Marrying a Jamaican

[BethAnn and Omar 42]

OK thanks guys. Our marriage is 100% legit. Just can't stand the nay-sayers and the comments I get when I tell people that I am married to a Jamaican and that we have been living apart. As I mentioned before, I did give money to my husband one time- over a period of 28 months. But he NEVER asks me for it- just that one time. I've been to visit him 13 times since we met... sometimes I stay a week sometime 3 wks depending on the work situation. I'm just thinking outloud how I am going to have to justify my marriage to the CO when it comes time to the interview- or how my husband is since I probably won't be interviewed.

I just want to feel confident in that fact that he loves me for me and does not have ulterior motives. It is no doubt his situation will be better here in the US than it is there- can't argue with that. But I don't think that is why he married me or stays married to me.

Anyway thanks for the kind words of encouragement. I'm sticking with my man!

BethAnn

[jkelly07 120]

bethann,go with your heart and instincts you been to see him 13 times you should know by this time if he really loves you,he will be coming to the us a different cultural and other issues fine a jamacian market .I hope your family and friends supports both of you and accepts him good luck to you keep us posted.

[Jawaree 717]

As a Jamaican male I feel so insulted being stereotyped, however there R some of us

that R lazy users I can say. This U will find in all Nationalities, Races & Creeds.

As a woman no one should know your man better than you, relationships R caring &

sharing, so if this is going only in one direction, ask yourself if that's the way it should

be, not all Jamaican men cheat, I myself is easy on the eyes, I have a wife I love for

many years, we have been thru ups and downs with 3 wonderful kids, I have females

come on to me seem like everyday...I am not falling for that BS, I only want my wife &

I personally think those women have something (std) to give, neither do I want no kids

outside, I think it shows lack of loyalty , I also want to be an example of who my daughters

will/should be attracted to, there R good Jamaican men and they R home with spouses

or mates not in the streets looking to pick up stalkers or jump-offs.

In many countries including Jamaica U will find men & women trying to get out for a

better life, some trying to grab all the materials things they can & not work for it, & some

do get a chance and turns out to be grateful, while others R weasels, but Jamaicans is not as

bad as some try to make they seem, especially if they ran into one of the weasels. It really

is shameful when things like these R said...I think U should make up your own mind &

have serious lifes chat with your man from time to time....Wishing you rich blessings.

[Jamaica10 13]

I think this conversation is really degrading to Jamaican men. Men everywhere are all the same. I hate when people point out the flaws of a Jamaican men. Everyone has a story and no two people are the same. Men in general tend to have similar behavior patterns. I guess when a man in the states does wrongs its acceptable, but when a man overseas does the same acts they are looked at as monsters and users looking for an opportunity. My fiancé resides in Jamaica and he doesn't do anything a typical man don't. It's all how you look at the situation. I dislike people who feel the need to hold a visa or green card over someone's head because they are filing for that individual. I dislike people who uses their mate as a puppet because they have the upper hand. Put the shoes on your feet and tell me how you like it. If you're with a man and they don't do right by you, it doesn't give you the authority to bash their culture as a whole. If you are dealing with a bad seed then you need to remove yourself from that relationship. You're no better than the people who dwell on the stereotypes that linger in today's society. I've dated a few American men and they did everything and more that a lot of Jamaicans do as well as men all over the world, I guess it's expected for us to tolerate their bad behavior because they don't need a visa or a green card. People who have these stereotypes are close minded individuals. Before pointing fingers look at yourself and the world around you. These discussions are sad and sick. Some people feel that because they have a bad experience so will others so they take it up on themselves to warn others. For those who are unhappy with their Jamaican spouse leave him, don't come one here trying to poison the minds of others. There are many men in society, find one that best fits your needs. A lot of those who have had negative things to say aren't that young, so apparently something went wrong in your last relationships that lead you to a Jamaican. It may not even be the men, it may just be you!

Visa journey is a site created for people to share their stories and and help others that are on their journey along the way. Not a site created to bash cultures. If you don't need help or have helpful advice, this is not the site for you.

I think this conversation is really degrading to Jamaican men. Men everywhere are all the same. I hate when people point out the flaws of a Jamaican men. Everyone has a story and no two people are the same. Men in general tend to have similar behavior patterns. I guess when a man in the states does wrongs its acceptable, but when a man overseas does the same acts they are looked at as monsters and users looking for an opportunity. My fiancé resides in Jamaica and he doesn't do anything a typical man don't. It's all how you look at the situation. I dislike people who feel the need to hold a visa or green card over someone's head because they are filing for that individual. I dislike people who uses their mate as a puppet because they have the upper hand. Put the shoes on your feet and tell me how you like it. If you're with a man and they don't do right by you, it doesn't give you the authority to bash their culture as a whole. If you are dealing with a bad seed then you need to remove yourself from that relationship. You're no better than the people who dwell on the stereotypes that linger in today's society. I've dated a few American men and they did everything and more that a lot of Jamaicans do as well as men all over the world, I guess it's expected for us to tolerate their bad behavior because they don't need a visa or a green card. People who have these stereotypes are close minded individuals. Before pointing fingers look at yourself and the world around you. These discussions are sad and sick. Some people feel that because they have a bad experience so will others so they take it up on themselves to warn others. For those who are unhappy with their Jamaican spouse leave him, don't come one here trying to poison the minds of others. There are many men in society, find one that best fits your needs. A lot of those who have had negative things to say aren't that young, so apparently something went wrong in your last relationships that lead you to a Jamaican. It may not even be the men, it may just be you!

Visa journey is a site created for people to share their stories and and help others that are on their journey along the way. Not a site created to bash cultures. If you don't need help or have helpful advice, this is not the site for you.

[BethAnn and Omar 42]

Jamaica. 10. I don't even know how to respond except to say that you obviously didn't read my posts. All I was saying is that I don't like how people stereotype Jamaican men and how this has affected our relationship. And for the record I am not old. Your response was unwarranted and cruel. I was simply sharing my own experience. If you don't like it read on.

.

[Jamaica10 13]

If the shoe fits then wear it. I made the comments to whoever feel the need to bash Jamaican men. It wasn't geared towards you, but you choose to take it personal for some apparent reason. We all deal with negative criticisms, but only weak minded people allow it to play a role in them self and/or their relationship. I've heard a lot of criticism and quite frankly I'm over it all. You gave me the opportunity to comment when you made your post public sweetie. Enjoy your day...

[BethAnn and Omar 42]

Ok point taken. Thanks for your share. You have a good day too.

[Jawaree 717]

hello, i have been with my jamaican man since 2010. I just recently came back from there 8/23 to 8/31. I know of what is said about Jamaican men and I am . . . I dont know . . . starting to believe it. My man is one of the good ones, but the needs down there is so great. Every time I go I take him soap, deodorant, toothpaste, lotion, etc, cause it is easier to get it here (dollar store) than there . . but it is getting old. I say that he is one of the good ones, but I find that they (including him) lie a lot, as if it is second nature. Who knows if i was in that situation i would probably lie too.

I have been to JA since 2010 about 13 or 14 times. Notice - I am the one giving the most in the relationship.. He call me everyday and has asked me for money over the years. I dont give him much but I have given him some "cause of his situation". He does not want to come to america instead he would prefer if i moved there. I will not do that cause I have a much more comfortable lifestyle here than what that island can offer me (unless I hit the lottery). Since my last visit i am starting to rethink the situation. I love him and I KNOW that he loves me . . . but . . . do we actually have a future together? I am not sure . . . ask me this about 2 months ago and I would have fallen on the sword. Today I am not so sure . . .There culture is so different, they think different . . .

Judging from your prior posts including this one I get the notion this

man have no permanent interest, after 14 times a female ought to realize

games...this is just one man so U cannot generalize, also at times a man wants

to do the pursuing & not be pursued, if U R authentic Y would U get on the

net talking about $ store stuff,wake up & smell the coffee.

contrary to many beliefs there R many Jamaicans with a visa not rich or even

well-off with no desires to leave their country permanently,. good friend of mine been

married to a lady for 12 yrs he does not like it there he just visits. When Castro

opened up Cuba not all the natives left,,, there R some ppl who will not sacrifice

leaving home for a no love relationship...That man's action has spoken, but don't

dog the rest....peace out

[BethAnn and Omar 42]

Judging from your prior posts including this one I get the notion this

man have no permanent interest, after 14 times a female ought to realize

games...this is just one man so U cannot generalize, also at times a man wants

to do the pursuing & not be pursued, if U R authentic Y would U get on the

net talking about $ store stuff,wake up & smell the coffee.

contrary to many beliefs there R many Jamaicans with a visa not rich or even

well-off with no desires to leave their country permanently,. good friend of mine been

married to a lady for 12 yrs he does not like it there he just visits. When Castro

opened up Cuba not all the natives left,,, there R some ppl who will not sacrifice

leaving home for a no love relationship...That man's action has spoken, but don't

dog the rest....peace out

Well said Jawaree- My husband has very little money and does not want to leave the country- why would he? All of his friends, cousins, family are there and he loves it in JA. Coming to the US is going to be a huge culture shock for him and will require a lot of patience and perseverence. I know I rubbed some people the wrong way with this post and for that I am sorry. I am just so sick of the negative comments I get from everyone around me and wanted to see if anyone else out there experienced the same. I need to be confident in my own relationship and not let the adversity poison my mind. Am working on that...

I am going again to JA on Friday and can't wait. I get to cook dinner for the entire family- which should be an experience since I can't cook lol.

[BeanCamp 28]

I agree with many of the post. Sterotypes are generalizations and no two relationships are the same. Only YOU know your husband. I can empathize with the need to get some feedback from those who are in similar situation. I hear the negative comments and I just brush them off. At the end of the day, I go to bed with my man and no one else. Only I know who lays next to me. If I lived my life based on what others wanted for me, I'd never be married or the fact happy. You can not satisfy the world. You can not live for others. You only live for yourself. If your family loves you as they say, then they will support you. If they don't they will still be your family, but your obligation lays with your Husband...because once you marry the family you create is your priority.... at thats bible. Good luck with your visa journey.

Edited September 9, 2013 by BeanCamp

[BeanCamp 28]

hello, i have been with my jamaican man since 2010. I just recently came back from there 8/23 to 8/31. I know of what is said about Jamaican men and I am . . . I dont know . . . starting to believe it. My man is one of the good ones, but the needs down there is so great. Every time I go I take him soap, deodorant, toothpaste, lotion, etc, cause it is easier to get it here (dollar store) than there . . but it is getting old. I say that he is one of the good ones, but I find that they (including him) lie a lot, as if it is second nature. Who knows if i was in that situation i would probably lie too.

I have been to JA since 2010 about 13 or 14 times. Notice - I am the one giving the most in the relationship.. He call me everyday and has asked me for money over the years. I dont give him much but I have given him some "cause of his situation". He does not want to come to america instead he would prefer if i moved there. I will not do that cause I have a much more comfortable lifestyle here than what that island can offer me (unless I hit the lottery). Since my last visit i am starting to rethink the situation. I love him and I KNOW that he loves me . . . but . . . do we actually have a future together? I am not sure . . . ask me this about 2 months ago and I would have fallen on the sword. Today I am not so sure . . .There culture is so different, they think different . . .

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I too have seen your posts. No one can tell you what to do. You must follow your heart lead by your mind. Lieing in any relationship is not good.I agree with other posts and say go for an extended stay. Really observe and have some long heart to heart conversations. If you both started this journey with the intentions he would immigrate and he has changed his mind, then you need to take a long look at where you and he are going with this. If you don't want to move and he doesn't then it is clear you will not achieve what we all want...true happiness and love. As women we tend to put up with more than we should. Don't put it up to the culture. Don't make generalizations to justify your situation. Pray and seek God's guidance. Don't keep yourself in bondage, only because you think the situation will change. Most of the time Men are pretty clear upfront with their intentions, you just have to have a clear mind to make sure you are reading your man right. He may or may not be the one...Only you can decide that for yourself. I wish you the best of luck and hope you see the sunshine at the end of the tunnel.

[Shiobhan 235]

My husband is Jamaican .in the beginning when

we were younger a few people dare to try and make

little comments, some were only collecting baby daddys

but wanted to rain in my parade.I was not having that.

Many have been left by their men, we had 3 boys (never been

to prison or juvi)2 in college, One person who say they were

not good men now have a son down in Huntsville Prison. Look at

how he treats you, is he endearing, relationships aren't about

gifts love cannot be bought. Yes, I see some I would not give the

time of the day but they are not only from Jamaica, good and bad

is all over, You get some families and friends who say black men

are no good either, so just go with your heart and stay true to

yourself, our kids are now growing up we still laugh, play, pray

go out as a family. yea and knock boots too. ignore the negatives

[rohandlulu 22]

Well said Jawaree- My husband has very little money and does not want to leave the country- why would he? All of his friends, cousins, family are there and he loves it in JA. Coming to the US is going to be a huge culture shock for him and will require a lot of patience and perseverence. I know I rubbed some people the wrong way with this post and for that I am sorry. I am just so sick of the negative comments I get from everyone around me and wanted to see if anyone else out there experienced the same. I need to be confident in my own relationship and not let the adversity poison my mind. Am working on that...

I am going again to JA on Friday and can't wait. I get to cook dinner for the entire family- which should be an experience since I can't cook lol.

Your post shouldnt have rubbed anyone wrong as you were only point out what we all have experienced. This forum is to vent while we wait, engage other like mind folks and bounce ideas and opinions off of eachother, you have nothing to apoligize for cus we all been there (or still going thru it)

btw, im extremely jealous of you going back to the island , enjoy ur time with ur hunny, and fucc what others think or say, cause at the end of the day, its u and him against the world..

[lisap 10]

So this is totally off topic but I wanted to get everyone's opinions. I have been married to my husband for almost two years now and together since April, 2011. But the stereotypes I had to put up with from everyone and their opinions about Jamaican men were crazy!

- He is just using you for your money- (I am in debt btw so I don't have any)

- He just wants to come to the US (not sure he even wants to leave Jamaica to be honest but he says he is coming for me)

- He just wants to stay in hotels and be pampered ( i am the one who prefers to stay in hotels while he insists that we stay at his yard)

- He is unfaithful to you

So just wondering if anyone else has to fight those stereotypes out there. I read a lot of horror stories and I start to get scared. But we have been through a lot together- a miscarriage, my illnesses and struggles, financial difficulty, etc. My husband only asked me for money one time- other times he just wants t shirts or slippers, lol.

So how do we fight these stereotypes- or do we not bother and just be confident in our own relationships?

Sorry but this is something I've been struggling with since I met my husband and I just want to know if anyone else has to deal with this.

BethAnn

LoL...listen he's your husband..case close.....next time someone bothers you about the topic you ask them "IS THAT YOUR DAMN BUSINESS" and make sure to use your maddea voice too, if you dont know how just watch one of the maddea videos and you'll be fine....

[Santianna 1]

This was happening in my relationship as well. Finally I just let my family and friends know that Im happy and that's all they should be concerned with.. I think in any long distance relationship people will find a way to criticize it. I say if you're both in love don't doubt it.. every relationship has struggles.. as long as you're both willing to put in the work everything will workout.