Feeling guilty...

[peezey 0]

I'm surprised.

I never realised the high number of paragons of virtue that we have here.

me, either. And it also amazes me the women who bash another woman who was totally honest about something, and not at all in a thoughtless way, however, everything she said except for the wanting of a ring has been completely ignored. Kinda sucks.

I'm going to put on my defensive hat for one sec and tell you a couple of things

1 - it's not just women who are doing the bashing

2 - if you included me in that comment, I feel that would be wrong. I'm making no assumptions on her relationship, but I do feel it's wrong to wash personal laundry like this if her fiance is unaware or not comfortable with . Some people can disagree without actually 'bashing' anyone

but yeah, it's sad imo how ppl are callng her names and saying things about her relationshp.

I didn't say there were more women than men doing bashing. I said, as I often do, that I really abhor women bashing (read that, putting down, judging, etc) other women rather than offernig advice or opinions in a helpful way-----especially since the OP was quite honest about her feelings of guilt about even feeling how she does about the ring in the first place. She needed to vent and hear some perspectives, but I don't know why honest replies to her has to = insults and rude jabs. And yes, this means I am holding women to a higher standard than men in this conversation. Take that as you will.

And to answer your question, I wasn't refering to you at all in regards to airing dirty laundry. I'd skipped over those posts because I didn't agree with you about it, but didn't think it was relevant to the ring discussion. I agree people might be more careful about things they post here, but in terms of airing private matters, this ranks very low to me. She made her statement in a way I found to be caring and non-judgemental of her fiance's situation, and so my "whoooaaa! she shouldn't have said that" meter didn't go off for me with this particular post.

Thanks Karen you reminded me of Overstock.com.

I found this pretty ring I think I'll buy it for myself and wear it with my wedding band.

Sarah

Looks very much like mine, I like it a lot!

Edited December 2, 2006 by peezey

[Karen_L 1]

Thanks Karen you reminded me of Overstock.com.

I found this pretty ring I think I'll buy it for myself and wear it with my wedding band.

Sarah

Ooooo very pretty! I still have no idea what my engagement ring will look like -- Jeti is saving to get me one though maybe for my birthday...

[luve1 0]

I'm back to looking at wedding rings again, and I can't help feeling like a selfish b!tch. Réjean (my Canadian fiancé) isn't going to be able to afford to get me a wedding ring. If I want one (or at least one that I can tolerate), I'm going to have to buy it myself. He can't afford one on top of the costs he's going to incur for the medical and the visa fee... plus who knows how on earth we'll get his stuff here...

I guess I'm just really disappointed. I shouldn't be... and I feel terrible that I am, but I can't help it. I should be incredibly happy that I get to bring him here and be with him... still... arrrgh.

Anyone have any tips on how to deal with it? Anyone been in the same situation? Even knowing that I'm not alone will help.

i been there. i both my ex wife a necklace and i admit i didnt spend alot on it but i was brought up to believe the love is in the idea not the cost. just think ..i was working 14 hour days at a no where job and i took my last bit of money for that necklace..when she found out what i paid she broke it off her neck and thre it at the wall..man..even today that thought hurts a little.. look at like this.. if u have 25.00 and you use thatmoney..all of it on one special person..are u being cheap..u just spent all your money for that one person..i think not.. thats why loe is in the idea not the cost.. hope u understand this and good luck..

[Fandango 1,440]

I'm surprised.

I never realised the high number of paragons of virtue that we have here.

me, either. And it also amazes me the women who bash another woman who was totally honest about something, and not at all in a thoughtless way, however, everything she said except for the wanting of a ring has been completely ignored. Kinda sucks.

I'm going to put on my defensive hat for one sec and tell you a couple of things

1 - it's not just women who are doing the bashing

2 - if you included me in that comment, I feel that would be wrong. I'm making no assumptions on her relationship, but I do feel it's wrong to wash personal laundry like this if her fiance is unaware or not comfortable with . Some people can disagree without actually 'bashing' anyone

but yeah, it's sad imo how ppl are callng her names and saying things about her relationshp.

I didn't say there were more women than men doing bashing. I said, as I often do, that I really abhor women bashing (read that, putting down, judging, etc) other women rather than offernig advice or opinions in a helpful way-----especially since the OP was quite honest about her feelings of guilt about even feeling how she does about the ring in the first place. She needed to vent and hear some perspectives, but I don't know why honest replies to her has to = insults and rude jabs. And yes, this means I am holding women to a higher standard than men in this conversation. Take that as you will.

And to answer your question, I wasn't refering to you at all in regards to airing dirty laundry. I'd skipped over those posts because I didn't agree with you about it, but didn't think it was relevant to the ring discussion. I agree people might be more careful about things they post here, but in terms of airing private matters, this ranks very low to me. She made her statement in a way I found to be caring and non-judgemental of her fiance's situation, and so my "whoooaaa! she shouldn't have said that" meter didn't go off for me with this particular post.

Well I don't understand the whole 'holding women to a more critical standard than men' but ok.

And I don't mind that you don't agree...as long as I wasn't lumped into your admonishing some of the women on here. Disagreeing and bashing someone are 2 diff things that was the only point i was makin

[pj1959us 0]

It is difficult to feel like you are "settling" when you've had certain expectations but throughout our lives we have to evaluate our priorities and change them as needed. That in itself can be depressing because you feel badly for even having those feelings. You shouldn't bash yourself for feeling that way, you are only human after all.

If you've had dreams of what your wedding or jewelry would be like and find it isn't what you dreamed, does it make the reality any less important or your love any less valuable? If you can find something that is truly special to you, in a budget range you can afford, then you will feel happier and more satisfied than if you force yourselves to purchase something you can't afford now.

As for us we found this site www.crystalrealm.com that has unique jewelry in different metals. I adore the Poesy rings we purchased that were engraved on the inside with Yovrs Onli. I get compliments on it all the time because it is something that isn't seen very often and it will always be very special to me. We couldn't be together when we looked for rings and it was the set David and I liked the most. And...their customer service is the best!

I hope you can find something that can make you both happy.

Best wishes to you.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I always wanted a diamond engagement ring. I don't have one but I'm not even upset about it. It's the last thing on my mind. I think you will find with time that it's not that important.

[Welshcookie 17]

We bought simple white gold bands just before the wedding with full intentions of replacing them with more expensive ones afterwards...when it came down to looking for other rings it seemed kind of sad to replace the ones that we gave each other on the day so we just kept the ones we first bought

[pj1959us 0]

We bought simple white gold bands just before the wedding with full intentions of replacing them with more expensive ones afterwards...when it came down to looking for other rings it seemed kind of sad to replace the ones that we gave each other on the day so we just kept the ones we first bought

I know what you mean I couldn't ever part with this one. David had never worn a wedding ring before (or any jewelry in his life, including watches) so I doubt he'd ever go for anything else either.

[Galateia 1]

Wow. Apparently I'll need to be more careful when being upset by something and appealing for advice on here. So far everyone has been wonderful and reassuring, but I'll watch what I ask in the future.

For me, the abnormality of the immigration process makes me long for a more 'normal' courtship like most people from the same country get to enjoy, so I can understand how while you may be thanking your lucky stars you've found 'that someone', there is still a part of you who wishes that you had the same options others who don't have to pay immigration costs get to enjoy, like rings.

What I heard in your post was you regretting that circumstances would not allow your fiance to buy you a ring. I didn't hear you insult his financial management skills, or begrudging his priorities.

If I were you, I would take comfort in knowing that he would buy a ring for you if he could. Also, we'll be getting a ring after we're married, and it's not as uncommon to do so as you might think.

Not only that, but I'm looking forward to many giddy hours spent prowling antique shops and pawn shops for estate jewelery, and enjoying the act of 'ring shopping' together.

[kisschick1976 0]

We just got engaged about a month ago and I got the ring just after Christmas. While my grandmother was in the hospital this past weekend, I somehow lost my engagement ring. Didn't even have it a MONTH! I have been tearing the place apart looking for it. It broke my heart to have to tell him. His attitude to it was, if I were to sum it up, "Oh well, hopefully it will turn up, not the end of the world, we're still getting married and that's the important part."

The ring itself isn't important, it's that he gave it to me and what it means that is making me tear the house apart looking for it (I already searched every inch of that hospital room.) It wasn't a $5000.00 ring, but if he had paid a quarter to a bubble gum machine and proposed with a plastic ring, I still would have shown it off to everyone.

if it helps any, he got it from www.inspiredsilver.com

Edited January 10, 2007 by kisschick1976

[Caladan 19]

My engagement ring is a modest diamond solitaire in a white gold setting. It was very nice to have something, given this relationship, given my parents' resistance (it's not my fiancé, they just still aren't sure I'm allowed to date yet. ), given the distance, to have something tangible and nice. It would be hard, with him far away, to feel as engaged without it or some other token.

Two months' salary is what the diamond industry says. That's a really damn stupid way to determine a tradition, by what the vendor says.

I don't think the OP is being selfish for having small feelings of sorrow over having to scale back a dream. She's not demanding that he take out a loan, or berating him, or being unkind, or refusing to marry him. She's venting anonymously on the Internet in a non-b*tchy way.

[Thingee 0]

To put a slightly different spin on things....

He gave me a gorgeous engagement ring...I love it. I'd love it if it were a ring pop in a flavor I don't like.

Now then, part of the reason I love it so much is because it's something I can look at everyday as a reminder of him during the immigration process. I felt like a heap of dung because I didn't do the same for him. It's silly, he dislikes jewelry in general..the type of band he would have worn is the type that we're going to purchase together for our wedding rings. I was actually point blank told to NOT buy him a ring(boy, he knows me really well) because of the reason just mentioned.

[TracyTN 237]

I didn't get a big, flashy engagement ring and I'm sure our wedding rings won't be any huge purchase either (due to visa and moving costs mostly).

I had the flashy engagement ring and wedding ring for my first marriage. The marriage was crappy and lasted 8 months.

So its not really hurting my feelings that I don't have flashy bling this time around, because what we have between us means more to me than the bling.

Edited January 10, 2007 by TracyTN

[Mags 112]

So its not really hurting my feelings that I don't have flashy bling this time around, because what we have between us means more to me than the bling.

[Sinergy 3]

My hubby did surprise me this christmas, I got a silver 2 ct dimond engagment ring with a silver wedding band with 3 diamonds embeded. I was shocked. Especially after telling him that a cherrio would make me happy. and that i was already wearing the wedding ring his mom past down to me from her family. (i still wear it on my other hand)

I never had a flashy wedding set before and never expected one especially like this. but i still look at it on my hand every chance i get hahahaha.