"I didn't love my wife when we got married"

[Dbkrantz 16]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to share yet another article that I read:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elad-nehorai/i-didnt-love-my-wife_b_3908956.html

It's about defining and redefining acts of love and I found it to be a pretty amazing read. Since a lot of us here are either married or about to be married, I thought it would be an interesting thing to share.

I hope you guys enjoy it!

[Wayne and Claudia 40]

thank you. that was strange and hard to read. I love my wife with all my soul. It makes me sad to see some folks "struggle" here but they just don't understand that, if they are truly in love this is nothing. the real test is when you are together each day. I have posted before and I still stand firm, K-1 should not be allowed. If you truly love, then marry...it matters not how far you travel to do it, do it and be happy. Many argue that "it is expensive." Love, unfortunately, costs.

[lucybelle 453]

That's why my husband and I lived together for two years before getting married. To make sure we really did love each other

[Dbkrantz 16]

Yes same here. We thought about K1 but then thought: why not get married? We've lived together for almost 2 years, now it's time.

I am glad you liked the article.

[Protocol417 161]

I would be more than willing to have my fiance move here (or I could move there) and we could live together before getting married... but how? Neither of our countries would allow that.

So far as getting married first, then going the CR-1 route, also okay in my book (would probably be preferable since we wouldn't have to plan a wedding without knowing when we'd be able to actually have the ceremony). But if you're not lucky enough to already be in the country on another visa, then you run the significant risk of being denied entry for your own wedding based on potential intent to immigrate.

So why K-1? Because laws. It's easy to say "love costs" (it normally doesn't?) when you have the money to pay for travel and destination weddings, but a lot less so when whatever money you have is already taken up by travel costs while maintaining a long-distance relationships, form processing fees, and supporting two people on one income.

Aside from that, when I read this article before, it actually kind of creeped me out a little. The way the author worded it, it made it sound like she only gave him loving glances when he did housework

[lucybelle 453]

Yeah we are both young enough that we didn't have to uproot too much to live with each other. Sure we both made plenty of sacrifices to be together, but there was nothing drastic like ailing parents or children. My husband was able to come to the USA for 6 months on his visitor's visa. When that was up, I quit my job and moved to Costa Rica with him. Been here ever since. And now it's time to go back to the USA. If NBC ever decides to start processing I-130s again.

[Dbkrantz 16]

I am not against the whole K1 process. I think it's great for getting people together, I just think that it's not always a good idea to get married without living together first. Except if that's not the case for cultural / religious reasons.

Marriage is a real test and it's hard to see how it will go without living together first, but I still think this article applies whether it's K1 or CR-1!

[Confusedtinybird 41]

Agree 100% about living together. What I don't understand are the people who want to file K1, but they have never met!

[Khal_Drogo 50]

I am not against the whole K1 process. I think it's great for getting people together, I just think that it's not always a good idea to get married without living together first. Except if that's not the case for cultural / religious reasons.

Marriage is a real test and it's hard to see how it will go without living together first, but I still think this article applies whether it's K1 or CR-1!

I have to ask, but what about us in the military? We don't have a choice; we can be all nice and happy living with our girlfriends/boyfriends while still deciding if marriage is a good fit while overseas, when, bam, orders to the States. And depending on your unit, good luck getting back to get married (it took me six months to file the appropriate letters of intent and such with security and get the leave sorted out due to low manning levels at the time). And you're not married, so the military's not letting them go with you. And good luck doing a quickie marriage and getting a CR visa with those "bonafides."

Edited September 22, 2013 by Khal_Drogo

[Dbkrantz 16]

I have to ask, but what about us in the military? We don't have a choice; we can be all nice and happy living with our girlfriends/boyfriends while still deciding if marriage is a good fit while overseas, when, bam, orders to the States. And depending on your unit, good luck getting back to get married (it took me six months to file the appropriate letters of intent and such with security and get the leave sorted out due to low manning levels at the time). And you're not married, so the military's not letting them go with you. And good luck doing a quickie marriage and getting a CR visa with those "bonafides."

To be honest, I didn't think about the military. Not that I don't care, it's just I know no one in the military so I didn't think about it.

For you guys, it's very different! Since you are serving your country, you should get advantages.

As for the quickie marriage, I think it's possible. I was married only a few days before we sent the I-130 and we didn't get any request of evidence. We'll see about it at the interview, I suppose.

[Khal_Drogo 50]

To be honest, I didn't think about the military. Not that I don't care, it's just I know no one in the military so I didn't think about it.

For you guys, it's very different! Since you are serving your country, you should get advantages.

As for the quickie marriage, I think it's possible. I was married only a few days before we sent the I-130 and we didn't get any request of evidence. We'll see about it at the interview, I suppose.

Possible, yes, but I mentioned it because, think of it from USCIS' perspective: You were stationed overseas, and then, RIGHT as you get orders, you all of a sudden get married, a very popular fraud technique (I have worked with people in the past who have had to fight USCIS on this for doing that exact thing).

I also must disagree with your "love costs" point. I don't disagree that it can cost a bit to be able to see each other and travel, but to echo other posters, it is easy to say that when you have the money to spend on it. I did not meet my wife while stationed overseas, I met her on the Internet while sitting in a dorm room in Ohio as an E-4 fresh from being stationed in Japan; I didn't have money. I had my base pay (less than $2,000 a month), and that was it. Love doesn't cost as much as it surprises; I was not prepared to meet my wife or fall in love. One day, it just sort of happened. Next thing I know, I'm spending thousands on plane tickets, hotel bills (she lived in a two bedroom apartment with her brother and Dad), etc. I had to re-enlist and use my entire bonus for the wedding and ensuing paperwork and such. And I'm considered pretty financially secure. What about your intern types, your minimum wage types, your college types who, while making enough to support a family, can't support the process of a CR-1 visa? True, we went that way for a number of reasons, both practical and personal reasons, but that's because we had that luxury. Not everyone does.