i am 40 years older than my finance

[belinda63 3,041]

I can only tell you my own experience. We have been married almost five years now, he has no children and I have three. I am 50 he is 40. He always said he did not want children. His mother is pressuring him to have a child. He is now saying he wouldn't mind having one child. His mother even suggested he return to Iran and marry a second wife there and have a child. She already has about 12 grandchildren so it is not like she needs more, she just wants him to have a child of his own. Is it a major problem for us..No. But the pressure from the family is something to consider. Also remember the desire to come to the land of riches and an easy life may blind him to the fact of wanting children. Once he gets here it could change.

Advice. get married first. Nigeria is extremely hard on applicants. Proving a real relationship there requires a lot of proof. Go there, get married, take lots of pictures. Live with him for a bit if you can.

[godlove 29]

Wow. This is a difficult dilemma you face. And each and every input you have received from people here is to be taken in to consideration. While I feel you are at a cross road right now and really don't know what to do I feel you do need to consider the possibility of a denial. If by chance you are approved you also need to consider the possibility that this guy will only stay as long as his green card has not been issued because once that happens it is possible he will leave you and find someone his own age. He is young has no children he probably will want some one day in the future. Not to be disrespectful to his parents but their acceptance of you maybe based on the fact that you can get him a green card. I doubt they would want their child to never produce children in the future. Nigerian culture is different. There have been some instances when a man Marry's a woman his own age and for many years try's to produce and has not been successful . Instantly in the eyes of the family she is barren even before they work out if the problem may be from the mans side as to why they aren't producing. Some parents have been known to go to the house pack the girls cloths and dash her out. Then find him another wife that can produce or find him a second wife. If your man is Muslim this may likely be their intentions in the future. Hate to be the bearer of bad news but you do have to think carefully before you go ahead with this. Take this advice from a female nigerian who knows what nigerian culture is like. I suggest you take the advice someone gave you earlier and tell him you will move to Nigeria instead and see if he try's to convince you not to do that or her runs away a short while after you insist your moving. This will give you the answer you seek. I truely hope it works out for you and I hope he is genuine.

very well said Nurseling, I myself is a Nigerian female, and I can't imagin a Nigerian man wanting and willing to marry a woman who can never carry his baby, with the kind of culture Nigeria have I seriously doubt that this man is in for this for better, for worst and until death. He will leave her once that green card has been issued. So its best like you and others say to put this guy on a trial and tell him she rather move to Nigeria and live with him, and see how his reaction will be and see if he will accept that, maybe live with him in Nigeria for maybe a year or even 6 months and see if he can proudly intoduce you to his friends as his wife. Do that before even applying for him. I know you love him and he have probaly got you into thinking that he loves you but make sure that this man truely loves you and is genuine so you don't end up being hurt in the future.

[Nurseling 34]

very well said Nurseling, I myself is a Nigerian female, and I can't imagin a Nigerian man wanting and willing to marry a woman who can never carry his baby, with the kind of culture Nigeria have I seriously doubt that this man is in for this for better, for worst and until death. He will leave her once that green card has been issued. So its best like you and others say to put this guy on a trial and tell him she rather move to Nigeria and live with him, and see how his reaction will be and see if he will accept that, maybe live with him in Nigeria for maybe a year or even 6 months and see if he can proudly intoduce you to his friends as his wife. Do that before even applying for him. I know you love him and he have probaly got you into thinking that he loves you but make sure that this man truely loves you and is genuine so you don't end up being hurt in the future.

I totally agree with you godlove it's difficult with the kind of culture we have to be in this situation. I can only pray she finds a result ion to this problem before wasting money filing papers. My mother herself who is nigerian scrutinises any girlfriends my brothers bring home. And in the past has been known to chase a few of them away lol. Just like in the past she has tried to find me a good nigerian husband etc no matter how many times you tell her you want to make your own choices. Just saying that parents have a huge influence on their kids in Nigeria more so the male than the females I feel. If I was her I would be aware of the potential problems that will arise in the future. My prayers stay with all of us in this stressful process.

[godlove 29]

I totally agree with you godlove it's difficult with the kind of culture we have to be in this situation. I can only pray she finds a result ion to this problem before wasting money filing papers. My mother herself who is nigerian scrutinises any girlfriends my brothers bring home. And in the past has been known to chase a few of them away lol. Just like in the past she has tried to find me a good nigerian husband etc no matter how many times you tell her you want to make your own choices. Just saying that parents have a huge influence on their kids in Nigeria more so the male than the females I feel. If I was her I would be aware of the potential problems that will arise in the future. My prayers stay with all of us in this stressful process.

Ya the hand writing is written all over the wall and I just hope that she can see it soon enough and not waste her time and money. My uncle's friend who is about 57 years old went home and married a young lady who is 28 years old, he was albe to bring her here last year, the marriage did not even last up to 8 months after she got here, green card came in the mail and she changed completely and 7 months after her green card he came back home and she took all her stuff, changed her number so he could'nt get in touch with her, the last thing he heard was that she is living in another state and got served with a divorce papers. Up till now the poor man is still trying to get over the whole thing and we all feel bad for him, he invested a lot of money on her, buying stuff and sending money to her family back home, paid for her school fees only to be heart broken. When his friends was telling him to make sure that girl is for real he said she is and that she is madly inlove with him. Now is is deeply regreting everything. The best thing to do now is to seek God's opinion and make sure this man is real. My own father and mother will probably disown my elder brother if he ever come back home with a woman who is that much older that him and can't have kids. They probaly claim that he was given love poison and start firing prayers lol

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Its very obvious this guy is only with you because he wants to use you to get over here so so desperate and its a shame. My only advice to you is to run for your life, you can do better because when he gets over here, he will endure for maybe 2 or 3 years and once he gets his green card or becomes a citizen he will disappear and marry someone his age. Nigeria men are not stupid and no reasonable Nigerian man who wants to be with a woman who is 40 years older than him, a woman that can't give him children only if he wants something from that woman. iF your the man and his the woman maybe ya. The CO will know its for immigration purpose only and deny it but you never know, miracles do happen so goodluck.

I've been carefully to not say as such since the last time I said it I was almost beaten to a pulp on here eventhough it's true.

I think part of what was said was that eventhough I am Nigerian male that grew up in Nigeria that I should not thump my chest and hold myself as an expert on Nigerian culture. VJ has gotten more relaxed or maybe it was my delivery.

Anyways, OP has my best wishes on the journey ahead.

[Nurseling 34]

Ya the hand writing is written all over the wall and I just hope that she can see it soon enough and not waste her time and money. My uncle's friend who is about 57 years old went home and married a young lady who is 28 years old, he was albe to bring her here last year, the marriage did not even last up to 8 months after she got here, green card came in the mail and she changed completely and 7 months after her green card he came back home and she took all her stuff, changed her number so he could'nt get in touch with her, the last thing he heard was that she is living in another state and got served with a divorce papers. Up till now the poor man is still trying to get over the whole thing and we all feel bad for him, he invested a lot of money on her, buying stuff and sending money to her family back home, paid for her school fees only to be heart broken. When his friends was telling him to make sure that girl is for real he said she is and that she is madly inlove with him. Now is is deeply regreting everything. The best thing to do now is to seek God's opinion and make sure this man is real. My own father and mother will probably disown my elder brother if he ever come back home with a woman who is that much older that him and can't have kids. They probaly claim that he was given love poison and start firing prayers lol

If the truth be said this sort of thing happens alot. We can only pray it all works out for them.

I've been carefully to not say as such since the last time I said it I was almost beaten to a pulp on here eventhough it's true.

I think part of what was said was that eventhough I am Nigerian male that grew up in Nigeria that I should not thump my chest and hold myself as an expert on Nigerian culture. VJ has gotten more relaxed or maybe it was my delivery.

Anyways, OP has my best wishes on the journey ahead.

yes your right. Our best wishes are with them.

[MrsHello 2]

Go back there and get married then file for cr1. That's your best and only chance. Two red flags on your shoulders

- The country from wich the beneficiary is from!

-The HUGE gap of age between you.

File for cr1 and frontload your package with tonnes of evidence and hopefully that might work out for both of you.

Good luck

Seems like the most logical and far less stressful advice!

OP - It might take a little longer but your rate of being denied and so many frustrating run around is less! Best of luck and keep the love alive!

[leeannakondor 7]

Its very obvious this guy is only with you because he wants to use you to get over here so so desperate and its a shame. My only advice to you is to run for your life, you can do better because when he gets over here, he will endure for maybe 2 or 3 years and once he gets his green card or becomes a citizen he will disappear and marry someone his age. Nigeria men are not stupid and no reasonable Nigerian man who wants to be with a woman who is 40 years older than him, a woman that can't give him children only if he wants something from that woman. iF your the man and his the woman maybe ya. The CO will know its for immigration purpose only and deny it but you never know, miracles do happen so goodluck.

how do u know that we are here to give advice and give hope to other CO.. but from what u wrote and a nigerian for that sake u go judging there and thats not good.

[ckurt 23]

Its very obvious this guy is only with you because he wants to use you to get over here so so desperate and its a shame. My only advice to you is to run for your life, you can do better because when he gets over here, he will endure for maybe 2 or 3 years and once he gets his green card or becomes a citizen he will disappear and marry someone his age. Nigeria men are not stupid and no reasonable Nigerian man who wants to be with a woman who is 40 years older than him, a woman that can't give him children only if he wants something from that woman. iF your the man and his the woman maybe ya. The CO will know its for immigration purpose only and deny it but you never know, miracles do happen so goodluck.

Are you 100% sure? Why would you say something like that?

[godlove 29]

Are you 100% sure? Why would you say something like that?

No am not 100% sure but that is what it seems like. Would you marry your fiance and file for her if she was 40 years older than you and your over here?. We both knows that if that guy was the one over here and she is the one in NIgeria and 40 years older than he won't file to bring her over here and marry her.

Are you 100% sure? Why would you say something like that?

No am not 100% sure but that is what it seems like. Would you marry your fiance and file for her if she was 40 years older than you and your over here?. We both knows that if that guy was the one over here and she is the one in NIgeria and 40 years older than he won't file to bring her over here and marry her.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Did you get the visa?

good question... they don't have a timeline. + are rather new on the forum

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

My fiance and I are 35 years apart and age is NOT an issue. Go brave and confident and all will be okay.

From your previous posts I gather that you are the younger female beneficiary and he is the older petitioner, am I correct ?

Age difference definitely IS an issue with the Nigerian consulate and mostly for older females (passed child bearing age) petitioning

for younger males.

Younger females with older petitioners usually don't have such discrimination and suspicion to deal with.

Your case is not comparable with the OP's situation if you do get approved in your upcoming interview.

Best wishes.

[El&Ken 2]

From your previous posts I gather that you are the younger female beneficiary and he is the older petitioner, am I correct ?

Age difference definitely IS an issue with the Nigerian consulate and mostly for older females (passed child bearing age) petitioning

for younger males.

Younger females with older petitioners usually don't have such discrimination and suspicion to deal with.

Your case is not comparable with the OP's situation if you do get approved in your upcoming interview.

Best wishes.

Yes I'm 29 and he's 64 and I was a bit nervous that they would hold it against us but in T&T it seems to not be an issue from connecting with others on their journey in my country. Will fill you guys in on how my interview goes

[Nurseling 34]

Yes I'm 29 and he's 64 and I was a bit nervous that they would hold it against us but in T&T it seems to not be an issue from connecting with others on their journey in my country. Will fill you guys in on how my interview goes

We wish you the best at your interview let us know how it went.

[ckurt 23]

No am not 100% sure but that is what it seems like. Would you marry your fiance and file for her if she was 40 years older than you and your over here?. We both knows that if that guy was the one over here and she is the one in NIgeria and 40 years older than he won't file to bring her over here and marry her.

No am not 100% sure but that is what it seems like. Would you marry your fiance and file for her if she was 40 years older than you and your over here?. We both knows that if that guy was the one over here and she is the one in NIgeria and 40 years older than he won't file to bring her over here and marry her.

Yes I would and we BOTH don't know this. It's not right to judge someone when you don't know anything about that person, that's all I am saying.