Older American woman Younger Algerian man

[Peace.... 281]

33/47 age difference. Met in 2008, and life so far hasn't thrown us any curve balls yet. Honestly, we are two peas in a pod when it comes to enjoying life. He has been blessed with a great job and people who adore him. We are making a big move out West and have been looking at properties and would love to eventually own our own bed & breakfast. We are leaving tomorrow for a trip in our RV across the U.S. for three glorious weeks and hope to end up in California.

OP......Good luck with your journey, I'm sure loving mine.

[MouadsWife 161]

mithra has the right idea....I mean, think of it this way. 20 odd years older may be OK when the petitioner is in her 40s. Fast forward 10yr and see if the young man is still with her, or if he has moved on to a woman who can give him children, or just moved on in general. Also I can speak for this. I married the first time when I was 20. I grew up over the course of the marriage and my growing up is what killed things; we do not stay the same when we enter into a union so young. Mindsets and goals and outlooks on life change. We aren't the same at age 22 as we are at 27, and so on.

In the perspective of growing up... you spoke of yourself at age 22. Now lets compair two men of different cultures. Lets start with ours. Most young men here are spoiled, coddled and don't know how to accept responsibility. Nor, would not know what to do with it if given. Some attend college, some don't. Some, very few take their studies seriously, most don't. Some if their are luckly will even learn to think for themselves, others will just process imformation given them and call it fact. Our crime rate is through the roof and it starts at adolescence and peek through the teenage years intil when they are in they're early 20's they wind up in prison because the young men over here are not mentally equiped to handle peer pressure or the pressure that descendes upon them, or the expectations that must be meet by the outside world. Adolescents mature at a much slower rate here mentally, but bodies at a much more physical rate. Now, lets take for instance men in Europe or Middle East. More hardships. Men are brought up to be the primary breadwinner of the family at a very early age. Laziness is not tolerated in work or studies. Family broke? Doesn't matter your age... your going to work. But they do it because they want to. Not because they have to. They have a different set of family values that we lack here. A honor that is completely nonexistent here. And I respect that immensely. Education. What we take for granted here they would give anything for. And there would be no slacking, or just getting by to make any passing grade. Honor and pride demands that you be the best. Now I have had the immense pleasure of meeting a lot of people that are from Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, and about 16 men from my husband Moroccan soccer team and they all share the same vallues. When I compare knowing my American friends to the foreign ones I know, I can see that the American ones are a lot more immature and do not/can not take on lifes responsibilities and well as they can. They are mentally and emitionall tougher in my opinion because of their life experiences. I am not saying all... but it a very large percentage. Life experiences changes a person. It can soften some while hardening/preparing others.

[berber_wife 90]

I married the first time when I was 20. I grew up over the course of the marriage and my growing up is what killed things; we do not stay the same when we enter into a union so young. Mindsets and goals and outlooks on life change. We aren't the same at age 22 as we are at 27, and so on.

ITA! I'm actually friends with a couple who is going through the same thing. The girlfriend is 22, the boyfriend is 30 and the girlfriend is complaining about feeling tied down, kissing her male friend, stringing her poor boyfriend along...and the worst thing is, she doesn't even realize how wrong she's acting. And they're only eight years apart!

A lot of people actually recommend waiting until at least 25 to marry because of all the brain development still occurring before then. Not that young marriages don't work (one of my closest friends got married at 21 and is still going strong after two kids and eight years...actually today is her anniversary, gotta send her a note!) but it's just another challenge in a relationship.

Why are people so reluctant to see that significant differences can make already challenging relationships more challenging? Younes and I have different religious beliefs. Do I expect that will make our relationship more difficult? Yes. Will I be pleasantly surprised if it doesn't? Yes. Have I thought carefully about how being married to a Muslim, even a casual Muslim, will affect my life? Yes. Am I willing to work through any difficulties while acknowledging that at some point we might decide we are just too different to make it work? Yes. Why is acknowledging that something COULD be a challenge a bad thing? Forewarned is forearmed.

[sparkles_ 456]

ITA! I'm actually friends with a couple who is going through the same thing. The girlfriend is 22, the boyfriend is 30 and the girlfriend is complaining about feeling tied down, kissing her male friend, stringing her poor boyfriend along...and the worst thing is, she doesn't even realize how wrong she's acting. And they're only eight years apart!

A lot of people actually recommend waiting until at least 25 to marry because of all the brain development still occurring before then. Not that young marriages don't work (one of my closest friends got married at 21 and is still going strong after two kids and eight years...actually today is her anniversary, gotta send her a note!) but it's just another challenge in a relationship.

Why are people so reluctant to see that significant differences can make already challenging relationships more challenging? Younes and I have different religious beliefs. Do I expect that will make our relationship more difficult? Yes. Will I be pleasantly surprised if it doesn't? Yes. Have I thought carefully about how being married to a Muslim, even a casual Muslim, will affect my life? Yes. Am I willing to work through any difficulties while acknowledging that at some point we might decide we are just too different to make it work? Yes. Why is acknowledging that something COULD be a challenge a bad thing? Forewarned is forearmed.

I'll second the waiting to 25 plus to marry.

[sparkles_ 456]

In the perspective of growing up... you spoke of yourself at age 22. Now lets compair two men of different cultures. Lets start with ours. Most young men here are spoiled, coddled and don't know how to accept responsibility. Nor, would not know what to do with it if given. Some attend college, some don't. Some, very few take their studies seriously, most don't. Some if their are luckly will even learn to think for themselves, others will just process imformation given them and call it fact. Our crime rate is through the roof and it starts at adolescence and peek through the teenage years intil when they are in they're early 20's they wind up in prison because the young men over here are not mentally equiped to handle peer pressure or the pressure that descendes upon them, or the expectations that must be meet by the outside world. Adolescents mature at a much slower rate here mentally, but bodies at a much more physical rate. Now, lets take for instance men in Europe or Middle East. More hardships. Men are brought up to be the primary breadwinner of the family at a very early age. Laziness is not tolerated in work or studies. Family broke? Doesn't matter your age... your going to work. But they do it because they want to. Not because they have to. They have a different set of family values that we lack here. A honor that is completely nonexistent here. And I respect that immensely. Education. What we take for granted here they would give anything for. And there would be no slacking, or just getting by to make any passing grade. Honor and pride demands that you be the best. Now I have had the immense pleasure of meeting a lot of people that are from Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, and about 16 men from my husband Moroccan soccer team and they all share the same vallues. When I compare knowing my American friends to the foreign ones I know, I can see that the American ones are a lot more immature and do not/can not take on lifes responsibilities and well as they can. They are mentally and emitionall tougher in my opinion because of their life experiences. I am not saying all... but it a very large percentage. Life experiences changes a person. It can soften some while hardening/preparing others.

A different set of values, for sure yes. Which reaches into picking potential spouses, what their families would approve of, etc as well. I'm also not saying all, but a very large percentage. And that gets back to the root of the OPs subject.

I'm aware I spoke about myself, however someone below me gave a similar example so it it probably more common than most would care to admit. And news for you, I see that 'honor' you speak of in my stepfather every day and plenty of other men. It is only non-existent to you because you may not have experienced it yet from an American.

Edited October 16, 2013 by beccabecca

[MouadsWife 161]

A different set of values, for sure yes. Which reaches into picking potential spouses, what their families would approve of, etc as well. I'm also not saying all, but a very large percentage. And that gets back to the root of the OPs subject.

I'm aware I spoke about myself, however someone below me gave a similar example so it it probably more common than most would care to admit. And news for you, I see that 'honor' you speak of in my stepfather every day and plenty of other men. It is only non-existent to you because you may not have experienced it yet from an American.

I'm sure your stepfather has honor but its a different type of honor than theirs. And I cant really adequately explainit to the fullest degree ssufficiently enough. I'm seeing from the outside in. Only one seeing from the inside out can express it. But it is unyielding, unmoving, in reflects in all manner of beliefs and living, it is never altered or changed. Honor can be so strong he will die fir his beliefs. He is unyielding in his moral convictions. The family reflects on that's honor so it is never blemished or marred in any way. The family acts accordingly in all manners of speech and dress so the family honor is not scared. Honor is not something you can get back if lost. Once someone's word is given it is as binding as a contract or your honor is lost. Your fathers honor is not the same as theirs. I hate to disagree, but its not. It might has very minor similarities, but it is not as strong. And that is my husband's version of Moroccan honor.

[sparkles_ 456]

One could easily argue that perception is reality which I think you have a large case of, but I'll just repeat myself by saying this honor complex it does exist OUTSIDE the MENA world. Hit us all up when you've been married that 5-7yr that Mithra mentioned and we can talk again about how amazing everything is about your MENA man and how American dudes simply pale in comparison

[Boiler 45,362]

One could easily argue that perception is reality which I think you have a large case of, but I'll just repeat myself by saying this honor complex it does exist OUTSIDE the MENA world. Hit us all up when you've been married that 5-7yr that Mithra mentioned and we can talk again about how amazing everything is about your MENA man and how American dudes simply pale in comparison

How many single US men would be interested in a 40 year divorcee with children?

[sparkles_ 456]

How many single US men would be interested in a 40 year divorcee with children?

Plenty. I mean to say, plenty of the types I know who look beyond age/martial status/kids/money. There are also plenty who won't be interested as well. I guess the real question is how many 22yr old men would be...

[Madeinmorocco2 15]

Successful visa issuance isn't the same as a successful marriage. What others are suggesting is that the rate of still being married after visa issuance/green card/citizenship for these relationships is very low. If your only judge of success is getting a visa then yes most are.

Seriously, is a long distance marriage clearly not successful to most of you here. Have you not read that mans story with his wife and the amount of time they have been apart, then denied, than waited again to finally be approved.

A successful marriage or relationship is based on a life commitment to one another, here or there not on a freaking visa lady. Geez

[Madeinmorocco2 15]

Successful how? Because he got a visa? That's not successful. When he comes back here after he's got his citizenship and his finances in order and he's STILL with his 28 yr his senior wife, then I'll applaud his success.

His story if you have read it is very successful. They have been through the ringer for years now, and getting through that is having a successful marriage. It's all of you with the VISA picture in your vocabulary.

[momof1 205]

His story if you have read it is very successful. They have been through the ringer for years now, and getting through that is having a successful marriage. It's all of you with the VISA picture in your vocabulary.

What you're not understanding is none of us are thinking about the visa. The true test of the strength of the relationship is after all the visa ####### is done. Sure it's hard and it's trying. However, living a real life togetherday in and day out is what separates the real success stories.

I'm not in the type of relationship we're discussing here and, quite frankly, I'd say the same thing to couples without an age gap. Our story is very different than most visajourneys here, but it was just a blip in our life together. 11 years married, soon to be three kids, life, culture, religion, love...etc. It's been hard work and I thank God all the time that we've been able to build a good life together.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Ding ding ding!

Now we've reached the "Alleged Moroccan guy talking ####### about Moroccan women" mark. These threads all follow the same trajectory.

[msheesha 548]

I'm sure your stepfather has honor but its a different type of honor than theirs. And I cant really adequately explainit to the fullest degree ssufficiently enough. I'm seeing from the outside in. Only one seeing from the inside out can express it. But it is unyielding, unmoving, in reflects in all manner of beliefs and living, it is never altered or changed. Honor can be so strong he will die fir his beliefs. He is unyielding in his moral convictions. The family reflects on that's honor so it is never blemished or marred in any way. The family acts accordingly in all manners of speech and dress so the family honor is not scared. Honor is not something you can get back if lost. Once someone's word is given it is as binding as a contract or your honor is lost. Your fathers honor is not the same as theirs. I hate to disagree, but its not. It might has very minor similarities, but it is not as strong. And that is my husband's version of Moroccan honor.

How many times have you been there, are for how long each time?

[Boiler 45,362]

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/460307-a-girl-arrived-as-k1-got-married-now-husband-refused/page-2#entry6586001

47 year old male living with his Mother imprting by the sounds of it much younger wife from PI.

Two sides to the coin.