about the only place where there are full time jobs) who will now hire them. This may be his only option, and her working earning some income could be the catalyst that gets him back on his feet (along with the relationship).

A couple is a team so I’d suggest that she act like part of a team and try to figure out how to create some cash flow—any will likely improve things.

It would be a terrible thing for her culturally to have to go back to the Philippines and probably terrible to divorce (divorce is unacceptable to most Filipinas).

It’s a difficult situation but one that literally affecting millions of couples since finances is the number one source of contention within marriages.

(See: http://www.dailyjournal.net/view/local_story/Study-Money-is-top-source-of-c_1369177022/)

Nah, he’s not a loser—he’s just depressed and she, like myself, and like millions of other Americans are in the same boat.

Note: Every community has GED (General Education Degree) courses—they are generally free and usually they include English tutoring if necessary.

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

She said she is not leaving nor divorcing him for she cares for him so much.

Translation: She will stay in the US no matter what. She will do whatever it takes to get that greencard. My feeling is that she knew exactly what she was getting into.

In order for her to get any visa, they would have to show proof of meeting. An old creepy loser who lives with his mother can't hide that.

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

Also, she knew he lived with his mother BEFORE she married him.

[Boiler 45,367]

Often it seems that it is not just an investment from the Lady but the whole Family, so giving up now is not just her call.

[typo808 11]

Yep, hes a loser for sure!

Along with the other 11,300,000 unemployed losers (ww.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/empsit.pdf) or oops, I forgotwe cant really trust what the government tells us. CNN puts the number at 86,000,000 losers.

(See: http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/03/news/economy/unemployment-rate/)

In America when a person is unemployed the person collects unemployment benefits. If the person is not eligible (perhaps they had not had the job long enough) voilathey are magically employed (statistically). Once a person has exhausted his or her unemployment benefitsagain,like magicthey become employed (according to statistics).

In short, America is absolutely full of unemployed persons who over time become more and more discouraged. He is one of them.

To say this fella is a loser is cruel. There is no other word.

We dont know his story. Perhaps he had a job and lost it. Perhaps he was like me (Im unemployed) and optimistica year or two ago. But optimism does not create jobs.

My guess is that the problem can be summed up in one word: depression. Ill bet that hes worn down and depressed. This occurred by the millions during the Great Depression of the 1920-1930s. Men abandoned families frequently rather than face the bleak reality that there were NO jobs anywhere. Now, its not that bad todaybut it is bad for some.

My advice to her would depend largely upon her skills. If she speaks English poorly, and does not have an education equivalent to high school, it will be a hard road for her. If she speaks English well and has high school skillsshes been here long enough to be able to work. (If not, perhaps discussing this as an option will lead to her being able to work in the US)

So my advice would be to go and get a job at McDs or equivalent. They are always desperate for employeesor stocking grocery shelves, or working independently as a cleaning service. Anything is fine--$7/hour or $8 per hour is fineits a start. Find a nursing home and obtain work as a CNA (Nurses Assistant) here in NH there are many large places who will train a person for freehere wages rise quickly to $12-$14. Use that as a jumping stone and become an LPN (nurse) and voila wages rise to $17=houruse that as a jumping point to an RNvoila! Now shes making $24+/hour. (If she's not yet empowered to work maybe telling him that she is willing to do so will keep the relationship together until she can work.)

Shes hereshes empowered to start earning so consider trying that. Living with mom does not need to be a negative thing it reduces the bills. As a matter of fact, culturally she is less likely to mind that than he.

This will not fix things totally but it may offer him hope and it may give him time to find a jobanything, part-time is ok.

There is a syndrome that afflicts America and it goes like this:

Youre unemployedthats ok.

Youre unemployed for more than a yearthats not ok, now youre a loser. (He is likely in this category)

Im not being facetious here. Many, many temp agencies will simply not hire a person if they have been out of the labor force for more than one year. This leads to a plethora of no job available for you responses. Often this affects men more than women as women are often more willing to find/learn new skills. Often men faced with finding that no temp agency (often the only good source of jobs) will hire them become depressed and drop out.

The answer is simple. The man must work at some jobany jobpart time or full time for six months to be able to go back to a temp agency (about the only place where there are full time jobs) who will now hire them. This may be his only option, and her working earning some income could be the catalyst that gets him back on his feet (along with the relationship).

A couple is a team so Id suggest that she act like part of a team and try to figure out how to create some cash flowany will likely improve things.

It would be a terrible thing for her culturally to have to go back to the Philippines and probably terrible to divorce (divorce is unacceptable to most Filipinas).

Its a difficult situation but one that literally affecting millions of couples since finances is the number one source of contention within marriages.

(See: http://www.dailyjournal.net/view/local_story/Study-Money-is-top-source-of-c_1369177022/)

Nah, hes not a loserhes just depressed and she, like myself, and like millions of other Americans are in the same boat.

Note: Every community has GED (General Education Degree)oursesthey are generally free and usually they include English tutoring if necessary.

"Who moved My CHEESE?? Should be mandatory reading at the intermediate level of education. And through high school, and through college. Adapt and go where the cheese is.