Visa Laws forcing us to get married. Should we do it?

[luna23 0]

Hi, my boyfriend and I met 1 year ago in Taiwan when we were exchange students there. It was quite a sweet and short period for us. Then we had a long distance relationship for 8 months. He is a US citizen and I am not. Now we are living together as he is an exchange student for one year(until mid 2014) in a local university and I will start working soon. I am planning to live with him in the US after his stay here but I am not super experienced in my field(software engineering). Although tech companies are lobbying for new immigration laws for foreign workers, it still has a long way to go to get the congress approval and furthermore it's nearly impossible for me to compete with experienced professionals around the globe.

Therefore, we are considering getting married and applying for a DCF marriage visa. However, we are young, naïve and have no experience in this case. While we love each other, we both consider ourselves too young to get seriously married. That's not to say that our marriage wouldn't be serious but that we would rather wait 4-5 years before getting the parents involved, having a wedding and settling down. We are thinking about getting hastily married now so that I will be able to move back to the US with him. If this was not necessary we would prefer waiting some time before we get married. While we have no problem thinking of the marriage certificate as a little more than a paper that signifies our relationship, It is obviously still a big commitment. Our view on marriage is perhaps a little unconventional, and we are both worried that because of this the immigration office will not think our marriage is bona fide. Again, we will live together in the US, and we are definitely in a serious relationship, but because of our young age and some problems with our families, we do not wish to openly advertise our marriage.

Before taking this leap, I want to know your opinions about our situation. Is our plan okay, or will we run into trouble? Are we just crazy?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[LauraDP 10]

I think this is a very personal decision and the only person who can provide the answer to it really is you and your boyfriend.

Personally I would not see that your relationship would be regarded as fraudulent as you have stated that you love each other and are in a committed relationship you regard as being long-term. However, on a practical level you need to consider how you would evidence that for immigration purposes. Do you have sufficient proof of the basis of your relationship such as joint assets and accounts, ample evidence of having met each other's families etc? Other VJers would be better placed to assist you with generating a list of appropriate evidence but you need to consider these pragmatic things as telling USCIS that you are in a long-term committed relationship is not the same as proving it.

On a less pragmatic level, you also need to decide whether marriage is something you really want to enter into at this stage. I was 20 when we got married (having been together for almost 3 years by that point) and we are still together 17 years after our wedding so I am not knocking young love or getting married early at all. However, it is a big commitment to make, especially when you are also contemplating the pressure and stress of an international move. Obviously only you know the ins and outs of your relationship and whether you are ready to take that step or not so all you need to do is have an open and frank conversation about it with your boyfriend and dig deep and decide whether it is something you want to do. I can see that marriage would resolve a lot of issues regarding your residency status in the US but you need to be sure that you would arrive at the marriage option even if it were not for that reason, even if it does mean you marry sooner rather than later.

I hope that makes sense.

Best wishes

Laura

[aynom 0]

Hi Luna23- I absolutely agree with LauraDP. Not knowing the specifics of your living arrangements while together I can add that usually DCF will have no problem in recognizing the marriage as legitimate as you have been residing together for so long. I have lived with my husband for over a year and it was impossible to have joint accounts, etc for most of that time due to delays in processing my residency here and there was still very little problem showing bona fide marriage for the proof of mail together, pics, etc. I think I want to add that your struggle has very little to do with beaurocracy in countries and more to do with your thoughts to the future together. I really applaud you for thinking this through and giving both of you the best chance for a successful union. My husband and I were together 3 years before marriage and have been married 3 years now (living in his country the last two years; the first year still living seperately and visiting a couple months at a time). The first three years we visited each other and lived on skype (school holidays, etc staying a few months each visit. I actually got a second job to fund the trips). It was difficult but also a time to appreciate each other; I am not certain how strong we would have been through all the difficulties after if we had not learned to never take the time apart for granted. We faced the same decision as you and waited. I am very glad we did; we did whatever we could to be together in those years and took our time planning for the time we would be ready for marriage. We have had culture differences, family differences and other difficult times that I think can be a very stressful point to your relationship as well. I am not accepted to this day from his family and he has had to almost cut ties (even being in his own country) because of that. It was very stressful for us and unexpected before we married. We are now returning to the US and I will have to go ahead of him a few months; this seems more difficult to us now then before. I don't look forward to skype and webcam every night again and neither does he. But in a strange way, it is not a bad thing either as it really keeps the value of everything we have and everything we have been through fresh to us. I think there are ways you both can still maintain your relationship (keeping the strength you have) until you feel very comfortable with the idea. You can't know how many years that will be; I promise there will come a time when you will know that you just can't live without being together (in marriage) and without a doubt. It can even be another year or two and not as long as you are thinking. You don't need more stress on you both then you already will have through the process and a huge move with a new life. Only hoping to help; this has to be your call.