Feeling overwhelmed, but glad to have found you

[rvm4488 0]

Hey guys,

Just starting this very long road to being with the one I love, and the more I learn about the process the more overwhelmed I become. As is probably the case for everyone here, my SO and I are finding it very difficult being apart from one another. I live in Houston, TX USA and he lives in Moncton, NB Canada. Before finding out how much of a nightmare the process is, our plan was for him to come here for 4 months, me go there for 6 months and get married, and then come back to the USA in order to petition for him to come over on the IR-1 / CR-1 visa with my Step-dad acting as a co-sponsor.

Then after staying up till 5 am on this glorious site, I come to find out that we can't simply stay our max terms in each other's respective country, so now I'm kind of lost. On top of everything we're both men, so the process is going to be a very long and arduous one if it's not denied completely.

We met online, so it's not like we had the pleasure of dating before entering this. He came down for a week back in August, and it was the best week of my life. I have never been that happy and connected with someone, so we both are in the this for the long haul. We've officially been together for three months. He can come here with relative ease because he has about $4000 saved up, his job is going to take him back when he goes back to Moncton, he has a car in his name, so in short, plenty of ties to Canada. Which means that when he comes down in a week to stay for four months I feel, based on others' experiences on here, that he has a good chance of being granted the four months we're asking. The problems arise when I want to go to Canada for six months. In the long run the plan is for him to be the provider while I work on my writing career, keep up our home, and if we're stable enough; take care of children we'd like to adopt (I know, shooting for the stars here). That being said, I'm a full time student with no income other than the $880 I get every other month from my student refund. I'm 25 (He's 22) meaning I'm young (which I heard makes it harder to visit for long periods), and aside from my cat and family I don't have any legal ties to the US except for my credit card, eventual student loans, and school.

I'm just completely lost and crestfallen at this point. The more I look into the process the less likely it seems.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Hi rvm!

My advice, if you've only been together for 3 months, is to take things one step at a time. It's good to know a general arc of your plans, for sure. But I would have him come to visit you and see how that goes. If he is granted entry (and likely he will be) then you can enjoy your 4 months together while carving out a plan for the next step.

Thinking about every timetick for years in the future is going to give you a headache, and most likely your plans will have to change anyway.

I would think about your lives first, and then settle into immigration plans. For instance, are you sure you want to live in the US? Where will you both work? Does one of you have a job plan that is more or less mobile than the other?

Same-sex marriage works just like heterosexual marriage for US immigration now, so I wouldn't let that be a pretend bump in your road.

The other things will fall in to place, I promise.

[cdneh 3,112]

Welcome to VJ rvm

I know how overwhelming the process appears. There are lots of little details, and bits and pieces of info to sort out, and the more you read, the more daunting it looks.

In your situation, I would think it looks very confusing indeed. You are on the cutting edge here, exciting times! Still, one step at a time will get you there, in the end.

Here is one example of a thread I found through the search that may help, like this one:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/441524-binational-same-sex-couples-show-up/

Add your voice to that conversation, or others. There is support available

This link will take you to the USCIS statement on the subject that may help:

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.eb1d4c2a3e5b9ac89243c6a7543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=2543215c310af310VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=2543215c310af310VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD

I'm better versed in the Canadian way of doing things. I am Canadian originally, and my son and his New Zealand husband live in BC. Maybe in time plans would lead you more that direction. It's early days, sometimes plans have a way of changing over time, so you two haven't got to sort everything out and carve it in stone just yet.

I haven't got all the answers you need, but I did want to wish you well, and welcome all the same.

[rvm4488 0]

Hi rvm!

My advice, if you've only been together for 3 months, is to take things one step at a time. It's good to know a general arc of your plans, for sure. But I would have him come to visit you and see how that goes. If he is granted entry (and likely he will be) then you can enjoy your 4 months together while carving out a plan for the next step.

Thinking about every timetick for years in the future is going to give you a headache, and most likely your plans will have to change anyway.

I would think about your lives first, and then settle into immigration plans. For instance, are you sure you want to live in the US? Where will you both work? Does one of you have a job plan that is more or less mobile than the other?

Same-sex marriage works just like heterosexual marriage for US immigration now, so I wouldn't let that be a pretend bump in your road.

The other things will fall in to place, I promise.

Thank you so much for this, I mean it. Your response literally brought me to tears. I really needed someone who has experience with this to tell me things are going to be ok.

We both agree that first we should focus on our four month visit together and then take things one step at a time. I'm just so scared thinking about the road ahead of us, but you're absolutely right. I can't focus completely on that otherwise I guess I won't be able to enjoy my time with him.

We are sure that it's best for him to come here. He doesn't have strong family ties in Canada while my family and I are really close. We both think that here we would have a lot more support than if I went to Canada. He wants to be the main provider for us, but eventually I am working on my writing career so that is something I can take with me anywhere.

Again, thank you for all of your reassurances. Again, this is the biggest thing either of us will probably every have to go through. It's just so scary thinking about it, but again you're right, I need to take it slow.

So more than likely you do think he'll be granted his four month stay here?

[rvm4488 0]

Welcome to VJ rvm

I know how overwhelming the process appears. There are lots of little details, and bits and pieces of info to sort out, and the more you read, the more daunting it looks.

In your situation, I would think it looks very confusing indeed. You are on the cutting edge here, exciting times! Still, one step at a time will get you there, in the end.

Here is one example of a thread I found through the search that may help, like this one:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/441524-binational-same-sex-couples-show-up/

Add your voice to that conversation, or others. There is support available

This link will take you to the USCIS statement on the subject that may help:

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.eb1d4c2a3e5b9ac89243c6a7543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=2543215c310af310VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=2543215c310af310VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD

I'm better versed in the Canadian way of doing things. I am Canadian originally, and my son and his New Zealand husband live in BC. Maybe in time plans would lead you more that direction. It's early days, sometimes plans have a way of changing over time, so you two haven't got to sort everything out and carve it in stone just yet.

I haven't got all the answers you need, but I did want to wish you well, and welcome all the same.

Thank you very much for your kind words and advice. You know, the more people keep bringing it up the more I'm starting to think it may be better if I tried to immigrate to Canada. For one he has stable employment there while I'm just a student. He has lots of ties to Canada while, quite honestly, I could probably relocate there without it affecting any area of my life except one, my loved ones.

Truth be told the only reason we decided he comes here was because my support network is bigger than his. I have my parents, grand parents, and even some friends to fall back on if we needed them. My step-dad is even willing to co-sponsor his immigration since I don't have a job. While back in Canada he really only has his sister's support as his parents aren't taking his coming out news too great. We would have to find our own place right away if I went there while here my parents are more than willing to help us get on our feet.

If we were to flip things around, how similar is the process? Would it be faster? Could I be with him while the process is going on? I haven't looked into immigrating to Canada, so maybe it's time we considered it. Thank you for everything, I really appreciate it!

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Thank you so much for this, I mean it. Your response literally brought me to tears. I really needed someone who has experience with this to tell me things are going to be ok.

We both agree that first we should focus on our four month visit together and then take things one step at a time. I'm just so scared thinking about the road ahead of us, but you're absolutely right. I can't focus completely on that otherwise I guess I won't be able to enjoy my time with him.

We are sure that it's best for him to come here. He doesn't have strong family ties in Canada while my family and I are really close. We both think that here we would have a lot more support than if I went to Canada. He wants to be the main provider for us, but eventually I am working on my writing career so that is something I can take with me anywhere.

Again, thank you for all of your reassurances. Again, this is the biggest thing either of us will probably every have to go through. It's just so scary thinking about it, but again you're right, I need to take it slow.

So more than likely you do think he'll be granted his four month stay here?

Well, marriage is a big step for everyone. Adding immigration to it makes it a bit scarier, but even without it, it's a big, exciting, life-changing event.

I think he will be allowed in. What will he be doing for work in those 4 months? (Border patrol will want to know that too).

[rvm4488 0]

Well, marriage is a big step for everyone. Adding immigration to it makes it a bit scarier, but even without it, it's a big, exciting, life-changing event.

I think he will be allowed in. What will he be doing for work in those 4 months? (Border patrol will want to know that too).

Well he has about $4000 saved up, and his job has said he has a job there when he comes back. He won't have to buy food or pay rent because he's staying with my family. Will that be sufficient if he gets a letter from his boss?

[cdneh 3,112]

Parents can be funny creatures, who knows maybe in time they might come round. And, the beauty of this is you haven't got to make that decision right away. I'd check into both ways, sort through all the pros and cons, then see what's what. I'm pretty sure Canada has got an immigration website that would have heaps of info too. My son and his husband were already in the country when they got married, back in 2003, so he hadn't any useful advice how to do it otherwise. He sends his best wishes though

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[jkelly07 120]

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