i am 40 years older than my finance

[gjrunner 0]

@Nigerian Queen, that's just mean of you.If you've got nothing solid to contribute then hush it. Follow the trail of replies so far, they all point towards finding a solution . Learn to be sensitive over the cases of others who aren't as fortunate as you are. How do you know the brother is desperate and hungry? ( Lol) --- --*not funny at all.

thank you sister

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Gowan,

Aloha, Yes I stood with her and we both got sworn in. It was in US Embassy Manila. Really funny part in our interview was the questions that were asked of me by the American Consulate...

1.) So David you have any children from your previous marriage?

YES, three boys, they are all grown up and live on their own.

2.) So David how old is your oldest son?

36 years old.

3.) So your new wife is almost half the age of your oldest son?

Yes, and he has made fast friends with his new 19 year old step mom on skype.

Then a few moments of silence and stress. The American counsel had a big red pen and made x's over our marriage certificate and several other docs, I mean x's the size of the entire pages. So now we are both sweating. After a 30 second moment of silence the American Counsel says, "CONGRATULATIONS, YOUR VISA IS APPROVED."

Well my wife and I wanted to jump up and down but we managed to control our emotions. But those were perhaps the best words we had heard for a long time. The next great words were when we passed through immigration in Honolulu and the officer there said, "WELCOME TO AMERICA"

Aloha Ke Akua

Not sure why they deny us this priviledge in Nigeria.

I beleive that it makes a critical difference. That you're sworn in as a USC means that you are accepting the penalties.

Congrats.

[BigDaddy28 228]

Wow. This is a difficult dilemma you face. And each and every input you have received from people here is to be taken in to consideration. While I feel you are at a cross road right now and really don't know what to do I feel you do need to consider the possibility of a denial. If by chance you are approved you also need to consider the possibility that this guy will only stay as long as his green card has not been issued because once that happens it is possible he will leave you and find someone his own age. He is young has no children he probably will want some one day in the future. Not to be disrespectful to his parents but their acceptance of you maybe based on the fact that you can get him a green card. I doubt they would want their child to never produce children in the future. Nigerian culture is different. There have been some instances when a man Marry's a woman his own age and for many years try's to produce and has not been successful . Instantly in the eyes of the family she is barren even before they work out if the problem may be from the mans side as to why they aren't producing. Some parents have been known to go to the house pack the girls cloths and dash her out. Then find him another wife that can produce or find him a second wife. If your man is Muslim this may likely be their intentions in the future. Hate to be the bearer of bad news but you do have to think carefully before you go ahead with this. Take this advice from a female nigerian who knows what nigerian culture is like. I suggest you take the advice someone gave you earlier and tell him you will move to Nigeria instead and see if he try's to convince you not to do that or her runs away a short while after you insist your moving. This will give you the answer you seek. I truely hope it works out for you and I hope he is genuine.

Hello Nurseling:

I admire your intentions to help this women but I kind of disagree with a point that you did mention here. "If your man is Muslim this may likely be their intentions in the future." I know that you came from a country where Muslim are viewed as bad people, who don't care about nobody and only care about themselves. I disagree with that. See a True Muslim WILL take care of his WIFE in any situation she is in (whether she is able to have kids or not, whether she is healthy or not...) You can't judge a person from what religion they are from, or what country they came from, or how old he is, or what is his color. You judge a person by his actions. A True Muslim will tell you that he doesn't care about where he would live with you, even if it was living outside in a stable full of chicken. A true Muslim will not judge you based on how old you are, or what you have or what can you do that will benefit him. Unfortunatly we don't see as many True muslims since the media is fantasizing the bad ones, and all we hear about are the bad ones. You can't judge a whole nation by what one person did or what you heard one person did. I know for a fact that a lot of people will disagree with me and maybe many people will talk behind me and probably get cussed out just because I'm defending how a True Muslim should be treated, but I don't care because if you were in that same situation I would've defended you even though you are not a Muslim. Just because all of us share one thing and it's we are all human beings. Yes your words were hurtful but you know what, it might be an opportunity for you and many other people to learn how a True Muslim is. Maybe People will learn again that discriminating against a person because of his religion is just like discriminating a person because of his sex, color, where he is born and that is morally wrong. You know that even in Britain, by law it's prohibited to discriminate but still people discriminate by words said verbally. I have a lot of friends who went to Islamic countries and many said it's nothing like what we have seen in TV, maybe one day you will have a chance to see that. Too.

I hope I didn't hurt your feelings but my intentions are to fix your thoughts. Good luck to you.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Hello Nurseling:

I admire your intentions to help this women but I kind of disagree with a point that you did mention here. "If your man is Muslim this may likely be their intentions in the future." I know that you came from a country where Muslim are viewed as bad people, who don't care about nobody and only care about themselves. I disagree with that. See a True Muslim WILL take care of his WIFE in any situation she is in (whether she is able to have kids or not, whether she is healthy or not...) You can't judge a person from what religion they are from, or what country they came from, or how old he is, or what is his color. You judge a person by his actions. A True Muslim will tell you that he doesn't care about where he would live with you, even if it was living outside in a stable full of chicken. A true Muslim will not judge you based on how old you are, or what you have or what can you do that will benefit him. Unfortunatly we don't see as many True muslims since the media is fantasizing the bad ones, and all we hear about are the bad ones. You can't judge a whole nation by what one person did or what you heard one person did. I know for a fact that a lot of people will disagree with me and maybe many people will talk behind me and probably get cussed out just because I'm defending how a True Muslim should be treated, but I don't care because if you were in that same situation I would've defended you even though you are not a Muslim. Just because all of us share one thing and it's we are all human beings. Yes your words were hurtful but you know what, it might be an opportunity for you and many other people to learn how a True Muslim is. Maybe People will learn again that discriminating against a person because of his religion is just like discriminating a person because of his sex, color, where he is born and that is morally wrong. You know that even in Britain, by law it's prohibited to discriminate but still people discriminate by words said verbally. I have a lot of friends who went to Islamic countries and many said it's nothing like what we have seen in TV, maybe one day you will have a chance to see that. Too.

I hope I didn't hurt your feelings but my intentions are to fix your thoughts. Good luck to you.

Muslims are not viewed as bad people in Nigeria.

The very fabric of Nigeria is woven around the practise of Islam.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

There was a woman about 5 years ago on here. She was 57 and her Nigerian man was 23 . She actually lived there for months , in the family compound, talking to relatives and getting to know her mother in law who was 10 years younger than her. At that time she would have shown that it was true love that his family adored her. Field investigation showed that the "cousin" that lived in the compound and served dinner most nights was the wife of her husband and the child she played with was actually his son. Once she found out that is was a family plot to get their collective feet on US soil ( son to petition mom, then real wife and child and siblings and ... ) He actually had the nerve to offer to compensate her for her troubles if she would continue to press the petition. Because there are stories like this it would be a disservice not to forewarn someone of the dangers and of what the consulate is expecting the relationship to truly be. It is the bad eggs like the one in this story that makes it hard for all Nigerian couples no matter the age difference and nearly impossible for cougar couples ( by the way I am significantly older than Joseph )

[Nurseling 34]

By the way we are not here to talk about religion we are here to offer the person advice regarding the k1 and other options available to them. From what I have read the thread has turned into a battle ground for other to bash each other. People please we are all In the same boat together we are suppose to give good advice to each other and help support each other through these difficult time. No more negative comments. We all give constructive advice and let the person in need make up their mind which direction they wish to choose. There far too any worry a associated with this process for all this negativity. We need to be worry about when our visa going to be approved not bashing each other.

So people lets be nice yes!!!

I never mentioned any religion in any of my posting Get off your Muslim high horse and READ what is posted.

Thank you for reminding people about this.

[Adepeju 4]

There was a woman about 5 years ago on here. She was 57 and her Nigerian man was 23 . She actually lived there for months , in the family compound, talking to relatives and getting to know her mother in law who was 10 years younger than her. At that time she would have shown that it was true love that his family adored her. Field investigation showed that the "cousin" that lived in the compound and served dinner most nights was the wife of her husband and the child she played with was actually his son. Once she found out that is was a family plot to get their collective feet on US soil ( son to petition mom, then real wife and child and siblings and ... ) He actually had the nerve to offer to compensate her for her troubles if she would continue to press the petition. Because there are stories like this it would be a disservice not to forewarn someone of the dangers and of what the consulate is expecting the relationship to truly be. It is the bad eggs like the one in this story that makes it hard for all Nigerian couples no matter the age difference and nearly impossible for cougar couples ( by the way I am significantly older than Joseph )

I, myself, was married to a Nigerian man. I am 7 years older than he. He is very handsome and was very successful with his business. I always asked him why he, such a handsome and successful man, was single...no girl friend/wife. He said "I just focus on my business and making money". Ok, I bought it. I asked him over and over and he gave me same response. After we were married for 8 months, I found out, by finding a picture (wedding pic) that he had another wife in his country. Really...We were married in the court and they did not catch it...visa approved and US embassy didn't catch it...wow...

I put my story out here to let people know that men (and women) will deceive you in a heart beat. I am only 7 years older than he is. He is very handsome and I am very attractive. We were not an odd couple, we looked very nice together. We were both into fashion and like to look flashy. I spent time with his family, his mom and his sister. His sister and I would speak on the phone every day. When I found out, I said "so your sister and your mom have been lying to me as well?" He said "no, I told them that you knew that I had wife." Really, wow...so I look stupid.

I pray for you OP, and all the men and women on here that your relationships with your fiance'/spouse is real. I pray that you dont experience the pain that some have endured because it really hurts. To this day, I dont hate my ex husband and I have forgiven him. I can not and will not ever be with him again, but I forgive him. I even pray for him. If I dont forgive him and hate him that is not healthy for me. I will carry a heavy weight with me and I don't want that. I know that God does not like ugly and he and only he can judge. My ex husband will pay his price come judgement day and until then I wish him happiness.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I, myself, was married to a Nigerian man. I am 7 years older than he. He is very handsome and was very successful with his business. I always asked him why he, such a handsome and successful man, was single...no girl friend/wife. He said "I just focus on my business and making money". Ok, I bought it. I asked him over and over and he gave me same response. After we were married for 8 months, I found out, by finding a picture (wedding pic) that he had another wife in his country. Really...We were married in the court and they did not catch it...visa approved and US embassy didn't catch it...wow...

I put my story out here to let people know that men (and women) will deceive you in a heart beat. I am only 7 years older than he is. He is very handsome and I am very attractive. We were not an odd couple, we looked very nice together. We were both into fashion and like to look flashy. I spent time with his family, his mom and his sister. His sister and I would speak on the phone every day. When I found out, I said "so your sister and your mom have been lying to me as well?" He said "no, I told them that you knew that I had wife." Really, wow...so I look stupid.

I pray for you OP, and all the men and women on here that your relationships with your fiance'/spouse is real. I pray that you dont experience the pain that some have endured because it really hurts. To this day, I dont hate my ex husband and I have forgiven him. I can not and will not ever be with him again, but I forgive him. I even pray for him. If I dont forgive him and hate him that is not healthy for me. I will carry a heavy weight with me and I don't want that. I know that God does not like ugly and he and only he can judge. My ex husband will pay his price come judgement day and until then I wish him happiness.

I don't think that he is telling the truth but if he is then be glad to be out of that family.

I think a username name change is in order. Yes?

[gjrunner 0]

My fiance and I are 35 years apart and age is NOT an issue. Go brave and confident and all will be okay.

thank you

[gjrunner 0]

hello, well I appreciate all the positive comments and advice..i am well aware of all the risks involved with this situation and am more than willing to take the risk. I have been to Nigeria enough to see the oppression there and I want my fiancé to come to usa..its me that wants him out of nigiera. so please understand that I understand everything that has been said...however I really just care about advice on the visa issue not about our relationship. I am secure in our relationship but not in the visa issue. Thank you.

[Nurseling 34]

I, myself, was married to a Nigerian man. I am 7 years older than he. He is very handsome and was very successful with his business. I always asked him why he, such a handsome and successful man, was single...no girl friend/wife. He said "I just focus on my business and making money". Ok, I bought it. I asked him over and over and he gave me same response. After we were married for 8 months, I found out, by finding a picture (wedding pic) that he had another wife in his country. Really...We were married in the court and they did not catch it...visa approved and US embassy didn't catch it...wow...

I put my story out here to let people know that men (and women) will deceive you in a heart beat. I am only 7 years older than he is. He is very handsome and I am very attractive. We were not an odd couple, we looked very nice together. We were both into fashion and like to look flashy. I spent time with his family, his mom and his sister. His sister and I would speak on the phone every day. When I found out, I said "so your sister and your mom have been lying to me as well?" He said "no, I told them that you knew that I had wife." Really, wow...so I look stupid.

I pray for you OP, and all the men and women on here that your relationships with your fiance'/spouse is real. I pray that you dont experience the pain that some have endured because it really hurts. To this day, I dont hate my ex husband and I have forgiven him. I can not and will not ever be with him again, but I forgive him. I even pray for him. If I dont forgive him and hate him that is not healthy for me. I will carry a heavy weight with me and I don't want that. I know that God does not like ugly and he and only he can judge. My ex husband will pay his price come judgement day and until then I wish him happiness.

Sorry this happened to you. Thank you also for sharing your story with us. Gives us all food for thought.

[godlove 29]

hello, well I appreciate all the positive comments and advice..i am well aware of all the risks involved with this situation and am more than willing to take the risk. I have been to Nigeria enough to see the oppression there and I want my fiancé to come to usa..its me that wants him out of nigiera. so please understand that I understand everything that has been said...however I really just care about advice on the visa issue not about our relationship. I am secure in our relationship but not in the visa issue. Thank you.

Hope it all works out well for you two both the relationship and the visa part. Keep us update and goodluck.

[JLSBMF 16]

Im not saying it will be easy by any means but i have seen it happen here

I am 20 years older than my fiancee - age has never been an issue - we have our interview on the 12th

its a folow up interview to the one we had on June 20th - we had a missing document

i was there with him and have visited 5 times in two years -

we have the proof in the world -

as long as the relationship is real/ solid and you have proof - you have a chance

i was told the same things early on that it would be next to impossible to be approved

my best advice to to visit him - take lots of photos - get his families approval

and pray.

good luck

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Im not saying it will be easy by any means but i have seen it happen here

I am 20 years older than my fiancee - age has never been an issue - we have our interview on the 12th

its a folow up interview to the one we had on June 20th - we had a missing document

i was there with him and have visited 5 times in two years -

we have the proof in the world -

as long as the relationship is real/ solid and you have proof - you have a chance

i was told the same things early on that it would be next to impossible to be approved

my best advice to to visit him - take lots of photos - get his families approval

and pray.

good luck

Out of curiosity, how did you demonstrate family approval?

Thanks.

[duraaraa 203]

Young woman/old man is almost never a problem.

The opposite is almost always a problem, especially if the difference is really big, if she is past her child bearing years and if the beneficiary is from a third world county (in this type of relationship, it is usually Nigeria/other black African countries and the poor Arab countries, like Morocco, Egypt +Turkey).

I am married to a woman about a decade older than myself. All of my previous relationships were also with women about a decade older than myself -- I've never been attracted to women in their 20s.

My wife had no problem with her interview, but that's probably because I (the younger fiance) was petitioning for her (the older fiancee.)

I would find out if your fiance has always had girlfriends your age, and gather proof of his attraction to women of your age. If he has never had a relationship with a woman from his own country with a similar age difference, you might want to make sure he's not just trying to get into the U.S.