Jump to content
luve1

need advice..off the subject but needs opinion..

27 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

Posted

I have a co-worker whose daughter wouldn't sleep in her own room, and so they put the daughter's bed in their room for a while and told her "you can sleep in the room with us, but you need to stay in your own bed." And after she got used to that, they eventually moved it into her own room. *shrug* Might work.

Of course, the point about responding to tantrums is a good one also, but have you or she also tried talking to him? Kids are smart, there are some who will understand things pretty young. I mean, he might respond to being talked to like an adult and, I don't know, being told "You need to sleep in your own bed because ..." and "You need to wait sometimes because..." That won't help if it's more of an impulse-control thing, but like I said, some kids by that age are able to respond to being asked to do/not do something just because they were asked to and told the reasons.

Bethany (NJ, USA) & Gareth (Scotland, UK)

-----------------------------------------------

01 Nov 2007: N-400 FedEx'd to TSC

05 Nov 2007: NOA-1 Date

28 Dec 2007: Check cashed

05 Jan 2008: NOA-1 Received

02 Feb 2008: Biometrics notice received

23 Feb 2008: Biometrics at Albuquerque ASC

12 Jun 2008: Interview letter received

12 Aug 2008: Interview at Albuquerque DO--PASSED!

15 Aug 2008: Oath Ceremony

-----------------------------------------------

Any information, opinions, etc., given by me are based entirely on personal experience, observations, research common sense, and an insanely accurate memory; and are not in any way meant to constitute (1) legal advice nor (2) the official policies/advice of my employer.

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Scotland
Timeline
Posted

Read this book

I can't reccomend this book highly enough, I used it for years when my job involved advising parents and generally kept 2 or 3 spare copies in my car to lend out. In my professional career this only failed me once when one kid just ate the book.

K-1 Visa

Event Date

Service Center : Vermont Service Center

Consulate : London, United Kingdom

I-129F Sent : 2006-09-26

I-129F NOA1 : 2006-09-28

I-129F RFE(s) :

RFE Reply(s) :

I-129F NOA2 : 2006-10-18

NVC Received : 2006-10-20

NVC Left : 2006-10-23

Consulate Received :

Packet 3 Received : 2006-11-06

Packet 3 Sent : 2006-12-02

Packet 4 Received : 2006-12-07

Interview Date : 2007-01-31

Visa Received : 2007-02-03

US Entry : 2007-03-06

Marriage : 2007-03-30

Filed: Country: Philippines
Timeline
Posted
  mmb said:
Read this book

I can't reccomend this book highly enough, I used it for years when my job involved advising parents and generally kept 2 or 3 spare copies in my car to lend out. In my professional career this only failed me once when one kid just ate the book.

I'd like to check it out. :thumbs:

I've raised 3 kids and currently 2 of them on my own and I know that consistency as a parent is essential. Empty threats do more harm than anything - like saying, "If you don't get up off the floor and stop behaving that way, I'm going to send you to your room!" If the parent doesn't follow through, the child quickly learns that such warnings are meaningless. Kids will always test their boundaries and it's healthy and normal. They need to know that we care and that we aren't overly permissive or overly strict either. Parenting has got to be one of the toughest jobs ever. It brings out the best and the worst in us. :star:

Filed: Other Timeline
Posted

My son never kicked and screamed or demanded my attention in the way you speak of. But when he was about 5 he started getting in the bed with my then-husband and I. This went on for about a year.

At the time my ex was out of work and there was a lot of trauma/drama in our household. I think this was the only way he could find comfort at the time. He never slept in our bed before that.

IMHO little boys are very different from little girls when it comes to affection/attention. I think it levels off after they get into school and start growing up. Many of my friends have said that their boys were more cuddly and loving than their daughters. I know that my own son needed my approval for a much longer period of time than I thought he would. Well up into his early teens.

The flip side is that later on the boys grow up and distance themselves from the family. The daughters tend to stick around.

Filed: Country: United Kingdom
Timeline
Posted (edited)
  rebeccajo said:
IMHO little boys are very different from little girls when it comes to affection/attention. I think it levels off after they get into school and start growing up. Many of my friends have said that their boys were more cuddly and loving than their daughters. I know that my own son needed my approval for a much longer period of time than I thought he would. Well up into his early teens.

All the people I know with sons would agree with that comment. Boys can be fantastically affectionate. My boy is nearly 13 though...it is no longer cool to hug or show much affection. He does occasionally surprise me by giving me a hug (rather than the other way around) but as he gets older they have become few and far between. It was nice whilst it lasted though! I can't personally compare him to a daughter as I have never had one.

Edited by mags
Filed: Other Timeline
Posted (edited)
  mags said:
  rebeccajo said:
IMHO little boys are very different from little girls when it comes to affection/attention. I think it levels off after they get into school and start growing up. Many of my friends have said that their boys were more cuddly and loving than their daughters. I know that my own son needed my approval for a much longer period of time than I thought he would. Well up into his early teens.

All the people I know with sons would agree with that comment. Boys can be fantastically affectionate. My boy is nearly 13 though...it is no longer cool to hug or show much affection. He does occasionally surprise me by giving me a hug (rather than the other way around) but as he gets older they have become few and far between. It was nice whilst it lasted though! I can't personally compare him to a daughter as I have never had one.

My son is an only child too, mags, so I can't compare him to a daughter either.

I used to have a small business that kept me out till about 10 pm at night. Probably up until he was about 7 or 8 he would try to stay awake till I came home. I would open the door and he would come out the hallway, grab me around the waist and hug me, and trudge sleepily back to bed.

Now at 18 somedays he barely grunts at me. On the other hand, he expects me to take care of the big stuff. Right now I'm needing to line up an appointment with the school guidance counselor about the hunt for college money. He won't do it - I'll have to go and find out what scholarships he should apply for and he will do the rest of the work, but he wants me to make the initial investigations. With things like this, it seems he wants me to sort of 'clear the path' for him and then he will take the rest of the adult steps.

Just all part of becoming a man, I guess.

Edited by rebeccajo
Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Canada
Timeline
Posted

I would really try hard to get him in his own bed. I dont think the child should be still sleeping with you and his mom.

My step son was 9 when I met his dad. He tried to pull alot of stuff on us when I got here, but things have calmed down over the last year with him. I think he was just jealous of me. He matured alot over the last year. He was spoiled too by his dad, but seems to be growing out of it.

PEGGY & ROGER

3dflagsdotcom_canad_2fawm.gif3dflagsdotcom_usa_2fawm.gif

K-1/K-2 VISA'S APPROVED IN MONTREAL MAY 2, 2005

K-1/K-2 AOS APPROVED IN ATLANTA MAY 17, 2006

10 year GC Approved - APRIL 16th ,2009 - Peggy and Jonathan's......

Still waiting for our cards...Had to file I-90 as they sent them to the wrong address.

March 9th, 2010, Received GC that has been lost in the mail for 10 months. Still waiting for my son's that is lost as well.

Filed Waiver for my son's 10 year GC and it was approved. He finally received his GC after its been missing for 2 years.

Thanking God this is over for 10 years.

Filed: Country: United Kingdom
Timeline
Posted
  rebeccajo said:
  mags said:
  rebeccajo said:
IMHO little boys are very different from little girls when it comes to affection/attention. I think it levels off after they get into school and start growing up. Many of my friends have said that their boys were more cuddly and loving than their daughters. I know that my own son needed my approval for a much longer period of time than I thought he would. Well up into his early teens.

All the people I know with sons would agree with that comment. Boys can be fantastically affectionate. My boy is nearly 13 though...it is no longer cool to hug or show much affection. He does occasionally surprise me by giving me a hug (rather than the other way around) but as he gets older they have become few and far between. It was nice whilst it lasted though! I can't personally compare him to a daughter as I have never had one.

My son is an only child too, mags, so I can't compare him to a daughter either.

I used to have a small business that kept me out till about 10 pm at night. Probably up until he was about 7 or 8 he would try to stay awake till I came home. I would open the door and he would come out the hallway, grab me around the waist and hug me, and trudge sleepily back to bed.

Now at 18 somedays he barely grunts at me. On the other hand, he expects me to take care of the big stuff. Right now I'm needing to line up an appointment with the school guidance counselor about the hunt for college money. He won't do it - I'll have to go and find out what scholarships he should apply for and he will do the rest of the work, but he wants me to make the initial investigations. With things like this, it seems he wants me to sort of 'clear the path' for him and then he will take the rest of the adult steps.

Just all part of becoming a man, I guess.

The positive way to look at this is he obviously still needs you deep down inside. Maybe he isn't quite confident enough to take those steps on his own just yet. That's where Mom comes in...

An eighteen year old is hardly likely to admit this though, hence the grunts and apparent lack of interest.

Of course he IS also acting like a normal teenager. I think mine has started early btw..... :P

Filed: Other Timeline
Posted
  mags said:
  rebeccajo said:
  mags said:
  rebeccajo said:
IMHO little boys are very different from little girls when it comes to affection/attention. I think it levels off after they get into school and start growing up. Many of my friends have said that their boys were more cuddly and loving than their daughters. I know that my own son needed my approval for a much longer period of time than I thought he would. Well up into his early teens.

All the people I know with sons would agree with that comment. Boys can be fantastically affectionate. My boy is nearly 13 though...it is no longer cool to hug or show much affection. He does occasionally surprise me by giving me a hug (rather than the other way around) but as he gets older they have become few and far between. It was nice whilst it lasted though! I can't personally compare him to a daughter as I have never had one.

My son is an only child too, mags, so I can't compare him to a daughter either.

I used to have a small business that kept me out till about 10 pm at night. Probably up until he was about 7 or 8 he would try to stay awake till I came home. I would open the door and he would come out the hallway, grab me around the waist and hug me, and trudge sleepily back to bed.

Now at 18 somedays he barely grunts at me. On the other hand, he expects me to take care of the big stuff. Right now I'm needing to line up an appointment with the school guidance counselor about the hunt for college money. He won't do it - I'll have to go and find out what scholarships he should apply for and he will do the rest of the work, but he wants me to make the initial investigations. With things like this, it seems he wants me to sort of 'clear the path' for him and then he will take the rest of the adult steps.

Just all part of becoming a man, I guess.

The positive way to look at this is he obviously still needs you deep down inside. Maybe he isn't quite confident enough to take those steps on his own just yet. That's where Mom comes in...

An eighteen year old is hardly likely to admit this though, hence the grunts and apparent lack of interest.

Of course he IS also acting like a normal teenager. I think mine has started early btw..... :P

Oh yeah, I'm okay with it. It's weird, but virtually ever since he was born I've been preparing myself for this. Our kids don't belong to us. Our job as parents is to prepare them to grow up and leave us.

I guess I believe that most 'difficult' behavior children go through, like what the OP describes, well....that they will grow out of it. That doesn't mean you sit around willy-nilly and let them get away with bloody murder. When you take the whole picture into account, I don't know any kids who end up going to college in diapers just because they couldn't be potty trained at 18 months, still take a binky, or sleep with their parents.

On the other hand, I see some selfish college-bound brats. IMHO that's because their parents didn't teach them about the real world. They overprotected the kid (interferred with teachers, etc.) and gave them everything their little hearts desired. To me that's far worse parenting than allowing an insecure child sleep in your bed.

Posted
  pink_roses said:
I would really try hard to get him in his own bed. I dont think the child should be still sleeping with you and his mom.

My step son was 9 when I met his dad. He tried to pull alot of stuff on us when I got here, but things have calmed down over the last year with him. I think he was just jealous of me. He matured alot over the last year. He was spoiled too by his dad, but seems to be growing out of it.

thanks guys.. im really dead on my feet.. i havent slept well in over month..im getting frustrated.. the past few nights i noticed he wants his mom to get out of bed at 300am and give him milk..what??.. i told her that he is playing her like a deck of cards. my god.. some time he ask her to wipe is but after he uses bathroom?? during the day ,when im off work, he finds ever excuse in the book to hold her attention away from me. it feels like im the child in the corner so to speak.. weve tried to make him stay the room beside my older son but after 2 hours he comes running and momma takes him back in.. im trying to figure this out but im dead on my feet...

Filed: Country: Philippines
Timeline
Posted (edited)
  luve1 said:
  pink_roses said:

I would really try hard to get him in his own bed. I dont think the child should be still sleeping with you and his mom.

My step son was 9 when I met his dad. He tried to pull alot of stuff on us when I got here, but things have calmed down over the last year with him. I think he was just jealous of me. He matured alot over the last year. He was spoiled too by his dad, but seems to be growing out of it.

thanks guys.. im really dead on my feet.. i havent slept well in over month..im getting frustrated.. the past few nights i noticed he wants his mom to get out of bed at 300am and give him milk..what??.. i told her that he is playing her like a deck of cards. my god.. some time he ask her to wipe is but after he uses bathroom?? during the day ,when im off work, he finds ever excuse in the book to hold her attention away from me. it feels like im the child in the corner so to speak.. weve tried to make him stay the room beside my older son but after 2 hours he comes running and momma takes him back in.. im trying to figure this out but im dead on my feet...

She really needs some parenting classes (but with you together). Did she come from a big family? Does she have any younger siblings? Brothers? It might help your frustrations to find out where she's coming from. Jinky has a 5 year old son, also, and he has been sleeping in her bed now for the last 6 months, so I'm going to facing some of the same challenges. She does tend to be strict with him though. Perhaps a lot of it is cultural - like helping him to wipe after going to the bathroom - I know Jinky has done this also.

I'd be clear and firm without being harsh that this type of behavior is not acceptable. If she is just feeling helpless because she doesn't know how to say 'no' to him then parenting classes should be the first thing to do. I can try to find some links to organizations out there. The parenting classes I took were sponsored by my local church.

Edited by Steven_and_Jinky
Posted
  Steven_and_Jinky said:
  luve1 said:
  pink_roses said:

I would really try hard to get him in his own bed. I dont think the child should be still sleeping with you and his mom.

My step son was 9 when I met his dad. He tried to pull alot of stuff on us when I got here, but things have calmed down over the last year with him. I think he was just jealous of me. He matured alot over the last year. He was spoiled too by his dad, but seems to be growing out of it.

thanks guys.. im really dead on my feet.. i havent slept well in over month..im getting frustrated.. the past few nights i noticed he wants his mom to get out of bed at 300am and give him milk..what??.. i told her that he is playing her like a deck of cards. my god.. some time he ask her to wipe is but after he uses bathroom?? during the day ,when im off work, he finds ever excuse in the book to hold her attention away from me. it feels like im the child in the corner so to speak.. weve tried to make him stay the room beside my older son but after 2 hours he comes running and momma takes him back in.. im trying to figure this out but im dead on my feet...

She really needs some parenting classes (but with you together). Did she come from a big family? Does she have any younger siblings? Brothers? It might help your frustrations to find out where she's coming from. Jinky has a 5 year old son, also, and he has been sleeping in her bed now for the last 6 months, so I'm going to facing some of the same challenges. She does tend to be strict with him though. Perhaps a lot of it is cultural - like helping him to wipe after going to the bathroom - I know Jinky has done this also.

I'd be clear and firm without being harsh that this type of behavior is not acceptable. If she is just feeling helpless because she doesn't know how to say 'no' to him then parenting classes should be the first thing to do. I can try to find some links to organizations out there. The parenting classes I took were sponsored by my local church.

she has 2 older brothers and 1 younger sister. i know she means well but it seems like the past few days im getting ignored.. feels kinda bad really..

 

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
- Back to Top -

Important Disclaimer: Please read carefully the Visajourney.com Terms of Service. If you do not agree to the Terms of Service you should not access or view any page (including this page) on VisaJourney.com. Answers and comments provided on Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Visajourney.com does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. VisaJourney.com does not condone immigration fraud in any way, shape or manner. VisaJourney.com recommends that if any member or user knows directly of someone involved in fraudulent or illegal activity, that they report such activity directly to the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423. All reported threads/posts containing reference to immigration fraud or illegal activities will be removed from this board. If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by contacting us here with a url link to that content. Thank you.
×
×
  • Create New...