Tough life decision...

[Joey559 1]

Sweety,

I am usually more supportive in my postings, however-you've gotten under my skin a bit.

Yes, you're selfish, and quite immature.

Trust me, she and the kids will survive just fine after she gets over being fleeced for a GC.

You can call it what you want, and make up a song and dance to gain sympathy-but a snake is a snake.

You simply came here to see what angles could be used so you could have your cake and eat it too.

Karma has a way of biting us in the a** .

I just wish I was a fly on the wall to see it happen to people like you.

Rose Bruce

I was actually expecting this type of reply a lot more - thank you to Rose and to everyone else for their responses. Rose, not that I'm trying to start an argument here, but my wife and I don't have any kids (cue you saying 'lucky for her') - the kids in this situation belong to the woman at my job.

Its not a case of me trying to work any angles at all - having my cake and eating it too would be trying to carry on an affair while staying married, and that's not what I'm trying to do at all. Like I said in my original post, I didn't expect this to happen... I didn't go looking for it... for me, coming to the US and being with my wife has been my goal for the past 3 years of all this paperwork, headaches and stress...

I never EVER expected feelings like this, feelings I've NEVER had before in my life, to come from nowhere and even make me THINK about all this stuff.

I'm not looking for sympathy in this either. I certainly do realise everything that's hanging in the balance for everyone in my life.

Thank you again everyone for your input. I appreciate it.

Just out of curosity, does it occur to you what type of person this woman is that she would discuss marriage/relationships with an already married man....

[mawilson 2,133]

Just out of curosity, does it occur to you what type of person this woman is that she would discuss marriage/relationships with an already married man....

No.

[KarenCee 3]

Sweety,

I am usually more supportive in my postings, however-you've gotten under my skin a bit.

Yes, you're selfish, and quite immature.

Trust me, she and the kids will survive just fine after she gets over being fleeced for a GC.

You can call it what you want, and make up a song and dance to gain sympathy-but a snake is a snake.

You simply came here to see what angles could be used so you could have your cake and eat it too.

Karma has a way of biting us in the a** .

I just wish I was a fly on the wall to see it happen to people like you.

Rose Bruce

I was actually expecting this type of reply a lot more - thank you to Rose and to everyone else for their responses. Rose, not that I'm trying to start an argument here, but my wife and I don't have any kids (cue you saying 'lucky for her') - the kids in this situation belong to the woman at my job.

Its not a case of me trying to work any angles at all - having my cake and eating it too would be trying to carry on an affair while staying married, and that's not what I'm trying to do at all. Like I said in my original post, I didn't expect this to happen... I didn't go looking for it... for me, coming to the US and being with my wife has been my goal for the past 3 years of all this paperwork, headaches and stress...

I never EVER expected feelings like this, feelings I've NEVER had before in my life, to come from nowhere and even make me THINK about all this stuff.

I'm not looking for sympathy in this either. I certainly do realise everything that's hanging in the balance for everyone in my life.

Thank you again everyone for your input. I appreciate it.

Just out of curosity, does it occur to you what type of person this woman is that she would discuss marriage/relationships with an already married man....

Kinda like the saying I've heard before...."if they cheat (or encourage one to cheat) on their spouse, they'll cheat on you".

[LaL 418]

i never really understood the bashing of the *other woman* in these kinds of cases. sure if she is aware of him being married her morals are out of wack, but seriously, the problem really lies with the unfaithful one - the married one. the OP took vows, made promises, and is having a hard time sticking to them. i hope you make the right decision and don't tear to many people up with your immaturity.

[KarenCee 3]

That's what I meant by my comment/saying. If he is willing to cheat on this wife he loves so much and thinks is so beautiful, what's to say he won't cheat on this office woman whom he NOW says is quite possibly his "soulmate"?

[Ban Hammer 13,352]

i never really understood the bashing of the *other woman* in these kinds of cases. sure if she is aware of him being married her morals are out of wack, but seriously, the problem really lies with the unfaithful one - the married one. the OP took vows, made promises, and is having a hard time sticking to them. i hope you make the right decision and don't tear to many people up with your immaturity.

after 4 pages, i have to wonder if this other woman referenced in the op gets her jollies by wrecking marriages.

for the op of this topic - the grass on the other side of the fence may appear always greener but that at home tastes sweeter. now grow up and be a man and a good husband.

[MHandMB 0]

i never really understood the bashing of the *other woman* in these kinds of cases. sure if she is aware of him being married her morals are out of wack, but seriously, the problem really lies with the unfaithful one - the married one. the OP took vows, made promises, and is having a hard time sticking to them. i hope you make the right decision and don't tear to many people up with your immaturity.

after 4 pages, i have to wonder if this other woman referenced in the op gets her jollies by wrecking marriages.

for the op of this topic - the grass on the other side of the fence may appear always greener but that at home tastes sweeter. now grow up and be a man and a good husband.

[Joey559 1]

i never really understood the bashing of the *other woman* in these kinds of cases. sure if she is aware of him being married her morals are out of wack, but seriously, the problem really lies with the unfaithful one - the married one. the OP took vows, made promises, and is having a hard time sticking to them. i hope you make the right decision and don't tear to many people up with your immaturity.

after 4 pages, i have to wonder if this other woman referenced in the op gets her jollies by wrecking marriages.

for the op of this topic - the grass on the other side of the fence may appear always greener but that at home tastes sweeter. now grow up and be a man and a good husband.

Well said charles. I'm not saying 'blame the other woman'. But I have to wonder WHAT makes her pursue a relationship with him. A healthy-minded, self-confident single woman would place him in the 'oh, married, not for me' category in her mind. This woman didn't. Not to mention, as Karen said, she sees herself with a guy who's thinking of leaving his current wife for her. Again, I think a confident woman thinks, 'wait a second is this the kind of guy I want to date? What happens two years or so into MY marriage?'

I just don't understand how it could even get this far when, in my mind, to her you should have been in the 'not possible' category to begin with.

You came for advice so I'll give you my two cents/opinion. You took a vow. No one said it would be easy. No one has EVER claimed faithfulness for a lifetime was going to be easy. But you took it anyway. Honor it. You wonder if you miss out on this will you be missing out on your 'soul mate'. Don't you think if you go for it you'll always be wondering 'did I make the right decision?' Most marriages start with two people who love each other deeply, who have honest intentions to do right by each other. Over time, money, guilt, regrets and other stresses can tear them apart. How big of a guilt and regret will you both have to live with, right from the get go, if your start is the destruction of your first marriage?

[Arazia 0]

Personally, I don't understand that a woman can get involved with a guy who is married. Hell, even a guy who is dating long term is considered 'off-limits' on my radar. Unfortunately, I've learned this isn't the case for most people.

First thing, I would be very, very careful about your perceptions. From personal experience, some men idealise the idea of a certain woman. You know her through work, but most people are not the same at work as they are at home. Otherwise we'd get a lot less done and there would be football playing 24/7 (Joke). That giddy feeling will pass, and usually the stronger it comes on, the quicker it goes when those ideals you've built for yourself crack.

Second, just because you're married doesn't mean you can't feel attracted to other people. My father once said, it's okay to look as much as you want as long as you don't touch. Now, some women would be offended by that, but seriously... we go oogling guys too, intentionally or not. The thing that makes a marriage is sticking to your vows even if your eyes might wander.

Third, interwork romances are ... not good. There is a reason that people tell you not to date someone you work with. There are so many issues with melding work and home life. Work is work, home is home, and I'm a firm believer of leaving work at the workplace. So you come home to the dinner table and start talking about work, oh wait, you work together all day long...

I'm not going to flat out tell you what to do, but I think that you need to really think about things. Sit down and think about the consequences of your actions. I don't just mean thinking about your green card, but also about the relationship you have with your wife and her family, your finances, and your future. Consider the effect that this might have on your work, in both ways. You could have issues asking to work with someone else, but having a relationship could also effect things. For instance, I know at least in my work environment, they will move people in relationships to other departments because they don't want the romantic/home life effecting a person's work, which is obviously happening in your case if you're discussing your feelings over lunch. You might risk a lot more than just your relationship with your wife. Understand your office's sexual harassment policies as well. Keep in mind that although the two of you don't care, other people may not find it office-appropriote and that can cause problems.

Personally, this topic makes me feel ill.

[LaL 418]

i never really understood the bashing of the *other woman* in these kinds of cases. sure if she is aware of him being married her morals are out of wack, but seriously, the problem really lies with the unfaithful one - the married one. the OP took vows, made promises, and is having a hard time sticking to them. i hope you make the right decision and don't tear to many people up with your immaturity.

after 4 pages, i have to wonder if this other woman referenced in the op gets her jollies by wrecking marriages.

for the op of this topic - the grass on the other side of the fence may appear always greener but that at home tastes sweeter. now grow up and be a man and a good husband.

sure its possible - she could be one of those women, but my point was, who cares what the motivations of this other woman is? the OP is in an immigration journey, he is the one who took vows, he is the one who is at fault here as far as we are concerned. he needs to get off his ### and do the right thing, whatever that is.

who cares about the other woman and if she may get hurt in the future, or if she's getting jollies by doing something like this.

[Girona40 0]

Arazia, good point! "Understand your office's sexual harassment policies as well. Keep in mind that although the two of you don't care, other people may not find it office-appropriote and that can cause problems".

Be very careful, a friend of mine had a relationship with a guy she worked with. When it went bad she sent him an e-mail saying she was sorry it had worked out how it did and hoped they could remain friends. She didn't expect him to go running to his supervisor and report her for harrassment, but that's what he did. She lost her job over it and was out of work for some time.

[Sonshyne 2]

You really should look long and hard before you leap over that fence... The grass may seem greener now... But once you leap and your feet hit the ground only to find the grass is now brown.. It may be too late to climb back over.

[EBONY_SEAN 1]

Good comments from Ms Bruce, Rebeccajo and what aymerlu says is so correct, this woman KNOWS that you are married and in my eyes she should just walk away and so should you. Let me put it this way, cheat on your wife and leave her to be with this woman who knows you are married and will you be able to trust each other, I very much doubt it.

When you married you took certain vows, to love, honour and cherish,TILL DEATH DO YOU PART. You are giving up at the first hurdle, maybe your wife would be better off without you, what will you do if you leave your wife for this other woman, and then Wow, next year someone else comes into your department and you start working on projects with her, same thing????? Grow up and start working on your marriage.

WOW THIS IS SO POWERFUL. WELL I AGREE WITH MOST OF THE RESPONSES. BUT I NEED YYOU TO THINK ABOUT IF YOU WERE STILL IN YOUR COUNTRY AND YOU HAD ALL YOUR HOPES UP OF COMING TO MARRY YOUR FIANCEE AND SHE CALL TO TELL YOU THAT SHE IS IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND SHE IS NOT SUBMITTING ANY MORE PAPER OWRK.....HMMMM YOU WOULD BE DEVASTATED. DIDTANCE YOURSELF FROM THIS WOMEN SHE IS THE DEVIL IN DISGGUISE. FOR ALL YOU KNOW YOUR WIFE HAS PLANTED HER IN YOUR CORNER TO SEE HOW YOU WOULD REACT ....DUMMY!!!!!! WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE MY FRIEND BEFORE IT EXPLODES. BE A MAN AND TELL THIS WOMAN THAT YOU MARRIED YOUR WIFE CAUSE YOU LOVE HER AND YOU WANT TO BE WITH HER AND WHEN SHE HURTS YOU HURT SO IF YOU GUYS CANT BE PROFESSIONAL FRIENDS THEN YOU CANT BE FRIENDS AT ALL. "PERIOD."

[moelarrycheese 0]

In reference to the O.P.:

Fee Fi Fo Fum

I smell the uniquely pungent odor of recently departed troll.

[TracyTN 237]

In reference to the O.P.:

Fee Fi Fo Fum

I smell the uniquely pungent odor of recently departed troll.

I was just thinking the same thing!