i am 40 years older than my finance

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I am married to a woman about a decade older than myself. All of my previous relationships were also with women about a decade older than myself -- I've never been attracted to women in their 20s.

My wife had no problem with her interview, but that's probably because I (the younger fiance) was petitioning for her (the older fiancee.)

I would find out if your fiance has always had girlfriends your age, and gather proof of his attraction to women of your age. If he has never had a relationship with a woman from his own country with a similar age difference, you might want to make sure he's not just trying to get into the U.S.

Not impossible but improbable that a Nigerian male has dated someone 40 years older than him who is also a Nigerian. It's a huge cultural taboo.

I continue to wish OP success in her relationship as I mean no disrespect but just wanted to show a different perspective.

Edited September 6, 2013 by Gowon

[duraaraa 203]

Not impossible but improbable that a Nigerian male has dated someone 40 years older than him who is also a Nigerian. It's a huge cultural taboo.

I continue to wish OP success in her relationship as I mean no disrespect but just wanted to show a different perspective.

Knowing nothing about the cultural dos and don'ts in Nigeria, I can't say much, but if he is attracted to older women, I would think there would be something in his history that shows it. I am sure there are Nigerians who are attracted to much older women, but I would assume that considering the unlikeliness of it and the temptation to get an easy residence permission to the U.S., presenting proof of his attraction to older women who didn't offer him the ability to emigrate might ease the fears of the consular officer when the interview comes.

Edited September 6, 2013 by duraaraa

[MRS.MONTILLA 4]

In my opinion anyone and everyone is the same boat here as far as visas go. No one can is guaranteed their babe will stay afte the visa is issued. Weather old, young, pretty, ugly there are just no guarantees. Its a gamble at the end of the day. Only time will tell. Love has no guarantees!

Edited September 6, 2013 by MRS.MONTILLA

[duraaraa 203]

In my opinion anyone and everyone is the same boat here as far as visas go. No one can is guaranteed their babe will stay afte the visa is issued. Weather old, young, pretty, ugly there are just no guarantees. Its a gamble at the end of the day. Only time will tell. Love has no guarantees!

I don't disagree with you -- nobody can be guaranteed a lifelong relationship, however much we may believe in it.

It's a whole different ballgame when someone is planning to get married and break up after immigration, though. It's important to have the right intentions. I think that is what the consular officer wants to be assured of.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

My fiance (Male - USC) is 32 years older than me and we aren't thinking to much about the age red flag cause we have many vists to each other in last 3 years. Just front load or give as much bonafide evidence as you can.

Wish you well in your journey

You are from Australia.

Consulates look at whether the THINK the relationship has been formed for the purpose of imigration benfits. In cultures which have STRONG traditions of ...

1. Men being older

2. Men producing children with their wife

3. Religious uniformity

then a relatrionship as described looks like it was formed for immigration benefits, whether the petitioner thinks so or not (she doesn't, of course) Nigeria is THE highest visa fraud country in the world, bar none. In a class by itself. Australia is among the lowest for visa fraud. One needs to rely on the experience of people who know this country, not those of us from push-over easy consulates.

I see that she is being advised to marry and file a CR-1. Probably useful advice BUT she should be aware a visa can STILL be denied and then she IS married. Marriage is independent of the visa process.

My suggestion....tell the beneficiary you want to get married and move to Nigeria. I promise you...I PROMISE YOU...if I had said to Alla that I would marry her and move to Ukraine, she would have said "OK, let's do that"

If the fiance's reaction is other than being together is the most important thing...regardless of where you live...then pass on him.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

In my opinion anyone and everyone is the same boat here as far as visas go. No one can is guaranteed their babe will stay afte the visa is issued. Weather old, young, pretty, ugly there are just no guarantees. Its a gamble at the end of the day. Only time will tell. Love has no guarantees!

True. And what?

The government does not care if your marriage is "happliy ever after" or not. They only care whether the purpose going in is for immigration benefits. If the marriage/engagement is legitimate then if it ultimately crashes and burns...so what? It would simply be like half the other marriages.

Consulates n high fraud countries scrutinize visa applications very carefully.

[c12h22oh 11]

I do not know.... good luck !!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Not impossible but improbable that a Nigerian male has dated someone 40 years older than him who is also a Nigerian. It's a huge cultural taboo.

I continue to wish OP success in her relationship as I mean no disrespect but just wanted to show a different perspective.

We in the enlightened United States think nothing of these things. Hence shows like "Cougartown" You GO GIRL!

But in other countries it can be hugely a no-no. I mean, Ukraine is fairly mild compared to some countries but you almost NEVER see a woman walking with a man shorter than herself...and Ukrainian women tend to be tall! Alla will not wear certain shoes because they make her as tall as I am and she "feels weird being seen like that" Also it is very rare that men are younger, and especially not by any large amount. Our friend's son (20) is dating a woman (24) and it is a huge scandal in his family! Again, things are not so strict in Ukraine and among younger people it makes less difference it seems...

but that is not Nigeria! I would take heed to what Gowon says.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

We in the enlightened United States think nothing of these things. Hence shows like "Cougartown" You GO GIRL!

But in other countries it can be hugely a no-no. I mean, Ukraine is fairly mild compared to some countries but you almost NEVER see a woman walking with a man shorter than herself...and Ukrainian women tend to be tall! Alla will not wear certain shoes because they make her as tall as I am and she "feels weird being seen like that" Also it is very rare that men are younger, and especially not by any large amount. Our friend's son (20) is dating a woman (24) and it is a huge scandal in his family! Again, things are not so strict in Ukraine and among younger people it makes less difference it seems...

but that is not Nigeria! I would take heed to what Gowon says.

I just watched two Guys hold hands walking down the street in downtown Pasadena during lunch. Completely acceptable and nobody batted an eyelid. I only noticed because they asked me for directions to a store.

In Nigeria, the minimum sentence for their action is 14 years in jail in the Southern states and death penalty by stoning in the Northern states that practice Sharia law, that is if they are lucky and escape the public jungle justice.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Nigeria

[dwheels76 5,468]

I just watched two Guys hold hands walking down the street in downtown Pasadena during lunch. Completely acceptable and nobody batted an eyelid. I only noticed because they asked me for directions to a store.

In Nigeria, the minimum sentence for their action is 14 years in jail in the Southern states and death penalty by stoning in the Northern states that practice Sharia law, that is if they are lucky and escape the public jungle justice.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Nigeria

Well not to distract but Gowon in my 7 months in Port Harcourt I was shocked to see some men walking down the street holding hands and openly kissing in public.

I remember I was told just like you quoted so was ready for the public to pounce no one gave a dang.

[Peter_Pan 661]

Muslim men do that as a sign of friendship, not sexual.

Teenage girls in Romania still hold hands, but there is no sexual undertone there.

[gjrunner 0]

Im not saying it will be easy by any means but i have seen it happen here

I am 20 years older than my fiancee - age has never been an issue - we have our interview on the 12th

its a folow up interview to the one we had on June 20th - we had a missing document

i was there with him and have visited 5 times in two years -

we have the proof in the world -

as long as the relationship is real/ solid and you have proof - you have a chance

i was told the same things early on that it would be next to impossible to be approved

my best advice to to visit him - take lots of photos - get his families approval

and pray.

good luck

Im not saying it will be easy by any means but i have seen it happen here

I am 20 years older than my fiancee - age has never been an issue - we have our interview on the 12th
its a folow up interview to the one we had on June 20th - we had a missing document
i was there with him and have visited 5 times in two years -
we have the proof in the world -

as long as the relationship is real/ solid and you have proof - you have a chance
i was told the same things early on that it would be next to impossible to be approved
my best advice to to visit him - take lots of photos - get his families approval
and pray.

good luck

[SA516 1]

Its very obvious this guy is only with you because he wants to use you to get over here so so desperate and its a shame. My only advice to you is to run for your life, you can do better because when he gets over here, he will endure for maybe 2 or 3 years and once he gets his green card or becomes a citizen he will disappear and marry someone his age. Nigeria men are not stupid and no reasonable Nigerian man who wants to be with a woman who is 40 years older than him, a woman that can't give him children only if he wants something from that woman. iF your the man and his the woman maybe ya. The CO will know its for immigration purpose only and deny it but you never know, miracles do happen so goodluck.

Bad advice... You're not God...Do you know if the guy have 4 kids already or cant even have kids... You can just assume and conclude.. Yes!! Nigerian might be shaky but not all!!

Guess the real Nigerian here should try as much as possible to promote the country in a positive way and stop been condemned.

He will endure for maybe 2 or 3yr: Why you dream of 2 to 3yrs when you dont even know if you'll leave till tomorrow? Can you guarantee what gonna happen in your own relationship in the next 2yrs?

Advice: Follow your heart and enjoy every single moment with your spouse.. Get marriage and apply, front load your application and believe me, miracle still happens and you will be surprise with the end result.

[Ban Hammer 13,445]

approximately 2 dozen posts removed for:
bickering, taking thread off topic, judgmentalism, and overall not providing constructive advice to the op.

one member thread banned for consistently engaging in the above behavior.

any further bickering, hijacking of the thread, judgmental posting behavior, and other unwelcome behavior will result in a thread ban at the least.

Edited September 10, 2013 by charles!

[memlaura 60]

hello, well I appreciate all the positive comments and advice..i am well aware of all the risks involved with this situation and am more than willing to take the risk. I have been to Nigeria enough to see the oppression there and I want my fiancé to come to usa..its me that wants him out of nigiera. so please understand that I understand everything that has been said...however I really just care about advice on the visa issue not about our relationship. I am secure in our relationship but not in the visa issue. Thank you.

I am 18 years older than my husband and we have had years of issues and back and forth but at the end of the day this is our relationship and he and I have to decided what we are going to do in this relationship. You have received a lot of good advice it may not have been things you were looking to hear but it is something you can consider what is said. But if you decide that you have a good relationship and want to continue the advise to follow is to get married and take tons of pictures save all your proof and front load your application. Pictures, chats, gifts he sent you, any joint accounts you may have together (this is not an easy accomplishment) anything you can use to prove a true relationship. Affidavits from his family and friends could help acceptance from your children would help too... Just load up with evidence and try and spend more time if you can with him. This is not an easy process it is so stressful so you need to be up to the challenge. You never know what is in someone elses heart you can only hope for the best but that is in any relationship not just ones with Nigerian men. No one has asked does he have any children of his own? That really is a big thing with Nigerian men even if they say it isn't it really is. Keep that in mind it is very important to them to have a child of their own.... At the end of the day this is your life if you are willing to take the chance for love I hope you are right and I hope that you and your man have a wonderful life together

Gowen I agree with Dwheels I was amazed at the amount of physical contact between men in Lagos. I told my husband I thought that in the US the way that a lot of the men were behaving they would be considered homosexual here.