The cold, hard truth about MENA "husbands"

[sandinista! 1,816]

Really, people's husbands should be researching this so they won't suck so bad because of their being MENA.

Edited July 21, 2013 by sandinista!

[sailormoon01 41]

I'm actually not bitter or pathetic, but you have decided that everyone who misinterpreted your unclear statement is in fact bitter/attacking you. That advice was from Creative Writing. I didn't think my professor at the time was bitter and pathetic.

What did you want from people? People expressed their condolences for your situation, then focused on the person present in this thread-- you. They saw a potential problem and thought that they could help by helping you to see the same problem. It's clearly not going to work, as you're really immature in your ability to take criticism or assistance. You need to consider this as you go through law school. Clarity of thought in writing, ability to not fly into personal attacks, not making assumptions without evidence, and ability to not be hampered by your personal beleifs and prejudices seem like areas of issue for you.

Re-reading the thread, it reads like you wrote X, then people respond with Y, and you come out swinging and calling everyone bitter, pathetic, and insecure because they disagree. That reads like a tantrum. You make a LOT of assumptions about everyone in here.

Its so funny because immediately I was attacked as judging you guys and your stories when I never pointed out any individual on this thread or attacked anybody's relationships. I just pointed out problems which are widespread in many (but not all) MENA/Western relationships.

Well, I tried. The above only shows your total ignorance and prejudice about all cultures and peoples. It floors me that you think other cultures are so unified and that there is no American culture... or that America is particularly young in comparison to other nations. You maybe need to take a step back from your own socialization and consider the facts on the ground. Pick any other country and examine it against your statements.

America (not just the US but all of the Americas) are often referred to as the New World. Besides for the original indigenous cultures of the countries here, we are new.

[sandinista! 1,816]

It seems you would benefit greatly from re-reading your first posts.

[sailormoon01 41]

It's sweet that so many people have tried to reason with this nonsense, and really telling about how kind and patient so many MENA contributors are. But getting through to the op and their ####### has been Sisyphean since the first page. Convincing one's self that everyone around them is covered in the same ####### they got covered in, or will be soon, to cope with the mess their life has become is certainly easier. And she seems to be having fun with it. I haven't heard such badas$ digs since middle school anyways.

How about minding your own business and avoiding the thread if it bothers you??

[Nasturtium 500]

Its so funny because immediately I was attacked as judging you guys and your stories when I never pointed out any individual on this thread or attacked anybody's relationships. I just pointed out problems which are widespread in many (but not all) MENA/Western relationships.

America (not just the US but all of the Americas) are often referred to as the New World. Besides for the original indigenous cultures of the countries here, we are new.

Saying we have all changed for our husbands, saying we are insecure in our relationships, calling someone "genius," and calling people bitter and pathetic-- you're right, that is not an attack at all.

OK, I'll toss a country out there for you. Italy. Italian identity. Italian culture. You really should consider some basic history...

It seems you would benefit greatly from re-reading your first posts.

So true.

[sailormoon01 41]

I wonder if Zidane welcomes his wife home with a kiss or "coup de boule?" I'm sure it doesn't matter because he let her give their kids real names... Not crappy algerian muslim names like his.

No name is less than any other name. I am just referring to this man's open mindedness to go against tradition and do what his wife wants.

I like that it's not good enough that I wanted to marry a guy that's Muslim like I already was, because some people like that kind of agreement and arrangement, but he needs to be more like an Algerian soccer player who married a woman who is not Muslim and they have their own way of raising their kids THAT ALL THE MENA SHOULD ASPIRE TO even if no one in the couple isn't Muslim. Nevermind MY Muslimy Muslimness or my Muslimy Muslim husband letting me name our daughter whatever I wanted, I didn't name her something American so now I'm some big spineless jellyfish.

Wow, you are both very one sided. I am trying to say that a man who really truly loves a woman will realize that kids are usually what there mother is!!!! This is why we use terms like "motherland". LOL. Zidane is a good man for not worrying about pride and tradition (as most MENA men seem to do) and just compromising with his wive's culture, as marriage should be a compromise NOT about going completely to one side.

[Nasturtium 500]

Really, people's husbands should be researching this so they won't suck so bad because of their being MENA.

It won't work. They're already in your mind. I heard foil helps.

[sailormoon01 41]

Saying we have all changed for our husbands, saying we are insecure in our relationships, calling someone "genius," and calling people bitter and pathetic-- you're right, that is not an attack at all.

OK, I'll toss a country out there for you. Italy. Italian identity. Italian culture. You really should consider some basic history...

So true.

I said you were all insecure after I was attacked as stereotyping and generalizing. I called her "genius" after she attacked and assumed things about me. I don't have to explain myself. I actually am Italian and I just got back from Italy. All Italians will tell you how new "American" culture is when compared to Italian culture. Historically, we are multicultural in Italy from Albanian and Greek communities in the South and even North African influences to many Germanic influences through out the country and of course Roman culture. We also have many recent immigrants through out Italy. The fact remains, we are united by a unique cultural background and most of us adhere to Roman Catholicism (unlike the USA where there is no dominant religion). We are connected by Latin culture and share a bond with countries who also speak the Romance languages and/or are united by the Roman Catholic Church like Spain, France, Portugal, and even Romania. Latin culture of course extends to the Americas in Spanish speaking countries and Brazil. You can't compare culture in Europe to culture in the USA. I am not saying the USA is less than Europe, but it is very multidimensional and multicultural and "mixed" when compared to European countries that have more of a defined national identity. I also have many problems with Italian men and I will be the first to say that many of them do not respect women. Does that mean I don't like Italian guys? Of course not. I love them, but they just have different ways of interacting with women than I am used to growing up in the USA where men are not as forward as Italian men. I have traveled in over 15 different countries and I appreciate all cultures, but there are obvious norms we can't ignore for the sake of being PC.

Edited July 21, 2013 by sailormoon01

[sandinista! 1,816]

By your guidelines? You've done nothing but beat people over the head here with your ideals for living which are hardly universal, and in many examples have said downright bigoted things about Arabs and Muslims in the name of advancing your ideals which plenty of people don't give a damn about. Zidane's kids' names are not at the forefront of most people's priorities in navigating inter-cultural and in many cases inter-religious relationships. Out of all the big picture stuff, that is many times discussed here with all kinds of intelligent and nuanced perspectives, your harping about the stupid ####### you've been harping about has turned you into a joke. Pitiful, and silly. Which isn't what you wanted, but people have responded to what you gave them.

No name is less than any other name. I am just referring to this man's open mindedness to go against tradition and do what his wife wants.

Wow, you are both very one sided. I am trying to say that a man who really truly loves a woman will realize that kids are usually what there mother is!!!! This is why we use terms like "motherland". LOL. Zidane is a good man for not worrying about pride and tradition (as most MENA men seem to do) and just compromising with his wive's culture, as marriage should be a compromise NOT about going completely to one side.

[sailormoon01 41]

By your guidelines? You've done nothing but beat people over the head here with your ideals for living which are hardly universal, and in many examples have said downright bigoted things about Arabs and Muslims in the name of advancing your ideals which plenty of people don't give a damn about. Zidane's kids' names are not at the forefront of most people's priorities in navigating inter-cultural and in many cases inter-religious relationships. Out of all the big picture stuff, that is many times discussed here with all kinds of intelligent and nuanced perspectives, your harping about the stupid ####### you've been harping about has turned you into a joke. Pitiful, and silly. Which isn't what you wanted, but people have responded to what you gave them.

I feel awful for you because I haven't said one bad word about Islam or Muslims. I am just acknowledging the reality and complexity that comes with these relationships. Either way, anybody who completely changes the identity they are born with has serious issues, whether they change for a MENA man or any reason. Just saying.

[sandinista! 1,816]

The whole thread is well peppered with such comments from you. From the get-go.

[berber_wife 90]

Would you like to quote where I attacked you?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Would you like to quote where I attacked you?

This is totally off-topic but when I first saw your screen name I thought it said "Future Bieber Wife"... like you wanted to marry Justin Bieber. Whoops! lol

[SaharaSunset 165]

I agree with Sandinista....trying to reason with someone like the OP is folly. Her frequent mentions of her "attractiveness to western men", extensive education, and cultural savvy, are nothing more than a sad, and desperate attempt to set herself above us all, and give herself credibility and authority...a vain grasping attempt to conceal tragic insecurities that are glaringly obvious to everyone but her. "Methinks thou doth profess too much." She is desperate to validate her bad choice, by laying full blame on all MENA men. And anyone who has received one of her delightfully venomous replies, surely can sense that perhaps there is much more to this "tragic" tale, that just a scummy husband who went awol. At first it was the lowlife scammer "sometimes abuser" that left her to live and do business with some old man....then suddenly she was the confident champion who could have stayed with him, but chose to leave him. With each story change I am more confident that the we are not actually getting the real story at all.

I'm sure its enraging have her theory shattered. A theory which I'm sure at one time probably made her feel better, and less foolish. The theory is that "the majority" of MENA relationships are as dysfunctional as hers was. It must be awful to learn that in fact, it was actually your own poor choice that landed you a bad egg, and not be able to blame MENA men in general. Because as long as she came blame the lot of them, then she doesn't have to acknowledge that perhaps she was just foolish, and made a rotten choice for a husband. Misery loves company. And I'm sure our stories, and our wonderful, good MENA husbands & relationships must just irk her to the core....hence the defensive lashing out, and desperate attempts to belittle and discredit everyone who disagrees with her. I think the nature of the OP's replies (and original post to begin with) gives us more insight than anything to the truth behind the words ....if you catch my drift.

Edited July 21, 2013 by SaharaSunset

[nurse1967 287]

I went through almost the exact same thing and my husband never laid a hand on me. He was a scammer from minute one and was an expert at hiding it. I believe he comes from a good family but the point remains, many of these men are EXPERTS at what they do and rarely do they operate alone. Typically they are being coached by family and/or friends who teach them how to get done what they want to get done. My husband got his citizenship April 24th, my daughter turned 18 on May 16th and he made a pass at her on May 30th. Needless to say, he was out the door that day. There were no "warning signs" with us. He came from an upper middle class family, was a teacher, never married before and no kids. He turned out to be the scammer supreme. Poll the women you meet on here and in 5 years 90% of the marriages will be non-existent. There's a reason the embassies look at these marriage closely, because most of them are fraudulent.