Dealing with first few weeks frustration

[jft 12]

So far things have gone ok with my fiancée since she got here a week ago but I can tell the little frustrations are starting to get to her now that I am back at work and her son is in school. Mostly I think it's the frustration of being home alone and not haveing anywhere nearby to walk to save a small shopping center. I would like to hear other people's experiences and any suggestions on how to make her less frustrated and more confident in her new home.

[*Snowdrop* 604]

Do you have any family or friends who could come and take her out for the day once or twice a week?

The first month I was here my mother-in-law took me out and showed me various things in the local towns which she thought might be helpful and introduced me to all her favourite places and friends.

Are you planning a wedding? Does she have access to a computer to do that herself?

Have you got your state DMV guide so that she can start learning it for her theory test?

How about you give her a budget for redecorating a few rooms, or all the rooms in your home? I loved doing that when I first arrived - even if I was just rearranging the furniture to make it feel more like home. She could plan during the week and you could do trips to the Home Depot etc on weekends and make the decorating a family project.

Are there any other expats from her country near by to meet for coffee etc - try Meetup.com for ideas

When I first arrived I went to the tourist information center and picked up piles of brochures and leaflets on local attractions just to read and get a feel for the local area. And also bought some big maps to study to really get to know the local roads etc (I know, paper maps, very old school but I find it easier to really get a feel for a place than Google maps)

[JensJrny2Ray 367]

I really enjoyed going on drives with my husband after work or on the weekends as a way to see new things and to get to know the area.

[TBoneTX 46,151]

A savvy VJ member suggests dropping her off in the morning at a college's student activity center or library, then picking her up after work. If the member comes along here, he'll add to this.

[soteropolitana 4]

It's tough...especially when too often the fiances and spouses join us with delusions of grandeur and dreams of eternal vacation, lol. Well guess what, America is in the real world too and I have to work, and honestly, you have to work too.

Anyway, the best advice I can give is find something (anything) for her to do. Work would be ideal, but consider volunteering somewhere too - the library, a museum/aquarium, or take a class...English? sewing...anything. If she is going to be a housewife, create a project - paint a room, design a living room makeover. Something.

My husband was idle his first few weeks and picked up some nasty (internet BS) habits. Started connecting with lowlife exes on Facebook etc...I would come home to a dirty house, an empty refrigerator, and dishes to wash - while he relaxed by the pool, and screwed around on the internet all day. Then got upset about the mall being so far away and "boring" during the day. Um yeah, that's because everyone else is working...like you should be...

Ok, rant over. Anyway, after a few weeks of seriously considering a divorce, he got a job, eventually got a car, and now we enjoy our little dreams of paradise - on the weekends

Moral of the story is do your best to avoid idleness. Language barriers are difficult, but the idle mind is the devil's playground no matter what language you speak.

[jft 12]

Moral of the story is do your best to avoid idleness. Language barriers are difficult, but the idle mind is the devil's playground no matter what language you speak.

Sage advice, thanks! I definitely think that idleness is an issue, especially since pretty much everything is on hold until she gets her SSN which is needed for both her drivers licence and most schools. She's going to try taking the bus to the mall today, hopefully that will help some! If that goes well perhaps I'll see about trying some of your suggestions for keeping her busy.