A Girl Arrived as K1, Got Married, Now Husband Refused!

[Laser1 63]

Maybe his mother is living off of him; could that be the case? That happens sometimes here in the USA, a single parent moves into a single child's house or apartment, without paying rent or any bills. That can help explain his money problems.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

Hello, Everyone,

This is not for me, a girl that I know need some advice. She got here Last June, 2013 as K1 and got married just last month. Now husband refused to apply her Adjustment of Status and wants to send her back home.

She gave up everything from her homeland and now this is what she is facing!

Please advice what to tell her.

Thank you.

Okay I am going to play devils advocate here. Are you certain she is telling you the entire story? Is it possible that she has changed since she got to America? Is it possible that her attitude and caring for him has faded? Of course I will say the fact that he is 47 and still lives at home CAN be a red flag but not necessarily. I am 57, my beautiful Filipina wife is 20. She came here knowing that I was living in my parents attached unit. I was literally assisting my parents, 87 & 85 each and every day. They truly needed help. They have since sold the house and have moved into a very nice retirement home. I will admit the stress between my wife and I had lessened now that we have our own nest. It can be very stressful living with family members. Just my thoughts.

Aloha Ke Akau

[typo808 11]

Fishy? Suspicious of him? Guy is an outright liar, nothing "fishy" about that! He's proven who he is, We KNOW he's a fraud! You guys are too nice! Lol!

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Okay I am going to play devils advocate here. Are you certain she is telling you the entire story? Is it possible that she has changed since she got to America? Is it possible that her attitude and caring for him has faded? Of course I will say the fact that he is 47 and still lives at home CAN be a red flag but not necessarily. I am 57, my beautiful Filipina wife is 20. She came here knowing that I was living in my parents attached unit. I was literally assisting my parents, 87 & 85 each and every day. They truly needed help. They have since sold the house and have moved into a very nice retirement home. I will admit the stress between my wife and I had lessened now that we have our own nest. It can be very stressful living with family members. Just my thoughts.

Aloha Ke Akau

I wish both pets and especially bens can read this pages before embarking on the VJ.

How can the ben not know the living condition of her pet? What exactly do they talk about?

Not sure when living at home with your parents became a fantastic crime.

[Paps IR5 6]

Then he should've thought about this before he uprooted a woman off her birthplace. Marriage isn't a joke, and so is packing your life in 2 suitcases just to be with the man you love. What a #######. Tell her HE IS NOT WORTH fighting for. What kind of a relationship is it when only 1 person fights for it. He clearly lied to her from the beginning. Tell her to cut her losses and just go home.

I don't understand how this man can pass the poverty guidelines and say he can't afford having her there. There must be another reason why he wont do it. Maybe his mother is giving him an earful and is threatening to kick him out if she stayed.

Thanks for your input.

She is actually ashamed of her situation. None of her family knows of it. She is trying to work on their relationship. She is hoping that God will enlighten him.

[Paps IR5 6]

And that's what happens when 2 people who barely know each other get married... It should not even be allowed...

I agree with you. The guy went there twice first to visit her and second time they fly back together. If he has no money for AOS he could have just stayed and and just let her fly alone to save money for her AOS.

[Paps IR5 6]

Okay I am going to play devils advocate here. Are you certain she is telling you the entire story? Is it possible that she has changed since she got to America? Is it possible that her attitude and caring for him has faded? Of course I will say the fact that he is 47 and still lives at home CAN be a red flag but not necessarily. I am 57, my beautiful Filipina wife is 20. She came here knowing that I was living in my parents attached unit. I was literally assisting my parents, 87 & 85 each and every day. They truly needed help. They have since sold the house and have moved into a very nice retirement home. I will admit the stress between my wife and I had lessened now that we have our own nest. It can be very stressful living with family members. Just my thoughts.

Aloha Ke Akau

thanks,

She try to convince her husband that once her status adjusted she would help him out pay some bills and eventually move out from his parents and living on their own as she said that he is too dependent on him and she want privacy.

Edited October 16, 2013 by MsPinay

[Paps IR5 6]

Maybe his mother is living off of him; could that be the case? That happens sometimes here in the USA, a single parent moves into a single child's house or apartment, without paying rent or any bills. That can help explain his money problems.

No he is living with his mother. Mother still provides everything for him from grocery, and all that..Wife is already tired of eating off from mom's expenses. She is trying to help him out how to be man up and be a husband!

Does he by chance have a mental problem? Does she have her EAD? she can convince him that if she is working it will help the money situation. 47 year old man that lives with his mom ( unless the mom has health issues) and says things like I can't afford you is a mess. Please at least take your friend to planned parenthood to get on birth control before this mess gets even worst.

Otherwise I don't really see that your friend has a lot of choices. She needs to find the strength to talk to her parents though because I can't imagine how alone she must feel in the world.

Also someone said she should have Skype dates to show his apartment... sorry but because someone shows you his living space on his computer does not mean his mother doesn't live there. Your fiancé could skype with you when his mother is at work, or tell his mom to stay in a certain area. Just because you get a skype tour doesn't mean anything.

She is suspecting that something is wrong with him but she is also hoping not!

You've said that she has her papers now and all they need to send it in but money became a problem for the husband. Maybe she does have her saving back in PI? She can use it to paid for her AOS.

Honestly, if I were her I wouldn't wait or have a second thought, and prefer back to my country. But, everyone is different and seems like she cares him so much. Telling her to leave him behind it would never work anyway since a divorce is not an option for this case.

You are very right. Who knows! Maybe the guy has no feelings for her anymore and just do not want to go through marriage life when he has no feelings for girls.

We feel so sorry for her. Is there any way of getting her to realize that she is in love with a lie, therefore her love is not for the man who stands before her but the man she is imagining? The boy, I should say more accurately, that is in front of her is not who her heart loves. How to get her to see that truth? That she loves a lie and not him? I understand you cannot control how she feels and what she will do, but come on! Someone has to at least try to show her the truth. Whatever the reason, he is willing to abandon her. What if she becomes pregnant and he tries this again?? Go thru the pain of leaving him now before it gets much more serious. He is not good for anyone but Mom.

What does his mom have to say about this situation?

she actually asked his mother to help her out about her son, and she was told by his mother that there is nothing she can do about it!

[aaron2020 11,651]

He will not adjust her.

He wants to send her back.

He has lied to her.

He mooch off his mother.

He's 47 years old.

Learn to recognize patterns of behavior.

He will not change.

She need to cut her losses and divorce and go home.

She is young and can have a happy life.

He will no help her or her family.

He is not the rich American.

If she stays with him, she will have a sad life living with his poverty and she too will mooch off his mom.

There is no magic turnaround for this guy.

He is too old to change.

If change was possible, why didn't he do it at age 40?

[Juliet and Steve 93]

Without filing the AOS for the EAD and GC, she is unable to work legally.

It's right there in the text: "she’s been here long enough to be able to work. (If not, perhaps discussing this as an option will lead to her being able to work in the US)"

If she's willing, it may be an option for discussion with him that allows the couple to proceed.

He's got a ton to lose himself. No job, living at home with mom--there are not many American women who would want him yet she's still hoping that it will work.

Perhaps if she discusses this as an option then they can continue, get an AOS and then she can gain some income.

My post was simply intended to be food for thought...

[Boiler 45,367]

Women marry men hoping they will change.

Men marry women hoping they will not.

Both tend to be disappointed.

[Juliet and Steve 93]

He will not adjust her.

He wants to send her back.

He has lied to her.

He mooch off his mother.

He's 47 years old.

Learn to recognize patterns of behavior.

He will not change.

She need to cut her losses and divorce and go home.

She is young and can have a happy life.

He will no help her or her family.

He is not the rich American.

If she stays with him, she will have a sad life living with his poverty and she too will mooch off his mom.

There is no magic turnaround for this guy.

He is too old to change.

If change was possible, why didn't he do it at age 40?

Do us a favor please: Tell me what the price of Apple stock will be next year at this time.

You wrote: "He will not change."

Since you can tell this, surely you can prophesize the price of Apple stock next year...no?

Sadly, I really must agree that most of the time you will be correct, but not always.

After having shoulder surgery in May I hired a fellow, aged 49, who had no job to do maintenance/yard work since I was one-handed. He had been out of a job for 5 years, and lived with his mom who was on social security.

He was an impressive worker so I hired him as an independent contractor to paint an apartment house that I have and had him do other stuff such as replacing three heating oil tanks, digging out a cellar, pouring a concrete floor and doing all yard maintenance on my properties. He had been rejected from various temp agencies as having "no history." Well, he moved out from mom's house and now has the six months of work to use as a reference. Since winter is approaching here and my work will dry up he's applied for work at various places.

He changed.

Edited October 16, 2013 by Juliet and Steve

[Boiler 45,367]

No AOS = No EAD = no legal work.

[chinita 1]

hi to ur friend.. she should relax her mind and not thinking about paper works in immigration since they just got married cause for me they are still in adjusting their marriage.if the husband is not really that abusive person tell to the husband that they can still work it i mean there are still lots of time to think how to save some money so they can applied for whatever they need to..they should talk heart to heart as a husband and wife so that they would know what is the real inside of them i mean the feelings of how they truly feels for each other thats how they can work things out.. forget about paper work for now i mean you can file whenever your ready not in a hurry because that will made him feels like you only worried about ur papers..you have ur social security number right then if its saying that valid for work only then maybe u can ask ur husband if its ok for him that u can find a job so that in the future when ur both ready to file the papers u need then u can do it.. but if the relationship is not working then dont be scared to left him.. just because u need him for filing legally papers in us doest mean he can do whatever he wants to and make u suffer..

[chinita 1]

and oh if that guy couldnt provide her i wonder how he got approve to filing k1 visa cause if he dont have anything and just staying by his mother if he dont own anything a person wouldnt be approve to petition a fiancee visa.if he cant prove that he can able to support her..