Having Kids I Need Your Opinions

[JAYANN & JAY 11]

It is so hard when the petitioner is a woman and that the guy feels that just because he is the guy he has to be the one to always support the family. I would like to have a baby once my fiance gets here but my fiance wants to work first before we try to have a baby because he wants to be able to support the child. I make more than enough money to be able to support a child and my fiance. I told him that once he finds a job then he can help me support the child and I am pretty sure that it won't take him 4 years to look for a job here in America to not be able to support a child. I feel like he thinks I as a women cannot raise a family for the time being.

[Hank_ 9,174]

... ah yes... male pride... tough one to get past with some guys.

Can't help you with answers for that but I know about male pride

[JAYANN & JAY 11]

... ah yes... male pride... tough one to get past with some guys.

Can't help you with answers for that but I know about male pride

Yes very tough! I feel as if my only job is to be a housewife only which I don't like because I don't want to depend on my husband if you want to buy things. As I married couple I'd like to be able to help him my husband raise a family and not depend on him to pay for everything. I guess we women can't really win huh.

[Dustin and Janen 86]

I would say wait until you are both ready.

At the very least wait until after he gets Green Card, so you're not worried about USCIS and baby stuff.

Also, it's a good time to make sure your emergency fund (6-12 months of expenses) is fully stocked. I know mind has taken a beating from the visa process haha.

While you make enough money to support a family you have to consider the worse case scenarios. Like something happens and you are unable to work for an extended time. Or maybe you want to spend more time with the baby and take a few months off work. If he already has good job in his field then these things won't be an issue for you two (or three). Just some things to think about.

Personally I think waiting a year for him to get settled in, get green card, and find job isn't a big deal. We have decided to wait 5 years for kids. I wanted to wait 8-10 years and she wanted to wait 3 years. We settled on 5 years haha. I think we are too young for kids now (I'm 26 and she is 23).

I know you guys can come up with a plan to work for both of you.

[Hank_ 9,174]

My wife is very independent and I consider that a very good quality. Your fiancé will just have to accept "reality"

[JAYANN & JAY 11]

I would say wait until you are both ready.

At the very least wait until after he gets Green Card, so you're not worried about USCIS and baby stuff.

Also, it's a good time to make sure your emergency fund (6-12 months of expenses) is fully stocked. I know mind has taken a beating from the visa process haha. - Tell me about it. Luckily I found this site and researched how much people usually spend to do a fiance visa so I saved up 3yrs for this. haha.

While you make enough money to support a family you have to consider the worse case scenarios. Like something happens and you are unable to work for an extended time. Or maybe you want to spend more time with the baby and take a few months off work. If he already has good job in his field then these things won't be an issue for you two (or three). Just some things to think about. - Good point but luckily my job allows me to work from home 3 days a week and require me to only go the office 2 days. My problem is my parents expect him to be a RN here in America so it makes it more difficult for him to work + review for the NCLEX exam. I feel bad already that my parents are putting him down that he won't be able to support me unless he is an RN. It would be nice if he becomes an RN so we don't have any problems about who has to babysit

Personally I think waiting a year for him to get settled in, get green card, and find job isn't a big deal. We have decided to wait 5 years for kids. I wanted to wait 8-10 years and she wanted to wait 3 years. We settled on 5 years haha. I think we are too young for kids now (I'm 26 and she is 23). - I guess you're right we can compromise on 3.5yrs and enjoy traveling for a while before having kids. We may never go to see the place I want to see unless he makes good enough money for us to go on vacation. haha.

I know you guys can come up with a plan to work for both of you.

THANKS FOR THIS AWESOME ADVICE Dustin Janen

[Dustin and Janen 86]

No problem! This is a subject we've talked about extensively.

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

Two pieces of advice from an old man:

1) Wait until you are both ready, both emotionally and financially, to have kids

2) No matter how long you wait, you will never be ready to have kids

Other factors may come into play and cause a child to happen before you're ready, and that's life. You deal with it. But if you can plan ahead for such an event, all the better.

On the subject of your parents feelings about your guy working... unless they are paying the bills until he is working, I'd tell them to butt out. Rushing him into the NCLEX and a job is NOT their place, that is a decision for the two of you to make. I agree with the above... get him here, worry about USCIS stuff, driver's license, marriage, and getting to know each other. No need to rush testing nor kids. It will all come in time.

[JAYANN & JAY 11]

Two pieces of advice from an old man:

1) Wait until you are both ready, both emotionally and financially, to have kids

2) No matter how long you wait, you will never be ready to have kids

Other factors may come into play and cause a child to happen before you're ready, and that's life. You deal with it. But if you can plan ahead for such an event, all the better.

On the subject of your parents feelings about your guy working... unless they are paying the bills until he is working, I'd tell them to butt out. Rushing him into the NCLEX and a job is NOT their place, that is a decision for the two of you to make. I agree with the above... get him here, worry about USCIS stuff, driver's license, marriage, and getting to know each other. No need to rush testing nor kids. It will all come in time.

Thank you so much for this great advice My parents have offered to rent out their basement to us but I decided not to take their offer and rent an apartment as I do not want my fiance to have to be put down by my parents just because he still looking for a job. We've gone through this whole battle with my family about how he is not like my brother in law and I had my mom tell me that if he does not find a job or gets picky about getting a job she will make sure he get deported back to the Philippines

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

Sorry to hear that. It always makes it harder when family support is lacking. Your parents must learn to back off and realize that it's YOUR life, and YOUR marriage. As much as they don't want to see you get hurt, or be in a bad situation, we must make our own choices in our grown up lives. Some parents seem to have a hard time letting go...

[JAYANN & JAY 11]

Sorry to hear that. It always makes it harder when family support is lacking. Your parents must learn to back off and realize that it's YOUR life, and YOUR marriage. As much as they don't want to see you get hurt, or be in a bad situation, we must make our own choices in our grown up lives. Some parents seem to have a hard time letting go..

Totally agree with you. I kind admire every American who are all so independent. I am at the right age where I can make my own decisions I feel like I am still like a 16 year old who has to do what they say. I appreciate them that they want the best for me but I am old enough to make my own decisions in life. When I visited the Philippines to see my fiance for the first time I was 25 back then but had to be chaperoned by my 2 17yr old cousins just to make sure he doesnt get me pregnant and the second visit I got yelled at for checking into a hotel alone with him because again they were afraid of me getting pregnant but I am not that stupid to get pregnant while the guy is in a different country & he would never do that to me as he doesnt want me to raise a child alone.

[Dan and Judy 614]

It is so hard when the petitioner is a woman and that the guy feels that just because he is the guy he has to be the one to always support the family. I would like to have a baby once my fiance gets here but my fiance wants to work first before we try to have a baby because he wants to be able to support the child. I make more than enough money to be able to support a child and my fiance. I told him that once he finds a job then he can help me support the child and I am pretty sure that it won't take him 4 years to look for a job here in America to not be able to support a child. I feel like he thinks I as a women cannot raise a family for the time being.

Don't make problems where they don't exist already.

If your husband was happy to have you support him and a child, then

you would have a problem.

Wait until your husband is established