A Girl Arrived as K1, Got Married, Now Husband Refused!

[bigdog 376]

If she wants to stay she needs to adjust her status, and then she can do what she needs to do. if not go home, sounds simple but their are no other choices. This almost sounds like an mentally abusive situation to me, don't know if that applies or not. Like Darnell said delay the filing, but how would that effect another future filing to come to the US? You don't want to create a over stay situation. She needs to get the baby to leave the mommy if their relationship is going to work. He needs to man up and do the right thing for her. Good Luck how ever she resolves this.

[mariepear 12]

Nope, she was lied to. She was told he is living in apartment. She was surprised when she arrived to us at the airport her fiance's mother was there to pick her up, then they went to his mother house straight. that's when she realized, he is living with his mother.

That's I can't confirmed. They do skype all the time but who knows what he has told her about the situation. She was just shocked when she finally arrives that he was living with his mother.

And that's what happens when 2 people who barely know each other get married... It should not even be allowed...

[BuvRahl 3]

"he can't afford her" - doesn't automatically mean he can't afford the AOS / process. It could mean multiple things...Like he's used to living with mom, probably rent free, and being able to spend his money on whatever he wants. It could also mean that she likes to shop way more than he was expecting...(although with his previously mentioned living status, I doubt that's the problem)

Regardless, if things are that wishy - washy, it's time to get out. I feel sorry for her, he lied about his living situation, and who know's what else. Sounds like a very selfish person.

I wish your friend well.

[belinda63 3,038]

She says she loves him and doesn't want to leave him. Is she willing to accept him and the situation the way it is now? She cannot expect him to change.

There are a lot of things we don't know. Maybe he moved in with mom because he lost his job, his apartment was sold, he couldn't find roommates to share the rent....we don't know why he has the living situation he currently does.

Filing the AOS would be nice but it won't hurt to delay it. If she is picked up for being out of status it would be bad but all the judge would do is tell them to file the AOS, she wouldn't be deported. If they need more time to determine if the marriage will work or to save money for the AOS they have the time. Better they try to work things out now than just throw up their hands and say I quit.

[QueenE 174]

Does he by chance have a mental problem? Does she have her EAD? she can convince him that if she is working it will help the money situation. 47 year old man that lives with his mom ( unless the mom has health issues) and says things like I can't afford you is a mess. Please at least take your friend to planned parenthood to get on birth control before this mess gets even worst.

Otherwise I don't really see that your friend has a lot of choices. She needs to find the strength to talk to her parents though because I can't imagine how alone she must feel in the world.

Also someone said she should have Skype dates to show his apartment... sorry but because someone shows you his living space on his computer does not mean his mother doesn't live there. Your fiancé could skype with you when his mother is at work, or tell his mom to stay in a certain area. Just because you get a skype tour doesn't mean anything.

[doug/sherry 26]

Hello, Everyone,

This is not for me, a girl that I know need some advice. She got here Last June, 2013 as K1 and got married just last month. Now husband refused to apply her Adjustment of Status and wants to send her back home.

She gave up everything from her homeland and now this is what she is facing!

Please advice what to tell her.

Thank you.

First, its not his AOS it's hers. It's her right to file for AOS not his! So, see an immigration attorney, the only

thing he's worried about is the affidavit of support if you get AOS and then divorce. So, you might want to

explain that to her..........

[belinda63 3,038]

She can't file for AOS without him.

[Juliet and Steve 93]

Yep, he’s a loser for sure!

Along with the other 11,300,000 unemployed losers (ww.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/empsit.pdf) or oops, I forgot—we can’t really trust what the government tells us. CNN puts the number at 86,000,000 losers.

(See: http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/03/news/economy/unemployment-rate/)

In America when a person is unemployed the person collects unemployment benefits. If the person is not eligible (perhaps they had not had the job long enough) voila—they are magically “employed” (statistically). Once a person has exhausted his or her unemployment benefits—again,like magic—they become employed (according to statistics).

In short, America is absolutely full of unemployed persons who over time become more and more discouraged. He is one of them.

To say this fella is a loser is cruel. There is no other word.

We don’t know his story. Perhaps he had a job and lost it. Perhaps he was like me (I’m unemployed) and optimistic—a year or two ago. But optimism does not create jobs.

My guess is that the problem can be summed up in one word: depression. I’ll bet that he’s worn down and depressed. This occurred by the millions during the Great Depression of the 1920-1930’s. Men abandoned families frequently rather than face the bleak reality that there were NO jobs anywhere. Now, it’s not that bad today—but it is bad for some.

My advice to her would depend largely upon her skills. If she speaks English poorly, and does not have an education equivalent to high school, it will be a hard road for her. If she speaks English well and has high school skills—she’s been here long enough to be able to work. (If not, perhaps discussing this as an option will lead to her being able to work in the US)

So my advice would be to go and get a job at McD’s or equivalent. They are always desperate for employees—or stocking grocery shelves, or working independently as a cleaning service. Anything is fine--$7/hour or $8 per hour is fine—it’s a start. Find a nursing home and obtain work as a CNA (Nurses Assistant) here in NH there are many large places who will train a person for free—here wages rise quickly to $12-$14. Use that as a jumping stone and become an LPN (nurse) and voila wages rise to $17=hour—use that as a jumping point to an RN—voila! Now she’s making $24+/hour. (If she's not yet empowered to work maybe telling him that she is willing to do so will keep the relationship together until she can work.)

She’s here—she’s empowered to start earning so consider trying that. Living with mom does not need to be a negative thing it reduces the bills. As a matter of fact, culturally she is less likely to mind that than he.

This will not fix things totally but it may offer him hope and it may give him time to find a job—anything, part-time is ok.

There is a syndrome that afflicts America and it goes like this:

You’re unemployed—that’s ok.

You’re unemployed for more than a year—that’s not ok, now you’re a loser. (He is likely in this category)

I’m not being facetious here. Many, many temp agencies will simply not hire a person if they have been out of the labor force for more than one year. This leads to a plethora of “no job available for you” responses. Often this affects men more than women as women are often more willing to find/learn new skills. Often men faced with finding that no temp agency (often the only good source of jobs) will hire them become depressed and drop out.

The answer is simple. The man must work at some job—any job—part time or full time for six months to be able to go back to a temp agency (about the only place where there are full time jobs) who will now hire them. This may be his only option, and her working earning some income could be the catalyst that gets him back on his feet (along with the relationship).

A couple is a team so I’d suggest that she act like part of a team and try to figure out how to create some cash flow—any will likely improve things.

It would be a terrible thing for her culturally to have to go back to the Philippines and probably terrible to divorce (divorce is unacceptable to most Filipinas).

It’s a difficult situation but one that literally affecting millions of couples since finances is the number one source of contention within marriages.

(See: http://www.dailyjournal.net/view/local_story/Study-Money-is-top-source-of-c_1369177022/)

Nah, he’s not a loser—he’s just depressed and she, like myself, and like millions of other Americans are in the same boat.

Note: Every community has GED (General Education Degree) courses—they are generally free and usually they include English tutoring if necessary.

Edited October 16, 2013 by Juliet and Steve

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

StuffZ

Wow, no one said he was a loser because he didn't have a job. You jumped on that because it hurt you as an unemployed person. Very revealing post.

This guy is a loser because he waffles on whether he wants to "keep" this girl like she is a pair of boots. He lied about where he lives. etc. Very odd you take his side when all of the facts about him have not been revealed.

[Juliet and Steve 93]

Wow, no one said he was a loser because he didn't have a job. You jumped on that because it hurt you as an unemployed person. Very revealing post.

This guy is a loser because he waffles on whether he wants to "keep" this girl like she is a pair of boots. He lied about where he lives. etc. Very odd you take his side when all of the facts about him have not been revealed.

Uh..try re-reading my post please.

The impression that I got from the posts immediately after the OP was that he was being considered a loser because he was waffling--due to his inability to find a job. If I misread--I apologize.

The post did not "hurt me" as an "unemployed person." Though still unemployed I have a tentative job offer that's on the table which is upwards of $35/hour. That's typical wages for what an RN makes in my area.

I had not read about his lying where he lives, and I am not "taking his side."

I was simply pointing out that it's unfair to call him a loser because of job economics in today's society, and that she has an opportunity to be a change agent herself.

If he lied about where he is living, well--that's a different story. Even if he felt that living with mom was temporary he had an obligation to share this with his fiancee. So I'll agree with you on that point.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

So we do agree. I hope you get the job and good luck.

[Pinkrlion 2,716]

They should divorce and she returns home. Without his support for I-864, she cannot adjust her status since she is a K-1. Only the petitioner of the K-1 can file I-864 for AOS.

Edited October 16, 2013 by Pinkrlion

[Umka36 781]

Yep, he’s a loser for sure!

Along with the other 11,300,000 unemployed losers (ww.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/empsit.pdf) or oops, I forgot—we can’t really trust what the government tells us. CNN puts the number at 86,000,000 losers.

(See: http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/03/news/economy/unemployment-rate/)

In America when a person is unemployed the person collects unemployment benefits. If the person is not eligible (perhaps they had not had the job long enough) voila—they are magically “employed” (statistically). Once a person has exhausted his or her unemployment benefits—again,like magic—they become employed (according to statistics).

In short, America is absolutely full of unemployed persons who over time become more and more discouraged. He is one of them.

To say this fella is a loser is cruel. There is no other word.

We don’t know his story. Perhaps he had a job and lost it. Perhaps he was like me (I’m unemployed) and optimistic—a year or two ago. But optimism does not create jobs.

My guess is that the problem can be summed up in one word: depression. I’ll bet that he’s worn down and depressed. This occurred by the millions during the Great Depression of the 1920-1930’s. Men abandoned families frequently rather than face the bleak reality that there were NO jobs anywhere. Now, it’s not that bad today—but it is bad for some.

My advice to her would depend largely upon her skills. If she speaks English poorly, and does not have an education equivalent to high school, it will be a hard road for her. If she speaks English well and has high school skills—she’s been here long enough to be able to work. (If not, perhaps discussing this as an option will lead to her being able to work in the US)

So my advice would be to go and get a job at McD’s or equivalent. They are always desperate for employees—or stocking grocery shelves, or working independently as a cleaning service. Anything is fine--$7/hour or $8 per hour is fine—it’s a start. Find a nursing home and obtain work as a CNA (Nurses Assistant) here in NH there are many large places who will train a person for free—here wages rise quickly to $12-$14. Use that as a jumping stone and become an LPN (nurse) and voila wages rise to $17=hour—use that as a jumping point to an RN—voila! Now she’s making $24+/hour. (If she's not yet empowered to work maybe telling him that she is willing to do so will keep the relationship together until she can work.)

She’s here—she’s empowered to start earning so consider trying that. Living with mom does not need to be a negative thing it reduces the bills. As a matter of fact, culturally she is less likely to mind that than he.

This will not fix things totally but it may offer him hope and it may give him time to find a job—anything, part-time is ok.

There is a syndrome that afflicts America and it goes like this:

You’re unemployed—that’s ok.

You’re unemployed for more than a year—that’s not ok, now you’re a loser. (He is likely in this category)

I’m not being facetious here. Many, many temp agencies will simply not hire a person if they have been out of the labor force for more than one year. This leads to a plethora of “no job available for you” responses. Often this affects men more than women as women are often more willing to find/learn new skills. Often men faced with finding that no temp agency (often the only good source of jobs) will hire them become depressed and drop out.

The answer is simple. The man must work at some job—any job—part time or full time for six months to be able to go back to a temp agency (about the only place where there are full time jobs) who will now hire them. This may be his only option, and her working earning some income could be the catalyst that gets him back on his feet (along with the relationship).

A couple is a team so I’d suggest that she act like part of a team and try to figure out how to create some cash flow—any will likely improve things.

It would be a terrible thing for her culturally to have to go back to the Philippines and probably terrible to divorce (divorce is unacceptable to most Filipinas).

It’s a difficult situation but one that literally affecting millions of couples since finances is the number one source of contention within marriages.

(See: http://www.dailyjournal.net/view/local_story/Study-Money-is-top-source-of-c_1369177022/)

Nah, he’s not a loser—he’s just depressed and she, like myself, and like millions of other Americans are in the same boat.

Note: Every community has GED (General Education Degree) courses—they are generally free and usually they include English tutoring if necessary.

Without filing the AOS for the EAD and GC, she is unable to work legally.

Edited October 16, 2013 by Umka36

[Darnell 8,478]

ok - perhaps the man is freaking out because he thinks AOS must be done immediately? If that's the case, this freakout is having some bad words from him, he's not thinking straight.

OP - remind your friend to tell her husband that AOS doesn't have to be filed immediately, and that he should get busy to work and save the money over the next 3 months, making it a goal to work and save the monies.

Right or wrong, I'll posit he's having a massive freak-out because he really didn't plan ahead. Happens, sometimes.

I don't want to think he's a creep, at the moment, but I don't discount that concept, either.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Yep, hes a loser for sure!

Along with the other 11,300,000 unemployed losers (ww.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/empsit.pdf) or oops, I forgotwe cant really trust what the government tells us. CNN puts the number at 86,000,000 losers.

(See: http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/03/news/economy/unemployment-rate/)

In America when a person is unemployed the person collects unemployment benefits. If the person is not eligible (perhaps they had not had the job long enough) voilathey are magically employed (statistically). Once a person has exhausted his or her unemployment benefitsagain,like magicthey become employed (according to statistics).

In short, America is absolutely full of unemployed persons who over time become more and more discouraged. He is one of them.

To say this fella is a loser is cruel. There is no other word.

We dont know his story. Perhaps he had a job and lost it. Perhaps he was like me (Im unemployed) and optimistica year or two ago. But optimism does not create jobs.

My guess is that the problem can be summed up in one word: depression. Ill bet that hes worn down and depressed. This occurred by the millions during the Great Depression of the 1920-1930s. Men abandoned families frequently rather than face the bleak reality that there were NO jobs anywhere. Now, its not that bad todaybut it is bad for some.

My advice to her would depend largely upon her skills. If she speaks English poorly, and does not have an education equivalent to high school, it will be a hard road for her. If she speaks English well and has high school skillsshes been here long enough to be able to work. (If not, perhaps discussing this as an option will lead to her being able to work in the US)

So my advice would be to go and get a job at McDs or equivalent. They are always desperate for employeesor stocking grocery shelves, or working independently as a cleaning service. Anything is fine--$7/hour or $8 per hour is fineits a start. Find a nursing home and obtain work as a CNA (Nurses Assistant) here in NH there are many large places who will train a person for freehere wages rise quickly to $12-$14. Use that as a jumping stone and become an LPN (nurse) and voila wages rise to $17=houruse that as a jumping point to an RNvoila! Now shes making $24+/hour. (If she's not yet empowered to work maybe telling him that she is willing to do so will keep the relationship together until she can work.)

Shes hereshes empowered to start earning so consider trying that. Living with mom does not need to be a negative thing it reduces the bills. As a matter of fact, culturally she is less likely to mind that than he.

This will not fix things totally but it may offer him hope and it may give him time to find a jobanything, part-time is ok.

There is a syndrome that afflicts America and it goes like this:

Youre unemployedthats ok.

Youre unemployed for more than a yearthats not ok, now youre a loser. (He is likely in this category)

Im not being facetious here. Many, many temp agencies will simply not hire a person if they have been out of the labor force for more than one year. This leads to a plethora of no job available for you responses. Often this affects men more than women as women are often more willing to find/learn new skills. Often men faced with finding that no temp agency (often the only good source of jobs) will hire them become depressed and drop out.

The answer is simple. The man must work at some jobany jobpart time or full time for six months to be able to go back to a temp agency (about the only place where there are full time jobs) who will now hire them. This may be his only option, and her working earning some income could be the catalyst that gets him back on his feet (along with the relationship).

A couple is a team so Id suggest that she act like part of a team and try to figure out how to create some cash flowany will likely improve things.

It would be a terrible thing for her culturally to have to go back to the Philippines and probably terrible to divorce (divorce is unacceptable to most Filipinas).

Its a difficult situation but one that literally affecting millions of couples since finances is the number one source of contention within marriages.

(See: http://www.dailyjournal.net/view/local_story/Study-Money-is-top-source-of-c_1369177022/)

Nah, hes not a loserhes just depressed and she, like myself, and like millions of other Americans are in the same boat.

Note: Every community has GED (General Education Degree) coursesthey are generally free and usually they include English tutoring if necessary.

Thank you for this response.

VJers are sometimes too quick to jump to conclusions.