Trouble in the relationship

[arrowhead 0]

Chystal,

It seems to me, that the problem is with your boyfriend. He seems to be backing out of this. If that is the way it is, then let him go. You should never push a relationship with somebody who is not reciprocating. It should never be you who does all of the work to make it successful. My past experience is that when somebody starts giving up on a relationship, all of my effort in the world will not make any difference. The right person will always wait, no matter how long, for a relationship to work - just as you do. I know that in my case, I will remain committed no matter how long it takes.

I know some of our soldiers in Iraq, who have been away from their girlfriends/wives for more than a year. But they remain together, because both the man and the woman are committed to their relationships.

If you think that the problem is not that your boyfriend is quitting, but only stressed out about the long distance relationship, then continue with the K-1 process. Visit him for the 90 days as soon as possible to see if the relationship is rekindled. I do not think that it is good to wait six months after issuance of the visa to arrive in the USA, because the problem is that you are far apart. That can only be solved by arriving sooner, rather than later.

Also, I certainly hope that he is not backing out because he found another girl locally. If that were to happen, he would lose interest in you fast, but not feel comfortable telling you the real reason why.

Good luck to you!

[globetrotter 0]

Hey! Sounds like you've had a lot of comfortable shoulders to cry on and good advice from other VJ members above. Thought I would throw in my two penny's worth... I've been with my finace for 4 years, the last 2 which have been long distance, and we've had our share of ups and downs as I understand every relationship does. It may be the distance that is causing stress today, but it will be something else causing stress tomorrow. For me the test of a relationship is not so much in having the gooey feelings in the first place (they are nice, but wax and wane) but in being able to work through problems together so that you can get the good times back and enjoy each other again. Maybe you know an older couple you can talk to - they may not have had the specific stress that you do - but they will have had others. Good luck in talking with your partner, understanding yourself and understanding him!!

Wish you both well!

[KarenCee 3]

Joel and I have been in our long distance relationship for nearly two years now...we realise the value of communication. That's what has made our relationship so strong. The distance is hard, but we're both committed to this and to each other. I'm not saying there haven't been a stressful moment or two, but we've always talked...it's all we have for the most part. We do talk on the phone or webcam on the weekends...sort of like a "date" in a sense. We have been able to fly back and forth some too, so that has helped. I think it all depends on how much you want to be with that person as to whether or not it will work -despite the distance. Just MHO