Feeling guilty...

[Ban Hammer 13,333]

Two months' salary is what the diamond industry says. That's a really damn stupid way to determine a tradition, by what the vendor says.

but is that two months take home or pre tax?

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

Ok, perhaps "bite me" was a bit out of line. However, it pissed me off. I feel bad enough about feeling this way the way it is without someone throwing it in my face and then telling me something that I had already mentioned to begin with in what I perceive to be a very snarky attitude.

As for me "humiliating" him, that was definitely NOT my intention. It was actually quite the opposite. He feels bad enough about it the way it is, so I came here to try and get ideas on how to cope with it because I felt that this is the place where the most people could relate. My intention was merely to try to get some advice on how to deal with this because I already know that it is wrong for me to feel this way.

Would I choose my fiancé over a ring? Hell yes I would!!! He's more precious to me than anything in this world and beyond, and I am very, very happy that we will be able to be together. As much as I love him, though, this issue still bothers me. I had had the whole big wedding dream ever since I was a child, and I can't just snap my fingers and make it go away. I wish I could, BELIEVE ME.

Also, I never even wanted some extravagant, multi-thousand-dollar ring. I'm not into gaudiness or big diamonds, and I'm not one to show off. Hell, I like attracting as little attention as possible to myself.

Well I'm not going to read all this ..don't have time... but I found some inexpensive Gold Bands at Overstock.com for $80 each..

I found wedding dresses for $99.00 to $150 and Tuxes for the same.. I don't make alot of money...plus inccuring the expenses of her interview...(She needs to go to Romania) and her flight...here.. even if I book it for round trip..(because it's cheaper) it still cost me $1200 app. I just can't do a nice big wedding....So maybe a Diamond is in the future for a anniversary or ??? But the Bands will get the job done... If it was up to her...We would stand in front of the justice of Peace and get married...but I know a woman wants to have that wedding dress..and wedding.. but even if the place is free for me..and my sister is paying for the catering and cake.. as a wedding gift... it still going to wipe out my budget... But hey you only do it once...

Trust me if I could buy Veronica a 5ct. ring I would in a New York minute.. but I'm the sole provider and I need to think about other things.. like Health Ins. for us..as We want a family addition....

So make sure you look at the whole package of expenses.. and havea Diamond later...

[Velvettt 0]

Something that no one has mentioned in all of this: when you are engaged and in a different country from your fiance, there are always negative people eager to tell you horror stories. Everything from "he's not serious" to "what's wrong with him that he has to get a wife from another country?" And let's not forget, for those of us who met online, the whole "secretly a serial killer" thing.

Being able to display a sparkly ring actually helps at those times. We don't live in a perfect world, folks. These things SHOULDN'T matter, but they do. When USCIS is making your life miserable, when people around you are throwing cold water on your dreams, when you feel lonely and scared and worried things are going wrong... yup, the ring helps. It's a concrete, visible reminder of what you are doing and why you are doing it.

For those of you who are already qualified for sainthood and don't need such a reminder... kudos to you. For the rest of us flawed and insecure human beings, it helps.

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

Something that no one has mentioned in all of this: when you are engaged and in a different country from your fiance, there are always negative people eager to tell you horror stories. Everything from "he's not serious" to "what's wrong with him that he has to get a wife from another country?" And let's not forget, for those of us who met online, the whole "secretly a serial killer" thing.

Being able to display a sparkly ring actually helps at those times. We don't live in a perfect world, folks. These things SHOULDN'T matter, but they do. When USCIS is making your life miserable, when people around you are throwing cold water on your dreams, when you feel lonely and scared and worried things are going wrong... yup, the ring helps. It's a concrete, visible reminder of what you are doing and why you are doing it.

For those of you who are already qualified for sainthood and don't need such a reminder... kudos to you. For the rest of us flawed and insecure human beings, it helps.

This is so true... I gave Veronica one of the lower line Promise ring with CZ's and she loves it..wears it in every picture she sends me...

Now if I could find a good gold setting...and put a CZ in it until our first anniversary..that would be perfect.... And I'd be happy with a Gold Band...

[Caladan 19]

Something that no one has mentioned in all of this: when you are engaged and in a different country from your fiance, there are always negative people eager to tell you horror stories. Everything from "he's not serious" to "what's wrong with him that he has to get a wife from another country?" And let's not forget, for those of us who met online, the whole "secretly a serial killer" thing.

Being able to display a sparkly ring actually helps at those times. We don't live in a perfect world, folks. These things SHOULDN'T matter, but they do. When USCIS is making your life miserable, when people around you are throwing cold water on your dreams, when you feel lonely and scared and worried things are going wrong... yup, the ring helps. It's a concrete, visible reminder of what you are doing and why you are doing it.

For those of you who are already qualified for sainthood and don't need such a reminder... kudos to you. For the rest of us flawed and insecure human beings, it helps.

Or "why does he need a police record check? what aren't you telling us? I don't know what kind of guy would need a police record check in order to get married anyway."

[featherB 1]

Something that no one has mentioned in all of this: when you are engaged and in a different country from your fiance, there are always negative people eager to tell you horror stories. Everything from "he's not serious" to "what's wrong with him that he has to get a wife from another country?" And let's not forget, for those of us who met online, the whole "secretly a serial killer" thing.

Being able to display a sparkly ring actually helps at those times. We don't live in a perfect world, folks. These things SHOULDN'T matter, but they do. When USCIS is making your life miserable, when people around you are throwing cold water on your dreams, when you feel lonely and scared and worried things are going wrong... yup, the ring helps. It's a concrete, visible reminder of what you are doing and why you are doing it.

For those of you who are already qualified for sainthood and don't need such a reminder... kudos to you. For the rest of us flawed and insecure human beings, it helps.

I have a colleague who keeps endlessly going on at me about why I don't have a ring... she'll ask how it's all going, if we're any nearer to getting the visa, etc, and will then start on the 'never mind all that though, why have you still not got a ring on your finger?' She can't get her head round that at all, and will not shut up about it.

I honestly never gave it any thought - and that's not because I'm 'qualified for sainthood', I promise!! It's not some great sacrifice I'm willing to put up with because there are more important things to spend money on, it's not a deliberate boycotting of the diamond industry (although I am very much *not* a fan of said industry!), just.... well, like I said on another thread somewhere, I must be missing whatever Proper Girl gene is required to make you daydream about the perfect wedding and all that goes with it, because I've never really thought about all that stuff, rings, dresses and the like. I'm not much of a jewellery-wearer as it is (I used to wear quite a lot of silver stuff, not so much anymore though), don't like gold anyway, am not that keen on diamonds (that Proper Girl gene I seem to be missing has meant that whenever anyone's been doing that showing-off-their-engagement-ring thing I find it hard to muster up any enthusiasm at all - honestly, my mother never drilled me in this stuff!! )... so most remotely traditional engagement rings are something that wouldn't be to my taste anyway!

That said, if he were to surprise me by buying me one (which I *very* much doubt will happen, as he knows how I feel about it and he's about as un-traditional on the matter as I am), of course it would be very special to me - but that would be because he'd chosen it for me himself, and because of what it means.

Oh, and I think the whole two-months-salary thing is ridiculous, and feel sad for anyone who feels pressured into conforming to that when they really can't afford it - I mean, I know it *does* matter to plenty of people, and to have the diamond industry tell you how much you should be spending and for other people to actually judge you based on that (and I know plenty that do)... ugh.

Like I said, I'd never given my lack of engagement ring any thought - we know we're going to get married, and soon (well, soon-ish), and that's all that matters to either of us. But after my work colleague's constant harping on about it, I'm starting to wonder - is it *that* unusual not to have an engagement ring?!?! She told me "if I was interviewing you for your visa and you didn't have a ring on your finger, that's the first thing I'd ask - I'd be very suspicous" - really???

[Ban Hammer 13,333]

And let's not forget, for those of us who met online, the whole "secretly a serial killer" thing.

oh yeah

my neighbors were like that

[Mags 112]

Like I said, I'd never given my lack of engagement ring any thought - we know we're going to get married, and soon (well, soon-ish), and that's all that matters to either of us. But after my work colleague's constant harping on about it, I'm starting to wonder - is it *that* unusual not to have an engagement ring?!?! She told me "if I was interviewing you for your visa and you didn't have a ring on your finger, that's the first thing I'd ask - I'd be very suspicous" - really???

I REALLY don't think it matters too much at the interview. Not everyone wears a ring and I don't think they would turn you down for a visa because you don't have one. Especially at the London Embassy.

Edited January 10, 2007 by mags

[featherB 1]

And let's not forget, for those of us who met online, the whole "secretly a serial killer" thing.

oh yeah

my neighbors were like that

Some of my friends were, too. One of them was absolutely convinced that I was going off to meet some crazed psycho killer and she'd be hearing about it in the news. I texted her when I got there to say 'I arrived safely, and am now chained to the radiator in his basement'... she still wanted me to get in touch about twice a day to let her know I was still alive. I had better things to do!!

[Caladan 19]

Like I said, I'd never given my lack of engagement ring any thought - we know we're going to get married, and soon (well, soon-ish), and that's all that matters to either of us. But after my work colleague's constant harping on about it, I'm starting to wonder - is it *that* unusual not to have an engagement ring?!?! She told me "if I was interviewing you for your visa and you didn't have a ring on your finger, that's the first thing I'd ask - I'd be very suspicous" - really???

I REALLY don't think it matters too much at the interview. Not everyone wears a ring and I don't think they would turn you down for a visa because you don't have one. Especially at the London Embassy.

Your colleague's expertise on the visa process I'm sure is only rivalled by her knowledge of pop music. Lots of people don't have engagement rings, and the UK isn't a high fraud consulate, or one with language barriers, cultural issues, etc.

[featherB 1]

Like I said, I'd never given my lack of engagement ring any thought - we know we're going to get married, and soon (well, soon-ish), and that's all that matters to either of us. But after my work colleague's constant harping on about it, I'm starting to wonder - is it *that* unusual not to have an engagement ring?!?! She told me "if I was interviewing you for your visa and you didn't have a ring on your finger, that's the first thing I'd ask - I'd be very suspicous" - really???

I REALLY don't think it matters too much at the interview. Not everyone wears a ring and I don't think they would turn you down for a visa because you don't have one. Especially at the London Embassy.

Cheers Mags - that's what my common sense (such as it is) tells me, too! Now if 'her at work' would just shut up about it, that would be marvellous...

[featherB 1]

Your colleague's expertise on the visa process I'm sure is only rivalled by her knowledge of pop music.

That would be about right. Lovely woman (except when bending my ear about rings), mind you - but like others have said, having people who know nothing about the visa process giving you the benefit of their 'advice' can be ever so slightly annoying!

[Velvettt 0]

I had one of those friends, too. Hubby and I discussed rings and I told him I wanted SOMETHING, cost unimportant, style unimportant, but something he picked out for me to wear. Poor man turned out to have a panic attack on entering jewelry stores... So I dragged him from store to store and finally picked out a beautiful blue topaz (my birthstone) with little diamond chips framing it, for a whopping price of $200. When I arrived back in Canada and proudly displayed my beautiful ring, the woman in question said "It's pretty, but it's not a real engagement ring unless it's a diamond." My reply? "So that means Princess Diana's wasn't a real engagement, either?" Then I walked away, smiling.

[Caladan 19]

"It's not a real engagement." What a cow. Nice comeback with the Di answer, though.

[featherB 1]

When I arrived back in Canada and proudly displayed my beautiful ring, the woman in question said "It's pretty, but it's not a real engagement ring unless it's a diamond."

To echo Caladan: oooh, what a cow!! A brainwashed-by-the-diamond-industry cow, at that. Your ring sounds lovely - the kind of thing I'd be most likely to go for if I were to get one!