Older American woman Younger Algerian man

[Karmalicious 60]

Nah, I'm STILL crying all the time from the hurt feelings I get when my family and friends keep trying to 'protect' me by bashing the man I love. It can be unbearable.

Ain't that the truth! You know how they say if a couple can make it through building a house or planning a large wedding they can make it through anything? Think what a bond a couple must have if they can make it through this long process.

Yesterday marked six months since our CR1 petition has been held hostage in Overland Park Kansas. Last Monday we received our first notice of transfer (there are three USUALLY) We have only the CR1 petition filed but I got two texts on Monday the 10th (at the same instant but from different phone numbers) telling us to check status on the website. On Tuesday there were no texts or emails but a slight change in the way the final destination which I saw on the website. Nothing on Wednesday then yesterday, at the same instant two texts and an email. Now if I could just get the NOA2!

[American Woman 75 21]

Ain't that the truth! You know how they say if a couple can make it through building a house or planning a large wedding they can make it through anything? Think what a bond a couple must have if they can make it through this long process.

Yesterday marked six months since our CR1 petition has been held hostage in Overland Park Kansas. Last Monday we received our first notice of transfer (there are three USUALLY) We have only the CR1 petition filed but I got two texts on Monday the 10th (at the same instant but from different phone numbers) telling us to check status on the website. On Tuesday there were no texts or emails but a slight change in the way the final destination which I saw on the website. Nothing on Wednesday then yesterday, at the same instant two texts and an email. Now if I could just get the NOA2!

It's torture! But it really gives us time to make sure, double-sure, and damn sure of what we want. So, yes, I think what you said is true - if couples can make it through this, they can make it through anything.

[Cathi 5,771]

How did you know he was going to be such a good partner? How did you keep faith that he would pick things up so easily once in the US and integrate so well into your life, your family's life and US culture? What made you sure that his intentions were good ones? I ask you these questions because I am honestly curious about other people's thought processes as they have moved forward with their relationship and the visa process and if they have been similar to mine.

As someone who is still somewhat of a "newbie" herself, I would love to see less vague ZOMG we're so love statements and less vague dire warnings and more about how the couples who have gone through the process and are happy, got from Point A to Point B. How did you determine that they were a good person, with good intentions, that you were compatible with? What did you do before your partner came here to prepare them, your relationship and if applicable, your kids, for the transition? What have you done after immigration to ensure that your relationship stays strong and healthy? And the reverse-if you didn't stay married, how did you go from happy to unhappy?

I didn't know he would be like this, I actually wondered how he would do without having someone doing everything for him. When he got here he literally had never made a bed, done laundry, cooked...nothing. After he got here it took him 5 months to find a job and in that time he learned how to do things around the house. He asked and I just showed him. Now he can do and does everything, except cooking, he really sucks at that. He can make eggs and toast a bagel that's about it, and he will burn the bagel unless I remind him to watch it. I know the posts about how good and sweet and kind and helpful my husband is are probably getting tiresome for many here, but it's the truth, he really is all of those things and more. I really lucked out, truly. He has his idiosyncrasies like everyone else, I have mine. Our relationship works, I can't explain why, it just does. One of the most important things in our marriage is we make each other laugh...we have fun, we laugh at each other, we laugh at ourselves. He loves me. He tells me every day, many times a day he loves me and how lucky he is....I'm the lucky one.

Happy Valentines Day to all the MENA ladies, no matter your age...young, old or in between, no matter your religion, the color of your skin, where you are from or where you live. I hope you are spending your day with the people you love most.

[Cathi 5,771]

Just came back from my ten day visit to Algeria - and met my Algerian sweetheart on our one year cyber-anniversary for the first time ever. It was the time of my life, better than I could have ever expected, and he was everything I thought he would be, and more.

His family was very loving and welcoming - and even threw me a surprise birthday party, with a great big yummy delicious chocolate cake, and lots of really neat presents, including a beautiful deep purple traditional Algerian gown.

I met his entire family, dozens of friends, he took me inside his university, I met his English teacher and the other students in the class, I went inside the court house where he used to work and met everybody there - he showed me his entire life, from top to bottom, and I met everyone he ever talked about. I saw where he grew up, where he went to school as a child, where he used to play, he brought me to the cemetery to see where his brother and grandmother were laid to rest, and we ate at nearly twenty different restaurants in all different towns, and with all different friends.

Constantine is a beautiful place, with spectacular scenery. The people there are warm and friendly and simple. I was most shocked to see the crescent moon lying on its back, like a canoe, instead of standing upright - like we see from this hemisphere. I was also surprised that the keyboard had a different arrangement of letters, and even the standard size paper was a little off.

The toilets - ughhhh - don't ask! And the driving - let me just say...FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS!!! There were NO traffic lights anywhere to be found. It was a total free-for-all - with cars just pulling right into the middle of the intersection, facing all different ways, beeping and bumping and swerving and oh god!!! It was vehicular chaos in its full glory.

The mother and sisters fawned all over me, and pulled me inside the house with kisses and hugs and long velvet gowns. They never asked me about my age, but commented that I look surprisingly young. Two of the sisters spoke a little English, and so with simple words, facial expressions, and lots of hand gestures, we were able to communicate in many things.

I asked them how they all felt about Zino coming to America. They said that so long as he comes back at least once a year to visit them, and so long as he can come for their weddings or if someone gets very sick or some emergency, they will wish him the best, and feel good that he will be with me - because, they said, they can see that I love him and will take care of him.

Zino, himself, has mixed emotions. His heart is divided, because, he said, 'Sure, America will have nicer buildings and cars, better opportunity, and everything more beautiful, but it can never replace my friends and what I have here with my family."

And what I saw there was that he has a lot of people who love him, and many extremely close friends. It's not a bad life, it's not even a poor life. His family's apartment was huge, with nice leather couches, pretty curtains, a front-loading washing machine and two cars among them. He has very nice clothes and lots of food in the house. He will also graduate this year with his law degree. He has a good life over there, and I see him happy.

He asked me over and over to move THERE, instead. He asked for at least two years. He's in no hurry to come here at all. He loves his Algeria, and he loves his life there.

In the end, he presented me with a beautiful Algerian wedding ring - right in front of all his family. He said here or there, he wants me in his life, and can't let me go.

I'm home, now, back in Chicago, filling out all the paperwork for the K1-Visa - the ring on my hand, a smile on my face.

I plan on going back there in the fall, a month before he would have his interview, then staying with him until he gets his visa - so we can fly back together.

I felt like I lived a whole little lifetime in those ten days there with him. It was truly the happiest time of my life.

Happy to hear things went well, better than expected. Please keep us updates and mabrook!

[momof1 205]

For the first time in 11 years of marriage, my husband got me a valentines gift. We dont exchange gifts for these thing so I had to let out a huge chuckle when he gave me dill flavored cheese curds and said happy valentines. He picked them up ar a truck stop in wisconsin on Thursday. It was hilarious.

[berber_wife 90]

I felt like I lived a whole little lifetime in those ten days there with him. It was truly the happiest time of my life.

Recent events in my life have made me realize that sometimes you have to trade in caution for happiness. I wish you two a long and happy life together!

[sandinista! 1,816]

For the first time in 11 years of marriage, my husband got me a valentines gift. We dont exchange gifts for these thing so I had to let out a huge chuckle when he gave me dill flavored cheese curds and said happy valentines. He picked them up ar a truck stop in wisconsin on Thursday. It was hilarious.

yum, lol

[Soloenta 2,218]

Only YOU can make the decision about what you are are going to do... The visa journey is much different than post greencard and post citizenship..

If you do not have alot of money in the bank or a house that can be attached, you do not have much to lose. However, my advice for anyone with a lot of assets is that they get a pre nuptual or a post nuptual agreement protecting assets in the event of a split. It can help the homeowner alot to keep property separate.. There are some of these relationships that will work but there are also a lot of younger men who will pretend to be in love to get the hell out of a bad situation. This is the reality and the reason for the high AP and long waits at these embassies. They see things we dont see. Returning US petitioned spouses returning to petition Moroccan and Algerian wives after they have naturalised and they know culturally what is going on , often more than we do.. My spouse was NOT put through AP. I wish he would have been so that I could have been spared alot of what he did. My present boyfriend, also Algerian was petitioned by a US wife in 2008. She had no idea culturally what to expect and literally threw away his greencard when it arrived and would not give him any of his immigration papers. Its not always the immigrant who is bad. Its also the petitioners who sometimes act like they are buying a puppy, not getting married. I see things from both sides and the only real warning I have is asset protection. If you do not have any assets nor will you inherit them, you have nothing to lose. However for example. if you have a house in Florida, your foreign born spouse gets rights under the Florida Homestead Law which is a 25000 off the tax exemption. I was unable to see my house or refinance when I was married without my husbands permission I had a substantial amount of equity and I was told by two attorneys that he had rights to a percentage of how much my house was worth upon marriage till we divorced and he ( my ex) knew that as well and when I told him I wanted a divorce he told me I wont give you one and Ill take your house if you dont help me finish my papers.I literally was forced to stay married two years legally past the point I wanted to over money. If I had a pre nuptual this would not have happened. But I never imagined the father of my child and man I fought so hard for would ever hurt me...

Its been 10 months since I got divorced and I have dated two people since I got divorced..One for about 2 weeks and then three months later I met my boyfriend. He has been the biggest help in getting over this because the experience was so horrible and so painful, I carried a lot of pain inside and started questioning my whole life... The one thing is that this guy ALREADY has papers and hes one year younger and I know when we are together that he needs nothing from me except my presence..Had I NOT married my husband and gone through what I went through I would have never met him and both he and I went through our own private hells, Me with an Algerian and him with an American. Which to me is crazy irony! I just advise anyone with assets to make sure they protect them. I did not and it caused me alot of problems when I wanted to leave the relationship. I only had an 11 year difference and still was able to have children but I was unaware of the depth of what was going to happen once he got here. It was a holy hellish night mare from the week he got off the plane until I was able to get rid of him..

I agree if you have assets to have a pre nuptial, but in California and other states if you inherit anything it is not divided with the spouse. Bank accounts if not part of the inheritance yes, car/cars etc. But thank God in Ca your home is yours in this case. But by all means a pre nuptial would be the way to go. Good luck.

[missgm 0]

I have concerns about my "relationship" i am dating a man who is 25 in algeria, I'm 37. And a christian, he is muslim. I've read all the forums of what muslims are really like towards American women, he has told me that terrisom has corrupted what islam really is....peace and mercy..with that said, he will not come to america unless married first because he said he can not get a visa, so it is up to me to supply all finances for plane ticket and passport and visa. He said u w I'll stay at his family home with him, his mother and 2 younger brothers. His mother has already accepted me, but she has only seen pics if me. We have not skype yet, we have only talked in phone and used messenger. Within 2 to 3 weeks of talking he told me he loved me and a week later asked me to be his wife..he is very charming and sweet, however my instincts keep telling to walk away, I hate to think any bad of anyone. He tells me his live for me is true....but he doesn't k ow me feeling a little frustrated and uncertain, would love some advice thanks

[Boiler 45,753]

I have concerns about my "relationship" i am dating a man who is 25 in algeria, I'm 37. And a christian, he is muslim. I've read all the forums of what muslims are really like towards American women, he has told me that terrisom has corrupted what islam really is....peace and mercy..with that said, he will not come to america unless married first because he said he can not get a visa, so it is up to me to supply all finances for plane ticket and passport and visa. He said u w I'll stay at his family home with him, his mother and 2 younger brothers. His mother has already accepted me, but she has only seen pics if me. We have not skype yet, we have only talked in phone and used messenger. Within 2 to 3 weeks of talking he told me he loved me and a week later asked me to be his wife..he is very charming and sweet, however my instincts keep telling to walk away, I hate to think any bad of anyone. He tells me his live for me is true....but he doesn't k ow me feeling a little frustrated and uncertain, would love some advice thanks

Have you met?

How you respond to another male telling you that it was up to you to pay for everything?

[missgm 0]

No, we have not me yet, he wants me to come in 3 months, but I do not have the money for that. I do not mind paying for plane ticket and visa, what bothers me is everything I've read points to a free ride for him to america

[Boiler 45,753]

Quite possibly. Not exactly unknown.

Not sure how anybody can give you a definite answer either way.

Perhaps he needs to be saving as well as you?

Edited November 9, 2014 by Boiler

[Crossed_fingers 128]

I'm not sure I understood, did you mean you and your boyfriend have not yet Skyped, or did you mean you and his mother have only talked on the phone and through messenger so far?

Either way, one observation or piece of advice.....the start of a new romance isn't supposed to feel the way you're describing. This is supposed to be the giddy, butterfly phase, not the doubt and second-guessing phase. That should perhaps tell you something.

[sandinista! 1,816]

It cannot be stressed enough, in my opinion, to have accurate and detailed knowledge of each other's cultural and personal backgrounds, especially when you're dealing with a not insignificant age gap, and various cultural and religious differences. Depending slightly on how religiously observant the guy is, understanding each other's religious beliefs well beyond "Islam is peace and mercy" is a thing too, in so many American /MENA marriages. It sounds like there's a long, long way to go in establishing a relationship, much less a marriage, and visa stuff on top of that. One step at a time, slow and steady, is where and how people have the best outcomes with these background details and age difference. Relationship wise most importantly, and with visa success.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I don't like that attitude of "so it is up to me to supply all finances for plane ticket and passport and visa. "

So what can this guy offer in return?

Probably this guy doesn't have much going on in his country, other than surfing net for foreign women.