Broken Hearted at the last possible moment

[Novembro 1,763]

The vj'ers throwing shade in this thread are pretty disgusting.

OP- incredibly sorry to hear this has happened to you. I hope you have people around you that can offer their love, support and understanding. You need it (and a couple thousand hugs)! I sincerely hope that you are able to come out of this, however you chose to come out of it, in a positive way. You deserve love, so don't give up hope.

Hugs.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Meg, sorry that this is going on. I don't envy you folks position.

I have a question for you. If Danny doesn't wish that you continue the pregnancy, which I believe is singularly your choice, will you continue the pregnancy? If you do continue the pregnancy will you expect him to pay child support as being suggested by other members?

I'm assuming all this will be discussed at the meeting coming up.

Thank you.

[Meg and Danny 25]

Meg, sorry that this is going on. I don't envy you folks position.

I have a question for you. If Danny doesn't wish that you continue the pregnancy, which I believe is singularly your choice, will you continue the pregnancy? If you do continue the pregnancy will you expect him to pay child support as being suggested by other members?

I'm assuming all this will be discussed at the meeting coming up.

Thank you.

I honestly just don't know. Do I feel pressured now? Yes much more so than before. Does Danny wang the pregnancy at all? No, definitely not.

It's lot to think about, having a child with an ansentee father, even if he pays to support.

I don't want to do anything out of spite and I don't want to do anything that isn't in the best interest of the child.

How do you tell a child what their father did? How do you explain what started out as a story if love and hope, turned into something cold and callous and abrupt.

I just don't know.

[St&Sv 33]

Meg you have my sympathy in the whole situation you are dealing with right now. You seem like a very strong women, whether you know it or not, and I'm sure with a few days of thinking you'll come up with your answers. Also with him coming to visit I'm sure more things will come to light. None of us here can know your situation exactly, and we've all interpreted it with our own perspectives, but I am somewhat ashamed from the pickering that is going on in this very personal problem. Lets all try to stay on topic here and give her the best advice we can, while leaving our personal feelings and beliefs out of it, and prevent any toxic thoughts we may cause.

The best advice I can give you is to not worry about it right now, but to collect yourself (body and mind) and gather your facts, and then make a choice when you feel comfortable about it. Worrying without doing anything is only going to make it worse, and I see that you have already put things into action and that is good. Keep at it and you will find your answers. Best of luck and I hope things turn around for you soon.

Edit:

I also wanted to add that maybe it might be helpful to write down your problems. Write the pros and cons about each one, and then look them over. Sometimes the act of just writing it down makes you feel better and more clear.

Edited August 11, 2013 by St&Sv

[irwin 5]

Meg,

thank you for having the courage to talk about your problems, to answer your last question how to tell your child... I have raised my 17 year old son alone since he was 6 month's old.. his mother abandoned him and I was left to pick up the pieces... it is so difficult to talk to your child about the other person ... but i was able to muddle thru it.. life is not perfect. i can tell that you are a very caring and thoughtful person. you will weather this storm, never give up on yourself.

[Derby dog 9]

You're right. I'm not a doormat, but I'm also not a control freak. Ill be sure to ask that if you like and ill tell you verbatim what he says.

Again to reiterate he was happy to agree to counselling as he wanted it to work, at least he dd at some point. And the only apology he has ever offered was heart felt and sincere. One time, I got an apology. If one time to apologize to your life partner breaks a camels back, did you really want to be there?

Relationships require work on both persons part. I did not ask him for a litany of changes. I asked him to try. That's what people do in a relationship. They are hard work. And I put in the effort every step along the way. I know it was hard for him.

There are people on the Internet and in minor politics and around the world that hate him for something he made, his stance on many things, and there are a few I don't even agree with. But I accept them because they were a part of him. Don't believe me? I was the one who posted the thread months ago asking if they googled you because I had serious doubts about even being able to get a visa.

By the way, he has never done anything illegal. Just to be clear.

So for you to say I wanted to change him so much, I didn't. I wanted to had the ability to make our marriage work and it was missing that piece. All I asked for is to try.

Sorry about your situation. I know it doesn't matter now, and maybe im wrong, but it seems to me that you obviously had doubts about him way before you were going to get married. Already in therapy together just to learn to get along? I can't understand why you would want to work that hard at loving someone. I know you say a relationship is hard work but I can tell you that it's not. And it's not meant to be. He obviously wasn't the one for you, and I'm sure you probably knew it deep down. But, I understand wanting to be loved. Just know that there is an amazing kind of love out there waiting for you. When you find it you will probably look back and realise you dodged a bullet with this one..

I'm really sorry.

[Willowman 1]

Hello, I was earlier this year faced with the prospect that my fiance' was pregnant. She was worried about this very thing that I would have a change of mind about her and my child. She being strong of spirit said to me that if I would decide to abandon her she would have and raise the baby by herself no matter what it would take, knowing in herself how precious life is. Though I was very distraught that she would think I would do this I understood her distress given similar experiences by her abandoned pregnant friends. Considering what forms needed to expedite her and child if needed we found out she was not pregnant. I admire her tenacity and resolve to do what she felt was right even though I was accepting of the possibility of her being with child. So in this i'm saying find in yourself the need for survival of you and child. I have had my heart crushed as my fiance' has also had her heart crushed in the past but with God it was possible to move on. Life is not done for you!!! God bless!!

[Novembro 1,763]

Edit:

I also wanted to add that maybe it might be helpful to write down your problems. Write the pros and cons about each one, and then look them over. Sometimes the act of just writing it down makes you feel better and more clear.

Second this. Somehow, having things on paper makes it much more clear and concise.

[Rob Page 3]

So sorry to hear about what your going through, I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you can find your way through the difficult circumstances your in!

[CaizLurol 36]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Please take the advice people give you on this board with a grain of salt because there are many VJers that come from different cultures / countries where terminating a pregnancy is seen as "wrong or immoral". I am sorry that judgmental people will be immigrating to this country. It's a shame, really.

There is no right or wrong answer. What you need now is a strong support system. You need lots of love. Turn to your family for love and support. I have no doubt they will help you the best they can. I don't know if you believe in God or a higher being but pray for the answers - for they are in your heart. This is an extremely personal choice that only you can answer. No one else.

I will keep you in my prayers and I am sending positive vibes your way. Life throws challenges at as but I can assure you that once you work through this challenge, you will be stronger than ever before.

And for the people who are borderline trolling here (calling her a control freak, etc.) I hope that your visas get denied and you never come to the US.

[DeWayne&CeCy 6]

What a bum...sorry just my opinion

[ekim 10]

Read the "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann.

[Ontarkie 14,225]

~~~~Several posts and many quoting said post(s) removed for personal attacks, one member also thread band~~~~

~~~~Thread moved to Major effect from K1 forum as a more appropriate forum~~~~

[CaizLurol 36]

You don't have your facts straight, I did not bring in his friends. He talked to them, I didn't even suggest it. He then told me what they said.

I had a trained professional in order to give US the best chance of success at US. They pointed out that this would be something we would have to overcome. As it is an integral part of any marriage. They called it the glue that holds people together when times are tough.

I was willing to deal with my ability to manage my own expectations, and I did so. But I asked him to please be sensitive to this issue. I don't think anyone in that situation would have not asked for some empathy when you are 3000 km away and having to deal with the changes in your body alone. and going to a scary procedure alone.

You are entitled to your opinion, but I trust in what I know, and what actually transpired.

Don't dignify "himher"'s garbage with a response. I have seen this guy troll on other threads passing judgment on people and starting "wars". He set his sights on you now. I hope he has been banned from this thread. It's disgusting what people do and say (and think?) when they think they have anonymity on the internet.

[gayle blue 4]

keep the baby and be strong, Meg. You are a mother from day 1 of conception...you are blessed.