Being Judge By Other People

[JAYANN & JAY 11]

Don't you just hate when other people judge the person you love especially when they have not even met the person yet. They tell you "oh your making a mistake by petitioning him/her. he/she is just going to use you for the papers and leave you once he/she gets what he/she needs". How do most of you feel when your love one is being judge by family or friends?

[krinamej 1]

Don't you just hate when other people judge the person you love especially when they have not even met the person yet. They tell you "oh your making a mistake by petitioning him/her. he/she is just going to use you for the papers and leave you once he/she gets what he/she needs". How do most of you feel when your love one is being judge by family or friends?

I don't blame them because it happens all the time. Even though it hurts, it is very true that a lot of people use another to get what they want. However, if you know in your heart that the person that you're petitioning is the person that you wanna spend the rest of your life with, and he/she feels the same way and doesn't show any hesitation or any red flags, I don't think you need to worry about what other people say. Nonetheless, it is your decision, your time and money, not theirs.

Just keep thinking positive and happy thoughts.

[Caryh 5,206]

Don't you just hate when other people judge the person you love especially when they have not even met the person yet. They tell you "oh your making a mistake by petitioning him/her. he/she is just going to use you for the papers and leave you once he/she gets what he/she needs". How do most of you feel when your love one is being judge by family or friends?

The people that warned me the most about this, where immigrants to the USA. One was from Costa Rica, and the other from Russia. They just wanted me to be careful that I truly knew the person I was bringing over.

I guess it never bothered me that they brought it up. No family member or American born friend did.

[Togbega II 25]

Don't you just hate when other people judge the person you love especially when they have not even met the person yet. They tell you "oh your making a mistake by petitioning him/her. he/she is just going to use you for the papers and leave you once he/she gets what he/she needs". How do most of you feel when your love one is being judge by family or friends?

I in particular felt and still feels indifferent. It hurts but sometimes i do understand the friends and relations of the petitioner. They have either heard or witnessed similar incidents happened to others. They MAY do this out of love, and security for their loved one.

This notwithstanding, there are equally evil minded ones and haters who are bent on spoiling and throwing everything overboard. But true love never dies and it stands forever. Once one is doing something that makes him or her happy, observers always become worried. Perhaps, Satan only knows why, smdh

[rodceasar 34]

Don't let it bother you much. It bothered me alot in the beginning but these are people who typically understand the challenges of petitioning someone and the fact that many of these marriages end up in problem situations, divorce or the US citizen trying to send the significant other back home. Don't forget about the affidavit of suppor thwich puts you on the hook regardless if htings go south. I had a consular officer that wasn't even evaluating my petition the same thing which bothered me badly and impacted my relationship in addtion to friends. However, go with your heart and life is like a box of chocolates, you don't know which one you'll get as well as a leap of faith.

[JAYANN & JAY 11]

Don't let it bother you much. It bothered me alot in the beginning but these are people who typically understand the challenges of petitioning someone and the fact that many of these marriages end up in problem situations, divorce or the US citizen trying to send the significant other back home. Don't forget about the affidavit of suppor thwich puts you on the hook regardless if htings go south. I had a consular officer that wasn't even evaluating my petition the same thing which bothered me badly and impacted my relationship in addtion to friends. However, go with your heart and life is like a box of chocolates, you don't know which one you'll get as well as a leap of faith.

Thanks I used to get bother too when my friends say this to me but my fiance has always assured me that he doesn't have any intentions of using me for papers. We were actually introduced by his aunt who is a family friend of mine and was also petitioned by neighbor 8 years ago. My fiance's aunt is my sister's co worker and plus my sister is the godmother to her son and her husband is a godfather to my nephew. My fiance always tell me that he doesn't want to ruin his aunt's friendship with my family and he doesnt want his aunt to be blamed by my family that she introduced me to an "#######". He was like if I had a choice I wouldn't even bother moving to the US and just stay here in the Philippines but because I love you and I don't you to be separated from your family and I want to give whatever you need I'll sacrifice anything for you even if I don't get to see my family often and that he doesn't want to take the life that I have here now and suffer in the Philippines because he can't provide a better life for me over there. We just gotta prove those people wrong. He always tells me as long as I am not hurting anybody they can say whatever they want.

[THETIMEISNOW 37]

I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT!!! We've been together for 8 years, married for 4 years, have a 21-month-old daughter together, and people still judge our relationship. I want to talk to family and friends about how hard it is to be away from my hubby and the frustrations of the visa process, but I am asked a million questions about why my hubby isn't here and if he is being faithful to me. This visa journey can be a lonely process, but with God's grace and forums like VJ, we will get through this!

[Hank_ 9,174]

There are and will always be "nay-sayers" ... the best attitude is to be like a little duck and not give a quack.

True friends will support you... those that don't aren't true friends.

[JAYANN & JAY 11]

There are and will always be "nay-sayers" ... the best attitude is to be like a little duck and not give a quack.

True friends will support you... those that don't aren't true friends.

I used to get bothered by it but like my fiance says as long as I am not hurting anyone they can say whatever they want

[chix2324 1]

you haven't met in person yet? Is that possible for the K1 petition?

[JAYANN & JAY 11]

I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT!!! We've been together for 8 years, married for 4 years, have a 21-month-old daughter together, and people still judge our relationship. I want to talk to family and friends about how hard it is to be away from my hubby and the frustrations of the visa process, but I am asked a million questions about why my hubby isn't here and if he is being faithful to me. This visa journey can be a lonely process, but with God's grace and forums like VJ, we will get through this!

Just prove em wrong and make them feel dumb. You'll probably have a way better and stronger relationship than those judging you. I had a cousin who petitioned his wife her 12 years ago and his friend used to judge him saying she doesnt love you she will leave you once she gets her green card and now they have been happily married for 12years with four kids and some of those friends who judged him are divorced and they tell him you are so lucky your wife loves you and now most of his friends are asking his wife if she has friends she can introduce to them.

[Jack&Maria 5]

my husband got that alot from his american-chinese friends..but he never mind..he would always tell me that you are the one making your fate.its your life..u and ur fiance are both in the relationship not them..so keep in mind that as long u feel u are loved by the person and its genuine, the hell i care what people say.its your happiness!

[JoBri 548]

I have a dysfunctional "family" (parents, brother and sister). We dont talk anymore, which has its advantages. But i heard gossip in the past that co-workers would say it will never work out. The thing is, I used to think to myself how it already HAS worked out, that we are happily married and have a beautiful little boy, which is a lot more than those gossiping co-workers had going for them. So I would just chuckle and smile and think of how I guess they need to somehow make themself feel better about their lot in life. And then I would just move on and ignore it, because what they think or say doesnt matter. What my wife and son thinks and feels is what matters.

[Cha n Nel 1]

It happens...as the saying goes "haters gonna hate"....not worth getting bothered by them...

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

I think the nay-sayers fall into two categories. Those that are jealous, and those that truly care. My family never said anything negative, though I am sure they had some thoughts about it. Some of my TRUE friends told me to be careful, and not rush into it. Stay single. Live life. Watch out, cuz all that some women want is that GC. Etc. (all of which, I may add, is true. And is the SAME advice I give to those looking to do what I have done)

And then there are the true "haters". Those who are stuck in a less-than-blissful relationship. Those who are single but who have never been with a beautiful woman who really lives just to love them. And those who think that my wife is just with me for the money. I would gladly show THOSE people my bank balances, and they would know better, lol. Yes, I make good money. But I put most of it into real estate, so there is little to spend monthly. In fact, when we got married, my wife had more in the bank than I did. It's kind of a joke with us... I tease her that she just married me for my good looks and my money. She snorts and reminds me that I won't even buy her McDonalds cuz I am so cheap. "Yes, but at least there are the good looks, right BebeKo?" She just tells me I am the best-looking guy for her cuz she loves me so much.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself... does it REALLY matter what other people think about you? Does it change how you feel, think, or live? I'm sure I was judged in my marriage to a USC, but I didn't care then. Why care now? If people think less of me or my wife because they perceive that she is using me, then they do not understand the joys of having someone who cares enough to cook & clean for you, love you even when you're unlovable, and remain faithful til the end. And I'm not saying one has to marry outside the USA to find these qualities in a woman. Just saying I didn't have them in my previous marriage, and now I do. How long will it last? No one knows. Will she leave me once she gets her 10-year GC? No telling. But I DO know that I'd rather live my life thinking we will be in love til we die rather than live worrying about her motivations.

And I also add THIS tidbit about something foreign to our culture... I met a guy in Afghanistan from India who is now a USC. His parents told him they would "allow him to marry anyone of his own choosing, even if she was American", but that he needed to hurry up, as he was almost 27. Wow, sounded pretty radical to me. But in further conversation, I learned that is mother and father had the traditional Indian marriage where his father never even met his mother until the day of their wedding... almost 50 years prior. Marriage before love? Love before marriage? Does it really matter, as long as you love? If HIS parents can stay together for 50 years never having known each other before the wedding, then why not us who meet in person or online, converse for months while awaiting the VJ process, then eventually get married?