Older American woman Younger Algerian man

[Ban Hammer 13,550]

Lots and lots of lamb recipes, compiled from over the years.

At one time, MENA even published a cookbook, lol.http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/37637-sultans-kitchen/

and brazilian wifey has used it

[Cathi 5,784]

I didn't have the opportunity to be in country for very long at all and get any data from acquaintances or co workers unfortunately. One thing that was important to me was getting my parents on board with the whole deal, and having them meet my husband and his family. They weren't all fluttery lovey dovey over him like I was, so their insight was a little more clear headed. All kinds of factors figured into me liking him ss a person, and that turning into him being somebody I loved, and then feeling that he could be someone I could raise my son with and want to have more children with, and all kinds of other life things, some really specific to us as a couple, others more universal. I liked him, my parents liked him, his parents liked us, etc. It's always a bit of a gamble, but everyone has different stakes, and consequences for taking that gamble. Sone bets are played really rashly, and that often ends badly, more often than when the same bets are played with more contemplation. I didn't even go to morocco until I'd been talking to and getting to know my husband for two years. We took it really, really slow.

I agree, family played a part on both sides, it was important to both of us. I also didn't go to meet my husband until we had been talking for well over a year, we took it slow as well. Taking time to get to know one another is key. But that is key in any relationship, domestic or international. Having an open mind and getting to understand the difference in culture is important too. The difference in American and middle eastern culture is huge. We have done pretty well at "marrying" our cultures here in the us. We are still only a year living together in the us, as they say, time will tell. Right now we are doing well, but this year hasn't been without its ups and downs. We are both committed to making it work. Last week we adopted a new fur baby, a 4 year old corgi. Our 12 year old corgi passed in April. Here is a photo of our new pup. His name is Petey.

Edited October 18, 2013 by mimolicious

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

I agree, family played a part on both sides, it was important to both of us. I also didn't go to meet my husband until we had been talking for well over a year, we took it slow as well. Taking time to get to know one another is key. But that is key in any relationship, domestic or international. Having an open mind and getting to understand the difference in culture is important too. The difference in American and middle eastern culture is huge. We have done pretty well at "marrying" our cultures here in the us. We are still only a year living together in the us, as they say, time will tell. Right now we are doing well, but this year hasn't been without its ups and downs. We are both committed to making it work. Last week we adopted a new fur baby, a 4 year old corgi. Our 12 year old corgi passed in April. Here is a photo of our new pup. His name is Petey.

OMGGGG CORGIIIII!!!!! He's SO adorable Mimo!!

[sandinista! 1,816]

Corgis make me bonkers! They're so ridiculously cute, and they have so much personality. Congrats!

agreed on the above, too, and wish you guys continued happiness.

[Cathi 5,784]

OMGGGG CORGIIIII!!!!! He's SO adorable Mimo!!

he is pretty adorable

Corgis make me bonkers! They're so ridiculously cute, and they have so much personality. Congrats!

agreed on the above, too, and wish you guys continued happiness.

Yeah, his personality woke me up at 5 am wanting to play fetch, he is funny, that's for sure.

And thank you

Edited October 19, 2013 by mimolicious

[berber_wife 90]

What a sweet, sweet dog mimo!

[Cathi 5,784]

1. How did you determine that they were a good person, with good intentions, that you were compatible with?

Well, my answers will be a bit vague, but hopefully I make it clear why. Obviously, since everyone is different there isn't going to be a one-size-fits-all kind of measure of a person. My husband and I knew people in common that we both attended school with/worked with separately in the two countries. So first, I figured he couldn't be too weird of a person if he had managed to keep a working relationship with my university as well as work at his university teaching. That was sort of my starting point. I asked around about him, and got fairly consistent answers. I worked with him for a while and saw how he treated other people-- including ones he seriously disliked. I asked a lot of questions of him. I talked to people I knew or met who were involved with Jordanians to try to learn more about the culture and what did and did not make sense. I looked for people who appeared to me to be stable, rational people-- even if they seemed acerbic.

Some of the stuff/most of the stuff we discussed were life goals, morals, values, and things like that. We spent a lot of time wrapped up on gobbledygook too, but most of our time was spent trying to determine if in the long run we shared the same vision of life and had the same standards. We also discussed kids, living in different countries, jobs, and things like that. Practical stuff. I wasted a lot of money calling him for the squishy stuff because I really missed him. if I could do it over again, like mithra said-- I would be less spastic and more controlled during the visa period. I'd be way less worried and more trying to save money.

I guess now is also as good of a time as any to say that there is no real assurance of any kind though that person X is being honest-- in the end, you have to kind of take it on faith to an extent. House says everybody lies.

2. What did you do before your partner came here to prepare them, your relationship and if applicable, your kids, for the transition?

Hmm. Well I bought a lot of practical things for him like socks and stuff. I squished my closet on to one side. Things like that. But I am assuming you mean not the basic stuff lol. So when I was in Jordan for a few months, if I noticed something that seemed different (for example paying the water bill) I just generally would comment on that. That wasn't really prep work though. I didn't prep him much I guess? I think we had covered a lot of cultural stuff in our initial talk about expectations and such. He just pretty much consulted me on whatever he encountered on his own. No horror stories, no weird cultural breakdowns.

At first he was nervous about the cats, but now they are inseparable. That's as close to kids as I get.

I think one of the biggest realizations he had was how much debt many Americans are in and how many Americans are making car and house payments or using credit cards. So that was something you may wish to address beforehand. At first he wasn't into using a credit card, but then he got over that when he realized we just paid it off every month. Some people mentioned having to try to explain the no floor drains stuff or how the roads aren't insane, but I never had those issues.

3. What have you done after immigration to ensure that your relationship stays strong and healthy?

It's the same as any other marriage. You spend time together, make sure you work out disagreements completely, and try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt especially if you're dealing with crossed cultural wires or lingual issues. We usually try to do something outside the house together at least once a week, even if it's just window shopping.

4. And the reverse-if you didn't stay married, how did you go from happy to unhappy?

(N/A- -still married )

My husband hates that the roads here aren't insane, he says driving here isn't a challenge. My husband was nervous about the cats and dog too, but he got over that real fast. He got his 'own" cat a few months ago, and he gives the dog more treats than the rest of us put together. With 2 cats and a dog he says we have our own little zoo.

We had all those discussions about money and debt and bills and religion and all the cultural stuff too before he arrived. He didn't have that huge cultural shock that everyone warned me about. I'm not sure if it's because we talked about it all so much before he arrived, or if it's just because he is such and easy going person. I will say he the biggest difference for him is family. The fact that my family all live out of state and they don;t visit very often. He is used to having a full house of extended family around all the time, people coming and going constantly, they are very close knit. Although my family is close, we are not nearly as close as his family. The importance of family is by far more important in Jordan than it is for a lot of American families, he finds that hard to understand. Then again, so do I. I wish so much I had what he has with his family with mine...

[American Woman 75 21]

Hi Purpled23,

I am 44 from Chicago and my Algerian sweetheart is 27. I just want to tell you to hang in there, and please IGNOR the negative comments on here about age. Yes, yes...we all know it 'looks weird' on paper. So what? That's just because society is not used to it as much as they are when they see it the other way around, with the man being the older one. There are so many other reasons besides age than can make or break a relationship. Only YOU know what you have, and what you feel. Your love is not a statistic to be analyzed. It's unique to you and your Algerian, and it's no one's place to try to judge or analyze it.

I just wanted to give you a big HUG and all my emotional support. I will be going to Algeria this December or January to meet the man who I've been talking to every night for the last 9 months, and if things go as expected, we will file for our K-1 soon afterward. So I am right there alongside you, trying to figure out all the 'how-tos.'

And yes, believe me, I had a lot of people trying to convince me, too, that he was a scammer - simply due to his age, location, and for the mere fact that he said he loved me. These well-intentioned people can sound so convincing and so scary about their supposed 'research' and horror stories - I even started to have doubts here and there, myself - because of their influence, not from anything that he said or did. But I put that to rest a long time ago, and now have no doubts at all. And I'm sorry I ever had them in the first place, because he has proved himself again and again to be someone I can rely on, and someone who is honest enough to give me a straight answer, if even it's not what I wanted to hear. He has not only become my love, but also my best friend.

Stay strong - be positive - and keep close to your friends here, who can guide you along the way.

Take Care,

Zoletta

[Ihavequestions 419]

Whether these May/December marriages last post visa/residency/citizenship is one thing. The other thing is how they'll fare when younger husband ventures back home and marries a younger, local girl because he wants children and how well wife number one copes with sharing her husband.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hi Purpled23,

I am 44 from Chicago and my Algerian sweetheart is 27. I just want to tell you to hang in there, and please IGNOR the negative comments on here about age. Yes, yes...we all know it 'looks weird' on paper. So what? That's just because society is not used to it as much as they are when they see it the other way around, with the man being the older one. There are so many other reasons besides age than can make or break a relationship. Only YOU know what you have, and what you feel. Your love is not a statistic to be analyzed. It's unique to you and your Algerian, and it's no one's place to try to judge or analyze it.

I just wanted to give you a big HUG and all my emotional support. I will be going to Algeria this December or January to meet the man who I've been talking to every night for the last 9 months, and if things go as expected, we will file for our K-1 soon afterward. So I am right there alongside you, trying to figure out all the 'how-tos.'

And yes, believe me, I had a lot of people trying to convince me, too, that he was a scammer - simply due to his age, location, and for the mere fact that he said he loved me. These well-intentioned people can sound so convincing and so scary about their supposed 'research' and horror stories - I even started to have doubts here and there, myself - because of their influence, not from anything that he said or did. But I put that to rest a long time ago, and now have no doubts at all. And I'm sorry I ever had them in the first place, because he has proved himself again and again to be someone I can rely on, and someone who is honest enough to give me a straight answer, if even it's not what I wanted to hear. He has not only become my love, but also my best friend.

Stay strong - be positive - and keep close to your friends here, who can guide you along the way.

Take Care,

Zoletta

Zoletta you are still in the petitioning process. Talking about something 7 years post process 8 years post process is a completely different story.

Whether these May/December marriages last post visa/residency/citizenship is one thing. The other thing is how they'll fare when younger husband ventures back home and marries a younger, local girl because he wants children and how well wife number one copes with sharing her husband.

I absolutely AGREE. However being able to have kids is not always the end all be all. You can still go through a bad time even with the ability to have kids

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Take what you like snd what is beneficial from what I say. I've been martied to my Algerian husband for more than 11 years. We have two boys and another coming in 3 weeks. Except for one Couple on this board(meriem dz), I've never known in real life or online any other couple in your exact situation. All of the couples are close in age or have an older Algerian husband like myself. Over the last couple years, as the number of applicants from Algeria increases, it has become a much more difficult embassy ti get through than it once was. I cannot say his intentions aren't real but for sure it is a odd combination there. Even though the age difference between my husband and I is commin(10 yrs), I know my ILs would have preferred he married an Algerian... Even after all these years and the grandchildren I gave them. My children were their first grandchildren and no doubt they love them and me very much. However, I'm sure I'm not what they ever imagined for their son.

Concentrate on getting to know him better. Knowing what I know, I'd be concerned if him or his family pushed you to move too fast.

Oh I am sure you are good enough for them Mom! You gave them grandkids... dont be so hard on yourself!

I am presently dating an Algerian ( ok everyone kill me) who is my age and who was married to an american. He actually sat over in algeria for 4 years waiting for his wife to get enough money to be able to file his papers. He stayed with her exactly 2 years and took off as soon as he got his papers.. I met him in a parking lot at a homedepot close to my house about 3 months to the day that I divorced the man I brought here from Algeria. It was pretty much love at first sight and he will tell you that neither one of us EVER WANTED TO BE WITH SOMEONE FROM THE OPPOSITE CULTURE. He told me he could not stand american women after his wife. I told him my mother would bury me if I ever dated an algerian. 3 months later we were sitting at my dads funeral in Boca Raton. He has been my rock since we met and I am not sure if we will so called make it but hes really been one of the best things that ever happened to me. Had I closed myself off to people from there after the trainwreck marriage I was in , I would have missed out on so much. My ex who I married was from Oran and very hot headed. The man I am dating now is from Setif and very simple and grew up in a farming villiage. If you would have told me last year I would be divorced from my husband and and living with someone else from Algeria that I met in a home depot, I would have told you you were high! I HAVE known people married with huge age differences and I dont know meriem personally but shes the only one I still know still married to someone who had one. The rest are divorced. Remember I was married in 2006 so this is years later. and yes.. its MUCH MORE DIFFICULT to get through now.Back in 2006 when I started, my ex didnt even have internet in his house. Alot of people had to go to cyber cafes.. Now much more people have it in their house. Fraud was alot more infrequent. Now as more people go through, fraud is much more frequent. I speak the language and I think that helps me even in dealing with what happened and in recovery. I will tell you it really SUCKS to go through marriage fraud and you do as the petitioner get blamed by both sides. You really have no where to turn when you get hurt. You go to your family and they say SERVES YOU RIGHT for marrying someone from over there. People from the culture usually understand it but they dont know what to say. My boyfriend basically laughs about it and calls him a NOTCHE LOL ( which is a bad word) For me, staying with the people from over there was the biggest help. I read some of these women .. I think there was one who came back last week who was married to someone from jordan.... and they sound so rage filled. I turned my pain inward and on myself. feeling like I didnt try hard enough, love him enough,,, didnt cook good enough... look good enough or he would have loved me and not hurt me like he did. Sitting at a dinner with a bunch of people from there and hearing marriage blanche and I cant wait to go back to algeria and have a real wife made me wish I didnt understand darjda. It hurt so bad OMG knowing what was happening.

Its so hard and embarassing to talk about it but I think the fact I am involved with someone from there says that I know there are alot of amazing things about people from there and I didnt think it was all culture.

Mom of 1, I wouldnt think you are less or what your inlaws wanted. From what I have heard, its not all that easy for ALGERIAN DAUGHTERS IN LAW to live up to moms expectations. By the way , my boyfriends mom is dead. I am starting to wonder if that was one of the attractions LOL.. ( never mind)

Nice to see you again!

And Zoletta,, you cannot give advice when you are still petitioning.. Try being 5o a couple of years later with a 30 something husband.. its not the same as being online and that stuff. Its ALOT different when they get here..

I think knowing the language and being able to speak it also put me in a weird situation because I understood most of what was being said when he was in teh room with other people talking about me.. the hardest thing for me was AFTER the divorce when he tried to come back to me. I was very happy to be dating someone else at that point. We had been separated for about a year by the time I finally divorced him. It was an awful and painful process..

I still to this day blame myself for marrying him, for staying with him, for peitioning for him and for pretty much all of it. I wish I could turn the pain outward but I havent been able to. My boyfriend has told me that I need to try to let go of blaming myself...but I struggle to do so

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Whether these May/December marriages last post visa/residency/citizenship is one thing. The other thing is how they'll fare when younger husband ventures back home and marries a younger, local girl because he wants children and how well wife number one copes with sharing her husband.

I think if he still wants to stay married to the older woman, then at least there was some feeling for her. Asking to marry a second wife to have kids means at least he cared about the first. Just dumping the first and then looking for a wife to have kids would be harder I think to deal with.. at least if the only reason he is leaving was to have kids, then at least you have some kind of solace in that?

What do you think about that ihavequestions?

Not my situation btw.. just asking

[Boiler 46,108]

Bigamy is sort of OK.

Not sure how many would agree with that.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Bigamy is sort of OK.

Not sure how many would agree with that.

I personally dont know what I would have done if I really loved my husband and the only problem was kids. I did NOT have that situation. I was able to have kids. It was just a case in my case of being a fake marriage. It was not children or anything. It makes you wonder if you are really in love with someone and they you with or without the age difference and you cannot have kids. I actually know an algerian in NY who is married to two women. HE divorced his american wife on paper and married a younger moroccan girl and has a child with the second. He has a really good job and sleep with both! LOL.. And he s actually trying to date a third now... and both of the other women are putting up with it! Hes been my friend for about 11 years and I watch it and I am amazed that everyone is ok with it.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Bigamy is sort of OK.

Not sure how many would agree with that.

I know its hard putting our cultural norms on top of people but in other places, this happens. Its not an every day thing but I know a couple of algerians doing this both in the states and uk... Ironically I dont know ANYONE in ALGERIA doing it LOL.. but I do know people over here.. Whats so hilarious is the one I know in the UK has a brit first wife who is younger and cannot have kids and he has a baby with a turkish woman. Everytime he gets mad at the turk he has kids with he goes and sleeps with the brit and pisses the turk off.. Who needs tv with ####### like this?

My friend in NY genuinely LOVES his american wife. She just cannot have kids. She didnt want to lose him so she let him marry a girl from morocco and bring her here. What kills me is he is now cheating on the moroccan with an egyptian and I know the moroccan is going to freak on him if she finds out. I think the american first wife knows all about his nonsense but shes been a good friend to him forever and just kind of laughs about all of it. When he messaged me from Egypt all I could say is ####### are you doing! Its one thing to watch this stuff. Its another thing to do it!

Edited October 21, 2013 by Beauty for Ashes