Older American woman Younger Algerian man

[sandinista! 1,816]

Msheesha!! It's Groundhog Day!

[Purpled23 2]

I joined this site to get advice from people that were going thru the same thing. Good or bad, I did want to hear it all. But, some of you have been trash talking others and have been rude and hateful. You can take that ####### somewhere else. Even if you had a bad experience, I am sorry to hear that. If you left a reply, then leave it at that and move on. You can say all you want about MENA men but it won't change my mind about my man. I am sick of hearing you degrade him. You don't know him, you know nothing about him so who are you to pass judgement based on your bad experience?

[MouadsWife 161]

One could easily argue that perception is reality which I think you have a large case of, but I'll just repeat myself by saying this honor complex it does exist OUTSIDE the MENA world. Hit us all up when you've been married that 5-7yr that Mithra mentioned and we can talk again about how amazing everything is about your MENA man and how American dudes simply pale in comparison

I have been with my husband for over five years and our marriage has one gotten stronger....

[Ban Hammer 13,275]

half a dozen posts removed for bickering and personal attacks. please provide constructive advice for the op and cease poking at other members.

[Ban Hammer 13,275]

please provide constructive advice for the op and cease poking at other members.

quoting this to get the point across. stop the bickering.

[msheesha 548]

Constructive Advice: don't idealize a culture/country without fully understanding it.

Perspective about honor/values, blah, blah, blah as discussed above - I had that idealized notion about Morocco probably one or two trips in.

After the 5th or 6th when I started seeing the young prostitutes everywhere, it started to wear off. When I heard about fathers and brothers pimping out their daughters and sisters so the family could eat, it wore off completely.

From the lack of governmental protection for the poor, down to the practice of forced prostitution of a family member, and a host of other things in between, I realized every country, every culture has its underbelly. Don't solidify your perceptions and your understanding of a country/culture without seeing the underbelly. Everywhere - US, Morocco - has its flaws and its strengths. Realize that and proceed accordingly without the blinders on.

[JLSBMF 16]

I joined this site to get advice from people that were going thru the same thing. Good or bad, I did want to hear it all. But, some of you have been trash talking others and have been rude and hateful. You can take that ####### somewhere else. Even if you had a bad experience, I am sorry to hear that. If you left a reply, then leave it at that and move on. You can say all you want about MENA men but it won't change my mind about my man. I am sick of hearing you degrade him. You don't know him, you know nothing about him so who are you to pass judgement based on your bad experience?

good for you!! what is wrong with these people?

follow your heart - your a smart woman who has life expierence

like you I am intelligent , wordly and successful and could have my pick of men but have found my soulmate and nothing and no one in the world can talk me out my destiny. Our relationship is rock solid and even with the age difference - he is more mature, kind, loving affectionate than any man i have met my age here in the US or in the Middle East - and he knows exactly what I need and how I need to be loved.

Not every man / situation is the same - just because some women were scammed doesnt mean the MENA men are all bad.

My love arrives next month and I cannot wait to start our life together...

I wish you the best and if you need to vent PM me -

Jen

[MouadsWife 161]

Purpled... I would like to say that I hope you have not been offended in any way or manner by my posts. I agree with you whole heartedly in your last post. And Jen I am happy for you and know exactly how you feel. Purpled don't equate or compair your experience to those of MENA'S. Yours is your own experience, your writing your own book. I remember when I was beginning my relationship with Mo... I thought to myself "If I ended it because of fear of the unknown" could I be losing the best thing Allah put in my life? I would have lived the rest of my life not knowing what could have been. And I couldn't live with that. Yes there will be different things about the both of you. But that's what makes our marriage exciting was learning from each other. When Mo came over here I never expected him to stop being Moroccan. He will be Moroccan untill his last breath... and I expect him to be. Because that's WHO HE IS. I urged him to make other Moroccan friends here, go to the mosque, He was a soccer player for a team in morocco so we found a league for him to play for here. My mother says.. missy... he's an American now. But no.. I married a Moroccan and thus he will always be. The biggest and best advice I can give is do not try to change him but help him adapt to his new surroundings when he gets here. If you both truely love each other do notttt listen to negativity....put only positive things in your life and you will be blessed will a joyous and wonderful marriage. :-)

[JLSBMF 16]

Purpled... I would like to say that I hope you have not been offended in any way or manner by my posts. I agree with you whole heartedly in your last post. And Jen I am happy for you and know exactly how you feel. Purpled don't equate or compair your experience to those of MENA'S. Yours is your own experience, your writing your own book. I remember when I was beginning my relationship with Mo... I thought to myself "If I ended it because of fear of the unknown" could I be losing the best thing Allah put in my life? I would have lived the rest of my life not knowing what could have been. And I couldn't live with that. Yes there will be different things about the both of you. But that's what makes our marriage exciting was learning from each other. When Mo came over here I never expected him to stop being Moroccan. He will be Moroccan untill his last breath... and I expect him to be. Because that's WHO HE IS. I urged him to make other Moroccan friends here, go to the mosque, He was a soccer player for a team in morocco so we found a league for him to play for here. My mother says.. missy... he's an American now. But no.. I married a Moroccan and thus he will always be. The biggest and best advice I can give is do not try to change him but help him adapt to his new surroundings when he gets here. If you both truely love each other do notttt listen to negativity....put only positive things in your life and you will be blessed will a joyous and wonderful marriage. :-)

So happy for you as well - I love to read about others success stories - when i first started this journey you cannot imagine the mean visious posts that appeared - it was horrible. Yes we are writing our own books and I am a strong believer in following your gut instinct and praying about your relationship.

I have no doubt that god brought us together - got us through this two years and allowed him to be approved without AP ( which is almost unheard of in the Middle East ) no relationship / situation or culture is perfect all will expierence hardships - its the committment and desire and strong will to be together no matter what comes that makes or breaks the relationship. I am as you are speaking only positive words - and thanking god many times a day for blessing me with a love I only dreamed of but never thought would be mine.

[msheesha 548]

Msheesha!! It's Groundhog Day!

...all over again...

[Nasturtium 500]

I don't see anyone critiquing anyone's SO in here. I haven't throughout the whole thread, and it's odd to me that people keep crying persecution where there is none. I did see some posters take a specific reply by Sandinista meant not for the OP-- but for Kat-- and then try to say that reply was meant for all mena men, pile on the insults, and run with it. I have also seen several people who claim to want others to be more open minded or kind saying pretty rude things about others and making completely unfounded accusations about others' relationships. Wow. I have also seen a lot of generalizations about American men in here that are pretty bizarre along with generalizations about Moroccan men. The only bitter or sour sounding people in this thread are the ones who are randomly freaking out on other posters. So perhaps the best idea is to not talk to people you don't like and to consider that if you use the word "most" and then generalize about whole nations, you should have some kind of actual evidence beyond the anecdotal personal relationships you've formed over the years.

OP-- A previous poster was correct in that it's better to know things than to not know them. If you know things, then you can try to avoid them or counter them or at least just be observant. If you do end up deciding to marry and file, then it's better to address your red flags up front.

[Nasturtium 500]

So happy for you as well - I love to read about others success stories - when i first started this journey you cannot imagine the mean visious posts that appeared - it was horrible. Yes we are writing our own books and I am a strong believer in following your gut instinct and praying about your relationship.

I have no doubt that god brought us together - got us through this two years and allowed him to be approved without AP ( which is almost unheard of in the Middle East ) no relationship / situation or culture is perfect all will expierence hardships - its the committment and desire and strong will to be together no matter what comes that makes or breaks the relationship. I am as you are speaking only positive words - and thanking god many times a day for blessing me with a love I only dreamed of but never thought would be mine.

Congrats on having no AP! Amman is not as bad as some other places-- a big less high on the fraud scale I think. Casa and Cairo can be pretty tough. My husband also had no AP and had the option of getting his visa the same day.

[Nasturtium 500]

Constructive Advice: don't idealize a culture/country without fully understanding it.

Perspective about honor/values, blah, blah, blah as discussed above - I had that idealized notion about Morocco probably one or two trips in.

After the 5th or 6th when I started seeing the young prostitutes everywhere, it started to wear off. When I heard about fathers and brothers pimping out their daughters and sisters so the family could eat, it wore off completely.

From the lack of governmental protection for the poor, down to the practice of forced prostitution of a family member, and a host of other things in between, I realized every country, every culture has its underbelly. Don't solidify your perceptions and your understanding of a country/culture without seeing the underbelly. Everywhere - US, Morocco - has its flaws and its strengths. Realize that and proceed accordingly without the blinders on.

+1.

I know I found the generalizations not only offensive, but completely incongruent with my own experiences with American males. By the same token, I found the generalizations about Moroccan men to probably hold an equal amount of truth. People are individuals, not a breed. There are definite cultural traits that people absorb, and certainly values and morals instilled through upbringing. However, people make their own choices. If someone is a good person, it is because they choose to be-- not because of their genetics, environment, or even entirely their upbringing or religion. it is best to take the good with the bad and to have a more rounded and objective picture of a place than something on either extreme.

[Nasturtium 500]

half a dozen posts removed for bickering and personal attacks. please provide constructive advice for the op and cease poking at other members.

Twss.

[Nasturtium 500]

33/47 age difference. Met in 2008, and life so far hasn't thrown us any curve balls yet. Honestly, we are two peas in a pod when it comes to enjoying life. He has been blessed with a great job and people who adore him. We are making a big move out West and have been looking at properties and would love to eventually own our own bed & breakfast. We are leaving tomorrow for a trip in our RV across the U.S. for three glorious weeks and hope to end up in California.

OP......Good luck with your journey, I'm sure loving mine.

Why did I think you already lived out west? For some reason I thought you were in CA already. That sounds like a nice trip. A long road trip would be awesome. We're hoping some day to be able to take one, although the time is running out on the current clock!