How to make the wait easier?

[mstewart 6]

Hey Guys,

So this past weekend, my relationship hit a bit of my bump. My partner is having a very difficult time with the distance and time apart. We try to see eachother once a month, but it comes down to him literally loving me so much it hurts. He's really depressed when I'm away, and hates not being able to hold me. He loves me so much it hurts to not kiss me goodbye every morning. We have Skype dates, but it hurts to have a wonderful 2 hour date then disconnect and go to bed alone. He just can't handle it. He's too depressed.

We decided to keep our Visa processing, and to revisit in a month. I feel like he's been too overwhelmed and has lost sight of the outcome and payoff of this hard time. For the next two weeks we aren't communicating to make emotions easier to process. Splitting is the last thing he and I both want to do.

What kind of suggestions do you all have from your experiences. How do we make the distance easier? Is there a way I can get there faster?

I know I can go for 6 months on a visitor Visa, but not working for so long is quite the risk we don't know we're willing to take.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

He needs to keep his eye on the prize, a life lived and shared together. His behavior sounds unhealthy. Loving someone should never hurt. It's hard to be apart, but it is temporary, and there is light a the end of the tunnel. How long have you been together?

[mstewart 6]

He needs to keep his eye on the prize, a life lived and shared together. His behavior sounds unhealthy. Loving someone should never hurt. It's hard to be apart, but it is temporary, and there is light a the end of the tunnel. How long have you been together?

It is a bit unhealthy, I'd say. He's really depressed and doesn't feel strong enough to continue. I really do think he, at the moment, has lost sight on the outcome and the prize that awaits in a few months. We're taking the time away to process the emotions he has, and to re-evaluate in a different state of mind.

For us it's been 7 months. We met while he was here studying for school, and for the first 4 months he pretty well lived with me. He left back to the USA when his student visa expired, and everytime we visit, it's still the same as when he left, perfect. That's why we decided to embark on this journey. And we both agree it's the right thing.

He literally stated "I hate that I have to wait for a text back for good morning because I know you're sitll asleep, and that I can't kiss you goodbye, and make your bed." He also stated it hurts to only see me through a computer. He's quite overwhelmed right now. I made suggestions to make it easier, like calling more often, in the morning, during his lunch break, etc.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Sorry, that must be tough. Sounds very codependent. He hates that he can't make your bed? I think he means it as a sweet sentiment but dying to do someone's chores is strange.

He should feel lucky that he met someone in the big world that loves him and wants to be with him. Not everyone is so lucky. I would think that the fact that you are real, that you exist, should be enough to overcome the bad feelings. At least that's how I felt being apart from my husband.

Is this his first serious relationship?

The main suggestion I would have is to keep busy. He should be having a life where he is and should not be obsessing over your distance.

[mstewart 6]

Sorry, that must be tough. Sounds very codependent. He hates that he can't make your bed? I think he means it as a sweet sentiment but dying to do someone's chores is strange.

He should feel lucky that he met someone in the big world that loves him and wants to be with him. Not everyone is so lucky. I would think that the fact that you are real, that you exist, should be enough to overcome the bad feelings. At least that's how I felt being apart from my husband.

Is this his first serious relationship?

The main suggestion I would have is to keep busy. He should be having a life where he is and should not be obsessing over your distance.

We're both romantics where we love the love-actions like making the bed, etc... I know it's cheesy but how we like it

It is neither of ours first serious relationship, we've both been in 2 multi year relationships.

I really hope this rough patch will kind of open his eyes and let him refocus on the prize. I'm so devastated that he is so upset about the distance.

[Novembro 1,763]

Is he normally a very emotional person? Lots of ups and downs? I don't like being that person that suggests medication is the answer, but he could talk to a doctor about a low-dose mood stabilizer. For some people, it can help pick them up to a state where they can focus on the big picture, not just the hurt.

It's not the answer for everyone, and I know people get all uppity about suggestions like these, but it's something to consider.

[pro_star 52]

I would agree that he needs to talk to an impartial professional possibly. Yeah, it's a tough slog, but all we can do is go day by day, it'll happen when it happens, you have to pretty much take a fatalistic view on it. He needs to focus on OTHER THINGS in his life right now...don't focus on the "wahhh I can't wake up next to someone" but instead focus on "at some point this will happen and then we will be able to"

Bright side, they seem to be kicking out the 1-129f approvals pretty danged quick - but of course, that being said, some cases take longer than others, for undeterminable reason. (hence the taking a fatalistic view on it.)

[Teddy B 17,252]

Hey Guys,

So this past weekend, my relationship hit a bit of my bump. My partner is having a very difficult time with the distance and time apart. We try to see eachother once a month, but it comes down to him literally loving me so much it hurts. He's really depressed when I'm away, and hates not being able to hold me. He loves me so much it hurts to not kiss me goodbye every morning. We have Skype dates, but it hurts to have a wonderful 2 hour date then disconnect and go to bed alone. He just can't handle it. He's too depressed.

We decided to keep our Visa processing, and to revisit in a month. I feel like he's been too overwhelmed and has lost sight of the outcome and payoff of this hard time. For the next two weeks we aren't communicating to make emotions easier to process. Splitting is the last thing he and I both want to do.

What kind of suggestions do you all have from your experiences. How do we make the distance easier? Is there a way I can get there faster?

I know I can go for 6 months on a visitor Visa, but not working for so long is quite the risk we don't know we're willing to take.

If he is in Canada, you should be able to arrange some type of weekend visits or perhaps longer. My wife and I did the long distance relationship back and forth for over 2 years before we got married and then we did her AOS. If he's not a member here, have him join so he can talk to all the other folks that are in the same boat as you two are. There are a lot of people here that have been waiting much longer than 7 months, perhaps when he sees that and talks to some of those folks, it will make your situation look better.

You guys are almost there, keep the faith that got you this far.

[mngoalie 10]

Our relationship was long distance for almost 10 years.. he's been here on a student visa for the past 2 years and yes.. the long distance part is rough, but like others have said, keep an eye on the prize.. its finally about to happen for all of us in binational relationships

[mstewart 6]

If he is in Canada, you should be able to arrange some type of weekend visits or perhaps longer. My wife and I did the long distance relationship back and forth for over 2 years before we got married and then we did her AOS. If he's not a member here, have him join so he can talk to all the other folks that are in the same boat as you two are. There are a lot of people here that have been waiting much longer than 7 months, perhaps when he sees that and talks to some of those folks, it will make your situation look better.

You guys are almost there, keep the faith that got you this far.

Our relationship was long distance for almost 10 years.. he's been here on a student visa for the past 2 years and yes.. the long distance part is rough, but like others have said, keep an eye on the prize.. its finally about to happen for all of us in binational relationships

Thank you guys. Like I said, I think he's simply overwhelmed right now and needs time to sort out his emotions. He stated "You came and visited and I was like 'this is amazing and what I want, what I can have with you' and then you left t go back home and I got so sad and haven't come out of it"

I hope when we revisit it'll provide us more clarity to refocus.

[X Factor 1,112]

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