Be careful please.

[Lurker 0]

I am not a real bright guy...but I do read these forums extensively. The common thing I have figured out by reading these forums where a relationship has gone sour is that the petitioner chose to ignore signs. These signs varied from enormous, to tiny...but nevertheless they were signs that the relationship was wrong.

I am in no way saying any of you are dumb, as we all know love can blind others even if the love is not returned mutually completely. Please take time to sit back and do a reality check of your situation and ask yourself these questions my brothers and sisters:

1) Are there any unexplained events? These can be events that have played out to be very simple…but by querying the individual, they seem more complex than the obvious answers would be.

2) How much money does someone really need? Example: “Our house needs a new roof”,”Father is sick”, “Mother is sick”, “Both mother and father are sick”. You must follow up and check these things out when you go back to see your fiancé(e). Another Example: A friend of mine was engaged and they kept asking him for money for the roof, father, and mother sick thing. He went to see her and found out the roof was never repaired…and mother and father are alcoholics, and were living lavishly different from when he first met them on his first trip.

3) Measure the situation before you meet them, and after you meet them. Usually a spread of 2 visits or more.

4) If it is too good to be true, then either A) you are lucky as hell, or B) you are being ripped off by either GC, or someone that just wants money. Remember to do the reality check.

5) Tell a very close friend about your situation and progress of your petition or whatever. It is always good to have a sounding board especially if you trust them completely. They may see something way before you do. Don’t discredit them either…remember, they are your friend, what do they have to gain from ruining your situation? Most likely nothing if they are your close friend right?

6) Intuition. Everybody has it….researchers say that intuition is 95% accurate. This is a sixth sense that we are all born with…listen to it. If it smells like #######, tastes like #######, looks like #######…well….it is #######.

I only wish to help my fellow brother and sister out there. I don’t wish harm on you, or wish to challenge your judgments of your relationships…I just want you to be careful because I care. I wrote this with all good intentions to help.

[jamrok 0]

I am not a real bright guy...but I do read these forums extensively. The common thing I have figured out by reading these forums where a relationship has gone sour is that the petitioner chose to ignore signs. These signs varied from enormous, to tiny...but nevertheless they were signs that the relationship was wrong.

I am in no way saying any of you are dumb, as we all know love can blind others even if the love is not returned mutually completely. Please take time to sit back and do a reality check of your situation and ask yourself these questions my brothers and sisters:

1) Are there any unexplained events? These can be events that have played out to be very simple…but by querying the individual, they seem more complex than the obvious answers would be.

2) How much money does someone really need? Example: “Our house needs a new roof”,”Father is sick”, “Mother is sick”, “Both mother and father are sick”. You must follow up and check these things out when you go back to see your fiancé(e). Another Example: A friend of mine was engaged and they kept asking him for money for the roof, father, and mother sick thing. He went to see her and found out the roof was never repaired…and mother and father are alcoholics, and were living lavishly different from when he first met them on his first trip.

3) Measure the situation before you meet them, and after you meet them. Usually a spread of 2 visits or more.

4) If it is too good to be true, then either A) you are lucky as hell, or B) you are being ripped off by either GC, or someone that just wants money. Remember to do the reality check.

5) Tell a very close friend about your situation and progress of your petition or whatever. It is always good to have a sounding board especially if you trust them completely. They may see something way before you do. Don’t discredit them either…remember, they are your friend, what do they have to gain from ruining your situation? Most likely nothing if they are your close friend right?

6) Intuition. Everybody has it….researchers say that intuition is 95% accurate. This is a sixth sense that we are all born with…listen to it. If it smells like #######, tastes like #######, looks like #######…well….it is #######.

I only wish to help my fellow brother and sister out there. I don’t wish harm on you, or wish to challenge your judgments of your relationships…I just want you to be careful because I care. I wrote this with all good intentions to help.

Pretty solid advice

[Ecalos 0]

[Kez/JWolf 6]

You seam to be assuming that everyone is sending money to their SO family..... not a good thing to assume there are meny more couples on here where no money is ever sent to help the family... I cant quite imagine how my family or most families in the UK, Western europe, Canada would react if my now husband was to try and offer support they would just say no thanks...

I think alot of your answers are region spicific and dont apply to all area's of the world.... but in general its good advice..

[diadromous mermaid 36]

You seam to be assuming that everyone is sending money to their SO family..... not a good thing to assume there are meny more couples on here where no money is ever sent to help the family... I cant quite imagine how my family or most families in the UK, Western europe, Canada would react if my now husband was to try and offer support they would just say no thanks...

I think alot of your answers are region spicific and dont apply to all area's of the world.... but in general its good advice..

Hmmm. Lurker provided the comments on monetary exchange as one of the various signs. I think his post is welcome and sound!

[garya505 2]

I am not a real bright guy...but I do read these forums extensively. The common thing I have figured out by reading these forums where a relationship has gone sour is that the petitioner chose to ignore signs. These signs varied from enormous, to tiny...but nevertheless they were signs that the relationship was wrong.

I am in no way saying any of you are dumb, as we all know love can blind others even if the love is not returned mutually completely. Please take time to sit back and do a reality check of your situation and ask yourself these questions my brothers and sisters:

1) Are there any unexplained events? These can be events that have played out to be very simple…but by querying the individual, they seem more complex than the obvious answers would be.

2) How much money does someone really need? Example: “Our house needs a new roof”,”Father is sick”, “Mother is sick”, “Both mother and father are sick”. You must follow up and check these things out when you go back to see your fiancé(e). Another Example: A friend of mine was engaged and they kept asking him for money for the roof, father, and mother sick thing. He went to see her and found out the roof was never repaired…and mother and father are alcoholics, and were living lavishly different from when he first met them on his first trip.

3) Measure the situation before you meet them, and after you meet them. Usually a spread of 2 visits or more.

4) If it is too good to be true, then either A) you are lucky as hell, or B) you are being ripped off by either GC, or someone that just wants money. Remember to do the reality check.

5) Tell a very close friend about your situation and progress of your petition or whatever. It is always good to have a sounding board especially if you trust them completely. They may see something way before you do. Don’t discredit them either…remember, they are your friend, what do they have to gain from ruining your situation? Most likely nothing if they are your close friend right?

6) Intuition. Everybody has it….researchers say that intuition is 95% accurate. This is a sixth sense that we are all born with…listen to it. If it smells like #######, tastes like #######, looks like #######…well….it is #######.

I only wish to help my fellow brother and sister out there. I don’t wish harm on you, or wish to challenge your judgments of your relationships…I just want you to be careful because I care. I wrote this with all good intentions to help.

You had a bad experience?

[Lurker 0]

You seam to be assuming that everyone is sending money to their SO family..... not a good thing to assume there are meny more couples on here where no money is ever sent to help the family... I cant quite imagine how my family or most families in the UK, Western europe, Canada would react if my now husband was to try and offer support they would just say no thanks...

I think alot of your answers are region spicific and dont apply to all area's of the world.... but in general its good advice..

Hmmm. Lurker provided the comments on monetary exchange as one of the various signs. I think his post is welcome and sound!

BINGO!!!

[Lurker 0]

I am not a real bright guy...but I do read these forums extensively. The common thing I have figured out by reading these forums where a relationship has gone sour is that the petitioner chose to ignore signs. These signs varied from enormous, to tiny...but nevertheless they were signs that the relationship was wrong.

I am in no way saying any of you are dumb, as we all know love can blind others even if the love is not returned mutually completely. Please take time to sit back and do a reality check of your situation and ask yourself these questions my brothers and sisters:

1) Are there any unexplained events? These can be events that have played out to be very simple…but by querying the individual, they seem more complex than the obvious answers would be.

2) How much money does someone really need? Example: “Our house needs a new roof”,”Father is sick”, “Mother is sick”, “Both mother and father are sick”. You must follow up and check these things out when you go back to see your fiancé(e). Another Example: A friend of mine was engaged and they kept asking him for money for the roof, father, and mother sick thing. He went to see her and found out the roof was never repaired…and mother and father are alcoholics, and were living lavishly different from when he first met them on his first trip.

3) Measure the situation before you meet them, and after you meet them. Usually a spread of 2 visits or more.

4) If it is too good to be true, then either A) you are lucky as hell, or B) you are being ripped off by either GC, or someone that just wants money. Remember to do the reality check.

5) Tell a very close friend about your situation and progress of your petition or whatever. It is always good to have a sounding board especially if you trust them completely. They may see something way before you do. Don’t discredit them either…remember, they are your friend, what do they have to gain from ruining your situation? Most likely nothing if they are your close friend right?

6) Intuition. Everybody has it….researchers say that intuition is 95% accurate. This is a sixth sense that we are all born with…listen to it. If it smells like #######, tastes like #######, looks like #######…well….it is #######.

I only wish to help my fellow brother and sister out there. I don’t wish harm on you, or wish to challenge your judgments of your relationships…I just want you to be careful because I care. I wrote this with all good intentions to help.

You had a bad experience?

"The common thing I have figured out by reading these forums where a relationship has gone sour is that the petitioner chose to ignore signs." <---yes this say that I have experience this issue right?

[PurrSuede 0]

"The common thing I have figured out by reading these forums where a relationship has gone sour is that the petitioner chose to ignore signs." <---yes this say that I have experience this issue right?

You're forgetting one thing.. sometimes things go "sour" after a marriage occurs.

It's one thing to detect possible fraudulent intent prior to a marriage. Once you've married someone, there's only one way out, when things start to head south on you, and that's the path of divorce.

That usually involves legal representation, access to the legal system, financial cost and a host of other things (including an analysis of the I-864 support aspect).

Your advice is interesting "pre-" marriage, when the relationship is just taking place, but once you're married... ya know what???

It can turn as sour as hell and you still have to deal with the ramifications thereof.

-- Dan, that "been there, done that" kind of guy...

[diadromous mermaid 36]

It's one thing to detect possible fraudulent intent prior to a marriage. Once you've married someone, there's only one way out, when things start to head south on you, and that's the path of divorce.

...or, annulment, if deceptive practices were involved.

[PurrSuede 0]

It's one thing to detect possible fraudulent intent prior to a marriage. Once you've married someone, there's only one way out, when things start to head south on you, and that's the path of divorce.

...or, annulment, if deceptive practices were involved.

My lawyer(s) told me to try and PROVE deception in order to get an annulment would be a long, costly and drawn out process, and would eventually come down to my word against hers.

Both of them told me that it was far far simpler, cleaner and less expensive to just divorce her flat-out and let her worry about proving deception, or the lack thereof, to the USCIS.

For me to try and prove in court any deception on her part, basically would have taken a LOT more work (and money) on my part, and still might not even result in an annulment being granted.

Of course, if you have proof of deception... that's a different story, but rock-solid evidentiary proof of that can be very difficult to come by indeed.

-- Dan

Edited December 6, 2006 by PurrSuede

[diadromous mermaid 36]

It's one thing to detect possible fraudulent intent prior to a marriage. Once you've married someone, there's only one way out, when things start to head south on you, and that's the path of divorce.

...or, annulment, if deceptive practices were involved.

My lawyer(s) told me to try and PROVE deception in order to get an annulment would be a long, costly and drawn out process, and would eventually come down to my word against hers.

Both of them told me that it was far far simpler, cleaner and less expensive to just divorce her flat-out and let her worry about proving deception, or the lack thereof, to the USCIS.

For me to try and prove in court any deception on her part, basically would have taken a LOT more work (and money) on my part, and still might not even result in an annulment being granted.

Of course, if you have proof of deception... that's a different story, but rock-solid evidentiary proof of that can be very difficult to come by indeed.

-- Dan

No question, indeed. That is unless you have emails written from an ex to another individual, that basically spells out the whole scheme

[Anastassia 0]

Or just be plain poor like my husband..... if I was after money I would have dumped him before the wedding

[garya505 2]

Or just be plain poor like my husband..... if I was after money I would have dumped him before the wedding

I always tell my fiance I don't have any money. She says she loves me anyway.

[BJZags 17]

I always tell my fiance I don't have any money. She says she loves me anyway.

Ditto for me. But sometimes the problem in the Phil. and other countries is that "poor" between there and here is a significant level of scale. So it still may lead to unrealistic expectations if serious conversations about the "reality" of life in America aren't had. In my case, I have probably painted a dimmer picture of the situation then actually exists, but I'd rather her be surprised in a positive fashion than in a gut-check, "this really sucks" fashion.