Older American woman Younger Algerian man

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

We would like to say thank you to all of your positive feedback. It means so much to us to hear about your success stories and we hope one day we can do the same for another couple. You have given us hope that there is a chance for us. So thank you, thank you, thank you!

Only YOU can make the decision about what you are are going to do... The visa journey is much different than post greencard and post citizenship..

If you do not have alot of money in the bank or a house that can be attached, you do not have much to lose. However, my advice for anyone with a lot of assets is that they get a pre nuptual or a post nuptual agreement protecting assets in the event of a split. It can help the homeowner alot to keep property separate.. There are some of these relationships that will work but there are also a lot of younger men who will pretend to be in love to get the hell out of a bad situation. This is the reality and the reason for the high AP and long waits at these embassies. They see things we dont see. Returning US petitioned spouses returning to petition Moroccan and Algerian wives after they have naturalised and they know culturally what is going on , often more than we do.. My spouse was NOT put through AP. I wish he would have been so that I could have been spared alot of what he did. My present boyfriend, also Algerian was petitioned by a US wife in 2008. She had no idea culturally what to expect and literally threw away his greencard when it arrived and would not give him any of his immigration papers. Its not always the immigrant who is bad. Its also the petitioners who sometimes act like they are buying a puppy, not getting married. I see things from both sides and the only real warning I have is asset protection. If you do not have any assets nor will you inherit them, you have nothing to lose. However for example. if you have a house in Florida, your foreign born spouse gets rights under the Florida Homestead Law which is a 25000 off the tax exemption. I was unable to see my house or refinance when I was married without my husbands permission I had a substantial amount of equity and I was told by two attorneys that he had rights to a percentage of how much my house was worth upon marriage till we divorced and he ( my ex) knew that as well and when I told him I wanted a divorce he told me I wont give you one and Ill take your house if you dont help me finish my papers.I literally was forced to stay married two years legally past the point I wanted to over money. If I had a pre nuptual this would not have happened. But I never imagined the father of my child and man I fought so hard for would ever hurt me...

Its been 10 months since I got divorced and I have dated two people since I got divorced..One for about 2 weeks and then three months later I met my boyfriend. He has been the biggest help in getting over this because the experience was so horrible and so painful, I carried a lot of pain inside and started questioning my whole life... The one thing is that this guy ALREADY has papers and hes one year younger and I know when we are together that he needs nothing from me except my presence..Had I NOT married my husband and gone through what I went through I would have never met him and both he and I went through our own private hells, Me with an Algerian and him with an American. Which to me is crazy irony! I just advise anyone with assets to make sure they protect them. I did not and it caused me alot of problems when I wanted to leave the relationship. I only had an 11 year difference and still was able to have children but I was unaware of the depth of what was going to happen once he got here. It was a holy hellish night mare from the week he got off the plane until I was able to get rid of him..

[sandinista! 1,816]

I won't name names, but there have been many posters over the years who had crystal clear major alarm bells raised before their SOs even had interview dates, but barreled right through anyways, damn the consequences. The train can be stopped a lot farther back. It's not USCIS' job to stop all the trains, and it's certainly not what AP is for, etc. Ultimately that responsibility lies with the petitioner. I guess it's important to be considerate that importing totally obvious scammers, or total sociopaths has effects that go beyond just the petitioner and their families?

[MouadsWife 161]

My husband is from Morocco. I was 40 when we met and we also have an 18 year age difference. Our visa was without difficulty and went very smooth. If you love each other do not worry about the age difference. But I won't tell you that its peaches and cream all the time. He will want children. There will be those awkward times. You will have to work on the marriage. And there will be insecure times you will have to overcome. As I said, we love each other more than anything. There are marriages that work and some that don't. Even the same age marriage tend to fall apart. So don't judge yours too harshly just because of the age difference. Its takes two people to make a marriage work no matter how old you are. Keep allll your proof... take a million happy pictures when you go... and if you truely love each other Allah will be with you till the end.

[Cathi 5,742]

Only YOU can make the decision about what you are are going to do... The visa journey is much different than post greencard and post citizenship..

If you do not have alot of money in the bank or a house that can be attached, you do not have much to lose. However, my advice for anyone with a lot of assets is that they get a pre nuptual or a post nuptual agreement protecting assets in the event of a split. It can help the homeowner alot to keep property separate.. There are some of these relationships that will work but there are also a lot of younger men who will pretend to be in love to get the hell out of a bad situation. This is the reality and the reason for the high AP and long waits at these embassies. They see things we dont see. Returning US petitioned spouses returning to petition Moroccan and Algerian wives after they have naturalised and they know culturally what is going on , often more than we do.. My spouse was NOT put through AP. I wish he would have been so that I could have been spared alot of what he did. My present boyfriend, also Algerian was petitioned by a US wife in 2008. She had no idea culturally what to expect and literally threw away his greencard when it arrived and would not give him any of his immigration papers. Its not always the immigrant who is bad. Its also the petitioners who sometimes act like they are buying a puppy, not getting married. I see things from both sides and the only real warning I have is asset protection. If you do not have any assets nor will you inherit them, you have nothing to lose. However for example. if you have a house in Florida, your foreign born spouse gets rights under the Florida Homestead Law which is a 25000 off the tax exemption. I was unable to see my house or refinance when I was married without my husbands permission I had a substantial amount of equity and I was told by two attorneys that he had rights to a percentage of how much my house was worth upon marriage till we divorced and he ( my ex) knew that as well and when I told him I wanted a divorce he told me I wont give you one and Ill take your house if you dont help me finish my papers.I literally was forced to stay married two years legally past the point I wanted to over money. If I had a pre nuptual this would not have happened. But I never imagined the father of my child and man I fought so hard for would ever hurt me...

Its been 10 months since I got divorced and I have dated two people since I got divorced..One for about 2 weeks and then three months later I met my boyfriend. He has been the biggest help in getting over this because the experience was so horrible and so painful, I carried a lot of pain inside and started questioning my whole life... The one thing is that this guy ALREADY has papers and hes one year younger and I know when we are together that he needs nothing from me except my presence..Had I NOT married my husband and gone through what I went through I would have never met him and both he and I went through our own private hells, Me with an Algerian and him with an American. Which to me is crazy irony! I just advise anyone with assets to make sure they protect them. I did not and it caused me alot of problems when I wanted to leave the relationship. I only had an 11 year difference and still was able to have children but I was unaware of the depth of what was going to happen once he got here. It was a holy hellish night mare from the week he got off the plane until I was able to get rid of him..

AP wouldn't have stopped your husband from doing what he did, AP is security checks, not sociopaths checks. You had huge red flags before your husband received his visa and you chose to ignore them.

To the OP, I will say again, you plan to meet your fiance only for a week and then file. A week simply isn't enough time to get to know a person, no matter how much time you spend online, real life is totally different. You need to spend not only a lot of time with him, but also with his family and friends to get to see the entire picture. Marriage is a lot of work, no matter the age difference or the difference in culture. I was married to my first husband for 20 years, we are the same age and from similar backgrounds and beliefs, it ended in a very bitter divorce. I knew the moment I married him it was a mistake, yet I chose to stay and work on the marriage, and then I stayed for the children. My now husband has been here for a year, it has been great, but it has also been hard at times, the waiting for him to get a job was excruciating and he was getting depressed. He is working now, loves his job, and he is loving it here now, but he misses his family and friends. Hopefully in the Spring we will be able to go to Jordan for a visit, he is dying to go and so am I. I need a vacation.

[Jawaree 717]

A woman 11 yrs a guy senior is not too bad if she can still procreate

and the young man have no kids, go read some of these threads VAWA and

those trying to deport ppl they was so gong-ho to be let in. No one can love a

figment of their imagination , U have to meet, know and spend time before

love

[Boiler 45,362]

18 according to my calculator.

[Purpled23 2]

AP wouldn't have stopped your husband from doing what he did, AP is security checks, not sociopaths checks. You had huge red flags before your husband received his visa and you chose to ignore them.

To the OP, I will say again, you plan to meet your fiance only for a week and then file. A week simply isn't enough time to get to know a person, no matter how much time you spend online, real life is totally different. You need to spend not only a lot of time with him, but also with his family and friends to get to see the entire picture. Marriage is a lot of work, no matter the age difference or the difference in culture. I was married to my first husband for 20 years, we are the same age and from similar backgrounds and beliefs, it ended in a very bitter divorce. I knew the moment I married him it was a mistake, yet I chose to stay and work on the marriage, and then I stayed for the children. My now husband has been here for a year, it has been great, but it has also been hard at times, the waiting for him to get a job was excruciating and he was getting depressed. He is working now, loves his job, and he is loving it here now, but he misses his family and friends. Hopefully in the Spring we will be able to go to Jordan for a visit, he is dying to go and so am I. I need a vacation.

I know that a week is not long enough time to spend with him. I am not trying to rush into anything. We both just needed to know that it is possible for us to be together or if we needed to end it now before either of us get hurt. We are going to visit with each other more than just once. I have met his mom on Skype and she is very accepting to us. She has said that she wants her son to be happy and if I do that for him then she is ok with it. I was marred for 15 years before so I know what marriage is about. That is why I have to be sure this is what I want and he needs to be sure as well since he is younger. He wants to be with me and I want to be with him. Thanks for you advice, it is appreciated. I hope you have a great vacation.

[berber_wife 90]

Speaking of him being younger-what does he have as far as life/relationship/practical experience? As in, has he ever lived on his own, has he ever managed money, has he had any prior romantic relationships? A big differential in terms of experience can be a big issue in any relationship.

[sparkles_ 456]

Speaking of him being younger-what does he have as far as life/relationship/practical experience? As in, has he ever lived on his own, has he ever managed money, has he had any prior romantic relationships? A big differential in terms of experience can be a big issue in any relationship.

+1

[Boiler 45,362]

Is there some reason you can not migrate to Algeria?

[Madeinmorocco2 15]

Speaking of him being younger-what does he have as far as life/relationship/practical experience? As in, has he ever lived on his own, has he ever managed money, has he had any prior romantic relationships? A big differential in terms of experience can be a big issue in any relationship.

Dear berberwife,

I hope since you are married or getting married to a moroccan that you have done your homework on our culture before you come here and tell this this lady about Life, relationships, and having practical experience. In our culture it's very normal for us not to live outside the home until marriage including men like myself before I married. And secondly, we understand the meaning of money and how to spend money wisely at a very young age as we start working and helping our families live. I offended that you speak as if a 20 + year old man cannot possibly know how to live outside the home. Many Muslim men do have relationships before marriage including sex, so why would you go as far as saying he needs all this experience before she marry him in order for them to have a successful marriage.

I've been in USA for four years happily married without any of the requirements you mentioned above. I've seen more broken marriage between same age relationships here than any of my moroccan brothers and sisters married to younger or older men and women.

[Madeinmorocco2 15]

I know that a week is not long enough time to spend with him. I am not trying to rush into anything. We both just needed to know that it is possible for us to be together or if we needed to end it now before either of us get hurt. We are going to visit with each other more than just once. I have met his mom on Skype and she is very accepting to us. She has said that she wants her son to be happy and if I do that for him then she is ok with it. I was marred for 15 years before so I know what marriage is about. That is why I have to be sure this is what I want and he needs to be sure as well since he is younger. He wants to be with me and I want to be with him. Thanks for you advice, it is appreciated. I hope you have a great vacation.

I wish you happiness, my thoughts for you is to spend some more time and a few more visits.

[Madeinmorocco2 15]

Dear berberwife,

I hope since you are married or getting married to a moroccan that you have done your homework on our culture before you come here and tell this this lady about Life, relationships, and having practical experience. In our culture it's very normal for us not to live outside the home until marriage including men like myself before I married. And secondly, we understand the meaning of money and how to spend money wisely at a very young age as we start working and helping our families live. I offended that you speak as if a 20 + year old man cannot possibly know how to live outside the home. Many Muslim men DO NOT relationships before marriage including sex, so why would you go as far as saying he needs all this experience before she marry him in order for them to have a successful marriage.

I've been in USA for four years happily married without any of the requirements you mentioned above. I've seen more broken marriage between same age relationships here than any of my moroccan brothers and sisters married to younger or older men and women.

Edited October 13, 2013 by Madeinmorocco2

[Madeinmorocco2 15]

I made an error in my post and cannot edit it properly without it posting again.

I wanted to say to berberwife that it's common we do not go outside and have relationships before marriage. In my prior post I said we DO. I just want to confirm this.

[berber_wife 90]

I certainly realize that cultural norms are different in MENA. But reading the archives, I have seen these issues come up, particularly men who hang out at the cafe drinking coffee with their friends until all hours of the night, leaving their wives sitting at home, and men that do not know how to be an equal partner in household duties such as cooking and cleaning. In no way did I mean to imply that this is a MENA specific issue since there are many mature and responsible MENA men-and plenty of immature and irresponsible American men. In fact, I would ask the exact same questions of a 40-year old American woman marrying a 22-year old American man.

He doesn't need the experience to have a successful marriage, but he needs to be prepared for the realities of stepparenting/coparenting, possibly dealing with ex-husband issues and differing perspectives on life due to the age gap-all while adjusting to a new country and culture. If he can handle that, great for him (I wouldn't have been able to when I was 22).

I'm glad that your marriage has been successful and I wish you continuing happiness in the years to come.