Trouble adjusting, language barrier, weirdness etc

[haggarda.versoza 3]

Just got married. When I first arrived here, finally met my husband's family, the day after that, attended a birthday party and met lots of people. I should have known what I've gotten into but man, their English accent was very difficult to understand!! (Mainer accent) lol . So that's one thing. I'm still adjusting to the their accent. I feel bad as sometimes I can't talk to them conversely and I'm afraid that they think I'm not a nice girl. Any usggestion would help!

But anyways what bothering me is the weirdness. Not sure if this is an American thing but, just before the wedding, we had Bachelorette party and guess what, we had it at my husband's ex house, and she was at the Bachelorette party too. As I didn't plan the party, it was his mom planned it. I felt extremely awkward while answering some questions during the fun game while his ex was there. His ex never talked to me by the way.

Another thing, I'm scared of his family as they tend to speak negative about other people, simple mistake is big deal for them. Is this an American thing as well? They tend to hold grudge against person 's mistake.

Any ways just venting here, no need to reply but any comments would help. I have no friends here other than myself. I'm going crazy can't make friends as neighborhood are elderly (town are for elderly people), no filipinos around the area. I'm completely alienated.

[Darnell 8,478]

IMO, massive bad form for the party to be held at the ex's house,

and even more massive bad form for the ex to attend.

[TBoneTX 45,284]

Sometimes, elderly people want new friends, too. Be friendly and introduce yourself, and people will respond.

[lonelywithouthim1 36]

IMO, massive bad form for the party to be held at the ex's house,

and even more massive bad form for the ex to attend.

I agree, this is not an american thing.

[DeWayne&CeCy 6]

This is a people thing not an american thing everybody different everywhere

[hopefulls 8]

I certainly do not agree on having a Bachelorette party at the ex house, not sure if his family did that intentional as that would be definitely uncomfortable for anyone.... I would recommend to speak with your husband about your feelings, ask him to understand that you are in a new environment and trying to adjust as much as possible and during this time you need his support and understanding. I hope he will understand if he really loves you and want this marriage to work hopefully, he'll even speak to his family to be less judgement at least when you are around

[CaizLurol 36]

When you marry someone, you typically marry their family, too.... if you catch my drift.

Also, it was in extremely poor taste for the ex to host the bachelorette party. Definitely not typical American.

Well.. good luck!

[davenella 21]

Just got married. When I first arrived here, finally met my husband's family, the day after that, attended a birthday party and met lots of people. I should have known what I've gotten into but man, their English accent was very difficult to understand!! (Mainer accent) lol . So that's one thing. I'm still adjusting to the their accent. I feel bad as sometimes I can't talk to them conversely and I'm afraid that they think I'm not a nice girl. Any usggestion would help!

But anyways what bothering me is the weirdness. Not sure if this is an American thing but, just before the wedding, we had Bachelorette party and guess what, we had it at my husband's ex house, and she was at the Bachelorette party too. As I didn't plan the party, it was his mom planned it. I felt extremely awkward while answering some questions during the fun game while his ex was there. His ex never talked to me by the way.

Another thing, I'm scared of his family as they tend to speak negative about other people, simple mistake is big deal for them. Is this an American thing as well? They tend to hold grudge against person 's mistake.

Any ways just venting here, no need to reply but any comments would help. I have no friends here other than myself. I'm going crazy can't make friends as neighborhood are elderly (town are for elderly people), no filipinos around the area. I'm completely alienated.

I understand when you say if that is an "american thing". By saying that, and i'm not ofending anybody, is that SOME (clarifying that only some not all) North Americans are more open minded in so many ways than other cultures. I know, for example, that in my country no one ever will do any party in any ex house or be BFF of your 10 year old girlfriend or boyfriend (not common but probably not impossible. Just putting examples) (i know this can happen anywhere in the world but that is what i have notice. Once again i'm just clarifying. I'm not here to ofend anybody that can be sensitive over this). It is weird for us of course but after so many years and knowing people from North America and now my fiance i have realize that, not generalizing, but some of them tend to be more free and less complicated over those boundaries than us without trying to hurt us (probably some of them want to hurt, there is always a probability for everything)

Anyway, even if i have learn from those open minded actions i still don't feel that comfortable in some aspects. But those things that you call " weird" don't surprise me anymore.

In general try not to be shy, make them know you are there and that you are cool

If they talk bad about people that make mistakes they must be a bunch of goddesses of perfection. What i know is that every human being in this world makes mistakes and that's how you learn and grow up in life. So don't worry if you do something, believe me here, you won't be doing anything BAD if you make a mistake ... just something NORMAL

Be happy and love one another a LOT!

GOOD LUCK!!!

Edited September 21, 2013 by davenella

[NikLR 13,227]

Congrats on your wedding.

When you have trouble understanding someone just laugh and ask them to slow down. Say "I'm sorry I have trouble understanding what you're saying. If you could please slow down a little for me I would really appreciate it!" It'll be okay. It's not always easy to understand new accents.

As for the rest of it, I agree with Darnell. It was REALLY bad form for the bachelorette party to take place at an ex's house and for her to be there. Some people are like his family where they can't let go of mistakes and are too judgmental. What you do is over compensate and just let it go. My ex' boyfriend's family was like this. I really disliked being around them most of the time. Just remember they're the ones being mean and making themselves look bad by overreacting over something small. It's not you, it's them. Don't let it get you down. Do not change who you are for these people, just be yourself.

[cahrie99 12]

Congratulations on your marriage

Just so you know, the accent issue you are having is very typical. I've lived in America my entire life and there are folks I have met (from different areas/states) that I just have a very hard time understanding because of accents, usage of wording/slang, etc. Just ask people to slow down a little for you or to repeat what they are saying (I have done this both here and while visiting other countries and people have always been very accommodating). Given time and more experience with the accent it'll come easier.

The party at your husband's ex's home is definitely not typical, at least not to my experience. And as for his family's behavior, it's just sad they feel the need to make themselves feel better by tearing down others. Just try not to let them pull you into their negativity. While they are now family and you'll feel pressure to fit in, you should still live by your own standards. If they are saying things that are upsetting you can try telling them that their comments are offensive or simply excuse yourself from their presence while it is going on. I'm sorry you are in this type of situation.

If you want to meet new people, I've found making a lot of eye contact, smiling and saying hello or offering some pleasantries is often a great way to making new friends. When you are out of your element or new to an area it can sometimes be intimidating and easier to withdraw instead of putting yourself out there. Remember, friends come in all ages

Best of luck to you and your new husband! I hope you have a wonderful life together

[GVMack 9]

I agree with the others, not sure why the ex was even included as you aren't even friends. I would of felt uncomfortable as well and probably wouldn't even stay. (but that's just me ). As for the family and you not being able to understand them, or each other, They should already understand you are from another Country and language may be the reason for lack of communication. As long as you tried and keep smiling your good. that's what I do. haha

Your husband should of known all this in the beginning and informed them ahead of time so they did know where your coming from. Perhaps ask your husband to explain to his family how you feel and why sometimes you don't say much.

I look at it this way, people are going to be people what they do, say or think is their business. I don't let their actions, thoughts or negative energy effect how I think or believe. Plus It takes too much energy to be negative all the time.

I'm new here too and don't have any friends yet so I for one know how lonely it can be. But I do have face time and skype which is better than nothing

Edited September 21, 2013 by GVMack

[AmyWrites 593]

The accent issue is common, and don't worry, the more you live here, the easier it'll be. It was VERY difficult for my husband to understand certain American accents at first, but these days, he's pretty good, maybe only missing a new word here and there.

It is however, odd and rude that it was held at your ex's house. Does your husband have any children with this ex? Are they friends? I can't think of a reason other than kids in which the ex should be in the picture. Talk to your husband about it.

[Maryamm 1]

almost one year here, and I'm still feeling awkward talking to my husband's family. they talk fast and have these different accents, they are really nice and sweet though...

so, i had plenty of times understanding them haha. I'm not confident talking with them, sometimes it's like that i get stuck (dunno what to talk about) ...and u know the awkward moment when 2 people stop talking, right? ...it's not like when it happens tween u and your husband, when it's awkward, u can just kiss him hehe jk.

so i talk with my husband, and he says that I am fine if they don't understand me or me don't understand them, we could ask each other. I think he's right...so whenever i talk with my sis in law (esp on the phone) I would ask her to repeat and talk slowly )) and she's ok with it. so may be you can do it too? my problem is more with other people, the non-family ones, like when i go grocery and when some strangers ask me about something, and they talk so fast and of course, with different accents. what I do is, ask them to repeat heheee...I don't care if they think I'm stupid or deaf

about american people talking negatives, well ..it's not only american people....if u know what i mean...it happens everywhere, my neighbours in my homeland do it, my relatives do it, all i have to do? simply stay away from them...or don't reply when they start it ...

Edited September 21, 2013 by Maryamm

[DeWayne&CeCy 6]

almost one year here, and I'm still feeling awkward talking to my husband's family. they talk fast and have these different accents, they are really nice and sweet though...

so, i had plenty of times understanding them haha. I'm not confident talking with them, sometimes it's like that i get stuck (dunno what to talk about) ...and u know the awkward moment when 2 people stop talking, right? ...it's not like when it happens tween u and your husband, when it's awkward, u can just kiss him hehe jk.

so i talk with my husband, and he says that I am fine if they don't understand me or me don't understand them, we could ask each other. I think he's right...so whenever i talk with my sis in law (esp on the phone) I would ask her to repeat and talk slowly )) and she's ok with it. so may be you can do it too? my problem is more with other people, the non-family ones, like when i go grocery and when some strangers ask me about something, and they talk so fast and of course, with different accents. what I do is, ask them to repeat heheee...I don't care if they think I'm stupid or deaf

about american people talking negatives, well ..it's not only american people....if u know what i mean...it happens everywhere, my neighbours in my homeland do it, my relatives do it, all i have to do? simply stay away from them...or don't reply when they start it ..

Edited September 21, 2013 by DeWayne&CeCy

[Lisa & Carlo 0]

I am sorry your current experience with Americans has not been all good. It can be frustrating with the weird accent the family has. Please be patient with yourself and the family. I agree with a previous comment to smile, laugh and ask them to repeat it SLOWLY. Sometimes some repeat it louder instead of slowly. Sometimes people think they are talking slower but are not. LoL. Learning a language takes time even with emersion. Definitely talk to your husband and explain how you feel. What you are experiencing.

I am sorry you had to experience discomfort with that party. Attitudes are a choice. Thank goodness that is over.

The making new friends previous suggestion of smiling and making eye contact is great idea. You may have to do this a lot. Do not be offended if you do not get a response from the people you smile and make eye contact with right away. some people keep to themselves. perhaps give yourself a new number everyday of how many people you will smile at, make eye contact and say hello to.

Remember you are great. The family in time will become more comfortable to talk with you. Sometimes people are more afraid of you than you are of them.