Hopeless and broken hearted 2nd chances????

[Benediction 15]

Sometimes the best and only thing you would like to hear is I'm sorry. So let me tell you:

I'm sorry.

I know it is difficult, and your love for him was deep. You loved him regardless of if he showed you love or not. You showed him true love. For that you are to be commended. Many others would want to give up and leave, but your heart shows a heart of true emotion, BUT...

You must learn to establish boundaries so that you can find someone worth your love in return. There is nothing wrong with loving the way you did, but how you let him walk all over you is what is wrong. A lot of these qualities can be seen early enough if you establish boundaries properly and early. Demand the respect and love you wish from the start and maintain it. Nobody is perfect, and all good things take work(ask my wife.)

At this point, I would recommend being alone, doing some soul searching, and allowing the mourning process to begin. It's okay to be angry, sad, confused, and to feel what you feel. The key is to understand what went wrong and try and pick up the pieces of your broken heart so that you can be renewed and learn. You will never be who you were before, but you can be better or newer!

Much love to you,

Kindest regards,

Bene.

[CaizLurol 36]

I really don't want a divorce to be honest just want to resolve it between us. And start our married lives for the first time without our families.... feel pathetic...

Ah, the vicious cycle begins... and goes on and on....

I've been where you are and let me give it to you straight... he will not change.

Him walking out was the biggest favor he ever did to you. He was ruining your life and you're too wrapped up in your emotions to realize it.

It was a mistake and no matter how you look at it, you must move on. It will NOT resolve. It might temporarily resolve only for it to get worse the second time around.

Where there is no respect, there is no relationship. This man does not respect you. I am not surprised if he has an Indian GF hidden from you.

It's a vicious cycle and it will only continue until you are so drained that you see no other option but to leave. Look in the mirror. Tell yourself you're beautiful and deserve better because you do.

[hopelessforever 6]

Okay so I spoke to his parents who have given up on there son blaming them. They want him to grow up and are embarrased hes staying with someone other than family. I don't believe them, they talk to him daily. I closed our bank joint account he had to 17 dollars. Turned off his indian line on his cell phone. Reported his phone stolen cut it temporarily. I had a job interview and start Mondays. he called me 6 times. From his work. I did not answer. Was intern yelled at by family. But I ignored it. Perhaps instead of running away I confront them head on. I cant afford moving. I submitted all of past case records to uscis and to indian embassy keep on file, of his intentions. I am waiting to gather money to file. If he stays in america wont be my issue or concern. I'm done with marriage or guys. Time to focus only on me. Be selfish.

[hopelessforever 6]

I hope and pray that you listen to all the advice given you on this forum. At the end of the day the decision is yours to make. If you want out, then begin the divorce process. If you still want in, then I guess nothing you hear on this forum will change your mind so don't bother writing another lengthy post about your woes in this marriage. We've seen two threads about it already...

agreed thankyou. I gave him a chance one if I do ot again shame on me...and this I promise will be the last lengthy post written about this situation. I realized it has been short of three months, since the last thread. Can I continue this forever? No...thank you kindly, for not lashing out or making me feel worse. I have qualities am not proud of. But I can work on them, be a better person. Throwing myself back to him, will continue this cycle.

[reginaglenn 25]

You know very well which way to go, pack up and begin to take that route while you still have respect and courage left for yourself. Be strong...there are still worst situations than this.., you're not alone. But I'm with you, hope all goes well in the future.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

Okay so I spoke to his parents who have given up on there son blaming them. They want him to grow up and are embarrased hes staying with someone other than family. I don't believe them, they talk to him daily. I closed our bank joint account he had to 17 dollars. Turned off his indian line on his cell phone. Reported his phone stolen cut it temporarily. I had a job interview and start Mondays. he called me 6 times. From his work. I did not answer. Was intern yelled at by family. But I ignored it. Perhaps instead of running away I confront them head on. I cant afford moving. I submitted all of past case records to uscis and to indian embassy keep on file, of his intentions. I am waiting to gather money to file. If he stays in america wont be my issue or concern. I'm done with marriage or guys. Time to focus only on me. Be selfish.

NO, NO, NO!!

Don't give up on guys and marriage! Just give up on this piece if s^i* douchebag. Don't waste your time and energy on plotting revenge. It will eat you up just as resentment does. You gotto discard this idiot, that's all. He is a poor excuse for a man. He used you and karma will get him in the end. Leave the revenge up to the universe.

Aloha Ke Akua

[Sam and Fen 41]

This will sound harsh, but I've seen a Bollywood movie with this exact story line.

If you want to 'do something' with USCIS, get into a local office via infopass and talk with the FDNS officer there.

You watch Bollywood movies? Which one was it?

[dwheels76 5,468]

He never loved you. It was a romance scam. He is a user. You loved a facade an apparition. Even at his sweetest, sexiest, and most romantic IT WAS NOT REAL. He is a sociopath and a liar. You were in love with a false front. You must tell yourself this over and over until you can move past the hurt.

True love is supported by actions that support the words and don't undermine you, stab you in the back, hurt you emotionally and physically and financially.

****************************************************************************************************************************

This was too good I had to repost on my facebook status. Thank you.

OP Please listen. Look back all the way to the beginning trace every step and see and say "He loves me he loves me not and really think did he really love you. Taking you here and there all over India means nothing as you said that was just all show.

Funny how so many push for the USC at interview and here your presence was the only thing that helped you and got you approved.

As the expression goes "you need to do you". It's ME time. I know I am enjoying my me time and ME is FABULOUS. Try it.

Edited October 3, 2013 by dwheels76

[verysadguy 170]

He never loved you. It was a romance scam. He is a user. You loved a facade an apparition. Even at his sweetest, sexiest, and most romantic IT WAS NOT REAL. He is a sociopath and a liar. You were in love with a false front. You must tell yourself this over and over until you can move past the hurt.

True love is supported by actions that support the words and don't undermine you, stab you in the back, hurt you emotionally and physically and financially.

****************************************************************************************************************************

This was too good I had to repost on my facebook status. Thank you.

OP Please listen. Look back all the way to the beginning trace every step and see and say "He loves me he loves me not and really think did he really love you. Taking you here and there all over India means nothing as you said that was just all show.

Funny how so many push for the USC at interview and here your presence was the only thing that helped you and got you approved.

As the expression goes "you need to do you". It's ME time. I know I am enjoying my me time and ME is FABULOUS. Try it.

YO DWHEELS, Where is my "by line?" LOL

[FaithfulandTrue 6]

I'm glad you will let him go. I'm all for marriage and give and take. Obviously he was taking ALL the time and gave you NOTHING but grief. Trust me I've been there. Don't try and get revenge but like I said protect yourself. He certainly won't. I looked back over this trainwreck of a person, i.e. my ex not me and said whoa you didn't see that. I guess I did but HOPED and PRAYED he would change. I was told by his sister he's never been married and to be patient and yada yada yada. All lies. Your story sounds similar to mine. Please listen to sound doctrine. Don't answer the phone, emails, nothing. If he wants to slip up and be a fool, call the police and make a report. Never try to handle this yourself. If you need to, go to therapy too. I tried to bring my husband to my appt one time and let my doctor tell him to stop the bull because I couldn't take stress. She didn't give him the time of day and left him sitting in the lobby. Even she knew he was a player and he probably still is. The whole family is. I am praying for you. You don't have to give up on marriage or love. I will say, when this is over please take a break. Take care of you. Remember HE lost out, not you. God bless you

[dwheels76 5,468]

hehe well I didn't say "Verysadguy on VJ said this" I just said someone said this and I had to repost. My bad. If any money come in I will look you up.

[QueenE 174]

I won't get in to specifics, but I feel like am fighting a losing battle. My husband, (who is from India), has been in the states since Jan 10, 2013. I spent majority of last year making sure that I was in India so he would not jeopardize his case. We were married March 19, 2013. Got engaged July 15th, 2010. After getting denied the K1 route decided to go to India and get married. I have no family there at all. My parents accompanied me for the wedding. I spent 4 months there then, again flew back in October 2012 when he got a letter for an interview at the embassy. I stayed until Jan 8th then flew back with my husband.

I left my education, job, family, life behind, to start a new one with my husband. Since Jan 15th-September 1, 2013 I have worked a job that is the just minimum wage but we got buy until my husband would start working. Our initial plan was for me to return back to school and finish while he worked. We resided with my parents so it was not an issue, we were saving up to leave, but of course I had bills of my own, insurance, car insurance, cell phone, some previous credit card bill I bought my ticket to India with, just less than a 2000. I was also paying my family with some bills. why should we live for free? I'm married. With that being said, my husbands father resides in New York, his two nephews and sister reside in Texas the only family they have. He wanted us to relocate to Texas. The moment my husband go his green card he started threatening him and saying he would leave to India if he didn't come to Texas. HIs dad has been in the states for 20 years illegally. He has not seen his son in since 2004.

Prior to marrying my husband it was arranged we agreed we would live in California only, and not move to Texas, as well as build our future financially and not send money home unless we had extra( but I was told they were well off back home so no need), and I would continue school after marriage priority(because I postponed it for him)... He agreed as well as both families. As soon as he got here he started getting influence by his father and pretty much every day we would fight argue over our location... I avoided it as long as I could but it eventually got to me. And my family would see this and sit us down and calm us. It started becoming pretty much every 2 months. In the summer I wanted to finally enroll in classes, but could not do so, because now that my husband was working transportation, his dad expected him to help pay off the debt back home. We started arguing over this, I was dumb founded that this man is still living with my parents and I'm paying all of our expenses and he wants to send money back home 80% of his check? His dad sends all his money there so why? HIs dad told me my education was not a priority his debt was. It hurt me, and the fact his son agreed felt betrayed.

July approaches and my husband goes to visit Texas and his Dad flew there and his sister and her family came from Canada. He spent two weeks, while I worked. We had 2000 in savings, when he got back he finally added me (I was never added on his bank account didn't want me, I never pushed.) . I saw he had spent 1000 on clothing that he had not shown me, He had just purchased a new wardrobe in January prior to coming here that his dad sent him money for. He had gained weight by March and those items did not fit. So I purchased him a couple items as well as my Mom. I had gained weight and had not bought a single item. I wanted to lose weight and fit in to my old wardrobe. I confronted him and he said I bought you a coach purse. It was thoughtful, but my objective was to move on our own and finally start our married lives. We have never been alone or lived together without anyone. He apologized and told me no big deal, I have worked for everything I've ever had, he's been given everything. He's 30.

I was very upset and blew up and told him he doesn't appreciate a single thing I do. I had purchased him a 600 dollar phone when he first arrived with unlimited calling back home, so he wouldn't be homesick....While I kept my broken blackberry, that did not have internet fearing only one could in this relationship until we made more. Whenever there was a family event or a trip I was stuck working while he went and had fun. I didn't mind, I assumed its a relationship and short period before he contributes. He would not go out with my friends, he didn't feel confident speaking English. He didn't even attend events for those friends that spoke the same language. I had done so in India...and did not like it, but that's life...I was always stuck at home while he was out with his friends in India...On new years eve he chose his friends over me, I nvr kissed a guy at midnight and told him how important it was for him to do so and being my husband it would mean the world...He chose his friends...I was hurt but figured its his last time with those group of friends and should not hold it against him...

For the past month I quit my job and started school, I paid everything out of pocket. He told me to find an apartment, I juggled through hoops getting kicked out of his bosses office for asking for paystubs. I was unaware my husband did not keep count of how far or how much he made. They owed him more...He does not get taxed hes an independent operator... So my husband was embarrassed they did that and yelled at me... We went at it in the car... He told me he wished he never married me....I cried....I continued to get his documents together even taking him to Irs getting forms, and missing exams and class... We started arguing more. I felt that I was not getting appreciated, I had to take care of house hold responsibility, education and him. It was unfair, I was anxious to move, just waiting for the approval for the complex.

His dad started the Texas issue up again two weeks ago. I ended up telling him our marriage was being effected and he was the root cause. He needed to allow his son to start his life and me finish school. He lashed out on me, and I told him rudely, the only way you'll get him to Texas is, if we divorce.... On September 20th my husband came back from work and was discussing Texas, over and over, we got in an argument. He took off...Whenever something occurred between us everyone was involved his family mine everyone. Its embarrassing I was not brought up that way but he feels the need to include everyone...I've always been blamed regardless of what happened. when he ran up our phone bill talkn internationally when he had a line for that. when I saw naked pictures of his friends wives sent to him discussing intimate details of our sexual life. Thank god I don't believe in pictures... I moved on...Saturday he was crying and I felt bad, my family have had enough, he needed to grow up and realize he couldn't always get his way. I was even trying to submit hw before the 12midnight deadline, but was preoccupied by him. I told him enough is enough chose Texas or me? He told me he chooses his Dad, and he could replace me but not him. His dad was given the option of moving here and being with his son... I was so hurt... He took the keys and took off. I told my brothers, they were livid, and threw his bags outside, after calming them down, I brought his belongings inside. They told me that you guys need your own place we had told him couple months ago. I told them we were days away from being approved for the complex. They even said they would cosign and give us 2 months rent. I told them no, we needed to do it on our own... I continued calling my husband he did not answer and he was not familiar with surroundings. I was worried submitted my work in late, got an F. My fault...

He slept downstairs that night, and in the morning I woke up and asked him how he was and decide one last time...He told me he chose his dad, and married me only for a green card. My heart broke and ended up slapping him. First time I've done that in my life.. He said of course your going to do this sarcastically all your good for. He threw a couple dollars and said this is for the other night being intimate, I cried, and started choking him. He was laughing but not once stopped me...He called his mom told her that I slapped and choked him, she told me I was the worse thing that happened to her son, and was a dirty bit^^. I told him that is not marriage running off and telling your mother or family. He has even in past told his mother he was sad with me, resulting in her calling me to be more sexually active with him and try new things...I have never felt more appauledin my life.

HIs mother told him take his belongings and leave. He was mopping around all day, he has no family here, he kept coming to me asking where his luggage was I told him. I would not stop him or nor did I tell him to leave. My brother separated us and told us to calm down. He got annoyed that my husband wanted to leave continued complaining. My husband took his luggage and packed. I was tired of the drama, assumed he was bluffing or he would drive around and come back. He took his documents as well. I fell asleep. My brother woke me up to tell me he left me and wasn't coming back, he was not a man but a punk, spoiled, brat....I immediately called him to come back it wasn't too late. He refused said this was for the best. I continued calling him and contacted his mom, she told me he was on the road truck be back in couple days don't stress. Come to find out Wednesday he was staying at another Indian families house and had told them our entire ordeal...they are not related, acquaintances. I informed my family and they immediately contacted his Dad, who stated it was my brother and my fault how could his son live in such an environment?

I tried to pay bills from our joint account to find out he had taken everything out and left 200. I used it to pay our cellphone bill. How could he assume it was over without telling me or think I'd touch that money? He refused answer my calls. Finally when he did, confessed I meant everything and I did so much for him and his family. And he would come back if I would admit in front of everyone I would move to Texas. Or take money for my education and call it quits on the marriage. It was the real deal, I did not marry him for money. I felt cornered. We were approved for the apartment let him know, he said he'd think about it. Never did. I gave him an ultimatum that if he didn't come by yesterday which was 9 days after he left I'd assume it was over, He never came or called. My family reached out through extended family, because he refuses to answer there calls as well, and were informed they would have to go to that third party strangers house to discuss our marriage. I refused, then he stated he would want me to come and be lectured by them, again I refused. Now I have come to the conclusion, it was only for a visa, or his Dad got his way. They asked for a couple days to make a decision, not him his family. I am again put on hold. I have no money, to file. I would loved to work this would and move. But he just seems to care and obey his Dad. Our lives have never been private I want him to grow up. My family has become as well as his a laughing stock around town. He won't even meet or communicate with me. All the while is running up my phone bill internationally. which I had cut off/ international. But to disconnect his line its 270 as well as 400 remaining on his cellphone. I resorted last Saturday instead of asking for family help babysitting and mowing lawns to obtain a measly 65 dollars for 8hours work. I am trying my best to work this but its all on him.

I can't even deport him? I don't think that's an option. It hurts knowing a grown man would do such a thing. I'm not perfect I do argue, over education, location, and finances. But to walk out. What can I do?

I know this is going to be a completely unpopular answer, but I don't think your husband was using you for GC. I think he is a brat, and you and his parents baby him. He is used to being babied and if he doesn't get his way he throws a tantrum like a child. I think when he is mad at you or your family he complains to his parents, they being parents get all worked up thinking he is suffering and try to convince him to come to Texas where he will be safe. I think that if he was trying to use you, he wouldn't have been trying to so hard to get you to move with him. He is a very selfish person and has found people to basically breast feed him throughout his life. For example now he is living with another family probably feeding them horror stories of what you, your family, and probably now his parents have put him through.

I don't know he just sounds immature, but I still don't see anything that concludes that he was using you. yes he said he was just using you for green card, but it sounds just like when a teenager gets in a fight with their parents and they say "I hate you mom!" Again if he was using you, he wouldn't have been fighting with you so much to follow him to Texas, and he would of just done what you wanted him to do until his papers were completely complete.

You have to learn to allow him to be a man and not baby him like his parents have been doing for so long. Focus on you. Not on his happiness, but obiviously the whole thing has impacted you too much so maybe divorce is a better option for you. But if for whatever reason you decide to try and make it work, don't bend over backwards for him so much. Don't allow your grades to slips because he is throwing another tantrum. Don't take his parents seriously because they probably the biggest enablers in his life. Sorry all this happen to you. I know people are going to jump all over me, but I just don't think its as black and white as people are making it seem.

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

honestly, i don't think he was using you for the GC. thats a common phrase when someone gets mad at their spouses. it's something to make you hurt intentionally, words said at rage. now the thing with the dollar bills was pathetic. i've been through something very similar with my husband's family, but in the end he realised they were wrong and chose to be with me and me only. you're husband is not a man enough, he's a brat who needs to grow up and realise he has a wife and a new life and not hang by his daddy's pants like a lil' kid

[hopelessforever 6]

I just want everyone to know, I found an awesome job/career, that will allow me to support myself financially. I closed our joint account, we had no money, he withdrew it. I turned off his phone. It was under my name and was paid for by me. I realized he had ran up the bill, roaming charges were 100 dollars. Ironic how a person left broke he could do such a thing. I'll be honest I've never been religious started attending church regularly. The job I took is 1.5 hours from my parents. I am happily getting situated . Its not easy, but realizing that cutting off the biggest stress in my life was best. I quit taking depression medication, liberating. I dropped my classes. I could not fathom being around so many people that would pull me down. Seems like I ran away from my problems, but I will be honest I Couldn't face them head on, I'd revert back to him.sounds pathetic.

for those of you that can relate my real life situation to a bollywood movie:this isn't a movie. Its my life. These tears, heart break, Humiliation is real..in bollywood films the actor realizes he cant live without his wife and comes home happily ever after...this did not end such a way... ..I would never wish this on anyone. Its time to focus on me...

[Hollyday 122]

I just want everyone to know, I found an awesome job/career, that will allow me to support myself financially. I closed our joint account, we had no money, he withdrew it. I turned off his phone. It was under my name and was paid for by me. I realized he had ran up the bill, roaming charges were 100 dollars. Ironic how a person left broke he could do such a thing. I'll be honest I've never been religious started attending church regularly. The job I took is 1.5 hours from my parents. I am happily getting situated . Its not easy, but realizing that cutting off the biggest stress in my life was best. I quit taking depression medication, liberating. I dropped my classes. I could not fathom being around so many people that would pull me down. Seems like I ran away from my problems, but I will be honest I Couldn't face them head on, I'd revert back to him.sounds pathetic.

for those of you that can relate my real life situation to a bollywood movie:this isn't a movie. Its my life. These tears, heart break, Humiliation is real..in bollywood films the actor realizes he cant live without his wife and comes home happily ever after...this did not end such a way... ..I would never wish this on anyone. Its time to focus on me...

Good job! Just do a step at a time. I hope things get even better for you very soon.