need advice..off the subject but needs opinion..

[luve1 0]

hi guys,

my asawa has been here almost 1 year now.. heaving on earth.. she is kind, loving, caring,everything a man would want. now heres the problem.. her son, who is 5 years old is spoiled. WE hardly get any alone time. He doesnt mind and no ..to him.. is the end of world. He expects when he calls mother,regardless of whats she is doing,,she should come running. most of the time she does. i tell her this is feeding his ways and doing him no good. he still wants to sleep with us and wakes up several times a night and its beginning to drain me. his mother thinks there is nothing wrong but i see it. if he doesnt get his way he falls in the floor and kicks and screams...until she gives in. i tell her to let him kick and sceam till he quits. i just think something needs to be done. any advice is appreciated.

[Alanlvsjudy 0]

hi guys,

my asawa has been here almost 1 year now.. heaving on earth.. she is kind, loving, caring,everything a man would want. now heres the problem.. her son, who is 5 years old is spoiled. WE hardly get any alone time. He doesnt mind and no ..to him.. is the end of world. He expects when he calls mother,regardless of whats she is doing,,she should come running. most of the time she does. i tell her this is feeding his ways and doing him no good. he still wants to sleep with us and wakes up several times a night and its beginning to drain me. his mother thinks there is nothing wrong but i see it. if he doesnt get his way he falls in the floor and kicks and screams...until she gives in. i tell her to let him kick and sceam till he quits. i just think something needs to be done. any advice is appreciated.

the kicking and screaming will only last until he finds out it wont work anymore...IMHO

[whenwillithappen 0]

hi guys,

my asawa has been here almost 1 year now.. heaving on earth.. she is kind, loving, caring,everything a man would want. now heres the problem.. her son, who is 5 years old is spoiled. WE hardly get any alone time. He doesnt mind and no ..to him.. is the end of world. He expects when he calls mother,regardless of whats she is doing,,she should come running. most of the time she does. i tell her this is feeding his ways and doing him no good. he still wants to sleep with us and wakes up several times a night and its beginning to drain me. his mother thinks there is nothing wrong but i see it. if he doesnt get his way he falls in the floor and kicks and screams...until she gives in. i tell her to let him kick and sceam till he quits. i just think something needs to be done. any advice is appreciated.

the kicking and screaming will only last until he finds out it wont work anymore...IMHO

i agree... i have a 3 year old who is trying exactly the same thing....the way i deal with it is to just ignore his behaviour and carry on as normal. as soon as he realises he isnt gonna get his own way he soon calms down. if the behaviour is rewarded and they get what they want they will carry on as they know it works in the end! its hard to just ignore but believe me after a while the tantrums soon come to a halt.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

hi guys,

my asawa has been here almost 1 year now.. heaving on earth.. she is kind, loving, caring,everything a man would want. now heres the problem.. her son, who is 5 years old is spoiled. WE hardly get any alone time. He doesnt mind and no ..to him.. is the end of world. He expects when he calls mother,regardless of whats she is doing,,she should come running. most of the time she does. i tell her this is feeding his ways and doing him no good. he still wants to sleep with us and wakes up several times a night and its beginning to drain me. his mother thinks there is nothing wrong but i see it. if he doesnt get his way he falls in the floor and kicks and screams...until she gives in. i tell her to let him kick and sceam till he quits. i just think something needs to be done. any advice is appreciated.

I know it's after the fact, but I would have discussed with her boundaries regarding the child before you all became one household. If your wife doesn't see it as a problem then it's going to be a real problem between the two of you. I'd highly recommend family counseling while he is young - better late than waiting much longer before it becomes a bigger problem. I don't think it's as simple as laying down the rules, especially if you both have different ideas about discipline and setting boundaries. And because he is her child it will cause more strife between the two of you.

In the meantime, I'd find a babysitter and you and your wife go out alone so that you can calmly talk about it, but open to listening to each other's point of view.

Some women really put all their emotional energy into their children and neglect the emotional needs of the marriage, and it seems that some cultures reinforce that, especially the attention given to the little boys vs. girls. If that's the case with your wife, it will be difficult without family counseling to work through the issues towards a reasonable compromise where both of you have peace of mind with regard to the child.

One other thing. You might also let your wife get out of the house while you babysit the boy. He will quickly learn the boundaries you set up (just like when kids go to their friend's house and have to follow their rules). That might help to create some healthy emotional space between your wife and the boy as well as give you a chance to bond with him.

(I'm coming from a background of raising a stepson myself - he was 4 months old when I met his mother and then we were together for nearly 15 years. We had some family counseling along with some parenting classes that helped, although my ex-wife and I had some very different ideas about raising children which was a constant conflict between us.)

[Girona40 0]

It is difficult when both parents don't agree on how to parent a child. I am sure that your wife is worried that the little boy is going to be jealous of you and that she doesn't want the child to think that he isn't going to be getting any of her attention any more. She wants to reassure him that she will always be there for him. Not saying that the way she is going the right way about it, but he is probably worried. Bear in mind all the changes he's had in his life.

I, personally, would deal first with the problem of him sleeping in his own bed. Have you thought about getting him excited about sleeping in his own room? Perhaps you could let him choose some chidren's wallpaper, my son chose wallpaper with the solar system on it (when he was 6) and he just loved being in his bedroom once it was on the walls. He chose a giant bean bag and some other bits and pieces and it really made it "his" room. He had bedding that matched the wallpaper and loved to snuggle up in his own bed.

When it comes to tantrumw, they do grow out of them, but when they have the desired effect (Mum comes running) they tend to have them a lot longer. I can remember my son throwing a tantrum in a small supermarket back home because I wouldn't let him have something. He was about 5 years old. He laid down on the floor and screamed like a wild animal! I told the cashier that I was going to leave him there and would just step outside. I watched through the window and couldn't help but laugh when he stopped for a second, looked around and realised I wasn't there to pander to him. The cashier immediately said "Mummy's outside - she didn't want to listen to you screaming!". He walked out very calmly and reached for my hand. It was pricesless!

Kids are a challenge.........baby steps........it'll be fine!

[desert_fox 32]

Lethim lay on the floor and kick and scream. Close the door so you dont have to listen to it.

[luve1 0]

thanks for comments. we agree on how to raise kids. she just has trouble saying no sometime . she seems to think we need to give him more adjustment time couse not long here. i think longer the worse it gets

[Ladylethal 12]

Have her watch those Supernanny shows to see if she gets annoyed at the screaming kids. Take her and the kid to see a child therapist.

[hotairguy 0]

Look up the subject on the internet, "Love and Logic". Find out if there are any seminars in your area. You need to set the ground rules and correct this right now!

Marilyn and Peter.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Need to go slow, he may see you as someone taking his mother away from him. Remember everything is new to him also. I remember the nanny does just return them to their bed each time until they realize, at 5 i think he can be made to feel like the BIG BOY who now sleeps alone but it is very hard for a mom to have to hear the screaming she is caught in the middle.

[Aymerlu 3]

I've been having the same problem with my daughter and she didn't act like this till about 4 months ago when my husband got here. My daughter has never really had a good father as a role model. She's been acting out a lot (A LOT) more and it's about to make me insane. I've put her in her room screaming and yelling and the yelling only gets louder and louder. If I don't go into her room and try to calm her down after a while, she' gets sick. I've talked to a few others that have a blended family and many people said they experianced the same thing once a new member came into the home. I also know that my ex is probably feeding her little mind with rubbish. I do not dismiss my daughters behavior at all and have been trying to disipline her accordingly. Sometimes I think of my daughter as a 'brat' too, but then when I think about everything she's been through the last 5 years I think maybe this could be a reason for her actions. Just a thought.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

thanks for comments. we agree on how to raise kids. she just has trouble saying no sometime . she seems to think we need to give him more adjustment time couse not long here. i think longer the worse it gets

Ah, ok. For sure then let her go out of the house sometimes while you look after the boy and if she's having trouble saying no to him, I'd recommend some parenting classes.

[luve1 0]

thanks guys for all the advice. im trying to be understanding. i see my family as a gift from god. i try to look at both sides of the problem.. but from what she tell me he has always slept with someone and he is 5 now. i have a son that is 13 and he was sleeping by himself by 4. i just think there has to be time out the day whether hard or not..for alone time ..just to talk about the day.you know that special time. i do everything i can to help her. i clean sometime , cook..anything to make her see i truely love her and her son. i spend time with my son and my step son playing ball or games. i just feel empty when night comes couse i love the closeness.. i miss it..i hope im seeing this in the right light.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

thanks guys for all the advice. im trying to be understanding. i see my family as a gift from god. i try to look at both sides of the problem.. but from what she tell me he has always slept with someone and he is 5 now. i have a son that is 13 and he was sleeping by himself by 4. i just think there has to be time out the day whether hard or not..for alone time ..just to talk about the day.you know that special time. i do everything i can to help her. i clean sometime , cook..anything to make her see i truely love her and her son. i spend time with my son and my step son playing ball or games. i just feel empty when night comes couse i love the closeness.. i miss it..i hope im seeing this in the right light.

That's totally understandable and I don't think it's selfish to want the alone time with her - you both NEED it. If you two can get away for a night out and leave the boy with a babysitter, that would be the time to let her know how much you want that. Sounds like she's very lucky to have such a loving and understanding partner.

[MrsAmera 41]

Oh boy sounds familiar. My son is 2 and 8 months and we have been having serious behavioural issues lately. (most seem to say it's just the almost 3 thing). However my son sleeps alone, in his own room and has never slept in bed with me or anyone else. My husband is his "dad", as my son has never known anyone but Youssef as his father (has been in his life since he was 7 months old), so in that respect it is different. I know that when Youssef finally got here it was a big adjustment for Mikhail but it didn't take long for him to get used to it (we had all lived together for a 2 months only 5 months before Youssef came). We have used timeouts and ignoring him when he acts up, and I will freely admit it is sometimes very hard to hear him crying and screaming but I know that his behavior won't change if I give in. Youssef grew up with very strict, set out rules. Of course his parents loved him and cared for him but as the youngest of 9 children they didn't tolerate much. He thinks that Mikhail is spoiled and always gets what he wants (especially from my mom and grandparents) which is probably true. It's not easy and I'm finding it more and more difficult but I would say that first off you have to get him out of your bed. Start slow. Maybe 1-3 nights a week he has to sleep in his room and then he can spend the other nights in the other bed. OR try getting him his own bed in your room, and then moving him into his own room. If he gets out and wants to get into your bed, move him back and continue to do it, he will fall asleep eventually. Does he go to school? I can't imagine there are too many other kids at that age who share a bed with their parents and maybe him discovering that may also help. I think you and your wife should definetely talk as much as possible about your parenting strategy as I have found our son finds every little hole to wedge his way in between us to get his way. If you're not united they will take advantage of you!