Marrying a Jamaican

[BethAnn and Omar 42]

So this is totally off topic but I wanted to get everyone's opinions. I have been married to my husband for almost two years now and together since April, 2011. But the stereotypes I had to put up with from everyone and their opinions about Jamaican men were crazy!

- He is just using you for your money- (I am in debt btw so I don't have any)

- He just wants to come to the US (not sure he even wants to leave Jamaica to be honest but he says he is coming for me)

- He just wants to stay in hotels and be pampered ( i am the one who prefers to stay in hotels while he insists that we stay at his yard)

- He is unfaithful to you

So just wondering if anyone else has to fight those stereotypes out there. I read a lot of horror stories and I start to get scared. But we have been through a lot together- a miscarriage, my illnesses and struggles, financial difficulty, etc. My husband only asked me for money one time- other times he just wants t shirts or slippers, lol.

So how do we fight these stereotypes- or do we not bother and just be confident in our own relationships?

Sorry but this is something I've been struggling with since I met my husband and I just want to know if anyone else has to deal with this.

BethAnn

[KinaNKev 5]

BethAnn and Omar hi yessssss omg I have been thru the samething (even family) ur reply to them is ok well if that's what happens it will me going thru it not nobody else!!! People kill me with how negative they can be! If ur confident in your marriage then let them know there comment is not needed!! My thing is I'm American and I have been thru hell n high water with American men nobody warned me about them so as far as I'm concerned nobody can tell me nothing!! At first I was nervous but being a had some positive people around it really helped!! I wish you the best and remember what makes you happy is all that matters ?

[stevie b 141]

So this is totally off topic but I wanted to get everyone's opinions. I have been married to my husband for almost two years now and together since April, 2011. But the stereotypes I had to put up with from everyone and their opinions about Jamaican men were crazy!

- He is just using you for your money- (I am in debt btw so I don't have any)

- He just wants to come to the US (not sure he even wants to leave Jamaica to be honest but he says he is coming for me)

- He just wants to stay in hotels and be pampered ( i am the one who prefers to stay in hotels while he insists that we stay at his yard)

- He is unfaithful to you

So just wondering if anyone else has to fight those stereotypes out there. I read a lot of horror stories and I start to get scared. But we have been through a lot together- a miscarriage, my illnesses and struggles, financial difficulty, etc. My husband only asked me for money one time- other times he just wants t shirts or slippers, lol.

So how do we fight these stereotypes- or do we not bother and just be confident in our own relationships?

Sorry but this is something I've been struggling with since I met my husband and I just want to know if anyone else has to deal with this.

BethAnn

surely it isn't Jamaica specific.. mom gave me boatloads of the same for my Fijian wife.. after they met .. her concerns were muted.. hopefully

[godlove 29]

Be confident in our man and your marriage, its just a stereotype does not mean everyone is that way, You should not be afraid of anything only if you think that your husband might only be with you because he wants something from you. There are bad and evil people every where, people deceive people everyday and sometimes it takes a lot of damages and years to realize that.

[SA516 1]

Follow your heart... People will always talk.. Some say Nigerian are worst.. but it opposite.. Nigerians are loving and caring people.. My husband is the best..

[JSC n GOM 5]

Listen - I am Jamaican with a Jamaican fiance and I get the same thing once in a while. The reason I don't get it more often is because I keep people out of our business which is key in any relationship. One thing I have learned and that I try to emulate is that my relationship is my business. Its nice to share with other people but only me and my fiance know our relationship and anyone that has anything negative to say about it can butt out. You need to be confident in your relationship to overcome the sterotypes but I can tell you that there are some wonderful men in Jamaica (I have plenty in my family) and if you believe that you have found one keep him. Don't worry about everyone else cuz misery loves company. Keep your business to yourself and only share with people who want only the very best for you and your husband. Marriage is sacred, treat it and keep it that way.

[edelweiss 3]

For the most part my family and friends have been supportive of me and my fiancee but I did here a few negative/discouraging comments. I just ignored them. My Chinese fiancee also went through the "stereotypes" with her friends. People are the same everywhere. Follow your heart!

[tberta.brooks 3]

hello, i have been with my jamaican man since 2010. I just recently came back from there 8/23 to 8/31. I know of what is said about Jamaican men and I am . . . I dont know . . . starting to believe it. My man is one of the good ones, but the needs down there is so great. Every time I go I take him soap, deodorant, toothpaste, lotion, etc, cause it is easier to get it here (dollar store) than there . . but it is getting old. I say that he is one of the good ones, but I find that they (including him) lie a lot, as if it is second nature. Who knows if i was in that situation i would probably lie too.

I have been to JA since 2010 about 13 or 14 times. Notice - I am the one giving the most in the relationship.. He call me everyday and has asked me for money over the years. I dont give him much but I have given him some "cause of his situation". He does not want to come to america instead he would prefer if i moved there. I will not do that cause I have a much more comfortable lifestyle here than what that island can offer me (unless I hit the lottery). Since my last visit i am starting to rethink the situation. I love him and I KNOW that he loves me . . . but . . . do we actually have a future together? I am not sure . . . ask me this about 2 months ago and I would have fallen on the sword. Today I am not so sure . . .There culture is so different, they think different . . .

[Jamaicanshorty 4]

_{In general, there are both good and bad people all over the world. People tend to stereotype about practically every and anything. If you have found yourself a decent man/woman, hold on to him/her. No relationship is perfect, with love, hard work and dedication, you will make it. People get taken advantage of everyday all day. And sad to say, it's not just a Jamaican thing. If you go into a relationship with doubts then it will be manifested.}

[BethAnn and Omar 42]

Thanks to all for your great shares. I really love my husband and he has stayed with me through thick and in. I just can't listen to other people. You all are right I have to go with my heart and my heart tells me that my husband really loves me. Maybe it's just me- I don't think i'm worthy of being loved or something...I dunno. But he is my soulmate and when he gets here I hope my family will accept him with open arms.

Thanks for listening!

BethAnn

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I think a stereotype thing is always live in everywhere. I've been in relationship with my fiance for more than five years and it has being said, there are a lot negative feedbacks for our relationship. Like others said, some people are good, some others are bad. It stays in any countries, cultures, religions, or any different kind of societies.

Some people are done bad things it doesn't mean would apply to others. The stereotype of westeners men in Asia especially in my country is quietly unpleasant that they just love fool around with girls and playing their hearts.

In other side, some stereotypes of Asian women became hotter topics on many forums that Asian women just love money, keep asking money from men, and etc. My fiance and I refuse to accept all the stereotypes. Just follow your heart and listen inside what do you need to do. Good luck!

[Our Destiny 11]

Listen - I am Jamaican with a Jamaican fiance and I get the same thing once in a while. The reason I don't get it more often is because I keep people out of our business which is key in any relationship. One thing I have learned and that I try to emulate is that my relationship is my business. Its nice to share with other people but only me and my fiance know our relationship and anyone that has anything negative to say about it can butt out. You need to be confident in your relationship to overcome the sterotypes but I can tell you that there are some wonderful men in Jamaica (I have plenty in my family) and if you believe that you have found one keep him. Don't worry about everyone else cuz misery loves company. Keep your business to yourself and only share with people who want only the very best for you and your husband. Marriage is sacred, treat it and keep it that way.

I definitely agree with you. I too am in the same thoughts as you. Only share with people that means you well. I love him and he loves me and that's all that matters. If theres an issue that will arrive...well i guess then we deal with it when we cross that bridge.Cant allow myself to think negative and have all this bad energy swarming my relationship. Its unhealthy

[2018JourneyDone 77]

So how do we fight these stereotypes- or do we not bother and just be confident in our own relationships?

-----------------------

Only you can know the answer to that and from what I'm reading, ABSOLUTELY fight!! And don't let be naysayers enter your mind... I am in the same boat and have learned that some people will find fault in anything. I know my fiancé and I are not perfect, who really is? I DO know the love we have, the commitment, patience, understanding, communication is unlike anything I've ever known. The next post I quote says it perfectly.... Congrats to the two of you for finding each other in this crazy world! Celebrate that each day and you will quickly learn to shut out the noise of others judgements :-)

------------------------

Listen - I am Jamaican with a Jamaican fiance and I get the same thing once in a while. The reason I don't get it more often is because I keep people out of our business which is key in any relationship. One thing I have learned and that I try to emulate is that my relationship is my business. Its nice to share with other people but only me and my fiance know our relationship and anyone that has anything negative to say about it can butt out. You need to be confident in your relationship to overcome the sterotypes but I can tell you that there are some wonderful men in Jamaica (I have plenty in my family) and if you believe that you have found one keep him. Don't worry about everyone else cuz misery loves company. Keep your business to yourself and only share with people who want only the very best for you and your husband. Marriage is sacred, treat it and keep it that way.

VERY well said and couldn't agree more!! <3

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

So this is totally off topic but I wanted to get everyone's opinions. I have been married to my husband for almost two years now and together since April, 2011. But the stereotypes I had to put up with from everyone and their opinions about Jamaican men were crazy!

- He is just using you for your money- (I am in debt btw so I don't have any)

- He just wants to come to the US (not sure he even wants to leave Jamaica to be honest but he says he is coming for me)

- He just wants to stay in hotels and be pampered ( i am the one who prefers to stay in hotels while he insists that we stay at his yard)

- He is unfaithful to you

So just wondering if anyone else has to fight those stereotypes out there. I read a lot of horror stories and I start to get scared. But we have been through a lot together- a miscarriage, my illnesses and struggles, financial difficulty, etc. My husband only asked me for money one time- other times he just wants t shirts or slippers, lol.

So how do we fight these stereotypes- or do we not bother and just be confident in our own relationships?

Sorry but this is something I've been struggling with since I met my husband and I just want to know if anyone else has to deal with this.

BethAnn

Sink or swim, the relationship is between you and your mate. IMHO, the less you can shield it from outside opinion, influence then the better (Ex Wife's friends ridiculed her for driving a MiniVan and her Husband drives a Benz - they didn't know I sacrificed and got a used $5k Benz so that I can buy her a brand new $40k Honda Odyssey)

That being said, with any of these 3rd world countries one has to have a measured amount of understanding of your Spouse, only you can and should do this since you only have the full history on your Spouse.

1) Using you for money. Only you know. It doesn't require you to be a rich American. Once you consider the exchange rates then even $100 a month could male a significant change in someones life in a 3rd world country.

2) Coming to the US. I hear this a lot. USC saying their Spouses don't even want to come to the US. To me that;s hogwash, especially from a 3rd world country unless he is rich over there with business. Not a corner store but a company.

3) Stay in hotels. Of course for safety and comfort the USC wants to stay in a hotel, understandably. So if the Spouse is there then no worries.

4)Faithfulness. This is another one of those things that it's between the two folks. Only you know if there are pointers clues to faihtfullness or otherwise, do not let over generalization taunt your marriage.

Good luck

hello, i have been with my jamaican man since 2010. I just recently came back from there 8/23 to 8/31. I know of what is said about Jamaican men and I am . . . I dont know . . . starting to believe it. My man is one of the good ones, but the needs down there is so great. Every time I go I take him soap, deodorant, toothpaste, lotion, etc, cause it is easier to get it here (dollar store) than there . . but it is getting old. I say that he is one of the good ones, but I find that they (including him) lie a lot, as if it is second nature. Who knows if i was in that situation i would probably lie too.

I have been to JA since 2010 about 13 or 14 times. Notice - I am the one giving the most in the relationship.. He call me everyday and has asked me for money over the years. I dont give him much but I have given him some "cause of his situation". He does not want to come to america instead he would prefer if i moved there. I will not do that cause I have a much more comfortable lifestyle here than what that island can offer me (unless I hit the lottery). Since my last visit i am starting to rethink the situation. I love him and I KNOW that he loves me . . . but . . . do we actually have a future together? I am not sure . . . ask me this about 2 months ago and I would have fallen on the sword. Today I am not so sure . . .There culture is so different, they think different . . .

Sorry about that but follow your heart. Where's theirs smoke theirs fire. I think you should go for a length visit.

[iawait 9]

My fiance is from India and I hearr the same remarks as you everyday from friends, co-workers and family. e have known each other since since 2007. Everybody told him that I was with him because of his money. He got deported in 2008 and everyone told me that he was only using me to get back to the US. I moved to India with him and he took care of me and my daughter. I lost my house. I moved back last year 'cause I couldn't stand to be in India any more (cultural difference and other issues). He helped me financially to get my house back and still supports me when I need help because of the economy and job issues. We both listen to people give us their piece of advise and it all ends there. We all know that what his well-wishers tell him has happened and what my well-wishers tell me also happens a lot. But, in the end, it is what your heart tells you that matters. Do what you feel is right and if it work out, happiness will be yours and you wont have to look back and say "what if". If it doesn't work out, "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger". Good luck and believe in your instincts.