Trouble adjusting, language barrier, weirdness etc

[madtownguy 164]

I think some of the stuff with ex is the difference from your culture and ours. It's more common here to remain friends with an ex and it not being a big deal. A little weird that the bachlorette party was at her house but they were probably trying to make you feel welcome. I'm sure it will take getting use to, my Dad can never understand anything any of my ex girlfriends or wife says he just has a hard time understanding accents. Just wait until winter hits, the accent will be the last thing you are concerned about!!!!

[Kathryn41 3,205]

One post violating TOS has been removed and another post containing and responding to the removed post has also been removed. If you have nothing constructive to add to the discussion, then please do not participate.

[haggarda.versoza 3]

Thank you everyone for the reply. I thought I was alone in this and Ithank eve ryone who shared their experience here and the experience of their loved one who were on the same boat like me.

For the poster who asked, nope my husband and his ex doesn't have a child. Maybe the Bachelorette party with his ex was the craziest thing has ever happened to me. And will never forget it, and probably, can never change the way I feel his mom for choosing that house, she's a lil crazy no matter how nice she is she will be still the mom in law that will not get along wonderfully.

Thank you everyone, if there's someone here who's having trouble adjusting to, bored at times PM me so we can share sentiments we can chat or talk.

[jgoodman 8]

I agree that what you experienced is not an American thing. One thing I can say is that I am also marrying a Filipina and I know people have doubts about our relationship. This has nothing to do with you or your love for your husband. Some small minded people have preconceived negative ideas about the motives for our relationships. The only way to change that is to show how strong your love is. Over time, they will see how lucky your husband is to have found you. I have found that people from this part of the country ( I live in NH), are not as outwardly friendly like they are in the south for example. The good news is that once they get to know you and you do become friends, that are as friendly as people anywhere. Give it some time. You will learn how to understand the accent, aya, and they will see your generous and determined Filipina spirit. Things will get better. Cheers

[Dieseltu 19]

I cant believe the bachelorette party thing. With the ex. At her house. Not very good at all. I'm not understanding the intent. Unless its an excuse to have one. or money was tight. Who decided to have the party. I would go so far as to say. That plenty of women would not of allowed the ex to be involved. Or even stepped foot in the ex wifes house. Two is company , three is a crowd.

Saying that. I worked with a Libertarian who used to bring his wife and ex to church together.

[Kumi and Drake 14]

Well the bachelorette thing with his ex was definitely... well, it won't sit well with me either. For my husband's bachelor party and for mine, we spent the night before the family with his parents and one of his brothers and his wife. At Hooter's even! It was fun I have trouble understanding what people say on the phone sometimes too. There's not much accent here in Missouri but some of them talk really fast on the phone (counting my husband's brother), so it's not just you feeling that way.

Not wanting to get oot, but if you need someone to talk to, just PM me I don't have friends here either (with the exception of his family members and some of my husband's friends)

[rlogan 2,036]

Thank you everyone for the reply. I thought I was alone in this and Ithank eve ryone who shared their experience here and the experience of their loved one who were on the same boat like me.

For the poster who asked, nope my husband and his ex doesn't have a child. Maybe the Bachelorette party with his ex was the craziest thing has ever happened to me. And will never forget it, and probably, can never change the way I feel his mom for choosing that house, she's a lil crazy no matter how nice she is she will be still the mom in law that will not get along wonderfully.

Thank you everyone, if there's someone here who's having trouble adjusting to, bored at times PM me so we can share sentiments we can chat or talk.

There were four enormous red flags in your post about the in-laws. Starting with the most general, you see how they like to put people down? That is exactly what they are doing to YOU. When you see people like this putting everyone down behind their backs what you have to acknowledge is that is exactly how they talk about you too. But now let's move on to the things they did to you:

First of all, the ex-wife and the bachelorette party - one of the important things about that is the ambush. It is very important to people like this that they set up sneak-attacks. If they told you beforehand that they were thinking about doing it with the ex-wife, you would have been given a chance to protest, and since the entire party is supposedly for YOU, the bachelorette, that would have been the appropriate thing to do. So what you need to understand about this mother-in-law is that she is going to operate behind your back in setting up more ambushes in the future to put you in a bad spot and make you feel uncomfortable. Be very careful about her ever being in charge of things where you can be set up like this again. You can rest assured that when you plan things and she is invited that she will pull underhanded stunts that will always depend on the sneak attack: making sure you don't know what is coming.

The language issue is also rudeness on their part with speed and accent. I see this all over the world where provincial, ignorant people lay on the thickest accent they can and speak far too rapidly to understand them, even when you ask them to slow down. The outsider is put in their place by the locals speaking in a manner the outsider cannot understand. I am especially careful with immigrants to speak slowly, separate each word distinctly, and enunciate every vowel and consonant. Conscientious people do this. Rude people cut you out of the conversation and make you feel like you are not worthy of them by speaking too quickly, using accents and colloquialisms without explaining them.

The last flag is underhanded and cruel - blame the victim. After speaking too fast and with too much of an accent to understand, then they blame YOU for being "unfriendly". I don't want to turn this into a thesis but will say three things: first, your mother in law is making underhanded war on you. Second, watch over your emotions VERY carefully because this is how these people operate: by manipulating your emotions. She is going to continually ambush you with things that inspire anger, guilt, shame, etc. and you have to instantly recognize whenever these emotions have been triggered and realize that this is what she WANTS. Don't give it to her. Keep your emotions in check. She would have loved for you to come unglued at the bachelorette party and then used it against you.

I would suggest doing some reading on manipulation, because you are in a nest of them and you can't deal with people like this unless you really study carefully how they operate. "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People" is a great over-all read and focuses on the most common type of manipulator these days called the covert aggressor. These people have no scruples and spend their whole lives perfecting their dirty arts. We are no match for them without professional guidance but I have learned to spot them very quickly because they all use the same set of tactics. You have one in this thread, and not a very good one, pretending that these people are really being "nice" to you with such dirty tricks.

[CrazyRide 2]

Hi!

I wonder how you are doing now, did everything get better? I see you live in Portland, Maine! I lived there for a year with a student visa and met my future husband there! I just got my K1 visa and I'm moving to the States in a few weeks, we're going to live in PA, but we will be going to Maine very often and we want to move up there in the future. It is true that Maine is known as a State where elder people live, but I can assure you that there are plenty and nice young people too, when I moved there I didn't speak any English and i still made a lot of friends and had a great year.

I really hope you are having a good time, if I you need any advice message me, I will be very happy if I can help.

My best,

Dalia from Mexico.

[Novembro 1,763]

I would have skipped the party if I knew it was being held there.