Tough life decision...

[Caladan 19]

Good lord. I'm inclined to smack you upside the head. A pretty woman flirts with you at work and you're ready to throw away three years of love and effort? Jesus wept.

More seriously, I'm guessing at home the bloom is off the rose and there's been more than the usual stress lately. But the solution to that isn't to have a fling at the office, but to work on whatever's missing at home. Been under a lot of pressure at work? Wife stressed with school? You two need to reconnect now, because if you don't, seriously man, you're a #######.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I think some people thrive on the excitement and drama of new relationships. He may have never have really been in love with his wife, rather in love with the idea of love in that situation. Being seperated, the longing for one another, the constant lovey-dovey that goes on during that time. Now that that is done and over with, he feels ready to move on to the next thrill. That is just the way some people are. That is what they think love is, the constant thill and high. And when that stops, then there is nothing left for them. Unless you plan on getting some help about this, I suggest going back to your country and letting your wife move on with her life.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

IF you are sooooo happy at home then stay there! How in the world can you even think twice about doing this to your wife who has waited for years to have you home? All of this bullsh*t over some woman you met a few months ago? You have voiced concern about the OTHER womans children, how about your own family and a bit of concern for them? Selfish isn't half of what describes you!

Since you are thinking with your lower half, go on and do what you want to do but tell your wife! At least she can pick up and move the hell on from a pig like yourself! If my husband even thought half of what you are at the moment I would contact immigration in a heartbeat and have him moving on his merry way back to his own country! Think about all that your wife has sacrificed for you! Sh*t happens but this in my opinion is way out of line after the struggles, waiting time, financial difficulties etc that your wife went through to get your behind into this country!

Bethanie

[Mary Lou 681]

Sweety,

I am usually more supportive in my postings, however-you've gotten under my skin a bit.

Yes, you're selfish, and quite immature.

Trust me, she and the kids will survive just fine after she gets over being fleeced for a GC.

You can call it what you want, and make up a song and dance to gain sympathy-but a snake is a snake.

You simply came here to see what angles could be used so you could have your cake and eat it too.

Karma has a way of biting us in the a** .

I just wish I was a fly on the wall to see it happen to people like you.

Rose Bruce

I was actually expecting this type of reply a lot more - thank you to Rose and to everyone else for their responses. Rose, not that I'm trying to start an argument here, but my wife and I don't have any kids (cue you saying 'lucky for her') - the kids in this situation belong to the woman at my job.

Its not a case of me trying to work any angles at all - having my cake and eating it too would be trying to carry on an affair while staying married, and that's not what I'm trying to do at all. Like I said in my original post, I didn't expect this to happen... I didn't go looking for it... for me, coming to the US and being with my wife has been my goal for the past 3 years of all this paperwork, headaches and stress...

I never EVER expected feelings like this, feelings I've NEVER had before in my life, to come from nowhere and even make me THINK about all this stuff.

I'm not looking for sympathy in this either. I certainly do realise everything that's hanging in the balance for everyone in my life.

Thank you again everyone for your input. I appreciate it.

Then you need to end this foolish behavior now. Either change jobs, or go to your supervisor and ask that you and this woman no longer work together. So your goal for the past 3 years was to be with your wife, then you need to work on your marriage and remember all the hopes and dreams you and your wife had (have). What you are having is an office fling, they are a dime a dozen and how can you say you KNOW this woman is your soulmate after one month of talking? Please, give me a break. If you cant do whats right and end this, then do your wife a favor and come clean to her and end this marriage. Will be interesting to see if your new soulmate will stand by you in the long run

[daveandlirio 0]

OP,

I mean no disrespect in this response, because I don't even know you. But you posted and I'm going to reply.

I agree with several of the responses - you're married...you're taken...forget about the office girl and stick with your commitment; after all, that's what commitment means!

I believe a lot of people just don't take marriage seriously anymore. A lot of folks just don't seem willing to make the effort, accept the downs with the ups, and stick with it. They treat marriage like dating AND IT IS NOT THE SAME!

Surely there are men out there with better looks than you, with more money than you, and maybe even those who have more in common with your wife. Chances are, through the course of her life, she will meet a few. BUT, she's YOUR wife! How would you feel if she took your marriage so lightly and decided to explore an emotional relationship with one of these men that she will surely meet sooner or later? If she had so little respect for you and your marriage, the emotional exploration with another would eventually lead to physical. Can you even imagine how you would feel if she allowed herself to engage in an emotion and physical relationship to another man? If you love her at all (which you should if you married her), that thought should tear you apart inside. So, why on Earth would you even remotely consider doing such a thing to her?

Regardless, here's my expectation on how this is going to pan out:

You didn't post this to get advice. You are going to do what you are going to do and you have already made your decision. You made it as soon as you opened the door to ANY sort of relationship with this woman at the office. I seriously doubt you have not yet slept with this woman, but I am confident that you will. Your marriage will be destroyed and, as fate would have it (and deservingly so), your new perfect woman will use you for awhile and then trade your a$$ in when a "better" man comes along for her. Ultimately, you will be left alone with a broken heart, a broken wallet, and a bleak outlook on the future.

Merry Christmas,

Dave

[mrswooten4ever 0]

Happiness can never be built on somebody elses unhappiness. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your wife was considering cheating on you?Your marriage is still very young and derserves a chance to grow and mature into something deeper and more meaningful. It sounds like you are infatuated with this woman and she appeals to your ego. Therapy is a good idea. Maybe you should try working out your own problems first before you start couples therapy? I am not so sure you should tell your wife about this woman as it will destroy her trust in you.

Adele

[mrsushi66 0]

Question for OP, how did you feel about your current wife when you were giong through the process of coming to the country. You say you have never had feeling like the ones you have for the current office woman, does that mean your feelings for your wife were just so so. How could you change your life and come to this counrty if you didnt have the depth of feeling your wife that you profess for this new woman.

Look at your previous relationships, is this a pattern that you have?

My vote is make it work with your wife after all you professed to love when you came to this country and figure out if the marriage can work. If you put forth honest effort and after really trying it still does not work then be honest with your wife and move on.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

I am quite curious as to where you are originally from. ome of this gals fatuation may be nothing more than your accent. Sorry some women go for this sort of thing, not to mention some just want what belongs to someone else. I am certainly not blaming her because YOU ARE MARRIED, and know better!

[mawilson 2,133]

I can't believe some of the comments on here.

Isn't it possible that the woman he married is not the right woman for him,

and the new woman is? What if she is really the one he's meant to be with?

Listen to your heart man and see how it develops with the woman at work.

We all make mistakes but it's never too late to learn from our mistakes and

move forward.

I am quite curious as to where you are originally from.

You can make an educated guess.

[KarenCee 3]

Playing the devil's advocate, are we? There is always another POV.

[mawilson 2,133]

Playing the devil's advocate, are we? There is always another POV.

I believe in true love. If a relationship or marriage "needs work", it's not a

relationship or marriage I'd want to have. If he can have that with someone

else, I say go for it.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

I can't believe some of the comments on here.

Isn't it possible that the woman he married is not the right woman for him,

and the new woman is? What if she is really the one he's meant to be with?

Listen to your heart man and see how it develops with the woman at work.

We all make mistakes but it's never too late to learn from our mistakes and

move forward.

I am quite curious as to where you are originally from.

You can make an educated guess.

English, no doubt in my mind.

I do agree with you to an extent mawilson. My issue with this persons post is how "HAPPY" his marriage is and how "BEAUTIFUL" his wife is. Seems to be a bit of wanting his cake and eating it too for lack of a better statement. You can't be happy in two relationships........well okay unless your getting some damn good nookie on the side from one and none from the other.

[TracyTN 237]

Just because a relationship needs work doesn't mean its on the brink of failure. Its sort of like having a garden - if you don't tend it and let the weeds run rampant, the plants will die.

Relationships ARE work, and if you're not committed to the idea of that, as well as your partner, its easy to get swayed by a pretty face at the office who laughs at all your jokes.

[rebeccajo 14]

I believe in true love. If a relationship or marriage "needs work", it's not a

relationship or marriage I'd want to have......

G'wan Mark. That's a bit starry-eyed, don't you think?

[mawilson 2,133]

I believe in true love. If a relationship or marriage "needs work", it's not a

relationship or marriage I'd want to have......

G'wan Mark. That's a bit starry-eyed, don't you think?

It is but I'm still relatively young. As people get older and have fewer choices

available to them, they tend to eventually settle for something less than perfect

and then scramble to "make it work".