AOS sent last week, divorce filed this week

[billyboy601 0]

Read Lurker's post as he has many valid points.

I was married in April and my wife arrived almost three weeks ago.

It was apparent within the first five minutes of her being here that we were very far apart in every way imaginable.

We filed the AOS on Friday 01, 2006 (I know, I know, probably shouldn't have).

To make a very long story short, she came out this week and stated she didn't love me, can't force herself to love me and has no feelings for me.

Per advice, I went to a lawyer yesterday.

Today I filed for divorce.

We haven't had any sex since her arrival in the states; the last intimate encounter was back in May of 2006 just after we were married (and in her country).

The divorce is actually an anullment based on fraud. Her intentionally witholding intimate encounters (i.e. sex) from me is the basis of law we're pursuing, based on information discovered after the marriage. I'm hoping for a slam dunk here in regards to making this go away, yet nothing is ever guaranteed in this life (and it aint going to be cheap either, f***ing lawyers!! ).

She will be served tonight, while I'm there along with her cousin (her cousin is already a legal resident).

I will be packing up some things, moving out of my home and going forward. Each time I go to my home it will have to be when she is not there, or with a witness at my side.

Again, read Lurker's post folks. There were many red flags for me along the way, with friends giving me straight advice, and I chose to go ahead anyway.

I have a call into an immigration lawyer about several things:

* Extent of my obligations to support her through this process

* What my duty is in reporting this to immigration

If anyone has cared to read through my drivel (and thank you by the way!!!), I'd appreciate any insight on the two bullet points above.

Be diligent, rely on your instincts and have your eyes/ears wide, wide open folks.

Kindest regards

[TracyTN 237]

I'm sorry to read your story.

The only thing I wanted to comment on was you leaving your house. I don't know what state you live in, but during my divorce with my ex, I was told that I would give up my 'rights' to my house if I were the one to leave it. Seeing as I bought the house before marrying him, I was not comfortable with that at all. I flat out told him I was not leaving, and he left to live with his mom instead.

You might want to check what the laws are in your state in that regard. Perhaps ask your divorce attorney for advice.

Take care.

[broma25 2]

I agree with Tracey, don't leave your house, if anything put your wife on a plane back home it will be cheaper in the long run than losing the house you worked for before she arrived.

Also sorry for your predicament and wish you the best of luck.

[billyboy601 0]

Thank you folks!

I did ask my lawyer (two different ones in fact).

They both stated I should move out, to avoid the "He abused me" or "He raped me" charges that could be brought forth.

My wife has offered to live elsewhere and I'm checking into that with my hired attorney.

I purchased the home prior to our marriage; technically it isn't community property and everything is in my name. I'm not too concerned about it, though I agree it is strange to move out.

As for sending her home, I can't force her to go. That might be construed as a threat, which could reflect badly on me and favor her.

I have offered it, along with the fact I'd need to get a notarized letter stating I'm not forcing her to go home, she's not forcing me to buy her a ticket home and that I have no obligation to bring her back, etc., etc.

I'm more interested to know what the extent of my obligations of support are (I already expect room and board to be a staple, just wondering if cell phone, hair appointments, etc. are also required of me) and what my duty to USCIS is in reporting anything (i.e. am I required to contact them regarding my filing today).

Thanks!

[edsperfect 25]

Thank you folks!

I did ask my lawyer (two different ones in fact).

They both stated I should move out, to avoid the "He abused me" or "He raped me" charges that could be brought forth.

My wife has offered to live elsewhere and I'm checking into that with my hired attorney.

I purchased the home prior to our marriage; technically it isn't community property and everything is in my name. I'm not too concerned about it, though I agree it is strange to move out.

As for sending her home, I can't force her to go. That might be construed as a threat, which could reflect badly on me and favor her.

I have offered it, along with the fact I'd need to get a notarized letter stating I'm not forcing her to go home, she's not forcing me to buy her a ticket home and that I have no obligation to bring her back, etc., etc.

The first thing i would do is sed a registered letterto immigrations withdrawing the application for residency and stating you are also withdawing your support documents. Then ollow your lawyers advice and good luck

I'm more interested to know what the extent of my obligations of support are (I already expect room and board to be a staple, just wondering if cell phone, hair appointments, etc. are also required of me) and what my duty to USCIS is in reporting anything (i.e. am I required to contact them regarding my filing today).

Thanks!

[TracyTN 237]

Thank you folks!

I did ask my lawyer (two different ones in fact).

They both stated I should move out, to avoid the "He abused me" or "He raped me" charges that could be brought forth.

My wife has offered to live elsewhere and I'm checking into that with my hired attorney.

I purchased the home prior to our marriage; technically it isn't community property and everything is in my name. I'm not too concerned about it, though I agree it is strange to move out.

Thanks!

My house was solely in my name, and my ex hubby still had to sign a quitclaim deed to say he would not go after his 'share' of the house (something like $1500 for the short time we were married). It was marital property because we had both lived there. It didn't matter whose name was on the mortgage as far as that went.

If she offered to go, I'd for damn sure let her. I'm not sure how you staying in YOUR house would prove rape or abuse.

[billyboy601 0]

My house was solely in my name, and my ex hubby still had to sign a quitclaim deed to say he would not go after his 'share' of the house (something like $1500 for the short time we were married). It was marital property because we had both lived there. It didn't matter whose name was on the mortgage as far as that went.

If she offered to go, I'd for damn sure let her. I'm not sure how you staying in YOUR house would prove rape or abuse.

When I spoke with my lawyer about the offer for her to go, my lawyer took a nanosecond to respond, "Let her go!"

So off to the east coast for her and I don't have to move out (she is in an airport hotel last evening).

I left two messages at two different places with no call backs.

Anyone knowing a good immigration lawyer in the Bay Area, please let me know (I'm searching Martindale.com currently).

Regarding the various charges I mentioned, I'm not sure this woman was capable of that; yet, these things do happen.

Both the intial consultation I had with a non-specialist lawyer and the eventual lawyer specialzing in family law that is representing me stated flat out after hearing my story, "This isn't right; get out of it now; the longer you wait, the harder and more complicated it will become"

In addition to that, both of them stated that due to the nature of things, it is wrought for both of us to even think about staying together one more day than necessary.

We both thought she would stay local and were thinking of how to work this; it was much smarter for me to live outside the home as I would be able to find lower cost housing (i.e. couch crashing instead of motel crashing). My lawyer was confident that there was no way she could touch the property.

Who do you think is paying the mortgage, her? Na-ah.

Somehow (and a little impressed), she whipped up a place to stay, far, far away in less than 12 hours. Welcome to America baby.

I'm thankful I didn't take the next step and actually give control of any money to this woman.

Edited December 9, 2006 by billyboy601

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Read Lurker's post as he has many valid points.

I was married in April and my wife arrived almost three weeks ago.

It was apparent within the first five minutes of her being here that we were very far apart in every way imaginable.

We filed the AOS on Friday 01, 2006 (I know, I know, probably shouldn't have).

To make a very long story short, she came out this week and stated she didn't love me, can't force herself to love me and has no feelings for me.

Per advice, I went to a lawyer yesterday.

Today I filed for divorce.

We haven't had any sex since her arrival in the states; the last intimate encounter was back in May of 2006 just after we were married (and in her country).

The divorce is actually an anullment based on fraud. Her intentionally witholding intimate encounters (i.e. sex) from me is the basis of law we're pursuing, based on information discovered after the marriage. I'm hoping for a slam dunk here in regards to making this go away, yet nothing is ever guaranteed in this life (and it aint going to be cheap either, f***ing lawyers!! ).

She will be served tonight, while I'm there along with her cousin (her cousin is already a legal resident).

I will be packing up some things, moving out of my home and going forward. Each time I go to my home it will have to be when she is not there, or with a witness at my side.

Again, read Lurker's post folks. There were many red flags for me along the way, with friends giving me straight advice, and I chose to go ahead anyway.

I have a call into an immigration lawyer about several things:

* Extent of my obligations to support her through this process

* What my duty is in reporting this to immigration

If anyone has cared to read through my drivel (and thank you by the way!!!), I'd appreciate any insight on the two bullet points above.

Be diligent, rely on your instincts and have your eyes/ears wide, wide open folks.

Kindest regards

Naturally, if you wish to review your options, a consultation with an immigration attorney would be advised. Were I in your shoes, I'd contact the Service Centre and the local office having jurisdiction over your area to request that the Alien Relative petition and AOS submission with your endorsement be withdrawn (the I-864 would fall if the request is honoured), stating that the marriage is being terminated as the grounds. You could indicate your concern that your wife misrepresented her interest in you at the point of marriage, if you choose.

Edited December 9, 2006 by diadromous mermaid

[eclowjpd 0]

I went through the same thing a few years ago. My lawyer advised me strongly on two things that you mentioned. One was to not move out of my house. If she maintains and pays the expenses, she could try to lay claim to it. Second, was not to withold support. A judge would not look kindly on this if you go to trial on a divorce. I thought this advice was very conservative, but glad in the end that I followed it.

Another thing I would mention about staying in your home, since this seems a concern, if things get really out of hand with an argument or ugly conversation, consider contacting the police before she does. I stayed in my house, she contacted the police after an argument. We're sure she used the police report to get a waiver on joint signing of her immigration papers.

Good luck to you.

Read Lurker's post as he has many valid points.

I was married in April and my wife arrived almost three weeks ago.

It was apparent within the first five minutes of her being here that we were very far apart in every way imaginable.

We filed the AOS on Friday 01, 2006 (I know, I know, probably shouldn't have).

To make a very long story short, she came out this week and stated she didn't love me, can't force herself to love me and has no feelings for me.

Per advice, I went to a lawyer yesterday.

Today I filed for divorce.

We haven't had any sex since her arrival in the states; the last intimate encounter was back in May of 2006 just after we were married (and in her country).

The divorce is actually an anullment based on fraud. Her intentionally witholding intimate encounters (i.e. sex) from me is the basis of law we're pursuing, based on information discovered after the marriage. I'm hoping for a slam dunk here in regards to making this go away, yet nothing is ever guaranteed in this life (and it aint going to be cheap either, f***ing lawyers!! ).

She will be served tonight, while I'm there along with her cousin (her cousin is already a legal resident).

I will be packing up some things, moving out of my home and going forward. Each time I go to my home it will have to be when she is not there, or with a witness at my side.

Again, read Lurker's post folks. There were many red flags for me along the way, with friends giving me straight advice, and I chose to go ahead anyway.

I have a call into an immigration lawyer about several things:

* Extent of my obligations to support her through this process

* What my duty is in reporting this to immigration

If anyone has cared to read through my drivel (and thank you by the way!!!), I'd appreciate any insight on the two bullet points above.

Be diligent, rely on your instincts and have your eyes/ears wide, wide open folks.

Kindest regards

[billyboy601 0]

Thank you everyone for the information.

Since I'm paying the bills (i.e. everything on the home), there was not much concern there regarding the loss of home.

My issue is that now she is on the east coast, 3,000 miles from me. I was supposed to have her served the day before she left and that didn't happen. Now I can't even get a forwarding address from her.

This is becoming a serious nightmare.

I go to an immigration lawyer tomorrow; tonight I find my AOS packet is missing. This is while I'm on the phone with my "wife". I ask if she took it; she says no, then finally cops to taking a copy of what she felt was hers (which happens to be the only copy).

Totally agree by the way; just never thought she'd just take it. I ask for a copy to be sent back and she says she'll try.

Oy!!!!

What wasn't technically hers was the I-864 with copies of my tax returns, which she happened to scoop up.

Her NOA and something else has arrived in the mail from USCIS; I haven't opened it since it is addressed to her.

I just want it over with, yet it won't just go away. Unwinding this will be difficult from here on out.

FUBAR to the maximum.

I know there are many happy people here having great lives together; I'm a balancing factor and it really sucks.

Keeping my chin up.

Cheers

Billy

[Aussielad 37]

im keeping an open mind to this......you know soooooo many times we only hear the one side of the story

and yet we fail to hear the other side.....so there's two sides to the story.

Who really knows why she left.....maybe the OP was abusing her and she left him......maybe he mistreated her from teh day she arrived....and he's only way of fabricating his version of fraud is what we see here on the VJ.

My advice to ANYONE ...is always remember....two sides to everything.

[Aussielad 37]

also Bubba-Sparxx,.....give it some time,...give it a few weeks, she just got here, and probably under alot of pressure.

[billyboy601 0]

Sure there are two sides.

Apologies if my crying out is viewed suspiciously.

To think of everything I did to win my wife's heart, thinking that I've abused her is tough to hear.

I provided over $10,000 in support to her living in Nairobi while we were separated; I spent another $9,000 building a house for her family (which thank God was actually built).

I opened my heart, my home and my country to this woman.

And she knowingly came here with no intention of ever loving me and intentionally put a flame thrower to my life and everything in it.

She said herself the last night we were together, she didn't love me, couldn't force herself to love me and had no feelings for me.

She willfully withheld love from me as a wife; that is grounds for an anullment, which I am pursuing.

Her side of the story was to get here to the USA, at all costs; she accomplished that goal and I was toast the whole time.

I've been an honest, upstanding guy in this episode of life. If some don't believe me, that is their choice. I know in my heart who I am and the things I've done. I'm not perfect, yet I have been victimized in this case.

Yet I also take responsibility for it, as I too chose along the way. Now I must choose to do evertyhing I can to get out of this mess. I meet with an immigration attorney today and will most likely also see my family law attorney. I will find out my options and excercise the ones best suited for my protection.

I don't need to convince any of you about my side; I'm here to share openly what I've been going through.

[eclowjpd 0]

If you can't serve the divorce papers and you don't know where she is at, it's possible that you can proceed with the divorce if she is found to have abandoned the marriage. There's probably a waiting period though. All depends on the marriage law in your state. Again, talk to a family/divorce lawyer.

Hang in there. Several people on VJ have been through tough times as well. Many of us can empathize.

Bill

Thank you everyone for the information.

Since I'm paying the bills (i.e. everything on the home), there was not much concern there regarding the loss of home.

My issue is that now she is on the east coast, 3,000 miles from me. I was supposed to have her served the day before she left and that didn't happen. Now I can't even get a forwarding address from her.

This is becoming a serious nightmare.

I go to an immigration lawyer tomorrow; tonight I find my AOS packet is missing. This is while I'm on the phone with my "wife". I ask if she took it; she says no, then finally cops to taking a copy of what she felt was hers (which happens to be the only copy).

Totally agree by the way; just never thought she'd just take it. I ask for a copy to be sent back and she says she'll try.

Oy!!!!

What wasn't technically hers was the I-864 with copies of my tax returns, which she happened to scoop up.

Her NOA and something else has arrived in the mail from USCIS; I haven't opened it since it is addressed to her.

I just want it over with, yet it won't just go away. Unwinding this will be difficult from here on out.

FUBAR to the maximum.

I know there are many happy people here having great lives together; I'm a balancing factor and it really sucks.

Keeping my chin up.

Cheers

Billy

[Aussielad 37]

sorry about the comment, but as always, as stated, always two sides of the story.

My best advice for you, is to make sure you PROTECT yourself concerning the affidavit of support, the immigration matter will be HER problem from here on in, not yours.....protect yourself financially, especially with the affidavit of support.

Good luck