He abandoned me

[pdnov142012 8]

Happy Eid. I am so sorry that you have to go through this, you should pray about it, and ask Allah to show you the best way forward, and to be able to take action on this matter from a clean heart. Try to forgive him, (this doesn't mean to take him back, just to be sure you have no mean thoughts towards him) and that when you go to explain at the interview, you have forgiven him and you are only doing it to save another woman from getting into the same trouble, but not to explain at the interview with the purpose of hurting your husband.

it is not easy to forgive, i know. But Allah will provide you the grace you need.

[izzylove11 19]

Is there a possibility he could have been in a car accident and could be in the hospital or worse? Do you have mutual friends on Facebook or Skype? I suggest contacting someone who could check on him before contacting the embassy. It could be something different than what you think. Good luck. We are praying for you. Happy Eid. Minal Aidin Wal Faizin!

[NickD 203]

dont undertand well what you means , where was the lie on my marriage license? and what additional lying to the state department ? , i think because of my englesh some have not undertood well my post

I could be speaking out of turn not knowing the laws of your country, here and the countries I have dealt with, you have to apply for a marriage license and either show proof you are free to marry or swear an oath you are free to marry. In my state since both my wife and I were previously married we had to bring in our divorce papers.

And this was only the beginning, all of this proof had to be shown to the USCIS in that we were both free to marry by bringing in our divorce papers again and show a valid marriage certificate.

There are not that many options of a US citizen to bring a person here, work permit, winning the lottery, all limited, the only one that is opened is marriage, and they are very strict on this issue. If the see your husband's divorce date was after your marriage date, you would never be allowed to come here. No way of getting around this. Have no idea what he was thinking when he did this. And the same process is for applying for a marriage visa. It's just something that you cannot get away with those divorce papers all have to be certified copies and the original ones, not photocopies.

[Darnell 8,479]

Hi Nick ! The lass is lucky, her 'husband' married her after the divorce was finalized.

What else ya got ?

[himher 634]

I am thinking that there is nothing lucky about a Muslim girl in a Muslim country who marries a guy in good faith against her family's wishes (even they supported her decision) and then have it fall apart like this.

Personal view: If that guy did what it looks like he did he needs his a$$ kicked at a minimum.

Selamat Eil iu Fitr!

[samiha 3]

Samiha:

Salam Alikom, that's the best way to do it. Go to your interview and explain your situation and tell them why you don't want to pursue this VISA. As of your family, tell your mother and tell her what happened the way you told us and your mother will know what to tell your dad. She knows better how to bring it up. But trust me a dads heart is not made of Rock. He will be mad true but not with you but with that man because he trusted him with his most precious treasure he had. As of divorce talk to a lawyer and see what you can do, I know the law is on your side.

Good luck sister.

To momiliciouse:

True that Islam give the man the right to marry 4 women. However it's not like you get in the morning and scratch your head and go and get married to the next woman you want. There are rules that need to be followed in order to be able to do that. I guarantee you more than 50% of man (Muslims or non Muslims) CANNOT do that because simply they can't be fair with all of them. As of marriage in Tunis, the government allows you only to get married to one woman. Please sister don't mix up religion to emotions, if you follow how the religion is supposed to be practiced you will find out the beauty of it.

I don't mean to get you mad or hurt your feelings or minimize your words and if I did I'm sorry.

wa alaikoum salam , thank you silkafi , yes the best way is to explain to the consulate why im not pursuing this visa im giving myelf time to make sure everything is finished to dont blame byself one day why i did this or this,

..........................................................................................................................

True

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

Samiha,

Get a khula and move on from this man. I assume you don't have children yet so consider this your golden opportunity to find someone else who will treasure you in the way you deserve.

Eid Mubarak and Best Wishes.

Sarah

[samiha 3]

I don't know if someone here told you this or not : You need to be patient. No one here in this forum or anywhere else or even a family member would live your life for you or take the pain for his/her self.Your the only one that will live with the decision your going to take or the choice your going to make.I seen some people telling you to get a divorce and so on and they show sympathy and i really appreciate that but telling you that is definitely wrong.They don't know your husband. They don't know you.Your husband might be upset or he just wants time for him self. You mighta have done a mistake without meaning to and he over reacted.He mighta have found another girl but he isn't sure about leaving you or he woulda have done so or told you so,he wouldn't be afraid would he ? have some patience, think calmly.Move away from the pc and think FAIRLY . Talk to a wise person and get his opinion. What if your husband had a medical problem suddenly and his at a hospital or something. you are going to regret all that if he did. Call the police and tell them that he suddenly disconnected and disappeared for 20 days and you can do nothing from there and you want them to check on him.They will check on him and you can call them back to know that at least his ok.and at least he would know that you care and even if he is with someone else. He might change his mind and see that your the real person or the one that cares the most. Since you are arabian am going to tell you this, If you got divorced you will hardly get married again to an arab or you will have a bad marriage since this is our traditions and so on.Don't ever forget these stuff. Happy Eid/Feast ...Wish you the best.

i understand you perfectly ,i really have no problm with myself to get married hardly or easyly after when i will get divorced , we dont have always the choice to do what we are doing , ALLAH is great , and may be 'ill find someone more better than him, now let' see what will happen, hopefully khair

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

I don't know if someone here told you this or not : You need to be patient. No one here in this forum or anywhere else or even a family member would live your life for you or take the pain for his/her self.Your the only one that will live with the decision your going to take or the choice your going to make.I seen some people telling you to get a divorce and so on and they show sympathy and i really appreciate that but telling you that is definitely wrong.They don't know your husband. They don't know you.Your husband might be upset or he just wants time for him self. You mighta have done a mistake without meaning to and he over reacted.He mighta have found another girl but he isn't sure about leaving you or he woulda have done so or told you so,he wouldn't be afraid would he ? have some patience, think calmly.Move away from the pc and think FAIRLY . Talk to a wise person and get his opinion. What if your husband had a medical problem suddenly and his at a hospital or something. you are going to regret all that if he did. Call the police and tell them that he suddenly disconnected and disappeared for 20 days and you can do nothing from there and you want them to check on him.They will check on him and you can call them back to know that at least his ok.and at least he would know that you care and even if he is with someone else. He might change his mind and see that your the real person or the one that cares the most. Since you are arabian am going to tell you this, If you got divorced you will hardly get married again to an arab or you will have a bad marriage since this is our traditions and so on.Don't ever forget these stuff. Happy Eid/Feast ...Wish you the best.

You are totally wrong. Several of my fiance's sisters and nieces divorced before and had no problems finding new husbands. A few of them even had children when they divorced. Divorce is more and more part of life in a modern era regardless of religion and culture. The Arab/Muslim world is no exception.

Furthermore, if something terrible did happen to her husband someone in his family would have said something to her by now. My fiance has all my relatives and friends contact info. If anything ever happened to me they would tell him straight away. It's clear this man abandoned their marriage and you're out of line in saying this is her fault. Time for her to move on.

[samiha 3]

Happy Eid. I am so sorry that you have to go through this, you should pray about it, and ask Allah to show you the best way forward, and to be able to take action on this matter from a clean heart. Try to forgive him, (this doesn't mean to take him back, just to be sure you have no mean thoughts towards him) and that when you go to explain at the interview, you have forgiven him and you are only doing it to save another woman from getting into the same trouble, but not to explain at the interview with the purpose of hurting your husband.

it is not easy to forgive, i know. But Allah will provide you the grace you need.

Thank you pdnov14 for your support , happy eid for you too, only God forgives : )

Is there a possibility he could have been in a car accident and could be in the hospital or worse? Do you have mutual friends on Facebook or Skype? I suggest contacting someone who could check on him before contacting the embassy. It could be something different than what you think. Good luck. We are praying for you. Happy Eid. Minal Aidin Wal Faizin!

hi, i have not contacted anybody from his family or friends

happy eid

[samiha 3]

I could be speaking out of turn not knowing the laws of your country, here and the countries I have dealt with, you have to apply for a marriage license and either show proof you are free to marry or swear an oath you are free to marry. In my state since both my wife and I were previously married we had to bring in our divorce papers.

And this was only the beginning, all of this proof had to be shown to the USCIS in that we were both free to marry by bringing in our divorce papers again and show a valid marriage certificate.

There are not that many options of a US citizen to bring a person here, work permit, winning the lottery, all limited, the only one that is opened is marriage, and they are very strict on this issue. If the see your husband's divorce date was after your marriage date, you would never be allowed to come here. No way of getting around this. Have no idea what he was thinking when he did this. And the same process is for applying for a marriage visa. It's just something that you cannot get away with those divorce papers all have to be certified copies and the original ones, not photocopies.

my 'husband' married me after his divorce was finalized , after more than 2 years divorce and have the divorce certificate , i dont have to marry someone who is married, this is Personal choice for me before being religious or legal Choose ,

[NickD 203]

Hi Nick ! The lass is lucky, her 'husband' married her after the divorce was finalized.

What else ya got ?

Guess I also have a language barrier problem.

"He lied a lot, he lied about his divorce date witch I discovered while I have read some translated document, I discovered I was dating with him while he was legally still married (separated) with his ex wife which I didn’t like, and I forgave him, he said he have not been aware regarding his divorce date, I never expected from him to lie or change, especially after the big effort I made to make my family accept my marriage Due to differences in customs and traditions and religion,"

[samiha 3]

Guess I also have a language barrier problem.

"He lied a lot, he lied about his divorce date witch I discovered while I have read some translated document, I discovered I was dating with him while he was legally still married (separated) with his ex wife which I didn’t like, and I forgave him, he said he have not been aware regarding his divorce date, I never expected from him to lie or change, especially after the big effort I made to make my family accept my marriage Due to differences in customs and traditions and religion,uulmans

Sorry my englesh not good, in our family, culture, it's not good to make love relationship or to date or to get married with a married man although we are musulmans , what i meant by he lied about his divorce date, he presented hiself to me the first time we me online and in person as a divorced man, that's why i accepted to Configure a relationship with him , while we was legally still married (seperated)

You are totally wrong. Several of my fiance's sisters and nieces divorced before and had no problems finding new husbands. A few of them even had children when they divorced. Divorce is more and more part of life in a modern era regardless of religion and culture. The Arab/Muslim world is no exception.

Furthermore, if something terrible did happen to her husband someone in his family would have said something to her by now. My fiance has all my relatives and friends contact info. If anything ever happened to me they would tell him straight away. It's clear this man abandoned their marriage and you're out of line in saying this is her fault. Time for her to move on.

True

[anajnic 87]

Guess I also have a language barrier problem.

"He lied a lot, he lied about his divorce date witch I discovered while I have read some translated document, I discovered I was dating with him while he was legally still married (separated) with his ex wife which I didn’t like, and I forgave him, he said he have not been aware regarding his divorce date, I never expected from him to lie or change, especially after the big effort I made to make my family accept my marriage Due to differences in customs and traditions and religion,"

I saw that as well. language barrier indeed for me as well

[samiha 3]

Samiha,

Get a khula and move on from this man. I assume you don't have children yet so consider this your golden opportunity to find someone else who will treasure you in the way you deserve.

Eid Mubarak and Best Wishes.

Sarah

Hi sarah , yes no children : ) ,

Eid mubarak and thank you for your reply