Broken Hearted at the last possible moment

[toshibaa 0]

I'm sorry to heard that.My prayer with you..Be Strong Meg.

[LoveMyTico 999]

Don't make such a life changing decision when you are so emotional. I know ..easier said than done. Men suck sometimes. Do what is good for you. If you keep the baby and he never shows his face.... His loss. Don't give up your dreams because of some dumb A$$ man who can get his emotions in check and offer something to you,

Sometimes you have to do YOU. In the end, you are the only one who will take care of YOU....

Take a deep breath and wait a little before you jump. You don't want any regrets ( or at least any more than you already have)

[brian@alejandra 20]

I am very sorry to hear all you are going through, I can only tell you what someone else already said, dont listen to anyone trying to push their beliefs on you. They will not be there in the days weeks and years to come. You only know what is best for you. I believe that no one should have the right to tell you what to do with your body, there are many good reasons to decide either way. If you need open honest ears to listen you can find them here hidden among the overbareing better than tho zeloits. As for him, it sounds like he would have been bad for you in the long run, hard to see him being a loving supportive husband.

[rascalcat 28]

Things will get better Meg. He is a very selfish person. He has problems dealing with his own emotions, so denies you of yours. This is not a person you want to be married to. The way he handled the whole situation is totally unforgivable. Ask your self if you were really deciding to have an abortion to please him. Did he even say that keeping the baby was an option? I am sure he swayed you to a decision of abortion. He sounds exactly like an ex boyfriend of mine from many years ago. I was in a very similar situation to you, (although it did not involve emigration). As you have already stated, you have feelings that your ex has totally disrespected. He does not deserve you at all. I can only imagine what you have had to endure through the course of your relationship with him. Enjoy every second of your pregnancy, because you deserve this little bundle of joy. If you felt that you always wanted a child one day, then having this child is going to be beneficial to you. Having a baby leads you to meeting a lot of new people too, and a lot of happiness. You will find love again when you are ready.. and when you do, it will be the right person. You will not feel like you are always treading on eggshells trying to keep someone happy. You should never feel like you have to ask for respect in any way, especially just to have your feelings heard and respected. You cannot have a real relationship without this. When you meet the right man he will treat you with respect in every way, including your feelings. You will be able to be yourself without worrying about upsetting anyone. You will feel that mutual connection of respect. Never settle for less that the best.. which is what you deserve. This is your child and your life.. enjoy them both.

[rascalcat 28]

If you ever need to talk Meg, i am always here. You can private message me here anytime you want. I have been in a very similar situation to you many years ago.

[brian@alejandra 20]

Don't make such a life changing decision when you are so emotional. I know ..easier said than done. Men suck sometimes. Do what is good for you. If you keep the baby and he never shows his face.... His loss. Don't give up your dreams because of some dumb A$$ man who can get his emotions in check and offer something to you,

Sometimes you have to do YOU. In the end, you are the only one who will take care of YOU....

Take a deep breath and wait a little before you jump. You don't want any regrets ( or at least any more than you already have)

well said, Thats what I wanted to say but couldnt think of the words

[JD & Coconut 35]

My (ex) fiancé, and our petitioner broke up with me on Thursday night, over the phone.

When we filed back in march, I asked him to be SURE this is what he wanted. I didn't want to wind up having a change of mind half way into it and break my heart. I asked him that because I've been hurt a number of times by men who say one thing and do another in the past. He calmed my nerves and told me he couldn't see his life with anyone but me.

To say that its been smooth sailing the whole time would be a lie. But it hasn't been detrimental either. I insisted we go to premarital counselling if he was serious in order to have the tools to make our relationship and marriage successful. In counselling among other things, it was discovered we were a very good match(both on paper according to their very long expectations and history quiz) and in practice. The one area we really had to work on was his ability to be empathetic and kind when dealing with sensitive topics. and for me to manage my expecatations knowing it was hard for him.

He has been here for a week about every 5 weeks and two in dec/jan and ALL of june.

almost three weeks ago, we found out that I was pregnant. Despite being on birth control the whole time. I took it religiously. We made the decision to terminate and the procedure was eventually booked for next week. Our reasons were simple, it was a large transition period for the two of us, living together moving into a new home, not having a home of our own, not knowing what my earning potential and life will be like there. Fair enough, it made sense.

Obviously, for any of you that have been in my shoes, your hormones start to fluctuate, and I deliberately tried to focus on the hard parts of the early pregnancy in order to have mental fuel to do what I needed to do. I communicated this with him explicitly three times. I also told him a couple of times(most recently last Thursday)that I felt very lonely, having to go through this alone and that I needed him not to ignore the subject but give me some support and try to understand. Even a "there there" I would have accepted. Instead when I told him this he said I was being super emotional and complaint oriented. Amongst a few other choice words. I was very hurt and upset, and he just kept reiterating he wasn't going to apologize for saying the truth.

Note, he had NEVER apologized for anything he has ever said up until that point.

We didn't speak for a day and a bit. Then he contacted me acting as if nothing had ever happened. I said, I need you to address what happened and not ignore it. He again, missed the point and just kept repeating he wasn't going to apologize for saying the truth. I told him, again, that it wasn't that I needed an apology because it was a lie, I didn't care if it was the truth, it was just a terribly unkind thing for him to say. That it would be great if he could look up or ask me what I'm going through and maybe the procedure I would have to endure without him which scared and saddened me.

He decided to talk to two of his close friends, and after doing so, for the first time ever, apologized for what he said, said he felt terrible about the whole situation. Because his friends told him what he said was mean and inappropriate.

he went on to say how much he missed me and loved me and looked forward to our lives together. he posted on facebook a cute picture that we were a "match" of a little chameleon sitting on the end of a match stick and matching it's colour.

That was four days before he broke up with me.

The day of and the day before, he reiterated how much he loved me and we talked about the final things we were waiting for for our visa. Anxiously! The final step came on Thursday and I told him I expected to be able to pay the fee that day. He told me he called united airlines and was able to gift me his points so that I could take the plane to Vancouver free of charge.

That was an hour before he broke up with me.

I called him to say, my visa debit card didn't work on the site for payment of visa interview fee. He told me we should talk before I did that. And then proceeded to ramble about how we are just too different to make it work and are not the right person for each other.

This is how he left our whole relationship, and me, before an abortion. An abrupt phone call that made no sense, given everything else he said and everything we've been through. I don't know how long he was planning it. I don't understand it AT ALL.

What I do know is it is Saturday, and I feel utterly hopeless and alone. And the reason for termination of the pregnancy no longer exists. And now that I've wasted a year and a half of my life, 35(the limit for me wanting to have kids as I have a family history of down syndrome babies being born after that point) is coming very quickly and this may literally be my only chance to have a child of my own. Single parenthood was never something I wanted, but do I end a life needlessly? The person who was supposed to be my partner in everything has abandoned me. But it would mean having to have him in my life to some degree for the rest of my life. and given the circumstances I don't really want that either.

I'm shocked, I'm devastated. I returned our pet birds to their breeders(we had to file for a special permit for them, last week!). It has broken every shred of decency and trust and love that I think I had in me.

I feel hopeless and alone. And I don't want to feel anymore.

He begged me not to give up on him. I never did. He gave up on us. And for what? Because emotionally it was hard to be compatible? I don't understand at all.

That dude is not a man, he's a boy, a little boy, nothing more. One day you will meet a real man, fall in love, get married and have a family and you will look back at him and laugh at how young you were.

[brian@alejandra 20]

Also, please try not feel alone, from the wide varity of post and opinions here maybe you can feel less alone and more part of a family with us. As others have said your welcome to private message me, I didnt offer before because I think you may not want a male to confide in. but the offer is there.

[YA 1127 6]

Thanks for the support everyone, right now I'm trying to manage the feeling that I will always feel this hopeless and betrayed. I will make the rest of the decision later this week.

I dont know how you feel becaouse i have never been in your shoes but dont give up on your baby, keep it its super hard to have kids especially at your age. Just focus all your energy on the baby and all the awesome blessings that will be coming your way !!!

hes a jerk and your not obligated to tell him anything about your pregnancy , so forget he even exists.

am sure your family will support you and help you every single step of the way

[Meg and Danny 25]

That dude is not a man, he's a boy, a little boy, nothing more. One day you will meet a real man, fall in love, get married and have a family and you will look back at him and laugh at how young you were.

Thank you everyone kindly. I still don't know what I am going to do. I told him if he really didn't want to be a father at this point(which I know he doesn't) That he needs to get himself on a plane, talk to me in person with our counsellor and escort me to the hospital next Friday and take some responsibility. He is doing so.

I still don't know if I will keep it or not. But I do have to decide relatively quickly(in the next week) as there is no other time for it to happen. I already tried to reschedule.

Additionally just for everyone's knowledge we are not that young. I am 30 and he is 31

[AmyWrites 593]

I know it sucks now, but you're very, very lucky to get rid of such a selfish guy! And don't expect him to, if you decide to keep the baby, actually help out... I wish you good luck and that you meet the perfect guy for you who won't do something so horrible to you

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

My (ex) fiancé, and our petitioner broke up with me on Thursday night, over the phone.

When we filed back in march, I asked him to be SURE this is what he wanted. I didn't want to wind up having a change of mind half way into it and break my heart. I asked him that because I've been hurt a number of times by men who say one thing and do another in the past. He calmed my nerves and told me he couldn't see his life with anyone but me.

To say that its been smooth sailing the whole time would be a lie. But it hasn't been detrimental either. I insisted we go to premarital counselling if he was serious in order to have the tools to make our relationship and marriage successful. In counselling among other things, it was discovered we were a very good match(both on paper according to their very long expectations and history quiz) and in practice. The one area we really had to work on was his ability to be empathetic and kind when dealing with sensitive topics. and for me to manage my expecatations knowing it was hard for him.

He has been here for a week about every 5 weeks and two in dec/jan and ALL of june.

almost three weeks ago, we found out that I was pregnant. Despite being on birth control the whole time. I took it religiously. We made the decision to terminate and the procedure was eventually booked for next week. Our reasons were simple, it was a large transition period for the two of us, living together moving into a new home, not having a home of our own, not knowing what my earning potential and life will be like there. Fair enough, it made sense.

Obviously, for any of you that have been in my shoes, your hormones start to fluctuate, and I deliberately tried to focus on the hard parts of the early pregnancy in order to have mental fuel to do what I needed to do. I communicated this with him explicitly three times. I also told him a couple of times(most recently last Thursday)that I felt very lonely, having to go through this alone and that I needed him not to ignore the subject but give me some support and try to understand. Even a "there there" I would have accepted. Instead when I told him this he said I was being super emotional and complaint oriented. Amongst a few other choice words. I was very hurt and upset, and he just kept reiterating he wasn't going to apologize for saying the truth.

Note, he had NEVER apologized for anything he has ever said up until that point.

We didn't speak for a day and a bit. Then he contacted me acting as if nothing had ever happened. I said, I need you to address what happened and not ignore it. He again, missed the point and just kept repeating he wasn't going to apologize for saying the truth. I told him, again, that it wasn't that I needed an apology because it was a lie, I didn't care if it was the truth, it was just a terribly unkind thing for him to say. That it would be great if he could look up or ask me what I'm going through and maybe the procedure I would have to endure without him which scared and saddened me.

He decided to talk to two of his close friends, and after doing so, for the first time ever, apologized for what he said, said he felt terrible about the whole situation. Because his friends told him what he said was mean and inappropriate.

he went on to say how much he missed me and loved me and looked forward to our lives together. he posted on facebook a cute picture that we were a "match" of a little chameleon sitting on the end of a match stick and matching it's colour.

That was four days before he broke up with me.

The day of and the day before, he reiterated how much he loved me and we talked about the final things we were waiting for for our visa. Anxiously! The final step came on Thursday and I told him I expected to be able to pay the fee that day. He told me he called united airlines and was able to gift me his points so that I could take the plane to Vancouver free of charge.

That was an hour before he broke up with me.

I called him to say, my visa debit card didn't work on the site for payment of visa interview fee. He told me we should talk before I did that. And then proceeded to ramble about how we are just too different to make it work and are not the right person for each other.

This is how he left our whole relationship, and me, before an abortion. An abrupt phone call that made no sense, given everything else he said and everything we've been through. I don't know how long he was planning it. I don't understand it AT ALL.

What I do know is it is Saturday, and I feel utterly hopeless and alone. And the reason for termination of the pregnancy no longer exists. And now that I've wasted a year and a half of my life, 35(the limit for me wanting to have kids as I have a family history of down syndrome babies being born after that point) is coming very quickly and this may literally be my only chance to have a child of my own. Single parenthood was never something I wanted, but do I end a life needlessly? The person who was supposed to be my partner in everything has abandoned me. But it would mean having to have him in my life to some degree for the rest of my life. and given the circumstances I don't really want that either.

I'm shocked, I'm devastated. I returned our pet birds to their breeders(we had to file for a special permit for them, last week!). It has broken every shred of decency and trust and love that I think I had in me.

I feel hopeless and alone. And I don't want to feel anymore.

He begged me not to give up on him. I never did. He gave up on us. And for what? Because emotionally it was hard to be compatible? I don't understand at all.

My advice is do not end a life in direct answer to your question and I will not be shamed by anyone for my opinion. That decision should not be manipulated by him, he is a big jerk, callous and cold and his indifference a red flag. Think of yourself.

You said you always wanted a child and your biological clock is ticking and this may be your only chance. It very well may be.

Perhaps he would have never wanted a child with you, not now and not ever.

Perhaps he would always have one foot out the door.

I would lose all trust and respect for someone who strings me along this dang visa journey and right before booking the flight and what should be the happiest time, he drops you like that not to mention your emotional state is what it is right now. Unbelievable ... he acts like he is 16.

I can't wrap my head around this trauma he is causing you. I am so sorry for you and hope you surround yourself with supporting friends. Your story just breaks my heart. Be strong and I wish you the best in your decision. Think long and hard before contemplating if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who runs when times get tough, never settle for less than you deserve. Do you !

[rascalcat 28]

All i can tell you is that having a child gives us something to live for, and even more drive and ambition to strive for the best in life.

[Justine+David 218]

I agree; you're not young. And it's not the child's fault in the matter.

Best of luck to you. I hope things turn out well no matter what you decide.

[rawas 13]

Im sorry , take your time to make any decision, why dont you talk again to him! to make sure you'll take the right decision in your life ,

be strong , you'll be ok