Loving your kids equally

[shoe 0]

We are not ready to have a child yet but Im very skeptical because I feel like my husband will not love our child together as much as he loves his 1st born by another woman. You know how women have a 6th sense. I know Im not paranoid. With that much said I do not want to give birth to a child who will be recieving 2nd hand love but I do want to have a child eventually !!!! I just need to vent.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Your husband loves you (presumably very much!??) and is with *you* now...what makes you think he won't love your child every bit as much as his first child? I don't think you should expect him to love your child *more* than his first child, at all, (not that you said that) but I don't see any reason, unless it's something you're not saying, why he wouldn't love both his children the same... ? M.

edited to say: *your* child instead of this child, as you're not pregnant yet...

Edited December 1, 2006 by MichelleandCraig

[aussiewench 9]

I am curious though because IMO even a sixth sense feeling has to be coming from somewhere or something that has been said, otherwise IMO it is perhaps being a little paranoid.

Not saying by any means that what you are saying doesn't happen as I've seen it first hand with my sisters daughter who's father had two boys with his first marriage, totally ignoring her. I have also known of children from a first marriage that have lost their father to children of a second marriage where the father just wipes them. I have also known plenty more that love their children regardless of first or subsequent marriages.

Edited December 1, 2006 by aussiewench

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I am curious though because IMO even a sixth sense feeling has to be coming from somewhere or something that has been said, otherwise IMO it is perhaps being a little paranoid.

Not saying by any means that what you are saying doesn't happen as I've seen it first hand with my sisters daughter who's father had two boys with his first marriage, totally ignoring her. I have also known of children from a first marriage that have lost their father to children of a second marriage where the father just wipes them. I have also known plenty more that love their children regardless of first or subsequent marriages.

I would recommend talking about it with your husband in a calm way. If he gets defensive or angry, then perhaps both of you sit down with a counselor. It can be a big issue. My ex-wife had a son before we met and throughout our marriage she would throw that at me in the heat of argument that I didn't love him as much as the other children, which really got to me. I was the only father he ever knew and I love him as my son.

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

I have three and I have never felt more love over the other.They are all different and all have developed different personalities. I LOVE them ALL the SAME!

[mRx 16]

my parents had 5 kids, and they loved us all the same, but secretly i was the favorite

[Mags 112]

My son is 12. His biological father has maintained contact with him throughout his life. He has now got three more kids (all daughters) via his current wife. I can honestly say, he DOES show favouritism; to the kids from his present marriage.

Now, I can understand this. He sees them every day, he is responsible for feeding them, clothing them and bringing them up.

I, on the other hand, am the one responsible for doing the same for our son.

I know he loves our son, there is no doubt in my mind about that. But it is very hard to treat a child the same that you don't see every day IMO.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My son is 12. His biological father has maintained contact with him throughout his life. He has now got three more kids (all daughters) via his current wife. I can honestly say, he DOES show favouritism; to the kids from his present marriage.

Now, I can understand this. He sees them every day, he is responsible for feeding them, clothing them and bringing them up.

I, on the other hand, am the one responsible for doing the same for our son.

I know he loves our son, there is no doubt in my mind about that. But it is very hard to treat a child the same that you don't see every day IMO.

That's understandable. As long as you don't resent it because kids do pick up such attitudes, even without any words spoken. I justed hated that I had to somehow 'prove' my love for my stepson to his mother, even though I had been in his life since he was 4 months old, changed his diapers plenty of times and took care of him when his mother was at work.

[Mags 112]

My son is 12. His biological father has maintained contact with him throughout his life. He has now got three more kids (all daughters) via his current wife. I can honestly say, he DOES show favouritism; to the kids from his present marriage.

Now, I can understand this. He sees them every day, he is responsible for feeding them, clothing them and bringing them up.

I, on the other hand, am the one responsible for doing the same for our son.

I know he loves our son, there is no doubt in my mind about that. But it is very hard to treat a child the same that you don't see every day IMO.

That's understandable. As long as you don't resent it because kids do pick up such attitudes, even without any words spoken. I justed hated that I had to somehow 'prove' my love for my stepson to his mother, even though I had been in his life since he was 4 months old, changed his diapers plenty of times and took care of him when his mother was at work.

Both my son and I understand the situation. My son can't stand the youngest daughter anyway, so he is desperate to escape their home after about an hour. Talk about personality clashes....

I have no resentment at all. My ex and I have a good relationship, so there is no need for any negativity.

The main problems we had initially was when he first got married. His wife was really nasty towards our son, I guess she felt threatened by his existance. It took a few years before she got herself "sorted". My ex blamed it on depression. Who knows? But I do know that when I met her, she was as nice as pie to me.....

Edited December 1, 2006 by mags

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My son is 12. His biological father has maintained contact with him throughout his life. He has now got three more kids (all daughters) via his current wife. I can honestly say, he DOES show favouritism; to the kids from his present marriage.

Now, I can understand this. He sees them every day, he is responsible for feeding them, clothing them and bringing them up.

I, on the other hand, am the one responsible for doing the same for our son.

I know he loves our son, there is no doubt in my mind about that. But it is very hard to treat a child the same that you don't see every day IMO.

That's understandable. As long as you don't resent it because kids do pick up such attitudes, even without any words spoken. I justed hated that I had to somehow 'prove' my love for my stepson to his mother, even though I had been in his life since he was 4 months old, changed his diapers plenty of times and took care of him when his mother was at work.

Both my son and I understand the situation. My son can't stand the youngest daughter anyway, so he is desperate to escape their home after about an hour. Talk about personality clashes....

I have no resentment at all. My ex and I have a good relationship, so there is no need for any negativity.

The main problems we had initially was when he first got married. His wife was really nasty towards our son, I guess she felt threatened by his existance. It took a few years before she got herself "sorted". My ex blamed it on depression. Who knows? But I do know that when I met her, she was as nice as pie to me.....

I'm a bit uncertain about when Jinky arrives, whether she and my ex-wife will get the chance to meet. I have always been cordial to my ex's boyfriends (in fact, I wanted to shake their hand for taking on such a challenge ).

[Mags 112]

My son is 12. His biological father has maintained contact with him throughout his life. He has now got three more kids (all daughters) via his current wife. I can honestly say, he DOES show favouritism; to the kids from his present marriage.

Now, I can understand this. He sees them every day, he is responsible for feeding them, clothing them and bringing them up.

I, on the other hand, am the one responsible for doing the same for our son.

I know he loves our son, there is no doubt in my mind about that. But it is very hard to treat a child the same that you don't see every day IMO.

That's understandable. As long as you don't resent it because kids do pick up such attitudes, even without any words spoken. I justed hated that I had to somehow 'prove' my love for my stepson to his mother, even though I had been in his life since he was 4 months old, changed his diapers plenty of times and took care of him when his mother was at work.

Both my son and I understand the situation. My son can't stand the youngest daughter anyway, so he is desperate to escape their home after about an hour. Talk about personality clashes....

I have no resentment at all. My ex and I have a good relationship, so there is no need for any negativity.

The main problems we had initially was when he first got married. His wife was really nasty towards our son, I guess she felt threatened by his existance. It took a few years before she got herself "sorted". My ex blamed it on depression. Who knows? But I do know that when I met her, she was as nice as pie to me.....

I'm a bit uncertain about when Jinky arrives, whether she and my ex-wife will get the chance to meet. I have always been cordial to my ex's boyfriends (in fact, I wanted to shake their hand for taking on such a challenge ).

I think it is something you should let Jinky decide. If she feels comfortable about it then by all means let them meet, it can't do any harm.

[Fandango 1,440]

My son is 12. His biological father has maintained contact with him throughout his life. He has now got three more kids (all daughters) via his current wife. I can honestly say, he DOES show favouritism; to the kids from his present marriage.

Now, I can understand this. He sees them every day, he is responsible for feeding them, clothing them and bringing them up.

I, on the other hand, am the one responsible for doing the same for our son.

I know he loves our son, there is no doubt in my mind about that. But it is very hard to treat a child the same that you don't see every day IMO.

That's understandable. As long as you don't resent it because kids do pick up such attitudes, even without any words spoken. I justed hated that I had to somehow 'prove' my love for my stepson to his mother, even though I had been in his life since he was 4 months old, changed his diapers plenty of times and took care of him when his mother was at work.

Both my son and I understand the situation. My son can't stand the youngest daughter anyway, so he is desperate to escape their home after about an hour. Talk about personality clashes....

I have no resentment at all. My ex and I have a good relationship, so there is no need for any negativity.

The main problems we had initially was when he first got married. His wife was really nasty towards our son, I guess she felt threatened by his existance. It took a few years before she got herself "sorted". My ex blamed it on depression. Who knows? But I do know that when I met her, she was as nice as pie to me.....

I'm a bit uncertain about when Jinky arrives, whether she and my ex-wife will get the chance to meet. I have always been cordial to my ex's boyfriends (in fact, I wanted to shake their hand for taking on such a challenge ).

I think it is something you should let Jinky decide. If she feels comfortable about it then by all means let them meet, it can't do any harm.

I think when there are children involved and a new partner is going to be around children from another union, the parents have the right to meet the new partners...unless it was a very acrimonious divorce/split