Does she still want me??

[Kumi and Drake 14]

Hi this is the Drake part of the Kumi and Drake relationship. (The big ol white guy in the photo over <-- )

For as long as I've known Kumi she has had her moments of... er tampo as someone mentioned and she described where I can tell she's upset. However, the best approach I've always taken; even in moments when I feel scared that she's displeased with me or that I've done something wrong, is to simply ask her about it and see what's wrong. I've always believed that the key to a relationship is communication, and to be scared to do so does more harm then good. I trust Kumi will always open up to me in the end, and she does even when times are tough. I'm not mind reader, but if you're truly passionate for her I would simply talk to her, ask her what's wrong.

Kumi's suggestion if the above doesn't work, for she doesn't want to is to give her space. If she wants to talk to you, and wants your attention she'll find a way to come to you and open up.

In conclusion... there are times when it can be tough, and you might not be able to find the right words or things to say that'll make it feel right. But, sex aside think of what romantic qualities drew her to you in the first place. Think of the little things you said or did that gave a laugh or smile. Be that guy she fell in love with, not the one worried about losing her. Be confident, women can sense confidence like some kind of second nature instinct ;3.

And be honest, Don't give up on something you still feel.

Edited September 10, 2013 by Kumi and Drake

[HeIsConfusedOfME 0]

i told him to give me time and space. I usually kept quiet and not want to talk until he is calm. because talking to someone who is mad and is yelling, will accomplish nothing.

[HeIsConfusedOfME 0]

I am surprised at the comments saying ship her back home! Seriously ? You all never have arguments ?

My advice to the OP is that the whole thing is blown out of proportion.

I don't see how her asking you questions is an interrogation.

Why should she not ask about something even if it happened many years ago. So what ?

Granted the timing was off but it obviously bothered her and she did not understand it.

I agree with her that you sound defensive and you need to answer the questions calm and with kindness to reassure her.

You seem a bit harsh the way you posted and I believe she is hurt by your defensiveness, there is no reason to be pissed

at her asking a question. Your defensiveness comes from a place of "she needs to trust me, period."

Be kind and patient and the trust will grow. Nurture it. Stop being pissed.

Be gentle and loving to her and she will be herself again.

Stay pissed off and turn her off.

She is in a strange place, has not adjusted and you are pissed because she wants some information from you that she came across.

Nothing wrong with her googling you.

Instead of feeling you are a disgust to her ask yourself if you have said or done anything that could have hurt her.

Self examination is better than assumptions and speculations.

You both need to communicate any concerns you have whatsoever about ANYTHING in a calm manner and stop the attitude and expectation

that she should just trust you. You are not even validating her fear and concern much less soothing her.

Chillax.

this is exactly my point. if there is nothing wrong about it, why YELL. I asked in a nice way, and got a YELL response and he got mad right away. he said he don't know about it.and i said ok..

[HeIsConfusedOfME 0]

we have a lot of problems. i do not worry how he look like bec it is not my concern. he is the only one worried about him not being attractive. love is not only seen through sex. but also in other ways.

[HeIsConfusedOfME 0]

i guess i was too comfortable asking him any questions. i should have not ask any and just kept it to myself. besides whenever i ask him a question, he will just say "i don't know"...

he thinks im finding an excuse to break up with him. wherein i already told him that if i only want to break up with him, i will tell that to him directly without any excuses...

i am not up to GC. I would rather go back home. Yes I have a relative here but i don't want to bother living with my relative and stay illegal here.

whatever it is, only us can solve this issue. i also don't know why he has to post here..

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

i guess i was too comfortable asking him any questions. i should have not ask any and just kept it to myself. besides whenever i ask him a question, he will just say "i don't know"...

he thinks im finding an excuse to break up with him. wherein i already told him that if i only want to break up with him, i will tell that to him directly without any excuses...

Why were you looking for old court cases and waking him up about it at 1:30am?

[HeIsConfusedOfME 0]

Searching Issues:

1. I went to this site that list all the judges that can officiate the wedding in a courthouse. On this page, I saw a tab that shows “Find a case”; I remember he told me before that he had a traffic violation and he also gave me a case number of his divorce before, wherein I can search for it only to confirm that he is really divorced (I did not kept the case number). So, since I know nobody in this state where we belong but him, I typed in his name, thinking how does it looks like if he has a traffic violation or if I will find his divorce case. Not knowing I will find something else.

2. When I found his name and another one with his ex-wife’s name, of course I asked him. I am not the type of person who will just keep a secret about what I found out about him and doubt. I asked him “babe… what is this?” he answered “I don’t know!” and that, why the hell I am searching about him. That I don’t trust him, blah blah and that “we are done!”. I asked him in a nice way… I did not yell or anything. Instead, he got mad. And so I got mad too because whenever I ask him about something, he always gets mad and I felt he is too defensive. I am full already. Whenever he is mad, I tried not to be mad too and I just want to be quiet because I don’t want to go with how he is being mad. Instead I want to wait until when he is calm already.. But he gets mad whenever I don’t talk.

3. Whenever I ask him a question, he always say “I don’t know!” And he gets mad right away.

4. My intention: It is not my intention to search for him simply because I don’t trust him. But I was just curious how a case would look like if it is there. I don’t even know that i’m in the wrong site to search about his divorce etc…just like what he said… simply because, I did not intend to search him because of what he was thinking. I just searched.. that’s it. And he kept on asking me why. And I told him I don’t know.. I was not thinking that I was searching because I don’t trust you.. but I just searched.. that’s it. I was just curious how to use that “Find a case” thing.. I have no real intention of doing it to have an excuse to break up with him. Ever since, I already told him that if I want to break up with him, I will tell him right away without making any excuses. And what did I get from searching? Nothing. But him getting mad.

5. It is not my intention to insult him or invade his privacy. Even though the record is available to public. Because I don’t know it is actually invading a privacy already. Like what I said, I went into that site to find judges who can officiate the wedding, and since I got nothing to do so I just typed.

6. Criminal background – not all are provided to the beneficiaries especially it is not that important. The IBIS query does not even show that he has a record. And like what I told him, if it is no big deal why does he gets mad? Because I searched him and that he thinks I don’t trust him? And I had already explained to him about that..

7. If there is nothing to be worried about, why being so defensive?

8. He finds it insulting that I searched but it was also insulting for me whenever he is yelling at me.

[Darnell 8,478]

Thanks for posting 'the other side'.

I think your problems are solve-able, but if you think to engage with a counselor or therapist for joint-counseling, the time would be NOW, to get it done.

Good Luck, whatever you decide to do.

[HeIsConfusedOfME 0]

there is more to this. this is not the issue i am worried about..that he worries more than i worry about. he knows what i am more worried about. and i don't think we have to let the whole world knows about our current situation.

thanks to all who are concerned. only time can tell when we will be fine.

[Novembro 1,763]

You guys might want to sit down and hash this out (not online) and come up with a solution. Sounds like you're both unhappy with each other but don't know how to communicate that.

[pdnov142012 8]

well, the good news is that you do not want to break up with him.

you guys need to agree to solve the other issues between you that you cannot post here.

Marriage takes a lot of work. Good luck!

[HeIsConfusedOfME 0]

just want to let every1 know that we are now at peace. he told me that he will take me out everyday or we should do some activities outside so that we won't feel depressed. I also told him not to think that I will be leaving him because if I just want to, I will tell it to him directly without any excuses. we talked and came up into an agreement

Thank you all for the advice and concerns. We appreciate it

[Bayareaguy 156]

Nookie time!

[TBoneTX 45,022]

That's great news! Let me know if you wish for this thread to be closed, so that people won't reply to earlier parts of it that no longer apply.

[ConfusedByher 0]

That's great news! Let me know if you wish for this thread to be closed, so that people won't reply to earlier parts of it that no longer apply.

yes, please do.