Beginning K-1 process (fiance in Egypt)

[LizzieBee 25]

Hello all, I'm just starting the intimidating process of trying to bring my fiance to the United States with me. I want to help everything go as smoothly as possible with the highest chance of approval. I've read a lot of stories on here and I'm a little terrified of all the ways things could go wrong! I'm open to any advice so here is a little about our situation:

* Red flags the embassy might look into: I'm 35 and my fiance is 24.5. I'm divorced with four children. I'm Christian and he's Muslim. I met him while legally separated and all the divorce paperwork had been filed but still awaiting a judge's signature.

* I met him online through a mutual friend late Autumn of 2012, met him and spent time with him while I was in Egypt for two weeks in Feb/March of 2013. I have documentation of that visit, photos of us together, etc. My divorce was signed by the judge May 2013. We became engaged September 2013.

* I am thinking of visiting him again next week while my ex-husband has the kids for two weeks. Not only because I miss him and can't stand the idea that this visa process takes so long, but also because I think it would help the visa process go more smoothly if we can show we've had more time together. Right?

* I'm ultra-aware of the fact that many Egyptians propose to American women to get to the US. I have had multiple proposals from guys who had only known me for about two hours (or two minutes in some cases)--cheeky Egyptians! But I believe my fiance to be sincere for multiple reasons, and I want to make that as clear as possible to the embassy when they review our package.

* Would it help our case at all if we signed the Islamic wedding contract when I visit him in person? I know it's not legally binding in the US but might signal some serious intention on his part? Thoughts?

Advice? Help? Caution? Encouragement??

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

* I am thinking of visiting him again next week while my ex-husband has the kids for two weeks. Not only because I miss him and can't stand the idea that this visa process takes so long, but also because I think it would help the visa process go more smoothly if we can show we've had more time together. Right?

* Would it help our case at all if we signed the Islamic wedding contract when I visit him in person? I know it's not legally binding in the US but might signal some serious intention on his part? Thoughts?

Advice? Help? Caution? Encouragement??

It looks like you've done your research and know the red flags. More trips and documentation of meeting his friends and family will help with your petition in establishing evidence of an ongoing relationship that is more than just online but in person as well.

I think you'd be muddying the water of your immigration process by signing an Islamic wedding contract while in Egypt if you plan to file for the K1.

[LizzieBee 25]

Thank you! I only slept 90 minutes last night as I thought through everything, talked to him this morning and ... I'm flying to Alexandria this weekend! This isn't quite as impromptu as it sounds. I've known for a couple months now that my ex-husband will have two weeks uninterrupted with the kids and this only happens once a year. But we just couldn't decide if it would be a good idea to spend the money, not sure about the safety of Egypt right now, annoyed with the curfew, etc. But after reading everything here, I think I need to take this once-a-year opportunity to spend more time with him while I have the chance!

Any other suggestions, please please post anything that might be helpful. What do you mean when you say "front load" the application? I've read that several places.

[Mithra 1,185]

Front loading = providing documentation of the relationship ie photos with the application.

Don't sign an Islamic marriage license as the PP suggested. Not a good idea and it doesn't really prove anymore intention. Anyone can sign a document and say that it means they have the intention of marriage. Longevity of the relationship and things such as frequent visits and communication are better proof of intention IMO.

I don't have anything else as far as advice other than have patience and good luck. You're in for a long road ahead of you. And then there's the rest once he gets here. That in itself is a whole other beast......

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

I'll add that this process isn't for the faint of heart. Some are lucky and breeze through and others are given roadblock after roadblock. Don't be discouraged, if your case is solid and your fiance has the best of intentions then you stand the best chance at succeeding in the end. That and as the others have said, more visits can only help you.

[LizzieBee 25]

Thanks! I'm packing my bags right now. He was very hesitant for me to come now, but as soon as the decision was made, we both started getting pretty crazy excited!!!

[berber_wife 90]

I would also advise you to not get too ahead of yourself on this visit in regards to marriage and visas (although save all the evidence of your trip!) Try to mentally take yourself out of that mindframe. You've only spent two weeks together in person. Your focus right now should be getting to know him and making sure you are compatible as life partners.

[sparkles_ 456]

For what it is worth, I met my fiance while legally married as well. After consulting a lawyer he told me about 20-25% of cases involve this so I guess it is more common than we imagine. I was told don't worry over it to the extent I was which edged on panic mode.

Visit again if able. I also have only spent 2wk in person however we talk daily for a few hours via Skype. If at all possible I will visit again before we file anything however if my uni. schedule kills that then so be it. The legal part says met just once in the past 2yr but the more the better if you are financially able. I also have seen plenty only meeting once.

I was advised about my kids, just an FYI. Has he spoken to or started to get to know the kids? I have heard they will often ask about this. My son sends scans of his school drawings/crafts to my fiance. Soon we will start FedEx-ing them here and there so we can use the mail trail as proof of relationship as well. One my son learns to write he has said he wants to send letters to "M at the pyramids"...still haven't been able to get it into his head that M doesn't live in Egypt anymore lol.

Good luck!

[LizzieBee 25]

I am in Alexandria now for two weeks. If it's possible to marry while I'm here, is that better? It seems that some have experienced longer waits for a spouse visa than a K-1??

[sara..... 371]

My sister had been separated from her husband for a while meet her now husband on line divorced her then husband two weeks after it was final flew to Egypt married her now husband stayed in Egypt three months filed for visa for him and had no problems at all she is nine years older than he is but they are both Muslim so im not sure if that made any difference.....they have been married since 2006 they had no problems with adjustment of status or getting his ten year green card

sara

[berber_wife 90]

I feel like a broken record on this subject, but you should slow down. Marriage isn't just a means to an end to get the visa-at least it shouldn't be. I know it's hard finally being with him, facing the prospect of another long separation and just wanting to get this arduous visa process underway. But you've spent barely any time with him.

What about your kids? Have they gotten to know him at all? Is there any way you all can try and meet up in a third country so they can meet him prior to him coming here? What about your ex? Could he cause problems for you if he feels you are springing a new marriage on the kids?

Have you discussed whether you want kids of your own? If so, how does he feel about fertility treatments and adoption? Does he expect you to convert is Islam? Have you talked about how you feel about a bi-religious household? If you have kids together, how will they be raised? Is he a casual Muslim or will marrying him mean major lifestyle changes for you and your kids? Even if he's casual now, how will you handle it if he becomes more devout in the future?

You said he's 24 y/o. Has he ever lived on his own? Does he know how to cook, clean and take care of himself? Does he know how to manage money? Has he had any romantic relationships before? How are his "relationship skills" ie communication and compromise? How does he feel about becoming a stepfather?

What's the process for getting married in Egypt? Have you researched it at all? Do you even have enough time? I know in Morocco it takes longer than two weeks, involves running around to multiple ministries, and involves tons of paperwork.

What if you don't get the visa? Will you move there, move to a third country, divorce, continue a long-distance relationship or just keep trying till you get it?

The questions I just asked? That's just the tip of the iceberg. You've been married and divorced. You know that marriage is hard, even between two people of the same nationality (assuming your ex is a USC). It's even harder when you throw in cultural differences, immigration, stepparenting relationships, moving halfway around the world and a sizable age gap. Best to be as prepared as possible before you tie the knot.

[LizzieBee 25]

I appreciate your concern! I've thought through all those things, of course. I have my reservations and I take this very seriously. I'm only gathering information right now, exploring all options fully before deciding anything. That includes exploring options that seem crazy on the surface, because sometimes the best solutions are born from creatively exploring very bad ideas. I hope that makes sense.

We would have many, many challenges ahead of us. I'm fully aware of that. To give perspective, I'll tell you that I have a college education, I run a charity in Utah that brings several New York Times bestselling authors, and I'm considered a beautiful woman. I don't say that to brag--I'm saying that because i want to explain I'm not acting out of any desperation. I'm not just a lovely divorcee who is trying to find a man to take care of me.

I'm a woman who has many options, is very intelligent, and who happened to fall in love with a man far away. I've had marriage proposals from men closer, men who are richer, closer to my age, etc. But I love this man! I'm thinking about it very carefully and logically to try not to let my emotion guide me. But I do love him a lot. :-)

[Angel Eyes Yuseef 5]

I couldn't help but post on this. My husband has been here in the states for 9 months now. I can not begin to tell you how different he really is now that we live together. Even my husband lived away from his family and on his own or with room mates. He does not do any cleaning. He will cook. We had all these ideas on how we would combine our cultures in our house. How we would deal with my kids. How he will deal with not working Jobs he is use to. We thought we had touched on all that needed to be. But in the end they can only compare to what they know form there Egyptian life. And I have been accused of not preparing him for what he would face here. He is more then homesick.

Also being a male never married before, he did not know what to do, when my children started to challenge him. He actually turned into a child himself. He is pretty much refusing to work in retail or a factory. Because he is above these jobs... He has had a very hard time adjusting to say the least. It is not easy for them,and of course they will take there overwhelming emotions out on us. And what if your kids do not accept him? Lets admit it, you are spending time with him, not the children.

Most times there is a lot of tension. But slowly he is adjusting. But I am not sure if the scars between my kids and husband will ever repair. I am lucky my ex choose to just disappear for the most part. But I know if my ex choose to show his true colors my husband would be sitting in jail.

Please think beyond your honey moon phase right now. The immigration is a major test of the relationship. It seems that most men get depressed once that visa petition is filed. And then the adjustment is a bear and some men can not just handle it.

[Mithra 1,185]

I don't think anyone here is accusing you of being desperate. That being said, being beautiful, intelligent, and a real catch doesn't make one more prepared, immune to scammers, immune to marrying ill prepared men, etc. Do you think that the women who end up being scammed, taken advantage of, used, cheated on, married to men-children, etc. are all ugly, naive, desperate idiots? Discussing life in the US, particularly life as a step father to 4 children is not going to prepare a 24.5 year old (do we still count half years as adults?) Egyptian man for what really lies ahead. But you didn't come here for that. Honestly, getting married now isn't going to really make a difference since you've already met in person once. It just depends on which visa you want to go for. I knew my husband for a little over a year before we got married in Egypt. First visit. We didn't get extra AP or anything due to that. If you have your certified copy of your divorce decree with you and can fulfill any requirements of getting married within the two weeks you're in Egypt, go for it. To me, it makes no difference whether you get married here or there. Sh!t can happen either way as far as your relationship is concerned. You won't find out if things suck until you're living together in a real life situation anyways. Vacation relationships are almost always romantic, fun, exhilarating, etc. Your time spent in Egypt will no way prepare you for real life so do whatever makes you happy and is convenient right now.

[LizzieBee 25]

I'm so sorry if I implied only certain types of people were liable to being taken advantage of. I understand that despite my desirable qualities, I'm emotionally weak in many ways due to the nature of my past marriage and divorce. I absolutely adore this man and he seems to adore me, too, like he's coming alive whenever he's with me. I believe that he is sincere but yes, real life tests mean much more than anything else. I hope this is the beginning of something wonderful and recognize I may be wrong.