Should I marry him or go back home?

[himher 634]

Poster.

Remember this is the U.S. with one of the highest divorce rates. ......

What to do when you get married to someone else later and find out that he cheated or talked with other women?

You have to decide whether or not your relationship is worth it, no one else. It s easier to give up than to work hard. Things can be fixable with two people working at it. If he is not willing to work at it then you have your answer. Don't let other people determine your future because we will not live with your decision, you will.

True words

[Boiler 45,932]

I thought multiple accounts were against the Terms of Service?

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I thought multiple accounts were against the Terms of Service?

"You may only register one account with the following exception: You may register a second account to Post information on the Forums that you perceive as personal and prefer not to be publicly associated with your first account. Registering additional accounts with the purpose of violating the TOS will result in the appropriate administrative action being applied to all registered accounts (as well as all duplicate accounts being terminated)."

[SamanthaL 45]

Id rather go back home to nothing any day than stay with someone who did that to me.

[lucybelle 453]

One of my friends says this all the time: "emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating". Just because he didn't sleep with anyone doesn't make it okay. In fact, he tried to emotionally connect with other women instead of talk it out with you. To me, that's worse than just falling to a sexual desire.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

[mariepear 12]

I don't want to tell you what to do, it's really up to you and what you feel. You should know what's the best for you. I know you probably think that you already invested so much time and effort into this relationship so you just don't want to end it now. But think about your future. When you have kids with him...maybe you won't want to have sex for a couple of months after you give birth so he is gonna look for it somewhere else and give you another "great" excuse... What if they fire him, is he gonna have to get his selfesteem pumped up again?

And why the hell is he looking for other women in cafés (it doesn't really matter who approached who) when he is about to marry you? He doesn't have enough friends to talk to that he needs to be "friends" with stranger women (in cafés and onilne)?

Really think about this again...I feel bad for you that you even have to face this decision (but it should be obvious that this is probably not the right man when you have to think about things like this right before your wedding). You shoulde be happy and excited about your future life now...Not considering leaving...

I'm sorry about that...

[mtcmk1 37]

If you can forgive to forget, then try. You don't have to forgive and forget right away. But only you can make that decision. My cousin was in a similar cheating situation with her husband (then boyfriend)--she decided to give him a second chance and they've been married for 6 years now with no problems. The decision to stay together, however, was made by both of them. The husband committed to making changes and she committed to allowing him to prove himself and to forgive and slowly forget. You cannot choose by yourself to stay in the relationship. Like someone said, maybe he has already made his decision and you just don't know... So, sit down with him and tell him how you feel and urge him to keep his promise and go to counseling NOW. Before you get married or split (whatever you decide)

Just make sure that whatever you choose to do, you are ok with it. Don't choose to stay because he chooses to stay in the relationship. Be ok with whatever decision you take, first. Don't let anyone influence you into staying or leaving. Good luck!

[1LUVv 0]

Hi, I feel so bad about your situation. Listen, we all have our down time. We have different ways of showing our emotional problem. PLEASE DO NOT GO HOME. If you can work it out, stay with this man. We can all become a better person. If he is showing you Love and promise not to do it again. Gve him a chance. Support emotionally. Learn what he likes in women. Give him what you want in a man. I know this will work out for you. Look for a better job together, promise him time will change since you will start working too.

Hi, I feel so bad about your situation. Listen, we all have our down time. We have different ways of showing our emotional problem. PLEASE DO NOT GO HOME. If you can work it out, stay with this man. We can all become a better person. If he is showing you Love and promise not to do it again. Gve him a chance. Support emotionally. Learn what he likes in women. Give him what you want in a man. I know this will work out for you. Look for a better job together, promise him time will change since you will start working too.

[Hollyday 122]

Hi, I feel so bad about your situation. Listen, we all have our down time. We have different ways of showing our emotional problem. PLEASE DO NOT GO HOME. If you can work it out, stay with this man. We can all become a better person. If he is showing you Love and promise not to do it again. Gve him a chance. Support emotionally. Learn what he likes in women. Give him what you want in a man. I know this will work out for you. Look for a better job together, promise him time will change since you will start working too.

I'm sorry but why should she be the one doing all the effort? Why should she bend herself to be 'what he likes in women' if he supposedly loved her in the first place? Why should she promise him things will change since she will start working too? Which things? She never did anything wrong. He should become this 'better person'. And she can choose to accept this effort (and try to rebuild the relationship) or not. Waiting for her to come over is not an excuse to cheat.

[dukeandduchess 141]

I wouldn't be able to trust him again. I would go home.

[Me_Theo 25]

Answer this quetions and after all decide .

1-Which one of you both are older ? you or him ?

2- How much you are stronge person to slove problems in your life ?

3- Are you have enough experience to fix your problems in your life without people help or no?

4- Is he ready to go pyschollogist, if you want from him ( with you) to take the help or no ?

If you want real answer for choose , just both of you should go to talk with pysclosite and take answer also see how much you can fix his problem.

Don't waste your time in internet to find good answer.

Don't decied without talk with one GOOD PSYChOLOGIST .

SERACH IN YOUR AREA TO FIND THE PSYChOLOGIST.

SERACH IN YOUR AREA TO FIND THE PSYChOLOGIST.

SERACH IN YOUR AREA TO FIND THE PSYChOLOGIST.

Edited October 6, 2013 by Me_Theo

[VanessaTony 3,567]

To me, having been a "cheater" for many years, this guy is a dirt bag,..,.,RUN.,.., I STRONGLY DISAGREE with the "OLD SAYING" once a cheater, always a cheater.,.,.I WAS.,.,once as bad as they come, I now have a wonderful, beautiful Filipino wife, AND WOULD NEVER, EVER EVEN THINK OF OR EVER CHEAT ON MY WIFE..,..,Never! THAT SAYING, IS VERY OLD AND not VERY ACCURATE! "Once a cheater, always, how absurd" Maybe cheaters have a reason to cheat, sometimes! It was my case many years ago! BUT, never now, NEVER!

The saying is quite accurate but I believe people often misunderstand it. Once someone cheats on YOU they will probably cheat on YOU again (if given the opportunity). It usually means their feelings for you aren't strong or they have issues within themselves that need to be worked on. However I do believe that once a "cheater" meets the person they truly do love and they've become less selfish, they won't cheat on that person. Cheating a selfish act. True love is selfless.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Let´s assume he did NOT actually have sex with anyone. Could you try to forgive the amount and types of female contacts that he had?

A lot of factors matter, the main one being how you found out, and how "active" he was in that scene right before you came and after you were here.

Personally for me the idea of my husband (fiance/boyfriend) talking to other women in a sexual manner makes my blood boil. The utter lack of respect for me and my feelings, let alone the life we have built (or were going to build) together.

I could never trust that he was truthful in his love for me after finding that out. Someone who loves you does their best not to hurt you. I believe that once someone has shown they can cheat on you, they will again. Maybe not for months or years but they will. If not physically then emotionally.

Some people live in dysfunctional relationship in relative happiness, or at least they tell themselves they are. Tell themselves their cheater is a changed person but really they don't know that person any more now than they did while they were cheating. Their cheater just became better at hiding and realised they were, ultimately, a doormat with little respect for themselves and that they could be manipulated using their love.

So no. I would not stay. Life in the US isn't perfect and I would go home in a heartbeat if the same ever occurred to me. The disclaimer being if we had children by then.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I'm sorry but why should she be the one doing all the effort? Why should she bend herself to be 'what he likes in women' if he supposedly loved her in the first place? Why should she promise him things will change since she will start working too? Which things? She never did anything wrong. He should become this 'better person'. And she can choose to accept this effort (and try to rebuild the relationship) or not. Waiting for her to come over is not an excuse to cheat.

Amen. Exactly my thoughts ! The comment you responded to sounds like she was being advised to be an enabler and if she does

not bend over the right way he will have an excuse to keep his mess up. His turn to show effort.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Sure that is you, fully vetted but probably not the fiance she is talking about.

A K1 can be used as time to get to know the family as well. For instance, my fiancee was denied a tourist visa to visit my family. She's from the same country as original poster. They specifically told her you can visit on a K-1 for up to 90 days or get married to visit the US. This is from the US embassy consulate. If the roles were reversed and she did this in the states she would be gone. But that's me and where I'm at in life.

As for male perspective:

I've dated multiple women at once, always up front about it and they all of knew that. To me craigslist and not knowing someone...what's the difference if he picked up some random girl at the bar? None to me, the intent is still there. Time's can be difficult away but it really tests the strength of the relationship. It's better to find this out now as I just had a friend that divorced her husband and found almost the exact same things you mentioned after she was married. I would next the person as someone better is out there for you.

I don't believe a CO would advice anyone to 'visit' on a K1. The intent must be to marry. It is not meant as a dating visa or a

"get to know you better " visa. That is why couples are denied, the CO does not believe

the marriage would be a lasting one or the applicant would bolt and run. They want to be convinced of genuine couples

that already know what they want and the 90 days are given to plan a wedding, not to just meet the family and visit the USA and think

about it some more.

Having said that, of course if it hits the fan and there is no marriage then the beneficiary must leave but the K1 was never designed

for "maybes, buts and ifs."

Furthermore, if the family would not approve it has no bearings on the couples plan to marry or not. The beneficiary has already arrived

whether liked or not by family. There is no clause of the K1 saying you can use it to visit. None.

You are to figure out family approval ahead of arrival.

Also true that the OP now has that window to decide what she wants to do. Just clarifying that the system is strict on the follow through

of the intent to marry.